Lost and Found
by Gypsy Heart
Summary: Merlin’s Beard! A dark tale of love inspired by the snarky and, erm, sexy, Severus Snape. It involves, among other things, gloomy dungeons, hidden desires, passionate embraces and stolen kisses, all placed against an actual plot…
1. The Return

**Lost and Found**

_© 2005-2006 by MMHG aka Gypsy Heart_

**Summary:** This is a dark tale of love inspired by our favorite Potions master, Severus Snape, as channeled by Alan Rickman. It involves, among other things, gloomy dungeons, hidden desires, passionate embraces and stolen kisses, all placed against an actual plot…

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

**Feedback:** Greatly appreciated.

**Distribution:** FanFiction and Adultfanfiction. Set to go up on Occlumency soon. If you want to post my story anywhere else, please let me know.

**Comments:** Set after HBP, so major spoilers ahead! I'm not a literary major, but I do try to please my readers by providing them with a story that is both entertaining and well-written. I'm also making every effort to stay true to the characters as they were written by JKR and/or portrayed in the movies. I only allow myself little liberties here and there. This brings me to Severus Snape. I believe him to be a complex and very conflicted character – not the obvious villain Harry and his friends perceive him to be. Nonetheless, I simply can't see him going on picnics or dates or flower picking or cooking a romantic dinner. I am certain that even the mere suggestion of such activities would earn a most contemptuous sneer from Severus. Consequently, I shall not disrespect him in such a fashion. To those of you who want to see Snape pick flowers or can't handle multi-chapter prose, I say this: do yourselves a favor and hit the BACK button now. Unless, of course, you feel adventurous – in that case, please read on and enjoy!

**Rating:** If children are thought a suitable audience for a story where people called Death Eaters torture and kill the innocent, grisly hooded skeletons try to suck out your soul, and a crazed psychopathic maniac, who makes Hitler look like a preschool teacher, is out to dominate the world, they certainly won't go blind reading my story – well, at least the first few chapters. Rest assured, once it gets too wild, appropriate warning lights will flash and parents will be asked to shield the eyes and ears of their impressionable offspring, who – come to think of it – shouldn't be here in the first place. Kids, go and read _Tom Sawyer,_ or something similarly educational.

Nonetheless, it's rated **M/R **(depending which rating system you follow).

* * *

I once was lost but now am found

_Amazing Grace_, Traditional

**Chapter One – The Return**

…**where a witch returns from exile and makes some friends…**

Jane Sinclair had been in London for less than two hours and already was running late. She had managed to make her way to King's Cross from the airport after her rental car reservation had mysteriously disappeared into cyberspace, only to find that in order to change trains, she actually had to walk a couple of blocks to the other train terminal. Now there she was, lugging a large suitcase, a carry-on and a purse up the narrow staircase bumping into people hurrying past her. Out of breath, Jane reached the top of the stairs and quickly oriented herself before deciding to simply follow the throng of people walking briskly in one direction. Her suitcase suddenly tilted to the side, painfully twisting her wrist. Cursing under her breath, she struggled valiantly to straighten her stubborn valise without causing a major pile-up on the narrow sidewalk.

She dragged her unwilling luggage towards the King's Cross terminal, barely sparing a glance at the colorful shops and restaurants lining the street. Checking her watch, Jane realized that she was cutting it rather close and she picked up her pace. Once inside King's Cross, she felt momentarily lost. She looked around, trying to figure out where to go. Things certainly had changed since the last time she'd been here. People of all shapes and sizes were pushing past her, each apparently knowing where they were going. Her gaze fell upon the electronic board announcing all the upcoming trains. For a moment she scanned it, searching for her train until she caught herself. With a little smile Jane gave a slight shake of her head. Of course the Hogwarts Express wouldn't be announced so blatantly. It never had been. She sought shelter behind an information booth and pulled out the document she had carried with her across two continents and an ocean. Jane unfolded the worn yellow parchment and wiped over the creases. She knew the content by heart, of course, yet she quickly scanned it again.

_Dear Miss Sinclair,_

_I am happy to inform you that you have been selected to join the teaching staff at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as Professor of Muggle Studies. Given the unfortunate events of late and the reorganization of the Ministry of Magic, it has been unanimously agreed upon to remedy the regrettable decision that resulted in your banishment from the Wizarding world thirteen years ago. Recent events have called for the revision of certain laws, and the Ministry has assured me that upon your arrival, you shall be awarded with full amnesty regarding your past. _

_Before his untimely demise, Professor Dumbledore had selected you specifically with the intent to offer you this position. As the newly appointed headmistress of Hogwarts, it pleases me to extend this offer to you now. Your considerable experiences in the Muggle world would be an invaluable addition to our curriculum. Furthermore, it was Professor Dumbledore's opinion that considering recent events involving He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, educating our students in the Muggle way of life is of vital importance if we want to save both our worlds. Allowances will be made for the fact that you were never given the opportunity to complete your education here at Hogwarts. Should you accept this position, we will provide you with the extra instruction you require to fully re-enter our world._

_The Hogwarts Express leaves King's Cross, as always, from Platform 9 ¾ at 11 AM on September 1st. _

_Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress_

_PS: My dear Miss Sinclair, I am sure this letter comes as a surprise, if not as a shock, to you. It took us a while to discover your whereabouts, especially since you changed your name following the whole debacle so many years ago. I remember you well, and I always thought it a shame that your outstanding academic achievements, excellent school records and unblemished character were not enough to vouch for you and sway the Wizengamot. I am delighted to offer you this position, and hope with all my heart that you will be able to overlook the past. To be frank, you _are _needed here, for reasons I cannot divulge just yet. You should know that there was another reason you were chosen by Professor Dumbledore, which I shall reveal to you in person, should you accept the post. If it is your wish to forgive us our trespasses against you, we would gladly welcome you in our midst once more._

_MM_

Jane sighed, tugging the letter back into her pocket. Yes, thirteen years _were_ an awfully long time, especially when you were on your own. Many things could happen in thirteen years, but the past could never be erased; nor the bitterness or the loneliness. Blinking away the unbidden tears that suddenly had welled up, she looked up to scan the direction signs. Northbound trains left from platforms nine and ten. Well, she thought, that's a start. She grabbed hold of her suitcase and fought her way through the crowd. Eventually, she reached the wall dividing platforms nine and ten. Her hand stroked the rough brick wall beneath the _Platform Nine_ sign. Thirteen years ago, the portal had been sealed, denying her access to the world she had been born into. She pressed her hand gently against the wall and felt it give way. Even though she had expected it, it startled her. Up until now, she had been plagued with doubts, wondering whether someone wasn't having a terrible joke at her cost, forcing her to spend her savings to travel to England. But, no, it was all real. She had been forgiven. She was finally going home.

Mindful of the people hurrying past her, she huddled against the wall, closed her eyes and quickly let herself be swallowed up. Jane never had understood why magical folk kept running into it – especially since the danger of discovery was so much greater that way. The sound of a whistle blowing and steam being forcefully released told her where she was even before she opened her eyes. The Hogwarts Express stood before her in all its colorful magnificence. Happiness surged through her and her heart skipped a beat at the wonderful sight. For years she had dreamed about coming back, but no dream or memory had prepared her for the vivid reality. She took in the scene before her. Children were being seen off by their parents. Some were exchanging hugs, others handshakes. First years clung to their mothers, not wanting to leave the safety of the arms around them, while older pupils were pretending indifference. Trunks and animals are being loaded into the train. All in all, the hustle and bustle presented a whimsical picture – had it not been for the number of cloaked men and women lurking behind luggage carts and in dark corners all along the platform. _Aurors!_ Her mind recognized them from a distant memory. Jane briefly wondered what they all were doing here. It probably had something to do with the events Professor McGonagall referred to in her letter, she concluded, something about _He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named_. She frowned, trying to recall what she knew about him, the Dark Lord, but all she remembered was that he disappeared the night he killed the Potters sixteen years ago. Could he have come back?

The train whistle interrupted her ponderings. She checked the giant station clock and realized that it was time. She joined the remaining few students as they scrambled to board the train. As soon as the door slammed shut behind her, the train jerked into motion. Thanking her lucky stars that she managed not to leave any of her luggage behind in the rush, Jane slowly made her way along the cart looking for a child-free compartment. Most of the compartments were already filled with squealing pupils, while the occupants in others were in an unnaturally somber mood. Puzzled, she pushed on, while mentally compiling a list of questions she intended to ask the Headmistress. One other thing she noticed was that the number of students seemed to have considerably decreased since her years at Hogwarts.

She finally reached a compartment occupied by a lone adult passenger. Tired and unable to go any further, she breathed a sigh of relief and slid the door open. The man seemed to be asleep and she tried to be as quiet as possible, but to no avail. Her bags clattered noisily against the door as she entered and the man stirred slightly. Jane bit her lip, hoping she hadn't woken him, and quickly deposited her purse and carry-on on a nearby seat. She contemplated her suitcase with some misgivings, knowing that somehow she'd have to get it up onto luggage rack. She rubbed her already sore arms in a feeble attempt to rally any remaining strength. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed her suitcase and moved to heave it up. Unfortunately, just then thirty-six hours of sleep deprivation began to kick in and her arms gave out. She tried a second time, and a third, when the suitcase suddenly became weightless and floated neatly onto the rack. Moments later her carry-on settled gently down beside it.

Jane swirled around and found herself face-to-face with the man who'd been resting by the window. She presented him with a smile, which – although not brilliant – she hoped expressed her gratitude and relief.

"Thank you," she said heartily, pushing away her tiredness. "I've been traveling for over twenty-four hours, and…"

He tugged away his wand and returned her smile. "No need to apologize," he returned casually. "Glad I could help."

He indicated the seat across his and they both settled in. Sitting opposite each other, she had the chance to inspect her fellow traveler more closely. He was older than her, about ten to fifteen years, but still youthful despite the gray streaking through his brown hair. The lines on his scarred face spoke of a hard life and his eyes hinted of the countless things he'd seen – many of them unpleasant.

She pointed at his coat which was balled-up against the headrest. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

He just waved her off. "Don't worry. I can always rest when I get to Hogwarts."

This perked her up. "You are a professor there?"

"I am returning as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. My name is Remus Lupin, by the way."

She shook his proffered hand. "How do you do? I am Jane Sinclair." The name she had given herself thirteen years ago rolled smoothly over her tongue. Her real name was nothing but a distant memory, a secret, reminding her of her past life, of the person she once was. However, she would never be that person again. Too much had happened since then, too much that could never be rescinded.

"You will also be teaching?"

"Yes. Muggle Studies."

Lupin surprised her with his reaction. His eyebrows shot up and he straightened slightly. "You…," he choked out incredulously. "_You_ are the new Muggle Studies teacher?"

She frowned. Somehow she felt that she should have gotten more information from McGonagall before accepting her offer. "Yes," she answered slowly. "Why?"

Lupin was still struggling to compose himself. "Oh, I just expected… um, well…" He was taking great pains to avoid her questioning eyes and his gaze fell upon her suitcase. "I should have realized…," he mumbled. "You didn't use magic to lift your suitcase onto the luggage rack."

She couldn't help but take offense. Inexplicably, she had hoped that upon her return to the Wizarding world, the identity she had cultured for the last thirteen years would allow her the luxury of anonymity and a chance for a new beginning. She should have known better. One could never leave the past behind – no matter how hard one tried. Her pride kicked in and her chin came up.

"I see my reputation precedes me," she said wryly.

Lupin's expression softened. "Please don't be offended. And you needn't worry. Not many people know of you and who you are. Only a select few were informed of your, er, past."

She looked more closely at the man sitting across from her. He sounded sincere enough. "I… see. And you are one of those select few?"

He nodded. He didn't seem very happy about it, though. "I am."

She settled back into her seat keeping her gaze steadily on him. "Maybe you can answer some questions for me, then?"

Concern spread over his features. He shifted uneasily in his seat. "I'd rather not tell you anything until we get to Hogwarts and you have had a chance to meet Minerva and the others. It's not that I don't want to help you," he assured her quickly. "You must have many questions, considering that you were completely cut off from our world for many years…"

"Thirteen," she supplied helpfully, a flash of satisfaction surging through her as she watched him cringe. Almost immediately, however, she regretted her spitefulness. This man had shown nothing but kindness towards her ever since they'd met. He had nothing to do with her past, so why was she punishing him?

"Thirteen, yes." He cleared his throat. "From what I understand of your circumstances, I can only imagine the hardships you must have encountered after your, um…"

"It's all right. You can say it," she encouraged him. "After my _banishment_."

"Yes, well…"

She shrugged. "It's the truth."

Lupin stared at her, incredulous. "You are not bitter?"

"About what I did? No. About what happened afterwards? Yes. I lost _everything_. And no amnesty can ever bring it back."

"I'm sorry." Again, Lupin sounded sincere.

"It wasn't your fault," she assured him. "I have learned to live with it. Some days it's just harder than others."

He nodded, as though he understood. As though he himself knew what it was like to be ostracized. She suddenly realized that she liked this man. He was a potential friend. Suddenly the compartment door was pulled open and a pretty young witch with bubblegum-pink hair squeezed inside.

"Wotcher, gorgeous." She grinned, plopping onto Lupin's lap. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly on the mouth.

Slightly flushed and rather reluctant, Lupin extracted himself from the woman's passionate embrace and clearing his throat, drew her attention towards Jane.

"Oooh… Sorry." She giggled insincerely, making no attempt to remove herself from Lupin's lap. Instead she wriggled slightly, snuggling against Lupin.

Jane grinned. She liked the young woman at once. "I'm sorry," she said. "I barged in here without checking whether it would be alright. My only excuse is that I was tired and simply couldn't carry my bags any further."

The young witch frowned in confusion and threw a questioning glance at Lupin. "Dora," he said quietly. "This is Jane Sinclair, the new Muggle Studies teacher."

Dora's eyes grew round as she gave Jane a quick scrutiny, taking in her Muggle clothes. "Oooooh," she exhaled knowingly.

Jane smiled wryly. "I take it you also are one of the select few who know about me."

Dora slid off Lupin's lap and sat beside him. "I'm Nymphadora Tonks, but everybody calls me Tonks. Weeeell, everybody but Remus. And only because, well…"

Tonks turned beet-red and looked adoringly at the man sitting beside her.

"Dora is an Auror," Lupin threw in.

"I see." Jane didn't really, but she suddenly realized that she was too tired for serious talk and lengthy complicated explanations. For the first time in thirteen years, she decided to trust a person other than herself and believe Remus Lupin when he said that all her questions would be answered at Hogwarts.

---

As the Hogwarts Express pushed its way through the thick autumn fog, Jane settled back in her seat and fell into a relaxed conversation with Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks, who quickly opened up once they realized that she wouldn't push them any further for answers. Jane was surprised at how easily she herself came out of her shell and how intently they were listening to one of her travel anecdotes. She had just reached a particularly thrilling point in her story, when the compartment door opened and a matronly witch with a refreshment cart inquired cheerfully whether they were in need of a repast.

Tonks threw her a disgruntled stare. Her annoyance at being interrupted, however, quickly turned to one of shock.

"Oh no, is this the time already?" she exclaimed, shooting out of her seat. "I have to patrol. Don't finish the story until I get back."

She planted a quick kiss on Remus' lips and squeezed out into the corridor. Jane watched the young Auror disappear before turning her attention to the man across from her. Remus had also watched Tonks leave and his love for her was unmistakable. When he finally looked at her, his eyes were still shining with unabashed admiration. Jane felt a pang of jealousy squeezing her heart. Not once in her twenty-nine years had anyone – not even her parents – looked at her that way. As though she was loved, as though she mattered. She quickly blinked away the tears that threatened to well up. She had learned early on to hide her feelings, to build a wall, to wear a mask. To pretend not to feel. With some effort, Jane grinned at Remus.

"I like her," she said sincerely. "She's refreshingly frank."

Remus nodded proudly. "That's my Dora. There isn't a false bone in her. She tells it how it is." He grimaced slightly, thinking back. "She often puts her foot in her mouth, though."

"She's an original. Not many people dare to be so open. Not many can afford to."

He nodded again, in agreement. "Especially nowadays, given…" He caught himself quickly.

"Look, Professor Lupin." Jane met his gaze levelly. "I may be ignorant of what has transpired in recent years, but I am no fool. Nor am I blind. I've seen the Aurors at King's Cross. Given Tonks' presence, I assume they are also on the train. Now, the only reason I can think of why a bunch of Aurors should bother with a train full of _students_ is that they are here for protection…"

Remus opened his mouth to interrupt her, but she raised a hand to silence him. "Please, let me finish."

He nodded in acquiescence.

"I will not ask you any questions at this point," Jane continued, purposefully ignoring his sigh of relief, "but only because I am too tired to think clearly. Besides, I don't believe that you know the precise reason I have been asked to return."

Lupin cleared his throat. "That is correct, Miss Sinclair…"

"Jane," she corrected him.

"Jane." He nodded. "All I know is that Dumbledore thought you were important."

"But Dumbledore is dead now. He didn't die of natural causes, did he?"

The man sitting across from her deliberated for a moment before giving his answer. A shadow crossed his face, warning Jane that what he would tell her would not be pretty.

"Death Eaters attacked Hogwarts last term. There was a battle…" Remus broke off, his Adam's apple jerking convulsively.

Jane gently brought her hand down on his. "That's all right. You don't have to tell me more. I don't want you to relive this tragedy."

He looked at her gratefully. "I have been in more fights than I care to remember, but this one was the most gruesome… yet. Many innocents were hurt."

Jane squeezed his fingers comfortingly before drawing back. "The memories are always more painful than the actual event."

Remus looked at her, surprised at her insight and grateful for her understanding. But then he recalled her past and knew she spoke from experience.

"That they are," he agreed.

They didn't speak for several minutes, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Well…" Jane finally broke the silence. "All this at least answers one of my questions."

Remus looked up, questioningly.

"When I was at Hogwarts, the train was never this empty."

"Yes," he said, "I had hoped it wouldn't come to it. But after what has happened I can't blame any of the parents for being afraid. I believe some will escort their children personally to the school, but I fear that still many won't have allowed their children to return."

"So, the Dark Lord has returned. I was wondering about that." Jane noticed Remus' inquiring glance and explained. "Something Professor McGonagall mentioned in her letter to me."

"Your parents were supporters?"

Jane wrinkled her nose, thinking back. "They were worse. They were indifferent. We never talked about anything unpleasant. One simply did not do that. It wasn't seemly. Keeping up appearances at any cost. My parents always believed that actions should be left to those who didn't have anything better to do or those who had nothing to lose. That was why my, uh, behavior, had been such a shock to them. They considered it quite heretical."

"I'm sorry," the man whom she'd known for only a few hours said.

Her eyes met his and his sympathy was almost her undoing. She slowly shook her head, wiping the memories of hurt and disappointment from her mind.

"It's all in the past," she told him decidedly.

"That's the attitude." He smiled again. "We have to look to the future, not wallow in the past."

"Yes…" Jane sighed. "Which brings us back to why I have been summoned back to Hogwarts under full amnesty."

"Yes."

"Will I be auditing your class?"

"Pardon me?"

"Professor McGonagall implied that I could finish my own education at Hogwarts, considering that I, uh, left school before finishing my sixth year."

Remus frowned briefly. "I believe you are to receive private instruction after hours and on weekends."

"Yes, I see." Jane nodded. "It would be difficult for me to assert my authority and demand respect from my students, if I am taking classes with them."

"Indeed, it would be somewhat awkward."

"Besides, I have no idea if I can still _do_ magic. I haven't used it in thirteen years." Jane gave a small laugh. "I'd hate to start all over again as a first year. I couldn't stand having to repeat six years of Potions with Professor Snape."

Again, a shadow passed over Remus' face. He tugged uncomfortably at his collar and cleared his throat.

"Professor Snape, uh, no longer, erm, teaches at Hogwarts," he finally informed her.

His strange reaction didn't go unnoticed, but Jane decided to ignore it for now.

"That's a relief." She smiled. "He was terrifying. I suppose I should be grateful to him, though. My fear of him and his foul temper motivated me into studying. I lived in constant terror that he would ask me something in class and I wouldn't know the answer. I would have never reached N.E.W.T. level without him."

Remus noticed her smile becoming whimsical, her voice more wistful. "You know," Jane continued, "despite my fear of him, my years at Hogwarts were the happiest in my life. I felt valued here."

"And you shall be again," he assured her. "I am certain of it."

"That is my hope. It's the reason I accepted the post. I no longer care about revenge or vindication. I just wanted to come back to where I once was happy."

"I understand," Remus told her. "I also spent some of my happiest times at Hogwarts – among my friends."

"It would be nice to have a friend there," Jane admitted quietly, not quite meeting his gaze.

"And you shall," he informed her firmly, extending his hand. "Let me be the first of many."

Jane looked at the proffered hand and almost burst into tears. Fighting down the tears, she reverently put her hand in his and shook it, sealing the deal.

"My, my, my!" A voice from the door startled them. "I leave you two alone for less than an hour and you're already conspiring."

Tonks grinned good-naturedly as she moved to Remus' side once more. His arm automatically sneaked around her shoulders, drawing her against him.

"Dora," he informed her, "Jane and I have decided to become friends. And she likes you, too."

Tonks gave a giddy little squeal. "She does?"

Jane grinned. One couldn't _not_ like Tonks. She was exuberant, brimming with life – it was infectious.

"Many people think I'm too much too take," Tonks offered. "I'm lucky Remus is such a patient man."

"There can never be too much of a good thing," Jane assured her. Tonks squealed again.

"Hear, hear," Remus agreed, squeezing her shoulder.

"Will you tell me the rest of the story now," Tonks pleaded.

Jane didn't have the heart to deny her.


	2. The Homecoming

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Many times I've been alone and many times I've cried

Anyway you'll never know the many ways I've tried

And still they lead me back to the long winding road

You left me standing here a long, long time ago

Don't leave me waiting here, lead me to your door

_Long and Winding Road_, The Beatles

**Chapter Two – The Homecoming**

…**where some announcements are made, and Jane is caught up on things…**

The sun had already begun to set by the time the train arrived in Hogsmeade. Remus and Tonks helped Jane with her baggage by charming her suitcases, and she followed the hovering bags off the train. Thick wisps of fog slithered along the platform, creeping up the buildings, nipping at unsuspecting legs. Most of the students were huddled together in groups, sticking close together and appearing unnaturally subdued. Aurors were swarming around them like sheepdogs herding their flock.

"First years over 'ere," a deep voice boomed through the mist.

"Hagrid?" Jane could barely make out the giant shape waving a bull's-eye lantern. She sighed with relief. There would be at least one more familiar face to help ease her transition.

Remus grasped Jane's elbow and led her towards one of the waiting carriages, while Tonks followed a group of first years towards the lake. She didn't look very happy.

Jane's anticipation and apprehension grew as they drew closer to the castle. Not for the first time since she'd received McGonagall's letter, did she think of the possibilities and challenges her new life would hold for her. She could only hope that she would live up to everybody's expectations – and to her own. Dumbledore had thought her important. It was because of him and his trust in her abilities – in _her_ – that she had returned. She would have given anything to be able to thank him in person.

As though he sensed her mood, Remus reached for her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Everything will be all right," he murmured.

"I don't believe I was this nervous when I came here as a first year," Jane admitted.

"We all are nervous. This year will be a deciding one in many ways. Your nervousness will get lost in the general tension."

"I sure hope so." Jane sighed. "Especially, since I will be literally a Muggle for a while – at least until I relearn how to use my magic. I feel inexplicably bare." She shuddered and rubbed her arms.

"Don't worry, Jane, you will be well protected until you can do it yourself."

They spent the remainder of the trip to Hogwarts in comfortable silence. Rain began to drizzle lightly, misting over the carriage windows in a thin haze. Soon the castle rose before them. Tall, dark and intimidating, it stood in stark contrast against the setting sun. The tower windows were already lit to ward off the impending darkness. Her breath caught in her throat as Jane beheld the familiar sight. Elation surged through her. Tears of joy filled her eyes and this time she did not suppress them. She was home.

Sitting beside her, Remus watched the play of emotions across her face. He could understand her enthusiasm. As to her other underlying sentiments, he could only guess her feelings. True, her actions thirteen years ago had been unforgivable in the eyes of the Ministry, but he was a good judge of character. The woman beside him had grown both physically and emotionally. He believed her when she said that her past was just that – the past. Jane Sinclair was not a woman to hold a grudge. She had been given a second chance, and she would not dishonor the trust that was placed in her.

---

Jane entered Hogwarts on the arm of Remus Lupin. He led her towards the Great Hall, past the disapproving figure of Argus Filch, who took in her Muggle clothing with obvious disdain. Her step faltered slightly as the doors swung open and animated voices greeted them. She was grateful for Remus' firm grasp on her arm. She didn't know whether she would have had the courage to cross the threshold on her own.

As they walked past the four large house tables, some of the pupils stopped their cheerful chatter to take in her unusual appearance. Jane self-consciously tugged at her gray knit turtleneck sweater, smoothing it over her jeans. She wondered briefly whether she shouldn't have taken the time to change into something more proper. But, she finally conceded, since she no longer owned any appropriate Wizarding wardrobe, she would have looked out of place no matter what she wore. She was aware of the loud whispers behind her back, but she purposefully ignored them. Remus felt her straighten and stiffen slightly. He, too, was aware of the open-mouthed stares she received and the loud whispers she incited. Secretly, he applauded her poise. Jane Sinclair had courage, he mused. She certainly was no victim.

They approached the Head table, over which Minerva McGonagall regally presided in the Headmaster's seat. She was no Albus Dumbledore, but her demeanor was just as authoritative as her predecessor's. Jane recognized several of the other teachers seated on the dais. She felt as though she'd gone back in time, except that this time she would sit with the faculty and not her old House. Hogwarts' teachers were somewhat more subtle than its students when they noticed Jane. Professors Flitwick stopped his conversation to Professor Binns mid-sentence and looked inquiringly at her. Professor Binns took in her casual appearance and shook his head disapprovingly. Jane swallowed and proudly lifted her chin. She would not cower.

Professor McGonagall rose to greet them. As she shook her old Transfiguration teacher's hand, Jane couldn't help but think how old the woman looked. Minerva McGonagall's face was creased, now more than ever, with deep worry lines. Her eyes, however, were as sharp and penetrating as ever.

"My dear Miss Sinclair," she exclaimed with uncharacteristic heartiness. "I cannot say how happy I am to welcome you once more to Hogwarts."

"It's good to be back, Professor," Jane replied honestly, slightly disconcerted by the warm expression in her eyes. "…despite the circumstances."

"Yes…" The warmth fled from McGonagall's gaze and the creases on her forehead deepened. Her lips pressed primly into a thin line. "Well, what's done is done. There's no use crying over spilt milk, I'm afraid…"

She was briefly distracted by Professor Sprout, who was waving excitedly from the entry doors. She gave her a quick nod before turning her attention back to Jane.

"I would like to talk to you later this evening, if you aren't too exhausted from your, er, travels."

Jane nodded noncommittally.

"Very good," McGonagall said. "The password to the Headmaster's office is _Haggis_."

Jane suppressed a smirk. Dumbledore's passwords had always been fanciful and candy-related. Trust McGonagall to pay homage to her Scottish heritage with such an unimaginative no-nonsense word.

Remus led her to an empty seat at the end of the table and sat down next to her. Their attention was immediately drawn to Professor Sprout who led the group of trembling little first years towards the dais. The Sorting Hat's song this year was especially dark, warning them of a most dreadful end, and the mood after the last child was finally sorted into his house was very subdued. Eerie silence followed, and bodies soon began to shift uncomfortably, until the Headmistress finally cleared her throat. Expectant eyes followed her as she rose.

"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts," Professor McGonagall announced. "I am happy to see so many of you back this year. Be assured that your decision to do so is highly appreciated. It is proof of your courage and your support of everything that is good and right. I will not pretend that you are safer within these walls than you are outside of Hogwarts…"

At this point she had to raise her hands to command silence, as the wizards and witches seated in the Great Hall began to grumble and whisper. A few first years began to cry.

"Given the attacks last school year," the Headmistress continued, "I cannot guarantee that a repetition of those events will not occur. However," she had to raise her voice again, "I _can_ promise that we have discovered the means by which the Dark Lord's Death Eaters gained entrance to Hogwarts and rectified the situation. The usual anti-intruder jinxes and wards are in place. Furthermore, we have full Ministry support this year, as evidenced by the presence of a number of Aurors, who will see to matters of security and the safety of you all. I assure you we are well prepared to face another attack, should history repeat itself. Now…" She paused briefly to catch her breath. "…that this is settled, help me welcome back Professor Remus Lupin as professor in Defense Against the Dark Arts."

On cue, Remus rose from his seat and bowed slightly to the mixed degrees of enthusiasm erupting from the different house tables before settling down again. The occupants of the Slytheryn table only oozed disdain. Watching them, Jane frowned slightly, wondering what he had done to incur the wrath of an entire house. She realized that the mild-mannered man beside her hadn't been upfront with her. Apparently, there was more to him than met the eye.

"Professor Lupin is not the only new addition to the teaching faculty. After Professor Slughorn's decision not to return as Potions master, we are happy to welcome Professor Basil Nightshade."

A tall gaunt man at the other end of the table rose briefly and bowed stiffly. He looked as disagreeable as Snape had on his best days. He was greeted with modest applause.

"And your new Transfiguration Professor is Miss Araminta Delphi."

A middle-aged handsome witch rose gracefully and nodded towards the house tables.

"Last, but certainly not least, it gives me great pleasure to introduce Miss Jane Sinclair, who will be your new Muggle Studies teacher."

Jane stood and inclined her head in greeting, before quickly taking her seat again. She hated being the center of attention.

"Now…" the Headmistress' voice took on an even more somber note. "…before we celebrate the beginning of a new school year, I need to address a few more issues. We have instituted a new curfew, the details of which can be found on a list posted, together with other rules, in your Common Rooms. Outside his office, Mr. Filch, has additionally posted a list of actions forbidden on Hogwarts grounds. I strongly urge you to familiarize yourselves with these regulations for your own safety."

McGonagall paused again and reached for the glass in front of her. "Will you all please raise your goblets with me?"

The entire hall followed her invitation and stood, goblets raised.

"The untimely demise of our respected Headmaster has left a great void in our midst. I strongly urge you not to despoil his memory with idle gossip and malicious accusations. Albus Dumbledore had a vision and he placed trust where it was due. We must now, more than ever, trust in each other. Only together can we be strong and overcome our common enemies. To Albus Dumbledore, a great man with a great vision. May it be realized, so his death will not have been in vain."

"To Albus Dumbledore," everybody toasted.

"Let the feast begin," McGonagall finally announced after having sipped from her goblet.

Moments later, the tables bent under the mountains of food that suddenly appeared out of thin air, and for a while nobody talked. Jane was starving and dug into her food with relish.

"That wasn't so bad now, was it?" Remus' voice drew her attention.

"Huh, what?" Jane's head jerked up and she blushed guiltily. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"That's alright." Remus grinned. "You must be starving. And the food _is_ very good."

"It is," Jane agreed wholeheartedly while spearing another roast potato.

"I've been looking forward to it myself for some time," he admitted quietly.

She swallowed the potato and laid down her fork before giving him a level stare. "Yes, I think you don't lead as settled a life as you've had me believe."

He laughed at that. "You are quite right, Jane."

"That's why you were so empathetic towards me. Earlier on the train."

Remus cleared his throat, all laughter drained from his eyes. "I think I should better tell you now. And I'd rather you hear it from me than through gossip."

"Go on."

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair before meeting her gaze. "I am a werewolf."

Jane's eyes widened for a moment at his revelation. "Is that all?"

He choked slightly, but quickly caught himself. "I wish more people could be this nonchalant towards me."

"I have seen worse monsters among Muggles, Remus. Besides, you wouldn't be here and Tonks wouldn't love you, if you were a danger to society. I imagine you're taking a Wolfsbane potion to control your, uh, condition?"

"That is correct. You're a Ravenclaw, aren't you?"

His sudden change of subject took her by surprise. "What makes you think that?"

"You've retained much of your magical knowledge without utilizing it. You must be a Ravenclaw."

"Just," she told him succinctly, "because I have a good memory doesn't mean I'm extraordinary intelligent."

"Are you or aren't you?"

Jane snorted. My, the man was relentless. His mild mannerism was truly deceiving. There was mischief in his eyes.

"One day you'll have to tell me your story, Remus. I have a feeling you were a very bad boy in your day."

He chuckled. "That settles it. You _are _a Ravenclaw."

She examined him through narrowed eyes, seizing him up. She tapped a finger against her lips, thinking quickly.

"And you are a Gryffindor," she finally determined.

Now it was his turn to study her. "You are better than any Divination master I have ever met."

This made Jane laugh. "It had nothing to do with Divination. I merely used the process of elimination."

"Pray, do explain." Remus wriggled his eyebrows, making her laugh even harder.

"Well," Jane began, "the Slytherins weren't too overjoyed upon seeing you, so you're certainly not one of them."

He inclined his head.

"You're certainly no Hufflepuff," she continued, "despite your mild demeanor. You could be a Ravenclaw, were it not for those mischievous sparks that keep jumping into your eyes. _And_ you hinted at battles you fought – no, you're a Gryffindor."

He clapped in acknowledgement. Admiration shone in his eyes. "Well done, Jane," he exclaimed.

She shrugged. "It's nothing special. Just something I picked up over the years."

"I have a feeling that we will have some very interesting conversations over the school year," Remus said.

His gaze held hers, and Jane gulped. She had to be very careful. It would be so easy to fall for him. True, Remus Lupin was handsome, but it was his calm demeanor and kindness towards her that had touched her. No, she didn't want to fall for him, she _couldn't. _He loved Tonks and she loved him. Jane would not be able to live with herself if she hurt either of them. Besides, what she needed now was a friend, not a lover.

---

"I am pleased you took the time to meet with me this evening," Minerva McGonagall greeted Jane when she stepped into her office. "I hope you are not too weary."

"Well, I was exhausted when I arrived, Professor McGonagall, but the feast rejuvenated me somewhat."

"Good. Good." The Headmistress rubbed her hands in an attempt to hide her nervousness. She walked towards her desk, sat behind it and waved Jane closer.

Jane had only once been in the Headmaster's office. Thirteen years ago. The chamber looked pretty much the same, she thought. McGonagall apparently hadn't seen it fit to make any major changes just, yet. She sat on the chair the older woman indicated and looked expectantly at her. The professor drummed her long fingers onto the tabletop in an impatient tattoo. By all appearances she was buying time to compose herself. Jane shifted uncomfortably on the chair. Whatever she was going to be told would be quite unpleasant.

"Well…" McGonagall finally broke the awkward silence. "There is no easy way around this. I may as well start at the beginning. This is quite difficult for me, so I would appreciate it, if you could wait with your questions until I have finished."

Jane cocked an eyebrow. The formidable McGonagall found it difficult to express herself? This must really be bad.

"Of course, Headmistress."

"Very well, then." McGonagall took a deep breath and began. Her agitation only intensified her Scottish brogue. "Let me start by saying that I have received all the necessary documentation from the Ministry to legalize your return to our world. As promised you have been fully pardoned. Only a very select few know your true identity and only because of sheer necessity. For the last thirteen years you have built a new life for yourself as Jane Sinclair and I see no reason to change that. Is that acceptable to you?"

Jane met the older woman's gaze unwaveringly. "Yes. I have put the past behind me and want to keep it that way."

"Very good." McGonagall nodded her approval. "Now, I am certain that you have many questions as to your presence here and I must ask you to be patient for a little longer. At the moment know that your presence is not coincidental. Nor is it charity or a ploy to make amends. You are here for a number of reasons. For one, you, a pureblood, have had the unique experience to be thrust into the Muggle world without preparation of what to expect and, yet, you survived. Dumbledore thought this a vital addition to our current curriculum, especially since it could come to the point where we wizards may be forced to go into hiding … possibly among Muggles."

She met Jane's questioning gaze. "You may have already deduced from the goings on around here that we are in a very precarious situation." She sighed. "Yes, Vol-, erm, the Dark Lord has returned and he is relentless in his quest for power. We have been fighting him and his Death Eaters for over a year now, but he is gaining power. It doesn't look good for our side. Dumbledore's death was a particularly devastating blow for us…"

Jane watched in disbelief as the older woman's eyes began to water. She had never seen McGonagall lose her composure. The professor pulled out an embroidered handkerchief and dabbed her eyes.

"From what I understand," Minerva eventually plowed on, "you seem to play a pivotal role in the war against Vol-, the Dark Lord. Unfortunately, Dumbledore was the only one aware of the true importance of your involvement, and he took that knowledge to the grave. He has, however, left a number of letters and documents, which seem to hold the clue to the answer. I have them for your perusal. Maybe you can make more sense of them than I have."

McGonagall handed a considerable stack of papers to Jane. "There is also a letter from Dumbledore addressed to you. Maybe that will shed some light on the whole affair. I have taken the liberty to include various newspaper articles to bring you up-to-date regarding the most recent events. Furthermore, I have informed Miss Pince to make all _Daily Prophet_ issues from the last thirteen years available to you. She has assured me that the library will be at your disposal whenever you wish. For now, this should get you an idea of what we are dealing with. Once you are caught up, we shall fill you in on all the pertinent details. Is that agreeable with you?"

Jane began to feel overwhelmed. That was a lot of homework, she thought. "Yes," she squeaked meekly.

"Good. Now, I realize that you haven't had enough time to actually devise a lesson plan. Our previous Muggle Studies teacher has thoughtfully supplied a previous course outline before leaving Hogwarts. I hope it will help you in designing your course and to plan your lessons. I would like to stress that basic living and survival skills should be on the top of your list, including non-magical self-defense."

Jane suppressed a yawn and covered it with a delicate cough.

"I realize you are exhausted, Miss Sinclair," McGonagall said sympathetically, "but please bear with me a little longer. I am almost done."

Jane nodded, praying that she wouldn't nod off.

"There are only two more items I wish to discuss with you. First, there is the fact that, bluntly speaking, you are currently without any financial means. From what I understand, your parents disinherited you after your, erm, banishment, but the new will was never notarized and you are the last of your line. By rights, your parents' estate and other assets are yours. However, they have been seized by the Ministry for, erm, _safe-keeping_. Before his death, Dumbledore had tried to secure your inheritance after your parents', erm, passing, but he was unsuccessful. You should see into that as soon as possible."

Jane stared at the older witch open-mouthed. Her parents were dead and she was rich? It took a while to sink in. After years of living like a gypsy, of living hand-to-mouth and with the constant worry about whether she had enough money to cover next month's rent, she would finally have what was rightfully hers. It was overwhelming.

"Until you have sorted your financial matters out, I have arranged for an advance on your salary to cover your most immediate needs, such as a new wand, appropriate clothes and other necessities."

"That is most generous, Headmistress."

"Not at all." McGonagall waved her off briskly. She became businesslike again. "It is my wish that you do this the first opportunity you get, so you may begin your own studies as soon as possible. Once it is convenient for you, please inform me, and I shall arrange for you to visit Diagon Alley. This brings me to the last item for this evening – your lessons. I have consulted with several of my colleagues, and we have worked out a tentative study plan for you. Miss Pince has supplied several textbooks for your perusal, so you may refresh your knowledge. We have also determined that most of your instruction shall take place outside of Hogwarts, simply because we think that it could damage your rapport with the students, should they find out that your magical abilities are somewhat, erm, lacking. Do you have any questions at this point?"

Jane thought for a moment, then shook her head. "You have answered most of my immediate questions. I do have many more, but I have a feeling that I may find most of my answers in here." She lifted the stack of papers from her lap. "Is there anything else _you_ deem necessary I should know before I face Hogwarts' students?"

McGonagall hesitated briefly. "There will be gossip. I'm afraid it's unavoidable." She noticed Jane's alarmed expression. "Oh, not about _you_, Miss Sinclair, rest assured. It is about Professor Lupin."

"You mean the fact that he's a werewolf?"

McGonagall's eyebrows rose in surprise. "You already know?"

Jane nodded. "He told me over dinner."

"And you don't mind?"

"No, of course not."

"I am glad to hear that." McGonagall sounded truly relieved. "Needless to say, you are to discourage any idle or malicious gossip by our pupils."

"Certainly."

"There, erm, is one more thing. You might as well hear it now, so you are forewarned. It concerns Professor Snape."

"_Professor Snape_?" That was the last thing Jane expected. "I thought he no longer taught at Hogwarts?"

"Indeed, he does not. He, erm, left immediately following Dumbledore's death. You will read about it in the articles I gave you, and, no doubt, you will also hear about it around the school. You see, it was Severus Snape who was seen killing Dumbledore."

"_No._" Jane jerked erect in her chair, dropping the papers from her lap. She quickly fell to her knees to collect them. Snape had killed Dumbledore? True, he'd always been a disgustingly disagreeable man, but he'd also been very restrained and dispassionate. She simply couldn't see him commit cold-blooded murder. Well, she _could_ but he would never be so stupid and careless to do it in front of witnesses. No, she couldn't believe it and told the Headmistress so.

"Yes, Miss Sinclair, I also had trouble believing the story. Unfortunately, the evidence against him is quite strong and irrefutable. He is a wanted man. Nonetheless, I will not have our pupils indulge in malicious defamation and gossip, no matter how guilty the man is. Am I making myself clear, Miss Sinclair?"

"Perfectly." Jane stood. "Well, if there is nothing else…"

"No, Miss Sinclair, you are dismissed."

Jane turned to leave, when McGonagall called her back.

"Miss Sinclair, I am very happy that you decided to return. Welcome home."

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

* * *

_


	3. Ghosts from the Past

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you

Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to

Guide them along

So maybe I'll see you there

_Downtown_, Petula Clark

**Chapter 3 – Ghosts from the Past**

…**where Jane does some shopping and meets someone she does not expect…**

"You should definitely try these on, too," Tonks exclaimed excitedly, thrusting several velvet dresses at Jane, just as she stepped out of the fitting area.

They had been at Madam Malkin's for over two hours now, because Jane's mission to buy a few serviceable dresses and robes had turned into a full-blown fashion show. Tonks had seen to that.

"You need more than just a couple of robes," she'd said, pulling various clothing articles off a nearby rack. "Winter is coming soon, and you may as well splurge on a more extensive wardrobe. Once your training starts, you won't have much time for shopping excursions."

Jane looked at the fancy dresses in her arms with some confusion. "What…?"

But Tonks just clucked her tongue. "You're a teacher now. You'll be expected to dress the part _and _attend the upcoming balls and parties. You _need_ some dress robes."

Jane sighed and disappeared behind the curtain once more. Alone, she reverently touched her hand to the exquisite material of a particularly pretty burgundy-colored gown. She couldn't remember the last time she'd worn anything remotely sexy. Suddenly, she couldn't wait any longer. She tore off her own clothes and slid into the burgundy dress. It fit her like a glove – given, a tight glove, but it clung to her in the most provocative way. Jane smoothed her hands over her hips, over her breasts. She never knew her décolleté could look this alluring. She gave a tentative swirl and the enchanted mirror showed her a 360 degree view of herself.

"Are you trying them on?" Beyond the curtain, Tonks sounded _very_ impatient.

"Yes," Jane answered breathlessly.

"Oh, let me see, let me see!"

Jane pulled back the curtain and modeled the dress for her friend.

"Oh, I love it," Tonks breathed. "You look beautiful."

"Yes, the dress complements your coloring perfectly," Madam Mankin commented from the background. "Not many brunettes can pull off such dark colors."

"Next, please," Tonks demanded.

Jane didn't need to be told twice. She quickly tried on the black one, followed by the emerald green, and she loved them both. But it was the last one, a midnight blue confection of simple elegance, which took her breath away. She couldn't think of one single occasion she would ever wear it, but she had to have it, no matter how much it cost. She made some quick calculations and hoped McGonagall's generous advance would cover everything. It took some willpower to take off the velvet dream of a dress and again don her Muggle clothes.

"Hey," Tonks protested when Jane reemerged from behind the curtain. "I haven't seen the others, yet."

"That's alright," Jane soothed her, handing the gowns to Madam Malkin. "I'm taking them all."

The seamstress was unable to hide her astonishment and gratitude. She hadn't expected the mousy woman in the inappropriate Muggle clothes to have such good taste. She walked over to the considerable stack of clothing on the shop counter and added the dresses to it.

Tonks clapped excitedly. "I knew it," she squeaked triumphantly. "You _do_ like the clothes!"

Jane smiled at her indulgingly. "How ever are we going to get everything back to Hogwarts?"

Tonks grinned. "No worries, Jane. We can have them delivered, or we'll do a reduction charm. Minimize the parcels."

Jane blushed. She'd been away from the Wizarding world for so long it hadn't occurred to her to use magic. Tonks noticed her embarrassment and patted her arm.

"It's all right," she said. "It'll all come back. You'll see."

Madam Malkin interrupted them by discretely handing them the bill. Jane looked at it briefly and cringed. It was a lot, she conceded, but she could afford it. She paid Madam Malkin while Tonks got busy with the parcels. Soon they left the dressmaker's shop, their purchases all neatly tugged away in a single manageable package.

Jane consulted her shopping list. They had managed to get most of the items on it. "I still need to get my wand."

"Right-o, Ollivander's is just over there."

As they entered the tiny shop, its unique musty smell hit Jane, evoking a distant memory. She recalled how she had entered it as a young eleven-year old, excited and apprehensive about getting ready for her first year at Hogwarts. Mr. Ollivander had left quite an impression on her that first time they met. He had seemed all-knowing, yet very mysterious. He knew of the secret connection that existed between wand and wizard, knew how and why a wand would choose its owner. Now, almost twenty years later, Jane felt the same apprehension rising. She feared discovery. She wasn't ready to disclose her true identity, to explain her return.

"Ah," an ancient voice greeted them from the stacks. "Who have we here?"

Mr. Ollivander had not changed since Jane saw him last. His face was still as wrinkly, his white hair still as disheveled, his eyes still as piercing. She swallowed hard while he scrutinized her intently. She could only imagine what he would think of this young woman, who looked so out of place in her Muggle clothes. When his gaze met hers, recognition flashed in his eyes. Mortified, Jane took a step back, ready to run. Tonks, however, held her back.

"Mr. Ollivander," Tonks chimed in, "_Miss Sinclair_ here is in need of a new wand. Her old one, uh, was, uh, lost."

If he understood her subtle hint, he didn't let it show. He slowly nodded, accepting her unoriginal explanation and appraised Jane once more. "Yes, I think I might have something you'll like."

He disappeared into the stacks and soon returned carrying several dusty boxes. He opened one of them and showed her a delicate looking wand. "Mahogany," he explained, "with a hair from the mane of a unicorn. Try it."

Jane fumbled the wand out of its box, her fingers shaking with nervousness. She waved the wand but nothing happened. "_Wingardium Leviosa_," she called out, pointing the wand once more at a nearby lamp. Nothing.

"Hm," Ollivander mused. "Never mind. Let's try another one." He fingered a couple of boxes before tapping one in particular. "Ah, yes. Maybe this one."

Jane tried it, as well as ten more. Tonks was looking positively bored by now. She had perked up for a while, after Jane blew up a globe, the register, and three vases in rapid succession. Mr. Ollivander, too, was becoming increasingly frustrated. He looked more frazzled than usual. He studied Jane long and hard until she thought he saw into her very soul. Suddenly, he jumped into the air.

"Of course!" he exclaimed. "Why didn't I think of it earlier? It would be worth a try."

He hurried into the stacks and the two witches could hear him rummaging about for quite some time. He finally reappeared carrying an antique-looking beautifully worked wooden box.

"_This_," he told them, as he placed it in front of Jane, "is truly an original. It was crafted over two hundred years ago by the first Ollivander who opened this very store. It has yet to claim its master." He opened the box, revealing a plain looking wand. "Until now, no one has been deemed worthy to master it. I wonder," he said thoughtfully as he offered it reverently to Jane, who weighed it carefully in her hand.

"It is made of wood cut from a weeping willow blessed by Merlin himself," he explained, his voice becoming increasingly agitated. His eyes were glued to the wand, which suddenly began to gleam promisingly. A pale blue light emanated from its tip. "It is fortified with dragon's breath and purified with unicorn tears. Go on," he urged Jane. "Try it."

She had barely lifted the wand in the direction of an old rickety chair, when it rose gently into the air where it hovered effortlessly in its place.

"Astounding," Ollivander announced admiringly. "No one has ever been able to wield it." He rubbed his hands together in satisfaction. "Well, I believe we have found you a wand, Miss, uh, Sinclair."

---

Jane was pouring over a book on spells in the library, when somebody tapped her gently on the shoulder. She jumped and gave a small yelp.

"I'm sorry." Remus grinned insincerely, while Jane struggled to compose herself.

"You are not," she countered surly. She hated being sneaked up on while she was reading.

"You're right," he admitted and leaned against the table.

"Shhh," Miss Pince reprimanded them from a distance and Remus smirked again.

"Can I help you with anything?" Jane hissed.

"Minerva wants to see you. I offered to fetch you."

"No ulterior motives?"

"Well…" He hesitated for a moment. "I hoped we could talk while we walk to her office."

He no longer sounded amused. There was a serious tone in his voice.

"Of course," Jane answered, collecting her things. "What's on your mind?"

Remus led her out into the hallway. He examined her new attire with unconcealed approval. "I see Tonks has been telling the truth. Your visit to Diagon Alley _has _been fruitful."

Jane smiled. "You could say that."

"And your first week of classes has been going well?"

"No complaints so far."

"Good. And you've been catching up on things?" He nodded towards the books and papers in her arms.

"Yes. It hasn't been easy, though."

"I can imagine. That is what I wanted to talk to you about. Tonight you will meet an important group of people. We, uh, worked very closely with Albus Dumbledore."

"A secret society," Jane breathed intrigued.

"Yes, indeed," Remus assented. "Very secret, indeed. I am sure you will keep everything that you will see or hear in strictest confidence."

"Of course."

"You will receive part of your instruction from various members of the Order. Needless to say, much will be beyond the regular Hogwarts curriculum."

"I had no idea."

"Yes, well, Dumbledore had thought it to be of vital importance that you be educated and trained to the best of our abilities."

"Wow!" Jane struggled to wrap her brain around this bit of news.

"Mind you, it won't be easy."

"Oh, I'm sure of that. But I can handle whatever you throw at me."

"I would like to believe you, Jane…" Remus sighed. "…but there are certain things, certain _situations, _which will make your training rather uncomfortable."

"I am aware of that."

"You don't understand…" Remus looked rather distressed, Jane thought.

She patted his arm. "Don't worry. After the last thirteen years I can handle _anything._"

---

She couldn't handle that, she thought three hours later. Anything but _that._ Not after everything that had happened to her.

Jane quickly thought back whether there had been _any_ indication of what awaited her at number twelve Grimmauld Place. She realized that there had been plenty of signs that should have warned her. There had been the choice words McGonagall had used during their conversation the night of her arrival and the way Remus had hedged the subject of the instruction she was to receive. Remus had _tried_ to tell her, she reflected, but they'd reached McGonagall's office before he'd had the chance to tell her exactly _what_ to expect. The Headmistress had already been waiting for them, and without much ado, they'd all departed Hogwarts with the aid of a portkey.

In London, she had met several members of the _Order of the Phoenix_ and was happy to see Tonks again. Jane had learned of the details of Voldemort's return and the involvement of The-Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter. She was told of the Order's efforts to bring down the Dark Lord, and Dumbledore's plans to keep the Wizarding world safe. She'd received a schedule outlining her studies and practices. And she'd learned that she would receive her 'remedial' lessons from one single instructor exclusively, who would help her regain her magical competency before they could go on to her advanced lessons. Jane remembered looking from one member of the Order to the next, trying to figure out who would have to baby-sit her. She'd hoped it would be Tonks. They'd become fast friends in the short time they'd known each other.

"Well, who is it?" she had asked.

Jane remembered Remus stepping forward and clearing his throat. "Before we tell you, you must make a vow – an Unbreakable Vow – that you will not breathe a word to _anyone_ of what you have seen and heard tonight"

She had nodded, somewhat taken aback by his earnestness. "Of course."

"Nor are you to disclose any information of future meetings you may be required to attend."

Jane had nodded again.

Remus had sighed and looked very uncomfortable. "Very well. Minerva?"

McGonagall had stepped forward and grasped Jane's right hand into hers. Remus had drawn his wand and held it over their entwined fingers.

"Jane," he'd asked her quietly, "will you keep tonight's conversations and the location of this place a secret?"

"Yes."

"And will you hold future meetings in absolute confidence, not disclosing to _anyone _whatever you may hear or see?"

"Yes."

Remus had tugged at his collar and looked at McGonagall, who'd nodded sternly.

"And will you," he'd continued, "keep secret any details of your studies, including your training location and the identity and whereabouts of your teacher?"

Jane had looked at him in confusion but received no explanation.

"Yes," she'd finally agreed, putting her trust in him.

Remus had tapped their hands one last time to seal the vow, and McGonagall had given her a quick reassuring smile before nodding at Tonks to open a nearby door.

"You may come in now," she'd called out primly.

Jane had looked expectantly at the door and almost fainted when she'd recognized the man striding into the room.

---

Yes, looking back, she should have guessed. The clues had all been there, only she'd been too blind to recognize them. Remus had tried to warn her, but now she was bound by an Unbreakable Vow. She would be taught by a Death Eater wanted for murder and she had just promised to aid and abet him. No, she really couldn't do it. They asked too much of her.

Remus took in her pale features, grasped her elbow and led her gently towards the table. Jane sat down heavily and looked at him questioningly.

He bent down to her and whispered, "remember, you promised."

Jane nodded slowly and turned her attention once more to the man in black who scrutinized her disdainfully from across the room. He didn't look any happier about the situation than she was. His blatant perusal of her riled her. Her chin came up and she met his gaze evenly. She would not let him intimidate her. Her subtle show of defiance was not lost on him and he cocked an eyebrow, intrigued.

Remus straightened and addressed the former Potions master.

"Severus, this is Miss Sinclair."

Snape nodded curtly. "Miss Sinclair."

"Professor."

Uncomfortable silence settled over the room, until McGonagall cleared her throat. "Yes, well, now… erm… Miss Sinclair, I realize that this might appear somewhat, erm, strange…"

"_Strange?_" Jane exclaimed incredulously. "Ever since I arrived one week ago, I have been bombarded with articles in the _Daily Prophet_ recounting the events that led to Dumbledore's death. You yourself…" She pointed at McGonagall. "…said that the eyewitness accounts were irrefutable."

"Yes," the older witch admitted. "Potter is no liar. But you must understand… things aren't always what they seem."

"Unfortunately, subtlety is lost on Potter," Snape threw in smoothly. "He is unable to read between the lines, to see through appearances, to see _beyond_…"

Jane let her eyes wander around the room. The Order was dedicated to bringing down Voldemort. They would never harbor a known supporter of the Dark Lord or wanted murderer. Maybe her first impression in McGonagall's office had been right. She turned her attention to Snape.

"You _didn't_ kill Dumbledore, did you? Someone else did, right? Maybe by using Polyjuice Potion?"

Snape's lips twisted into a cruel smile. "Oh, but I did, Miss Sinclair. I don't deny it. Good guess, though."

McGonagall cleared her throat again. "Miss Sinclair, we've all had our doubts and the most serious misgivings. However, erm, since I took residence in the Headmaster's office, I have come upon certain evidence, which, erm, sheds light on Severus' actions. Remus, if you please."

Lupin nodded, retrieved a Pensieve from a nearby cupboard, and carefully carried it over to the table. Jane leaned closer and saw a silvery liquid-like mist swirl in the basin.

"I hope this will help you grasp the situation better," McGonagall said primly. She saw Jane's inquiring gaze, and her expression softened. "Trust us. Just bend over the Pensieve and let it tell you its story."

Jane looked at Remus for confirmation and he nodded encouragingly. The last thing she saw before giving herself to the Pensieve was Snape's deadpan scrutiny.

"_Severus, I am glad you could join me."_

Albus Dumbledore's voice jerked Jane from her momentary bewilderment. She opened her eyes to find herself in a bare room surrounded by thick gray stone walls. There were no furnishings, no pictures on the walls. The flickering torchlight dispelled little of the gloom that reigned in this dungeon – for it was nothing more than that.

"_Headmaster." _

She heard his low monotonous voice before she saw him.

_Severus Snape stepped out of the shadows. "You sent for me, Albus?"_

_Dumbledore waved his wand and two overstuffed wingback chairs appeared. "Please, Severus, take a seat. The conversation we are about to have will be unpleasant enough. We might as well be comfortable."_

_Snape wrapped his robes about him with flourish and sat down in his usual abrupt manner. Dumbledore waved his wand again and a small table appeared. On it was a tray holding two cut-crystal glasses and Ogden_'_s finest Firewhiskey. The bottle poured its amber contents into both glasses, and Dumbledore smacked his lips in anticipation. Both men took a considerable gulp from their glasses._

"_Well," Dumbledore finally said, looking at Snape, who had been watching him with uncharacteristic patience. "I shall certainly miss this."_

"_Going anywhere, Headmaster?" Snape drawled._

"_My days are numbered. Oh, don't look so shocked, Severus." Dumbledore smiled indulgently. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I only wish it could be at a later time. After…"_

"_I'm afraid, I don't understand, Albus."_

"_You will in a moment, Severus." He cleared his throat. "I have asked you here because of the vow you made to young Malfoy's mother."_

_Snape's expression became inscrutable, and he quickly reached inside his robes._

_Dumbledore smiled again. "Put your wand away, Severus. You won't need it…yet."_

_Snape, however, didn't remove his hand. "I don't follow."_

"_Severus, I am asking you to fulfill your vow."_

_For the first time, Snape looked disconcerted. Something akin to pain flashed through his dark eyes. _

"_Albus?" he asked uncertainly._

"_I am aware of Draco's mission – never mind how – and I know young Malfoy. Underneath his arrogance, he is a scared young man. Deep down he's still a boy. He doesn't have what it takes to follow through. He is not as cold as his father. Not…"_

"_Not as cold as I am," Severus smoothly finished the sentence for him. For a moment, the pain in his eyes intensified, before a veil of indifference fell over them. "I see."_

"_Severus…" Dumbledore sighed sorrowfully. "That is not what I was going to say."_

"_Well, what then, Albus?" _

"_Your life hasn't been particularly happy, Severus."_

"_I am well aware of that. I need no reminding." The Potions master's voice dripped with ice._

"_It may have crippled you emotionally," Dumbledore said gently, his voice without rebuke or pity. Severus scoffed, but did not interrupt. "But," the old wizard continued, "it also made you a strong man. A determined man. You keep a cool head when others lose theirs, and you see things through. _You do not fail_."_

From her hiding spot, Jane could see Snape's stony expression falter. He raised his glass to his lips once more and his hand was shaking visibly. Whoever had said that Hogwarts' Potions master had no emotions was wrong. Snape was obviously waging a terrible war with himself. He valiantly struggled for control.

"_Severus," Dumbledore called him to attention._

"_You want me to kill you…" Snape stated dully, his voice shaking slightly._

"_I want you to spare me a most undignified and agonizing death," Dumbledore corrected him. The Headmaster's voice had taken on a strong and determined tone. "There is no one else I can trust with this task."_

_Snape scoffed again. "I'm already a spy. I might as well add murder to my long list of qualifications."_

_Tears collected in Dumbledore's eyes. "There is no one, Severus, who knows more than I do what horrors and indignities you are forced to endure in the name of the Order, for the safety of both, the Wizarding and Muggle worlds. It pains me to add even more to your suffering. But you see, I'd rather die at the hand of a friend than from this…"_

_Snape's eyes grew wide in horror when he saw Dumbledore's withered hand. "When? How?" he choked out. _

Jane, too, felt sickened but did not understand the Potions master's reaction.

"_That is neither here nor there." Dumbledore sighed wearily. "All that matters is that it happened."_

"_How far has it spread, Albus?" Snape had quickly recovered from his shock. Once more he wore his mask of indifference. Only the small hitch in his voice betrayed his true feelings._

"_It hasn't reached the elbow, yet. There still is some time."_

_Snape nodded slightly._

"_Do you understand my request now, Severus? I know you had no choice when Narcissa asked you to make the Unbreakable Vow. I know also that you are destined to fulfill it. You will forfeit your life if you don't, and there is much, yet, that you must accomplish. When the final battle approaches, you shall be needed more than ever. Lives will depend on you. I shall die happy knowing that others will be spared. I am asking you, Severus, to do me this last service and I want to absolve you of all responsibility before it's too late."_

"_If I didn't know better, Albus," Snape answered after a long silence, "I would say that you were doing this to ruin my life once and for all. However, I have known you for more years than I care to remember, and you have always had a reason for your actions, even though they weren't always quite clear to the rest of us. I have never understood your foolish propensity to believe in the good of everyone. Furthermore, you continue to keep a blind eye to that insufferable troublemaker, Potter. That in itself should be considered a most serious error in judgment. However, despite it all, you are the only person I have ever trusted."_

_He grimaced slightly. It wasn't easy for him to say what came next. "In your own way you've always had faith in me as a person… When the time comes, I shall do as you ask of me."_

"_It won't be easy… afterwards, Severus. You will be a wanted man."_

"_Oh, I know, Albus. Believe me, I know." His forced indifference did not hide the pain in his eyes. _

"_Severus, I promise you…"_

The scene before her became blurry. Jane leaned closer to hear the rest of the conversation but she felt an inescapable tug, pulling her away. Suddenly, Jane was back in number twelve Grimmauld Place. The members of the Order were watching her curiously. Only Snape appeared indifferent. He was studying her, though, with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine and made her shift uncomfortably in her seat. It was only when Remus offered her his handkerchief that she realized she was crying.

_

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Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

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_


	4. I Put a Spell on You

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

I ain't gonna take none of your

Putting me down

I put a spell on you

_I Put a Spell on You_, Creedence Clearwater Revival

**Chapter 4 – I Put a Spell on You**

…**where Jane and Severus create sparks, in more than one way...**

--- Flashback ---

Ollivander watched the two witches leave his store. He wiped his hand tiredly over his face and walked to the door. His hand shook slightly as he touched the sign hanging in the window so it read _Closed._

He turned and let his gaze sweep over his beloved store. He beheld the chaos Miss Sinclair had caused and sighed. A quick flick of his wand restored order.

"It is done," he said to the empty room.

Ollivander waved his wand once more and he and his store dissolved into nothingness.

--- End Flashback ---

"Let's try it again, Miss Sinclair."

Jane sighed and lifted her wand once more. For the past two hours, she'd been casting spell after spell without making much headway. Even more frustrating than her lack of progress, however, was the forbidding demeanor of Severus Snape, who kept watching her every move with unrestrained disdain.

The Order had installed them in the Shrieking Shack, since Snape could not remain at Grimmauld Place. Jane couldn't remember being given a concrete reason. She only recalled it having something to do with the continuing animosity between _The-Boy-Who-Lived_, Harry Potter, and the former Potions teacher. Of course, Hogwarts was off limits, also. The likelihood of being discovered by students and faculty was high, and the myriad of gossip-loving pictures and portraits would not keep his presence secret for long. The Shrieking Shack had been an acceptable compromise. Besides having a secret passage connect it with the school grounds, its reputation ensured that Snape's discovery would be highly unlikely.

Remus had escorted her this first time, showing her how to inactivate the Whomping Willow. Snape had been living in the Shrieking Shack for some time, Jane realized as she stepped inside. Although far from cozy and welcoming, the shack's interior had a positively lived-in appearance. A couple of shabby overstuffed comfortable armchairs had been placed in front of the fireplace. There was an old leather sofa pushed carelessly into a corner. Someone had bewitched the interior of the house, because none of the moans or swaying motions were noticeable indoors. Snape had also set up a make-shift potions workshop, which was a pitiful substitute for his first-rate laboratory at Hogwarts. He had greeted them dourly and dismissed Remus almost immediately.

Jane had noticed the expression of worry and regret on Lupin's face before he left and chanced a desolate glance towards Snape. He'd always been a forbidding teacher, but now, the prospect of being alone with him was absolutely frightening. She didn't exactly know why, though. It wasn't that she feared for her life. He had nothing to gain from killing her. And, yet, his presence disturbed her. Especially now, with his austere form hovering by her side, she found it rather difficult to concentrate.

With a sigh, she focused once more on the plate before her and spoke, enunciating clearly. "_Vera verto!_"

The plate began to spin slowly and Jane involuntarily moved backwards. To her great surprise, however, the plate began to pick up speed while simultaneously shifting its shape. This was new, she thought. It quickly turned into a rapidly spinning blur before her eyes. She took another step back. Suddenly, there was a small pop and the plate had turned into a silver serving tray. Jane quickly glanced at Snape for approval.

"Well," he finally said. "This could be considered an improvement over your last attempt, Miss Sinclair…" His slow drawl turned viciously sarcastic. "…had you not been charged with transfiguring the plate into a _vase_."

"But at least it changed form this time," Jane spoke up, inexplicably hurt by his disapproval.

"Yes," he countered callously, "and the Dark Lord's minions will be duly impressed when you'll be able to throw an entire tea service at them."

"And a vase is going to scare them more?" If there was one thing that Jane had learned in her thirteen years among Muggles, it was never to show weakness.

Severus clenched his teeth and a muscle in his jaw twitched violently. His eyes narrowed slightly. "Let's get one thing straight, _Miss Sinclair,_" he informed her succinctly "I'm not here for my own amusement. I'm here because the Order wishes me to. I have been asked to teach you to the best of my abilities, and I shall do so. However, I _cannot do the work for you_."

"Don't you think I know that, Professor?" Jane retaliated. "Since my return, I have spent every free minute studying. Don't you think it frustrates me that I have to relearn subjects and spells I once excelled in? You may not be impressed by this…" Jane pointed at the tray lying innocently on the table in front of her, "but _I_ am _proud_ of it. I haven't done magic in _thirteen_ years. This gives me hope that I haven't lost my abilities. Can't you understand that?"

Snape looked at her with his usual inscrutable expression. His dark eyes bored into hers, but she refused to back down. In the end, it was he who looked away.

"I do not _coddle_ my students, Miss Sinclair," he finally said.

"And I don't _want_ to be coddled, Professor. Nor do I expect leniency. All I want is for you to be patient with me, at least for the next few sessions. Pushing me won't make me learn any faster."

Severus drew himself upright. "Very well, Miss Sinclair. I will give you one week to master the spells we have practiced today. If, by then, you are unable to perform even one of them to my satisfaction, you will do as I say without questioning me or my teaching methods ever again. Do I make myself clear?"

Jane nodded. "Perfectly. Shall we shake on it?"

Snape looked at her outstretched hand with a mixture of horror and disgust. "_That_," he said with forced composure, "is not necessary."

She pulled back her proffered hand, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. Whatever had possessed her to do it? "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"No matter." Snape lifted his wand and turned the tray back into a plate. "Now," he said, clearly enjoying her discomfort, "try again, Miss Sinclair."

--- Interlude ---

Severus Snape was the most insufferable man she'd ever met in her life, Jane fumed after returning from her third lesson with him. It was close to midnight when she stormed into her quarters muttering oath after oath. The man was a sadist who took perverse pleasure in making her suffer. For four hours he had mercilessly lectured her on how to differentiate between English and Scottish deadly nightshade. _Four hours_, she harrumphed, tearing off her clothes and grabbing her terrycloth bathrobe. Four hours to point out five – _five! –_ subtle differences that merely affected the taste of the potion deadly nightshade was used in, nothing more.

Jane stomped into the adjoining bath chamber to draw a bath. She sat on the rim of the large marble tub and watched the water pool slowly at the bottom. She added some of the magic bath salts Tonks had urged her to buy during their shopping escapade in Diagon Alley. Purple foam began to bubble. Soon the soothing scent of lavender and rosemary filled her nose, driving all unpleasant thoughts from her mind. She slipped out of her robe and into the welcoming warm water with a happy sigh. Almost instantaneously she relaxed, and all thoughts of Severus Snape dissolved into a hazy fog of forgetfulness.

---

Jane Sinclair was the most insufferable woman he'd ever met in his life, Severus fumed after she left. He had taught some annoying students in his time, the most recent having been a certain Hermione Granger, but this one was definitely in a league of her own. She had dared to contradict him more than once tonight, especially after he had taken great pains in pointing out the importance of choosing the proper potion ingredients. The origin of each ingredient was just as important as the amount or the way it was prepared. He still couldn't believe that she questioned him.

True, she had prepared the potions he'd assigned her with extraordinary skill and to perfection. She had always been an excellent student in potions, he grudgingly admitted. But she had _contradicted_ him! After he had explicitly told her that he would not tolerate any backtalk. Severus paced in front of the fireplace, heedless of how close his billowing robes came to the flames. The woman was infuriating, he grumbled. Absolutely infuriating. He looked wildly about the room, in desperate need of something to smash. His gaze fell upon the bottle of Ogden's finest sitting innocently nearby. He moved swiftly over to the end table and stared long and hard at the bottle. He longed to smash it into a million pieces, but the waste of such fine firewhiskey was almost unconscionable. In the end, he decided in favor of the firewhiskey and filled a large glass almost to the rim. Severus collapsed into one of the armchairs and raised the glass to his lips. He drank a large mouthful, and swished the velvety amber liquid twice around the mouth before swallowing it. He welcomed the trail of heat it burned down his throat and into his stomach. He closed his eyes when he felt the warmth spread into his veins and slowly suffuse his body. A delicious numbness crept into his limbs.

By the time he emptied the glass, the annoying Miss Sinclair was nothing but a distant memory.

--- End Interlude ---

"So, how are your lessons proceeding, Jane?" Remus asked her casually during breakfast one Saturday morning.

"Which ones?" she retorted.

"Your training with Severus. Are you… is he treating you alright?"

Jane wrinkled her nose in disgust. "He's as unpleasant and insulting as he's always been."

"I see he hasn't lost his touch."

Jane gave an unladylike snort. That was an understatement. "He's a slave driver," she informed him.

"But you _are_ learning?" Remus prodded gently.

Jane shrugged. "As well as can be expected, I guess. I just don't know whether it is because of him or because I study a lot. It's been a month now, but for every new fact I learn, I seem to remember several I've forgotten."

"It sounds like you're making progress," Remus encouraged her.

"Well, _I_ like to think so…" Jane pouted. "…but that odious man doesn't think I'm learning fast enough."

"Don't tell me you're letting him bully you around?"

Remus' mock indignation brought a grin to her face. "Don't worry," Jane assured him. "I can handle Professor Snape. If you want to worry about someone, worry about _him_, not me."

"Hm…" Remus rubbed his chin. "I believe you."

Jane checked her watch and jumped. "Oh no," she cried in alarm. "I'm late."

She stuffed the last piece of toast into her mouth, mumbled a quick to good-by to Lupin and rushed unceremoniously out of the Great Hall. She hurried to her chambers and threw open the trunk sitting at the end of her bed. Grabbing the Invisibility cloak Tonks had given her, she quickly flung it over her head and left.

"You are late," Snape greeted her disagreeably from behind his desk, when she arrived at the Shrieking Shack twenty minutes later.

"That couldn't be helped." Jane shrugged noncommittally. She didn't owe him an explanation, and she'd only waste more time explaining how she'd had to avoid a handful of particularly adventurous students trying to conquer the Whomping Willow. Fortunately for her, soon one of them got slapped hard enough by a wayward branch to warrant a trip to the infirmary.

"Miss Sinclair…" Snape fixed her with his piercing gaze as he rose to his feet. "When I agreed to teach you, I informed you of a few rules that I expect to be obeyed at all times."

He stretched out his arms in a jerky motion that straightened his sleeves, before grasping the front parts of his billowing robe and wrapping them about him.

"The rules were simple enough – or so I thought. Apparently, I have to refresh your memory."

Snape moved quickly to stand in front of her. Jane's head jerked up to meet his stare.

"I assure you that won't be necessary," she told him quietly.

His upper lip curled into a cruel sneer. "I had three rules, Miss Sinclair…" He ignored her feeble protest. "Just three. Let me _remind _you. One..." He began counting off on his long fingers. "I will not tolerate asinine questions, snide backtalk or childish reminiscing about the past. Two…" A second finger came up. "I expect absolute obedience without second-guessing my methods of instruction. Three…" He thrust a third finger in her face. "I demand punctuality. My time is precious and I am loath to waste it. Is that understood?"

Jane stared at him mutinously. She had the perfect snappy answer ready for him, but he was in a particularly nasty temper today and edging him on would make things highly unpleasant for her. So, she simply nodded her head and clamped her mouth shut.

Severus looked down at the woman in front of him. Her meek demeanor didn't fool him one bit. Even now, after his cold dress-down, she continued to hold his gaze, refusing to back down. He'd seen the mutinous spark in her eyes, noticed how much she struggled to hold her tongue. He had to admit, though, that she was more composed than most witches he'd had the misfortune of teaching over the years. Jane Sinclair knew how to keep her emotions under control – well, most of the time, at least. But she had a determination in her that bordered on tenacity. He had to admire that. Her progress had been more than satisfactory so far, but he wasn't going to tell her that, of course. He didn't want her to slack off. She still had much to learn.

In the end, it was the untouchable Severus Snape who looked away.

"Very well," he said, slightly disconcerted. "Let's hope that you won't forget this time."

---

"Miss Sinclair, does _anything_ above your neck work?" Snape spat viciously, after her Disillusionment Charm went wrong – again. With an angry flick of his wand he restored her back to normal.

Jane stared at him in disbelief, her eyes quickly filling with tears. The man was a monster! She may not have _disillusioned_ herself successfully this last time, but at least she'd managed to turn her head and half of her body invisible. They'd been practicing this particularly difficult spell for several hours now and she was drained, both physically and mentally. Snape, on the other hand, looked as immaculate and unperturbed as ever. He simply stood, looking at her without pity, without emotion, and it drove her over the edge.

"Professor, you are an impossible man to please," Jane exploded. "I am well aware that I will never be able to live up to _your_ standards, but I believe that I would disappoint you less if you stopped testing me on things we haven't covered, yet. I need some structure, and I must master one thing before going on to the next. Surely, you can appreciate that?"

She looked at him for a reaction, but he just kept watching her. "You may have noticed," she continued, having come too far to stop now, "that all those _surprises_ you've been springing on me recently haven't been very conducive to my learning. And it's not because I don't study or practice enough. I can't just prepare for _any_ eventuality. It's no wonder I've been failing half the tests you've subjected me to so far. You're setting me up to fail."

Snape looked at her for a disconcertingly long time. "Are you done?" he finally asked her coldly.

"Yes, I believe I am." Jane stood and collected her things.

"What are you doing?" Was it her imagination or had there been a small catch in his voice?

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving."

Jane moved around him and headed for the door, but Snape, quick as lightning, grabbed hold of her hand and held her back. "We aren't done, yet," he informed her sharply.

Surprised at his agility, she looked first at his hand holding hers, then at him. There was a dangerous glint in his dark eyes, warning her to tread carefully. She didn't care.

"Oh, we're done, all right. I'm exhausted and my head hurts. _I'm going home._"

Jane tried to pull away, but he kept his iron grip on her.

"Let me go," she insisted, trying to shake him off. "You should be happy. I'm ridding you of my loathsome company early."

"Don't be ridiculous," he said and led her to his work table. He pushed her unceremoniously onto a stool. "Sit!"

Snape turned to one of the shelves holding various colored bottles and glass jars.

"But I…" Jane tried to protest.

"Oh, _do_ be quiet, Miss Sinclair," he drawled as he surveyed his stock. He let his hand glide along the shelf, his long fingers gently touching the various containers along the way. The gesture was almost loving, Jane reflected with a start. No, she shook her head. Where had that come from? Clearly, Severus Snape was incapable of love or compassion.

He finally found what he was looking for and returned with a small jar. He unscrewed the top and dipped one long finger into it. He retrieved a small dab of salve and transferred some of it to the fingertips of his other hand. Jane made a feeble attempt to get up when he suddenly moved to stand behind her, but his physical presence held her in place.

"Sit _down_, Miss Sinclair," he instructed her.

Without warning, he touched his fingers to her temples and began to massage the salve into her skin. She felt almost immediate relief, the sharp stabbing pain of her migraine quickly receding to a dull throbbing sensation.

"This feels good," she told him as her eyes fluttered shut.

"Be quiet, Miss Sinclair," Snape chided her softly. Strangely enough, his voice was devoid any sarcasm or cold disdain. He sounded almost – tender.

She felt her entire body relax and leaned backwards for support. His body was solid, but his touch was gentle. She sighed contently. His fingers moved in small circles, massaging away the tension, driving away the pain. Jane had always liked Snape's hands with their long and graceful, yet strong and manly fingers – they were the hands of an artist. The very first Potions lesson she ever had, he had told her and her classmates that Potions was a subtle science and exact art. And Snape truly was a master of Potions, an artist in his own way. _I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses,_ he had told them so many years ago. And he was certainly doing it now. His fingers were working their magic, putting a spell on her. Her headache was quickly becoming a thing of the past. She surrendered to his touch, leaning fully against him now. A moan of pleasure escaped her lips.

Snape stiffened and pulled away.

"Please don't stop," Jane pleaded. To her disappointment, however, he swiftly moved out of reach.

"I trust your head feels better now?" he asked her quietly.

Jane quickly recovered. What _had_ come over her? This was Severus Snape – always disdainful, always criticizing. And she had practically _begged_ him to keep his hands on her. The blood rushed to her face when she recalled how, only moments ago, she had shamelessly pressed herself against him. Surely, she had shocked him. _Merlin's beard!_ She'd shocked herself. Thoroughly embarrassed, she grabbed her things and jumped to her feet.

"Yes, Professor," she said meekly, unable to look at him. "Thank you."

"Please practice the spell until our next meeting, Miss Sinclair," Snape told her dispassionately. "And finish reading the chapters on reflecting hexes and jinxes. We'll be practicing those next time. Meanwhile, I shall… revise… your study schedule."

Jane didn't believe her ears. Something had happened in the last ten minutes and she wasn't sure what it was. She looked at him for an answer, but he did not meet her gaze. He didn't even look directly at her. His eyes were fixed on something behind her, just over her left shoulder. It was, Jane thought, as though he was _afraid_ to look at her. She must have really shocked him. He probably thought that she was no better than a hormone-driven teenager. She figured she better leave before she embarrassed herself even further.

"I would really appreciate that," she finally said when he remained silent and moved to leave. "Good night, Professor."

"Call me Severus," he suddenly offered.

Jane stopped mid-step and turned around. "Excuse me?"

"My colleagues and the members of the Order call me Severus." He paused awkwardly. "You might as well do so also."

There was something endearing about the way he looked – almost pleading, yet struggling to appear indifferent – waiting for her response. She wondered how much it had cost him to say it, and she didn't even want to think about his motivation.

Jane gave a slight nod. "Alright. Good night… Severus."

---

_He was watching her from across the room. Jane could feel his brooding stare, even before she saw him. It caused the fine hairs on the back of her neck stand up on end and made her skin tingle. Donning an inviting smile, she turned to face him, but what she saw caught her by surprise. Gone was the aloof and untouchable Severus Snape. In his stead was a passionate man whose dark eyes burned into hers with such desire that it sent jolts of icy heat through her body. His eyes raked over her with unconcealed hunger. He extended his hand to her in silent invitation and she came to him._

_He brought a long finger to her cheek, tracing her delicate features, the curve of her jaw. With one step, she closed the distance left between them. Severus gently cupped her face and she leaned into his touch. Still he made no move to kiss her. He let his hand trail down to her throat with tantalizing slowness. His hand moved over the soft skin of her throat to her shoulder as he stepped behind her. His other hand slowly slid around her waist and settled over the gentle curve of her abdomen. Jane's head fell backwards against his shoulder as she surrendered to his touch. Her breath caught in her throat, when he suddenly pulled her tightly against him and buried his face against her neck. _

_Jane's heart began to race as he kissed the sensitive skin over her jugular. She could feel his hot breath against her neck and the gentle rasp of his tongue as he licked the spot he'd just kissed. Severus nipped gently at first, before fastening his mouth more determinedly. He alternated the pressure with which he sucked and nipped at her skin, sending jolt after jolt to the very core of her being. With a guttural moan, Jane melted into his embrace as he marked her, claiming her as his. _

_Slowly, he turned her in his arms until she faced him. He finally lowered his head but still did not kiss her. Instead, he hovered over her, his lips only a fraction of an inch from hers. Jane could feel his hot breath against the sensitive skin of her partially opened lip. A welcome wetness spread between her legs. They stood like this for what seemed an eternity, face to face, chest to chest, their breaths mingling. Her mouth went dry with desire and she flicked her tongue to moisten her lips. As though he'd been waiting for this, Severus finally claimed her mouth in a passionate kiss. _

_Jane couldn't remember how they got to the bed or out of their clothes. All she knew was that she was finding the most exquisite pleasure in the arms of Severus Snape. She loved his hands, always had. And now they were on her body, masterfully weaving a spell of desire and lust over her. Soon his lips followed his hands. He nipped at her. He licked her. He blew on the moist patches his kisses left, sending shivers of anticipation down her spine. Jane raked her nails over his back as she pulled him closer. She yearned to feel him inside her. He had lit a roaring fire within her and she ached for him to quench it. He kept roaming his hands over her body, searing every inch of her skin with his touch, driving her wild._

_She wanted him. She _needed _him._ Now. _Jane bucked beneath him, thrusting her hips demandingly against his. In answer, Severus pushed her thighs apart with one knee and settled himself between her legs. Jane moaned with pleasure. She wanted to feel him fill and stretch her, to touch the very core of her. Again, she bucked urgently against him, but he made no move to claim her. She could already feel the sweet pain build up within her and she moaned again. Severus moved over her, leaning in to kiss her. She tightened her arms around him to pull him closer… _

…only to find them empty. Severus was gone. Panting, Jane jolted upright, staring unseeingly into the darkness. She blinked in confusion until her vision cleared. She was alone, surrounded by cold, uncomforting darkness. Reality hit her without mercy. He'd never made love to her. He'd never even _been_ here. She struggled to bring her breathing under control. Jane placed one hand over her pounding heart, only to realize that she was naked and her glistening body helplessly entangled in the sheets. Her hair was plastered against her head and her sex was throbbing painfully with unfulfilled desire. A frustrated sob escaped her lips and she buried her face in her hands. The dream had felt so _real_. Never in her twenty-nine years had she experienced anything remotely like it.

_Merlin's beard!_ Her head jerked up. Jane sucked in a sharp breath and her heart began to pound again. She'd just had the most fantastic sensual dream of her life and it had been about Severus Snape! Mortification swept over her. She frantically clutched the sheet to her chest. She couldn't believe it. She'd fantasized about Severus Snape! Intimidating, untouchable, cold, dispassionate, disdainful, disapproving, insufferable Snape! Jane groaned. How could this have happened? Not bothering with light, she hopped out of bed and went in search of her nightgown. Her arousal was withering rapidly, being driven away by her growing embarrassment. Snape! She groaned again. _Snape! _Of all people! She couldn't find her nightgown and almost cried in frustration. She needed something, _anything_, to cover herself. She hurried towards her dresser and stubbed her toe on the trunk by the end of her bed. She suppressed an oath and one of the portraits on the wall sniggered maliciously. Jane froze. They couldn't have seen anything, she thought frantically. But what if they had _heard_ something? She felt her way back to the bed and collapsed onto it, drained.

She lay awake for a long time, calling herself every kind of fool. Her last thought before she finally drifted back to sleep was whether pictures could be bribed.

_

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Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

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_


	5. Windows of the Soul, Part I

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

I'm going to take you to

My special place

It's a place that you

Like no one else I know

Might appreciate

I don't go there with anyone--but

You're a special case

_My Special Place_, Joni Mitchell

**Chapter Five – Windows of the Soul, Part I**

…**where Severus learns more about Jane than he is ready for…**

Halloween came and passed. It was the middle of November, and winter was fast approaching. Not a day went by when the north wind didn't howl menacingly around the austere walls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The scent of snow was in the air.

Jane wrapped her cloak tighter around herself as she made her way across the school grounds. In the distance, she could make out a feeble circle of light.

"'oi, who goes there?"

"It's me, Hagrid, Jane Sinclair," she called out into the night.

Hogwarts' gamekeeper approached, holding a bull's-eye lantern high, so he could make out her face. He gave a satisfied nod when he recognized her.

"Oh, 'ello, Professor," he boomed down at her. "What are _you_ doing out here so late?"

The wind picked up and Jane shivered underneath her cloak.

"I'm…just out for a walk," she mumbled.

Hagrid studied her for a moment and shrugged. He had no reason to doubt her. Jane hated to deceive him, but she knew he wasn't aware of her lessons with Severus. She wasn't even sure whether he had recognized her. He certainly hadn't shown any signs of knowing her when McGonagall had introduced her to him at the beginning of term.

"Well," he said jovially, apparently impervious to the cold and her discomfort. "So, how are you gettin' along then? Everybody treating ye alright?"

"Sure, Hagrid," she said miserably. Her teeth began to chatter.

"Ye haven't been to see me, yet, professor," he told her glumly. "Ye said you wanted to see me thestrals."

The freezing wind on her face made her eyes water. "I'm sorry, Hagrid," Jane murmured.

The gentle giant mistook her reaction. He patted her clumsily on the shoulder. "No need to cry, now," he comforted her awkwardly. "I know ye've been busy, getting' back into the swing of things and all that. Jus' come by some time and we'll have some tea."

Jane nodded jerkily. "Sure, Hagrid."

"Right, then." He sighed. "Well, I better be off now. Don't stay out too late now, professor."

"I won't," she called after him as he walked away.

As soon as he was out of sight, she picked up her robes and sprinted to the Whomping Willow. Jane was running late and she didn't feel like sitting through another of Severus' rants about the importance of punctuality. She wasn't particularly looking forward to tonight's lesson, anyway. When Remus had told her that Severus was an accomplished master of Legilimency and Occlumency, Jane hadn't been surprised. Without such talents, Severus wouldn't have been able to survive for so many years, spying for the Order. And that worried her. After her dream, it had taken her weeks to feel comfortable in his presence again. She hadn't been able to look at him, afraid he would guess the truth. For weeks she'd been tongue-tied and unable to concentrate on her assignments while he watched her attentively. That one dream had reduced her to the hare-brained ninny he thought her to be. No, she really didn't feel like talking with him about exploring the mind.

Minutes later, Jane, chilled to the bone, hurried into Snape's den and rushed immediately to the fireplace. She thrust her fingers dangerously close to the fire and didn't remove them until she felt the circulation return to her digits.

"You are late, Jane," Severus greeted her coldly from the other side of the room.

Startled, she whirled around to face him. "I… I'm sorry. I ran into Hagrid."

"Pray, do tell."

"It doesn't concern you." She didn't care for his mocking tone.

"Oh, but it does, Jane," he contradicted her dryly, "particularly, when it causes my student to be late for her lesson."

His voice sent shivers through her body. Ever since her dream she'd become aware of his voice. Of its low sensual timbre, which she, like so many, had mistaken for a monotonous drone. But when he spoke now, the subtle nuances in tone were caressing her like luxurious silk. She involuntarily shivered and Severus noticed it.

He rose quickly and swept through the room. He came to stand in front her and studied her closely. She felt his eyes roam over her face, taking in her watery eyes, frost-nipped pink cheeks, and pale lips. His dark eyes widened in indignation.

"That oaf!" he exclaimed suddenly. Severus grabbed her shoulders and turned her towards the fire. "I'll have his head for keeping you out in the cold for so long!"

Jane's mouth fell open and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. Severus felt protective towards her? Impossible. She frowned, thinking furiously. Of course, she finally rationalized. He feared for the ramifications it would have for him, should anything happen to her. She didn't like the sound of that and, oddly, that annoyed her. She stepped out of his grasp.

"Please don't be upset, Severus," she tried to diffuse the situation. "_I_ decided to stop and talk to him. After all, we can't have him growing suspicious."

"No, I guess not," he agreed, studying her thoughtfully. He waved a wand and a glass appeared in front of her.

"Drink this," he ordered her.

Jane took the glass with trembling hands and peered inside. She sniffed cautiously. It smelled rather nicely. She fixed Severus with a suspicious gaze. If he tried to get her drunk, or – perish the thought! – slip her something, he'd have another thing coming.

As though he'd guessed her thoughts, he scowled darkly and snapped at her.

"Oh, for the love of… just drink it."

She eyed the amber liquid once more and took a careful sip. Instant warmth hit her as the firewhiskey trickled down her throat. She sighed contently as the heat began to suffuse her body and she downed the remaining liquid in one gulp.

"Mmm…" She sighed once more. "Just what the doctor ordered."

"Excuse me?"

She noticed his confusion at the unfamiliar term and smiled. "It's a Muggle expression," she informed him. "It means that something is the perfect remedy for a condition or solution for a problem."

"I see."

Jane shrugged out of her cloak. "Alright," she announced. "I'm warm now."

Severus nodded towards one of the two armchairs, which had been placed to face each other. He waited until she was seated before he sat down in his usual swift manner. He stretched his arms to adjust his robes and leaned slightly forward.

"Now, then," he asked her, "have you prepared for tonight's lesson?"

Jane nodded. "I've read the books you suggested."

"Good. Then you can tell me the difference between Legilimency and Occlumency."

"Legilimency," Jane began to recite dutifully, "is the ability to enter another person's mind and extract their memories… and feelings. Occlumency, on the other hand, is the ability to ward off any attempts of Legilimency. To prevent a person from entering one's mind."

"_Those_ are the definitions, yes. But there is much more to know, Jane. Legilimency, in the wrong hands, can be a dangerous ability – a weapon, if you wish. During a confrontation, an accomplished Legilimens can enter the opponent's mind and use what can be seen there to his advantage. Occlumency is the only way to counter such an invasion of the mind."

Jane frowned. Hadn't she just told him exactly the same thing?

"It takes many years of intense training to become an accomplished Legilimens, Jane," he continued, oblivious to her scowl. "Occlumency, on the other hand depends more on the strength of the mind and one's ability to control one's thoughts. Chaos maybe one way to counter and confuse a Legilimens, but it usually results only in a more forceful follow-up attack."

She could appreciate that. Confusion isn't an effective long-term offensive.

"Good, I see you follow."

It wasn't exactly brain surgery, Jane thought grimly. Patience wasn't Severus' strong side. Beneath that cool indifferent demeanor was a very impatient man with an explosive temper. But when he did force himself to be patient, he would talk down to her as though she was a three-year old.

"Now," he said, pulling his wand from his robes. "I shall attempt to enter your mind."

"What?" she squeaked alarmed. "You never said anything about that."

His mouth twisted wryly. "Unfortunately, theory and practice must go hand in hand for true understanding to develop."

Jane paled.

"Once you will feel my presence," Severus continued, ignoring her distress, "I want you to erect a mental wall. Just like you fight off the Imperius Curse, you must force me out of your mind, Jane. Use whatever means you think necessary to ward off my assault. I will not leave, until I sense your response. Do you understand that?"

It all sounded even worse than what she'd imagined. "I think so, Severus. Um…" She swallowed and nervously licked her lips. "What will you be able to see?"

His lips pulled into a sardonic smile. "Anything your mind chooses to show me."

"I don't think I very much care for that," she told him quietly, hoping beyond hope that he would abandon the idea.

More than anything, she feared what he might see once he delved into her mind. For thirteen years, she had held on to her secret. Only few knew of the actual events that had transpired during her sixth year at Hogwarts. She doubted that even McGonagall and the other members of the Order knew the details of her banishment. Each and every one who had been involved in the Wizengamot's inquisition had been subjected to the Unbreakable Vow. Others had had their memories modified.

"No one ever does, Jane," he told her sardonically.

She groaned inwardly and closed her eyes in silent resignation.

"You may use your wand to defend yourself, Jane." It sounded very much like an afterthought.

She pulled out her wand and imitated Severus' gesture. "Okay," she murmured, steeling herself.

"Very well, then. Now, brace yourself. _Legilimens_!" Black eyes bored into green ones.

Jane thought she would be ready for him, but his assault took her by surprise. She struggled to ward him off, tried to build a wall. His presence, however, was immovable, and she knew that he could see the same images that flashed through her mind.

"_Well done!" A portly red-faced elderly man smiled proudly at her. "It took your father much longer to win _his _first game of chess against me."_

_Between them sat a chessboard with the ruined figurines of a recent game scattered across it._

No, Jane thought. That was no longer her life. She fought back the memory and found herself back in the Shrieking Shack.

"Well done, Jane." Severus sounded both surprised and pleased. She suppressed a smile. "Let's try it again, shall we? _Legilimens!_"

Her smile faded.

"_My, how you have grown!"_ _The same elderly man smiled kindly at her. "I still remember you – a slip of a girl, no higher than a broomstick – learning how to play chess. And now you're off to Hogwarts. Here…" He handed her a beautifully worked hand-carved wooden box. She opened it with trembling fingers. It contained a full set of exquisitely carved chess figurines. She gave a squeal of delight and threw herself into his welcoming arms._

"_Thank you, grandfather!" _

"_I thought you could use this to play with your friends," he murmured into her ear._

No, Jane thought again. She didn't want to remember. She struggled to stop the memories, to close her mind. To no avail. Severus delved deeper, too powerful to be refused. The scene shifted.

_Large carved wood doors swung open, and she was herded, along with other first years, towards the dais at the other end of the Great Hall. She felt dwarfed by the intimidating grandeur that surrounded her. Countless stares were fixed on her and the other first years, and her nervousness only subsided, once she was sorted into Ravenclaw House and took her seat at the house table._

The scene began to shift again. The images chased each other in rapid succession now – her first ride on a broom, her first successfully cast spell, her first trip to Hogsmeade, her first kiss… Suddenly, one memory took precedence over the others.

"_You are punctual, Miss Fenton," a man's voice addressed her from the corner of the room. "It is a welcome change from your classmates' usual tardiness."_

_She stepped across the threshold and the door slammed shut behind her with an ominous thud. She swirled around, but the way was shut. "Professor Beadle?"_

"_No need to worry," the man said again, rising. He was a young wizard, barely thirty, handsome in a conventional sort of way. He had a blond mop of hair and friendly blue eyes. His face was clean-cut and his lips full. His attire was the latest fashion. "If we want your detention to pass as quickly as possible, we cannot have any interruptions."_

_She nodded, still slightly disconcerted. This was her first detention and she wasn't sure what to do. She was a good student. She had a perfect attendance record. She'd never been in any kind of trouble. _

NO! Jane shook her head. No more. She used all of her strength to tear herself from the memory, knowing what would come next. The scene before her dissolved slowly. She could feel Severus' presence gradually recede from her mind and she pushed harder. All of a sudden, he left her mind and she could breathe easier. When her vision cleared, she found Severus studying her closely. Unconcealed curiosity flashed in his eyes.

"You took too long," he chided her. "If this had been a real attack, your enemy would have retrieved all your knowledge."

Jane snorted. It had felt real enough. He had probed deeply into her mind and dug up memories she had spent thirteen years to suppress.

"Let's try again, Jane. And, please, show a little more effort this time."

Jane tried to clear her mind, wipe it clean. She didn't want him to invade her thoughts again. She didn't want him to _see_.

"_Legilimens!"_

This time, again, she was helpless against his assault. He penetrated her mind with such force and determination, it broke down all the barriers she had ever erected to protect herself. Severus forced himself relentlessly into her mind, intent on invading her very soul. He would not be denied.

"_Step closer, Miss Fenton," Professor Beadle invited her._

_She approached hesitantly until she reached her desk. Unsure what to do next, she put down her satchel and looked expectantly at her Dark Arts teacher. _

_Professor Beadle leaned against his desk. "You know, of course, why I gave you detention?"_

_She nodded, not meeting his eyes. She was ashamed of what had happened in class earlier. No doubt her parents had learned of it by now and were properly mortified at her undignified behavior._

"_You hexed a fellow student so badly, he had to be taken to the hospital."_

_She nodded again, remembering clearly._

"_This, in itself, could be overlooked, considering that we _were _practicing hexes and counter-jinxes in class. You, however, chose to employ a hex, which, in all fairness, is beyond the scope of this class."_

"_I'm sorry, Professor Beadle. I didn't think it would matter _how _I defended myself."_

"_You are a bright young witch. A very clever one, indeed. I assume you were studying some of the advanced spell books in the library?" _

_She nodded. "I also practiced secretly."_

"_Did you now?" Professor Beadle cocked an eyebrow, his curiosity awakened._

"_Yes, Sir._ _I didn't go home for the holidays and it seemed like a good way to occupy my time."_

"_I see." He suddenly got up and gestured for her to come closer. "Let's see, then, what you taught yourself."_

_He pulled out his wand and lazily waved it through the air. Several of the desks moved towards the wall, leaving a space in the center of the room. _

"_Come on, Miss Fenton. Don't be shy now," he encouraged her._

_She inched closer and also pulled out her wand. _

"_Right, then."_ _Professor Beadle took his dueling position and she imitated his stance. "Give me the best you have."_

_She stared at him for a moment, then concentrated and hexed him with a nonverbal spell. Her eyes grew round when she saw her Dark Arts teacher being propelled through the air and crash heavily onto a desk. He slid off stiffly and limped painfully towards her._

"_That," he grimaced, "was well done, Miss Fenton. Well done, indeed. Again."_

_They dueled back and forth, and it soon became clear that the student had surpassed her teacher. The professor's easy smile quickly disappeared and was replaced by an expression of grim determination. _

"_There is no doubt. You have vastly improved, Miss Fenton," he complemented her through clenched teeth. _

_Her gaze fell upon the clock above his desk. "I better go now, Professor. My detention was over fifteen minutes ago."_

"_Oh no, my dear," he told her coldly. "We will finish this. I will not have you make a fool of me."_

"_But I never…"_

"_Oh no?_ _You are a _sixth year_, Miss Fenton. It is inconceivable that you should best me. It took me _years _to hone these same abilities, which you seem to master so easily."_

"_Professor…"_

"_Silence!"_ _Gone was the amiable Dark Arts teacher his students adored. The friendly man, who went out of his way to make sure all his students progressed well and took the time to listen to their problems. In his place was a man teetering on the edge of self-control. His face was distorted into a mask of utter dislike. _

_Fear grabbed her. She stared at him in horror, unsure what his next action would be. A dangerous crazy glint crept into his eyes, and she began to tremble. She had a bad feeling about this, and the punishment for attacking a teacher was most severe. Nonetheless, she slowly raised her wand._

"Expelliarmus_," he screamed wildly, thrusting her backward with the force of his spell. _

_Truly frightened now, she raised her wand and retaliated. Beadle was thrown off his feet and crumbled into a pitiful heap. When he didn't move, she went to him, worried that she might have done him serious harm. However, as soon as she reached him, his arm shot out and grabbed her leg. She gave a startled scream, when he dragged her to the floor and wrestled her wand out of her hand. He straddled her, caught her hands in one of his and stretched them high above her head. With his other hand, he pointed his wand at her face._

"_It seems," he panted harshly, "you are not as clever as you think you are. _Never_, Miss Fenton, approach a fallen enemy, unless you know for certain that he is dead."_

_She struggled beneath him, trying to break free. "Let me go."_

"_Oh no, Miss Fenton," he growled. "You stay put. I finally have you where you can no longer cause me bodily harm."_

"Please _let me go," she pleaded helplessly._

_He stared down at her, obviously enjoying her distress. A nasty look of superiority fell over his face, and before she could guess his intent, he bent down and kissed her hard on the mouth._

"_Professor," she sobbed frightened. _

_Her distress, however, only seemed to provoke him more. _

"_Now," he told her callously, "you shall see what happens to those who dare slight me."_

_He tugged away his wand and moved his hand to her thigh. _

"_No," she cried and bucked, but his weight kept her firmly in place._

"_Oh, yes," he hissed and brutally yanked up her skirt. _

_Suddenly, he let go of her hands and grabbed her chin. His crazed eyes bored into her panicked ones._

"_Prepare to be taught a _very _important lesson, Miss Fenton."_

_Beadle kissed her again, crushing her lips painfully against her teeth. He bit her lower lip and smiled triumphantly when she gave a groan of pain. "Pace yourself, Miss Fenton," he murmured against her lips, "there is still more to come."_

_Completely immobilized by his bulk, she was forced to endure his weight as he cruelly pushed her thighs apart and moved between her legs. Beadle felt his way roughly to the junction between her legs and tore away the thin cotton of her underpants. He groped her viciously, before loosening his trousers to free himself. His lips sought hers, but she jerked her head away, and he slapped her once, hard. Without preamble, he held on to her shoulders as he buried his head against her neck and thrust brutally into her._

_Unprepared for his painful invasion, a shocked scream tore from her lips. His ragged breath was hot against her skin as he drove himself repeatedly into her.  
She desperately clawed at his body and face, begging him to stop, but Beadle was relentless. The metallic stench of blood filled her nostrils and she cried out again. He continued to push into her ruthlessly, intent on punishing her for humiliating him._

_Gritting her teeth, she closed her eyes to shut out the painful assault by the man she had admired only an hour ago. His betrayal intensified the pain of his physical attack on her innocence. The tears were streaming freely now, and she struggled valiantly to clear her mind, to lose herself in oblivion. Beadle, however, made sure that she wouldn't slip away. She had thought that there couldn't be any more pain, but he proved her wrong again. He moved faster now, tearing into her, heedless of any damage he caused. Finally, when the pain became too much for her to bear, only one thought remained in her mind. She wanted him to feel the pain as much as she did. Wanted him to feel what it meant to be torn apart, to be raw and bleeding. _

_He pushed into her with another vicious thrust and a single word tore from her lips in an anguished scream._

"_EXSANGUINARE!"_

_Above her, Beadle stilled, taken off guard. Surprise registered on his face. He frowned slightly, as he looked down at her, trying to figure out what had happened. _

_A shudder went through his body, and he lifted a hand for closer inspection. "What…?"_

_Suddenly, his surprise turned to shock. His face contorted painfully, and he pushed himself off her bruised and bleeding body and to his feet. Beadle was still aroused and her blood clung accusingly to his naked skin. He looked down at her with a mixture of pain and anger. _

"_What did you do to me?" he screamed at her._

_She lay on the floor like a broken doll, unable to rise. Her eyes met his._

"_I don't know," she sobbed. She was as shocked as he was._

_The skin on his face split open in a neat straight line. Blood began to ooze out and trickle down to his chin. Beadle let out a howl of pain. Another cut appeared on his face, and another. Frantic, he tore at his clothes, ripping his shirt off his body. More cuts appeared on his torso. On his arms. His manhood. He howled again. _

_Her eyes widened in horror, as his body was painfully shredded to pieces right in front of her. Blood flowed freely from his wounds now, and his tortured screams filled the classroom, echoing eerily from the cold gray walls. The last thing she remembered before merciful oblivion claimed her was Beadle collapsing with one last terrible shriek._

"Jane."

The voice was familiar, she thought as she fought her way through the darkness.

"_Jane._" The voice was more urgent now. "Come back to me."

Her eyes fluttered open and slowly focused on the worried face hovering above her. If possible, he looked even paler than usual. "Severus?"

Gradually, her vision cleared and she found herself on the wooden floor of the Shrieking Shack, cradled protectively in Severus' arms.

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

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_


	6. Windows of the Soul, PArt II

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Such a lonely little girl in a cold, cold world

_Jeanny,_ Falco

Ihr habt mich verurteilt Transl.: You have judged me

_Coming Home_, Falco

**Chapter Six – Windows of the Soul, Part II**

…**where the rest of Jane's past is revealed…**

Jane felt a cool hand on her forehead and she moistened her lips. Her mouth was dry and her throat hurt as though she'd been screaming. "What happened?"

"You fainted," Severus told her quietly. "Your memories overwhelmed you."

She struggled to sit up, and he helped her into one of the armchairs. As soon as he was sure she wouldn't faint again, he let go of her and straightened.

Severus muttered a few words and a bar of chocolate materialized out of thin air. "Here," he handed it to her, "eat this. It'll help."

Under his watchful gaze, Jane nibbled obediently on the chocolate. When she finally could eat no more, she put it aside. "You saw everything, didn't you?"

He didn't hesitate or tried to lie. "Yes."

"And?"

"It appears we have more in common than I thought."

She snorted. "The murderer and the murderess. Yes, we're a fine pair."

Awkward silence settled over them. Severus went over to the fireplace, rested one hand on the mantle and stared into the fire.

"Dumbledore never disclosed the details of Beadle's death to anyone," he finally said, still staring into the fire.

She nodded slowly. "He wouldn't have. He and the other members of the Wizengamot were sworn to secrecy."

"We all knew you were somehow involved, but since no _known_ magic could have caused Beadle's… injuries…"

"…everybody thought that I had sliced him up in a manic frenzy," she completed the sentence for him.

He slightly inclined his head. "Well, I won't deny that some may have thought that…"

"I bet." She snorted.

"Others, on the other hand, myself included, thought that the two of you were attacked and he died defending you. To this day, this is the most accepted version of what happened."

"Ah, yes. The _noble_ hero saves the damsel in distress. It never grows old."

"Why is that so inconceivable? He was an experienced Dark Arts teacher and you a student – by all counts still untried, still unlearned. It was a natural assumption. No one would have guessed that you had the ability to overpower an adult wizard and kill him with unknown magic. It was only _after_ you did not return to Hogwarts that we all realized there might be more to the story. Unfortunately, no real explanation was ever given. Needless to say, that fueled the rumors even more."

"No one knew I was banished?" Jane hadn't expected this. It certainly explained why her return to Hogwarts had been so smooth, her welcome so warm.

"We were all told that your parents had sent you to another school abroad, so you could get on with your life without the constant reminder of your terrible ordeal."

"I… see." She digested the information for a moment. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. "Then how…?"

"How did the Order know that you had stood trial and were banished?"

She nodded.

"I believe Dumbledore had been researching your case ever since Beadle's death. He became convinced that you played a pivotal role in the fight against the Dark Lord. He charged the Order with discovering your whereabouts. As I said, he never disclosed any details, but he did reveal that you, indeed, had been banished by the Ministry for committing an Unspeakable Act. Needless to say, we were stunned."

"I can assure you, it took _me_ by surprise, too."

"How did you do it?"

She shook her head, not wanting to remember. "I don't know."

"You don't remember?"

"No, I _really_ don't _know._ I was in such horrible pain and I wanted him to experience what I was going through. I wanted him to _bleed_ as I did."

Severus nodded distractedly. He had felt her pain. It had been quite terrible. "And so," he pondered out loud, "you visualized your pain, gave it shape and projected it onto him."

Jane shrugged. "If you say so. I wouldn't know. And I don't _wish_ to know! _Ever._"

Severus studied her thoughtfully. "What happened at the trial?" he asked her softly.

She shook her head. "No more."

"You acted in self-defense. Why were you banished?"

"Well, that should be obvious, shouldn't it?"

"Tell me," Severus insisted.

"No," she denied him stubbornly.

He sighed. "_Accio_ _wand_."

Her eyes grew round when she saw the determination in his eyes. "Wh-what?"

"_Legilimens!_"

Once more, he invaded her mind and she resigned herself to his assault. It was much easier to show him than having to go through the agony of voicing the words.

_She was sitting, chained to a chair, in front of the Wizangamot. The trial had been closed to nosy and bloodthirsty onlookers, but the dungeon-like surroundings and the sheer size of the Wizengamot council were intimidating enough. She would have felt better, had there been any familiar faces in the crowd. The only wizard she recognized was Professor Dumbledore, but he did not meet her gaze. She was all alone. Her parents had refused to come with her. They had told her what they thought of her. How she had shamed them and brought shame upon the ancient House of Fenton. No matter what the outcome of today's trial, she would be dead to them._

_She hadn't slept in days, the terror of being raped still fresh in her mind. But now she trembled in fear of what would happen to her. She was being tried for attacking a teacher, for _murder_. The wizard who served as defense counsel had assured her that her circumstances would warrant leniency, but she was still scared._

The scene shifted to a later part of the trial. A heated discussion was taking place among the Wizengamot council.

"_She attacked and killed another human being," one witch screeched outraged. "Her professor. She _must _go to Azkaban!"_

"_You know that is out of the question, Roberta," Dumbledore countered mildly. "She is underage. The law forbids underage wizards to be sent to Azkaban."_

_An elderly wizard at the end of the row opened his mouth to speak, but Dumbledore raised his hand, bidding him to be silent. _

"_Nor will we reinstate the death penalty, Albertus," he said. "I know how fond you are of that particular punishment, but we have fought long and hard to abolish it. One killing does not justify another. And let me point out _again…" _He looked meaningfully into the crowd. "…that Miss Fenton's actions were provoked under the most abhorrent circumstances. Let us not forget that she acted in self-defense. Professor Beadle's conduct towards her was most despicable." _

"_That is her side of the story," another witch spoke up. "What real _proof _do we have that everything occurred as she claims?"_

"_We have all had the opportunity to watch Miss Fenton's memories of the incident." Dumbledore remained to be the voice of reason. His gaze fell briefly on the miserable young girl who had so readily been thrown before the wolves. He noticed the hopeful way her eyes clung to him and sighed sadly. Her defense counsel had turned out to be utterly useless. _

"_We have also heard the testimony of Madam Pomfry," he continued, "who treated Miss Fenton following her attack."_

"_Memories can be altered, Albus," the wizard to his left threw in, "and people can be bribed. _The point is: _she created a Killing Curse on a whim and used it on another human being. It is _Unspeakable _as well as _Unforgivable. _This has never happened before. It cannot _ever _happen again. We cannot take the chance. Just consider. If she has such powers now, while she is still underage, imagine what havoc she will wreak when she's older. She is a danger to society. No, we cannot take the chance."_

"_We could banish her," a small voice piped in from the back. Several of the Wizengamot turned around to see who had spoken. _

_An old grizzled witch stood up. "We could banish her from the Wiarding world. Let her live among Muggles where she cannot use magic."_

"_She could still use it."_

"_Not if we place a Curbing Spell, which would strip her of her powers." She tapped a gnarled finger against her lips, lost in thought._

_The council members began to discuss the suggestion with hushed whispers. The accused watched them in confusion, not understanding what was happening._

The scene shifted again.

"_Clara Fenton, you have been found guilty of murder by using an Unforgivable Curse. You have used a most vile Killing Curse, hitherto unknown to the Wizarding world, to kill another human being, one Tristan Beadle, Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts_ _School_ _of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Given your testimony and that of other witnesses, we allow that you acted in self-defense. Nonetheless, it does not lessen the fact that you have committed an Unspeakable Act."_

_She looked at them, wide-eyed, her apprehension rising. She turned to the wizard who was supposed to be defending her, but he didn't meet her gaze._

"_It is, therefore, the Wizengamot's decision that you shall be banished from the Wizarding world for the duration of your natural life. Nor shall you be allowed any contact with anyone in our world. You will be forbidden to use any form of magic, and your life shall be immediately forfeit, should you violate this judgment."_

_The blood drained from her face, and had she not been chained to the chair in the center of the room, she would have collapsed. She looked pleadingly at the wizard standing beside her, but he only coughed and studied the fastenings on his satchel. Next, she looked at Dumbledore, who gazed at her empathetically. His wise eyes expressed pain and regret. She continued to look wildly from one face to the next, but only few seemed sympathetic to her plight. A sob escaped her lips._

The scene dissolved, and Jane found herself once more in the Shrieking Shack. Severus sat opposite her and watched her worriedly.

"Well, now you know," Jane said bleakly. She felt drained.

"Damn cowards!" He surprised her with his outburst, and she looked at him.

"Of all the weak-brained, faint-hearted…" he cursed again, shaking his head. Severus caught himself and fixed her eyes with his. "And no one spoke up on your behalf? Your parents? Your family?"

"Dumbledore was the only one who tried to help me."

"Yes," Severus said slowly. "Albus always had an unnatural affinity for lost causes." He scoffed. "_I_ should know."

Jane placed her hand on his. "You're not a lost cause, Severus. _I _have faith in you."

"Then you're as big a fool as Dumbledore was." He tried to sound cold, but his voice quavered slightly.

"Dumbledore was no fool," Jane assured him gently, "and neither am I."

Severus searched her eyes, desperately wanting to believe her. His expression betrayed nothing. He stared down at her, oddly touched by her blind faith in him. The way she innocently clung to the idea that he could be saved, that he was _worth_ saving, overwhelmed him. Her thumb began to trace lazy circles on his skin, and a muscle in his cheek began to twitch. His gaze dropped to her hand. It looked small against his, and, yet, its simple touch was powerful enough to arouse unfamiliar feelings within him, breaking through the years of self-imposed restraint. His fingers involuntarily curled around hers for the briefest of moments, before Severus came to his senses and pulled his hand away.

"You better go now," he told her suddenly. "It is late."

Jane nodded and stood up. She wrapped her cloak around her shoulders, but hovered for a moment.

"Um, Severus?"

He looked at her. "What is it?"

"Um, you're not going to tell anyone? About tonight, I mean. About what you saw."

"I will have to inform the Order of the reason for your banishment, should they ask. And we may have to explore your Killing Curse further. I have a feeling that this might be the reason Dumbledore wanted you back."

"But…"

He met her worried gaze and his expression softened. "I won't tell anyone about Beadle, Jane."

Jane heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Severus."

---

_Beadle was straddling her. He had caught her hands in one of his and stretched them high above her head. With his other hand, he pointed his wand at her face._

"_It seems," he panted harshly, "you are not as clever as you think you are. _Never_, Miss Fenton, approach a fallen enemy, unless you know for certain that he is dead."_

Jane tossed and turned in her bed. A sob escaped her lips.

"Expelliarmus!" _A familiar authoritative voice sounded across the room. _

_Beadle's wand was ripped from his hand and hit the floor. The next moment, she was suddenly free, when Beadle was lifted forcibly off her prone form. Severus had grabbed Beadle by the neck and was shaking him, a terrible expression on his face. Jane shivered. She had never seen him this furious. He looked as though he was going to tear the Dark Arts teacher apart with his bare hands. _

"_What do you think you are doing, Beadle?" he demanded in a dangerously low voice._

"_She… I…," Beadle began to stammer miserably._

"_Time's up," Severus barked. He cast Beadle aside with utter disgust. "You better start running, Beadle."_

_However, as soon as he found himself free of the Potions master's vice-like grip, Beadle stumbled away and called his wand. He aimed it at the man who'd added to his humiliation, but Severus was ready for him. A silent dance of death ensued, as the two men began to duel, casting spell after spell at each other. Jane propped herself up to watch. Severus was feigning and attacking lightning quick, like a snake. He struck and withdrew. He dodged and countered. Beadle was becoming increasingly flustered and started making mistakes. In the end, he stumbled through the classroom, making a desperate effort to escape Snape's attack. Severus flicked his wand once more, and Beadle was propelled against the wall. The Dark Arts teacher slid slowly to the floor and moved no more._

_A sob of relief left Jane's lips and caught Severus' attention. He rushed to her side and gathered her into his arms with such care and tenderness that it almost broke her heart. He cradled her to him as he had in the Shrieking Shack, as though she was precious to him. _

"_It's over now," he soothed her, pressing his lips gently to her temple. _

_Jane didn't look up. She lay sobbing in his arms, her face buried against his chest, unable to push the terror she had just experienced from her mind._

"_Shhh," he whispered. "I'm here."_

_His tender voice touched her heart, giving her the strength to meet his eyes. "Severus, I…"_

"_What a touching picture," a malicious voice behind them interrupted her. Beadle!_

"Avada Kedavra!" _Beadle cried triumphantly._

_Severus reached for his wand, but he reacted too slowly. Hit, he collapsed and remained crumbled on the floor, motionless. _

"_SEVERUS!"_

Jane jolted upright with his name on her lips. She was desperately gasping for air, and her heart raced as though it was going to explode. She stared unseeingly into the darkness, waiting for the terror of her nightmare to gradually recede. For the first time in many years, her old nightmare had returned. Only this time it had been much worse. This time, her own terror had been nothing compared to the one she'd experienced watching Severus die. The pain of losing him had been unbearable.

Suddenly a thought occurred to her, and her eyes widened as it hit her. Oh no! She couldn't be in love with him! Or _could_ she? Jane's sobs slowly subsided, as began to examine this possibility more closely. He was cold and intimidating, she began to count off on her fingers. But, she caught herself, he had been patient and gentle when he had massaged away her migraine. And had he not caught her in his arms when she fainted tonight? Held her close and comforted her? Sure, Jane had to admit, she wouldn't have fainted, if he hadn't made her relive the worst times of her life. She frowned. This wasn't going very well. She focused once more. Severus was dispassionate, disdainful, forever disapproving, simply _insufferable_. But, then again, he was a good teacher. He was knowledgeable and experienced. It was understandable that he set high standards. He knew she was capable of great things and challenged her. And he really wasn't dispassionate, she thought. Just because he didn't yell didn't mean he wasn't emotional. He definitely had a short fuse and quite a temper.

Jane cringed. She was making excuses for him. That could only mean one thing – she was in love with him! She groaned.

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

* * *

_


	7. The Time of the Season

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Tell it to me slowly (tell me what).

I really want to know. It's the time of

the season for loving.

_Time of the Season_, The Zombies

**Chapter Seven – The Time of the Season**

…**where Severus is in no mood for Christmas, but gets a present, anyway…**

Winter arrived with a vengeance, covering the entire land with a heavy blanket of pristine white snow. Hogwarts was preparing for the Yuletide season, and everyone, from the lowly house elves to the Headmistress, chipped in to make Hogwarts look especially warm and welcoming. Many students had opted to remain at school over the holidays, in the safety of the castle's wall.

Jane was sitting on the window sill in her bedchamber and stared out into the distance. She had pulled up a knee and propped up her elbow on it. An open letter dangled forgotten from her hand. So, she thought as she watched the snow flakes fall outside her window, the last piece of her past was finally wrapped up. The Ministry had eventually caved in and restored her inheritance back to her. Fenton Hall was hers. She wondered if it would look as she remembered it. She was curious whether her parents had removed any reminder of their murderess daughter. An overwhelming sense of loss came over her. So many wasted years. Such a waste of life.

In preparing her appeal to the Ministry regarding her inheritance, she had stumbled upon Dumbledore's letter to her. In it, Dumbledore had recounted what had happened to her family after her banishment. Her parents had begun proceedings to have her disinherited, when the press discovered their association with the Beadle killing. The _Daily Prophet _had printed article after article, exploring every possible rumor and scenario. The Fentons soon became outcasts in their circle and, to them, being cut by their peers was the worst that could have happened to them. They committed suicide not three weeks after Jane's banishment.

The letter fluttered to the floor, and Jane made no attempt to stop the tears that had begun to stream freely down her face.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

---

Jane was collecting her things and prepared to leave. She hesitated, gathering courage to tell him. She dreaded telling him, but it could not be helped.

"Well," she began hesitantly. "I guess I won't see you until after the holidays, Severus."

His head jerked up. "What?"

Jane quietly endured his explosion. She'd known he wouldn't take it well. He glared at her angrily.

"You cannot just take a break when you want to, Jane," he informed her succinctly. "We cannot disrupt your lessons. Not now, when you're making such progress. There isn't much time, before…"

"I have to go," Jane interrupted him. "The Ministry has finally restored my inheritance to me. I need to visit Fenton Hall to see if it needs any work done. It has stood empty for thirteen years. Please understand, Severus. I _must_ go."

He stared at her darkly. He was most displeased and vented his anger without restraint.

"Go then, if you…" he wrinkled his nose contemptuously, "…_must_. I thought your studies were important to you. Obviously, I was mistaken."

"Please don't be like that, Severus," Jane pleaded with him. "It's not like I _want_ to go."

He fixed her with his intense gaze until she squirmed. Something akin to pain and disappointment flashed briefly in his eyes.

"When will you be leaving?" he finally asked her.

"The day after tomorrow. I have to attend the Yule ball."

"And when will you be back?" He looked indifferent as always, but the slight quiver in his voice belied his forced calm.

"As soon as possible," Jane told him. "But I don't think I'll be back before New Year's."

"Very well, then." He looked away and stared into the fire. "Good night, Jane."

Jane moved to the door, but couldn't bring herself to leave. An idea had popped into her head, and she wondered whether she should voice it. She spent several minutes mulling it over. In the end, she took courage and spoke up.

"Severus…"

He whirled around, startled. Clearly, he had thought her long gone.

"Why are you still here?" he asked her coldly.

"I just thought…"

"That's always commendable." The look he gave her chilled her to the bone.

"Never mind, then." Jane snapped. "It was a silly idea to begin with."

"Come on, now," he mocked her. "Don't be bashful now."

"_Fine_. I just thought that you've been stuck in here for such a long time. You must be going out of your mind being unable to go outside."

"I manage to keep myself occupied," he told her tersely.

"I'm sure you do. But that can't compensate for…"

"_Get to the point."_ Snape stressed each word with forced patience.

"You could come with me…" Jane stopped herself, embarrassed.

There was a gleam in his eyes that she could not identify, but it worried her.

A furious flush suffused her face. "I only meant," she hurried to explain when he remained silent, "no one knows of our association. No one would expect you to be there."

"And, Jane?" He asked her quietly. "What then?"

His voice had taken on a low silky timbre that felt like a caress. His eyes held hers and her blush intensified. She recalled her dream and she almost blurted out _exactly_ what she wanted to do. What she wanted _him_ to do. With her. _To_ her.

"I just thought," she said instead, "that you might enjoy the opportunity to escape this…" She waved vaguely into the air. "…this _prison_. Fenton Hall has beautiful grounds and there is a lake…"

Jane hated how her voice quavered. She knew he hadn't missed it and could only imagine how he planned on using this show of weakness against her.

"Jane," he informed her scathingly, "if I wished for more pleasing scenery or a more temperate climate, I would have gone to the continent."

"Well, I thought you would be pleased," Jane snapped defensively. Tears threatened to well up. This wasn't going how she had envisioned it. "I just wanted to help…"

"I… appreciate… your gesture." Severus took pity on her. "Another time, under different circumstances…" He cleared his throat. "Don't concern yourself with me. I shall be very busy in the coming days…"

"Alright." Jane nodded, pretending to understand. "You could have said that from the start, instead of biting my head off."

"Good night, Jane," he dismissed her, turning his back on her.

---

Jane inspected herself in the mirror. The midnight blue dress she had bought at Madam Malkin's so many months ago clung to her most attractively. Tonks stood beside her, examining herself critically. The two women were getting ready for Hogwarts' annual Yule ball.

"Ooooh," Tonks whispered reverently, looking at her friend. "I like it. It's simply gorgeous. Old Nightshade's going to have a heart attack. Or apoplexy. Or _both_."

"It would serve him right," Jane said dryly. "He's a grown man and he keeps following me around like a lost puppy."

"But he's _very_ dignified," Tonks supplied eagerly.

It was a running joke between them that ever since Jane had helped Hogwarts' new Potions master maintain his dignity after a particularly nasty run-in with Peeves, he'd been pursuing her with staid persistence.

"I like your dress, too," Jane told her friend sincerely, pushing Professor Nightshade's somber visage from her mind.

"What? This old thing?" Tonks tugged at her own loud magenta dress.

"It's _you_," Jane assured her. "Remus won't be able to keep his hands off you," she added with a suggestive smile.

Tonks sighed dreamily. "Oh, I hope so. He's been so stuffy lately." She wrinkled her nose. "Doesn't want to do anything that _might corrupt impressionable young minds_. You wouldn't know it looking at him, but Remus was quite wild in his day."

"Well, _I_ say: make love, not war." Jane commented. "With all that's going on outside Hogwarts, a little show of affection can be quite reassuring that all's well with the world."

"Hm," Tonks pondered, quickly warming to the idea. "Maybe I _could_ convince Remus that being affectionate in public might actually be _beneficial_ to all those impressionable young minds..."

"Well, if anyone can do it, it's you. Are you ready?"

Tonks skipped towards her and hooked her arm into Jane's. "Let's go."

---

Remus greeted them as they stepped into the Great Hall. He took in their appearances with an appreciative glint in his eyes, and offered either woman one of his arms. By the buffet table, Basil Nightshade choked on the Christmas punch as he beheld Jane. Both women noticed, and Tonks winked at Jane, who merely groaned.

The Potions master hurried across the dance floor, narrowly colliding with several dancing couples.

"Professor Sinclair," he greeted her, bowing so deeply she feared his spinal cord might snap in half.

She inclined her head in acknowledgment. "Professor Nightshade."

"May I have the honor of this dance?" He offered her his arm and looked at Remus. "You don't mind, Professor Lupin, do you?"

Lupin had noticed Nightshade's adoration of Jane and watched it develop over the weeks. And Tonks had filled him in on the Potions master's most recent attempts to woo their friend. Nightshade was harmless, he had concluded early on, just a lonely man who had his age and old-fashioned upbringing working against him. Remus chanced a glance at Jane, who was annoyed at the prospect of having to leave her friends. Fortunately, she decided to be graceful and put on a brilliant smile. Nightshade's worn face and tired eyes lit up hopefully.

"My pleasure, Professor," she accepted and let him lead her to the dance floor.

During the course of the evening, she danced twice more with Basil Nightshade, who proved to be quite spry for his age. When he finally had to sit down and fan himself, Remus swooped in and rescued her.

"So, when will we hear wedding bells?" he asked her mischievously as he swept her across the dance floor.

Jane laughed. "Not any time soon, believe me."

Remus swirled her around and glanced at the Potions master. "You've been very kind to him."

"He's a nice man…" Jane shrugged. "…who doesn't seem to have much joy in his life."

The unbidden image of Severus, all alone, flashed through her mind. He, too, didn't have much joy in his life.

"He's old and lonely, and having a young beautiful woman pay attention to him… well, it is a rare pleasure."

They swirled around the other dancing couples. "You should know," Jane told Remus pertly, nodding towards Tonks. "You're practically robbing the cradle."

A shadow fell briefly over his face and his face reddened. "Yes, well, I…"

Jane pinched him playfully. "Oh, don't get all flustered now. Tonks told me all about her relentless pursuit of you. You didn't stand a chance. Besides, everybody who knows the two of you knows that you are made for each other."

Remus grinned. "Well, I didn't put up much of a fight. In the end, it was just easier to let her catch me."

"And you haven't regretted it since." Jane nodded knowingly.

"Not one minute."

After Remus, she danced with two seventh years, who tried to use the dance as a pretext to wheedle their end-of-term grades out of her. She sent them good-naturedly on their way, but her mirth was no longer genuine. Severus kept popping into her mind. She could just see him, hunched over his work table, concocting potion after potion, desperately trying to keep himself busy, so the loneliness wouldn't overwhelm him. It broke her heart.

---

Jane stood in front of the door to his den, gnawing on her lower lip, contemplating the wisdom of her actions. She new how nasty Severus could get if he was disturbed. Besides, he wasn't expecting her. But in the end, compassion won out over fear. She lifted her hand and knocked three times. She heard something drop inside, followed by silence.

She knocked again. "Severus?" she asked softly. "It's me, Jane."

She placed her ear against the weathered wood of the door and listened. Nothing.

"Severus?"

"Go away!" Snape snapped back at her.

"Please, let me in. I…won't stay long. I promise. I just wanted to say good-bye before I leave tomorrow."

"Say your piece and leave." His voice was hoarse and fierce.

"I'm not talking to the door! Severus, _please_ let me in."

Finally, she could hear him move. She stepped back, sporting a triumphant smile.

The door was suddenly yanked open, and the sight that presented her wiped her smile off her face. Severus peered at her through bloodshot eyes. His black hair was disheveled and his cheeks were hollow. He hadn't shaved and a faint stubble covered his jaw. He had discarded his robes, but still wore his usual attire of black trousers and severe black jacket over a pristine white shirt. Only now, the jacket was unbuttoned and the shirt hung partly open.

Jane didn't realize that she gaped at him open-mouthed until he told her so with a nasty sneer. The man in front of her was not the Severus she knew. Gone was her aloof and untouchable teacher. In his stead was a man of flesh and blood whose dark eyes sparkled dangerously, warning her that he was a man not to be reckoned with. Jane realized that her decision to come had been very foolish. She didn't know this Severus, didn't know how to handle him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her drunkenly.

"I…," she began, not knowing how to continue. Underneath her cloak, Jane hugged herself, disconcerted by his hooded stare. Her fingers bumped against the small box tugged away in her pocket. She perked up. "Well, it's Christmas, and I…I got you a present. I forgot to give it to you yesterday."

She pulled out the colorfully wrapped box and held it out for him to see. She looked at him eagerly, but his expression took her by surprise. Jane didn't know what she had expected, but it certainly wasn't this. Pain and disbelief chased each other in rapid succession as he looked down at the small gift in her hand. It suddenly occurred to her that this might be the very first real present he'd ever received. A present that had no strings attached, that didn't ask for anything in return.

"Severus?" she asked softly.

Her voice shook him out of his reverie. He blinked once and a veil of indifference fell over his face. Stony-faced, he stepped aside and flung the door open, ushering her inside. The door slammed shut behind her, and Jane swirled around, only to find herself face-to-face with Severus. He leaned back against the door, piercing her with his intense stare.

"What's the real reason you're here?" he finally asked her.

She looked down at the present in her hand. "I wanted to wish you a Happy Christmas. I was at the ball and kept thinking of you being here all by yourself…"

"Ah," he said knowingly and lifted a finger as though he was emphasizing a particularly important point during one of his lectures. "You were feeling sorry for me!"

"No!" She shook her head. "I _wanted_ to come. To see _you_. To keep you company."

He flung out his arms, forcing her to take a good look at him. "Well, now you've seen me," he snapped viciously. "You can be on your way now."

For a moment, Jane considered being as cruel to him as he'd been to her, but she recognized his desperate attempt to protect himself, and she refused to let him provoke her. Her gaze softened as she saw the naked despair in his eyes. She took in his untidy appearance and glanced towards the fireplace. Sure enough, on the floor lay an empty bottle of Ogden's. Jane moved to the fire to warm herself. She shrugged out of her cloak and held her hands against the flames. She felt his eyes on her, drinking in her appearance. His unabashed admiration gave her courage.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked him softly. "Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"You're the one who's leaving!"

His outburst caught her off guard. It must have shocked him, too, she thought, because he looked absolutely mortified at his admission. He hung his head, unable to meet her eyes.

"But I told you, I'd be back as soon as I could, Severus."

"What do you care?" he asked hoarsely. "Why _did_ you come?"

"I was concerned about you."

"I'm touched."

Jane wrung her hands, muttering an oath under her breath. He was a most obstinate man.

"Severus, I realize that for most of your life you've never relied on anyone but yourself. But I thought we've become... friends."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Friends?"

She nodded emphatically. "Yes. Friends. And friends help each other when they're in trouble or when they're in pain. I wish I could take away _your_ pain. I'd do anything…"

Severus didn't hide his surprise. "_Anything?_"

Jane gulped. She hadn't fully thought this through, yet. But if she wanted to prove her support, she'd have to stick with it.

"Yes." She nodded. "_Anything_."

"Well, well," he mused, his voice strong again. "Isn't that a surprise? You never struck me as the adventurous type."

"I'm full of surprises," Jane told him pertly.

Severus finally pushed himself off the door and sauntered towards her. He leaned against the fireplace mantle and brought his face close to hers. "So I see."

"Yeees, weeell…" Jane didn't like the turn their conversation had taken. Nor did she like the change in him. He was no longer a desperate lonely man, but a dangerous predator.

He leaned closer and she stepped back. He kept advancing on her until her back hit the wall. Severus brought up his arms and planted his hands against it on either side of her shoulders, imprisoning her. His gaze dropped, taking in her velvet-clad figure.

"Well, now, what have we here?" he breathed. Jane's widened when she saw unconcealed lust flare up in his eyes.

"You'd do _anything_?" he queried her again.

She swallowed. "If it's within my power, yes."

"Would you kiss me?"

Jane swallowed and nervously licked her lips. She'd never been a forward woman. Growing up, she had been trained to be passive and to never take the initiative. Seeing hope in his tormented eyes, she made up her mind.

"Yes," she said simply, squarely meeting his gaze.

"Now?"

Severus stared into Jane's wide eyes. He didn't really expect her to go through with it – well, he admitted to himself, he _hoped_ she would. Still, she caught him by surprise when her hands cupped his face, drawing him closer. She looked deep into his eyes, telling him that she was alright with this, and lightly kissed him on the mouth. Her gentleness was almost too much for him to bear. A strangled sob escaped his lips and they pulled apart. Severus searched her eyes, unbelieving. Jane recognized the years of loneliness and sorrow mirrored in his eyes and her heart went out to him. She rose on tiptoes and kissed him again. Her lips were less gentle now in an attempt to drive away at least some of his torment. Disarmed by her tenderness, he clasped her to him with the desperation of a drowning man and lost himself in her kiss.

When they finally separated, his hands moved to her shoulders and he leaned his forehead against hers.

"What am I to do with you?"

"Let me stay," Jane said simply. She'd made her decision. "Let me keep you company. I will gladly do it."

Severus jerked away. "No," he hissed. "I will not have your pity."

"It won't be pity," she assured him as she reached for his face and traced the line of his jaw.

For a moment he leaned into her touch, reveling in her caress, but then he snatched her hand away. "_Enough_," he ground out. "No more."

He was still holding her with a vice-like grasp, but she did not pull away. He stared into her wide honest eyes, and his anger gradually subsided.

"Come," he sighed. "You must return." His lips pulled into a grim line. "They'll wonder where you've gone."

"You won't let me stay?" A lone tear rolled down her cheek.

He released her hand and gently wiped the tear away with his thumb. "No, you _must_ go."

Their eyes locked. "One last kiss, so I may remember you."

That odd request caught her off guard. "Of course, Severus, but…"

He cut her off with a slow tender kiss. His tongue traced her lips and explored her mouth with such purpose as though he was memorizing the taste and feel of her. When he finally let her go, Jane sighed and picked up the present she had dropped during their kiss. She walked over to the workbench and placed the box on it.

"Happy Christmas, Severus," she said softly, throwing him one last glance, before she picked up her cloak and left.

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

* * *

_


	8. Dungeons of Black Despair

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

I ran a long, long way from home

To find a heart that's made of stone

I will try; I just need a little time

To get your face right out of my mind

To see the world through different eyes

_Fading Like A Flower (Every Time You Leave)_, Roxette

**Chapter Eight – Dungeons of Black Despair**

…**where Severus does something unexpected and makes Jane cry…**

Jane was walking briskly across the Hogwarts grounds. As she made her way along the snow-covered path, she reflected how happy she was to be back. To be _home_. She may have grown up in Fenton Hall, but the visit to her ancestral home had made her realize just how little her old way of life mattered to her now. She was a different person now. She had a new life.

Fenton Hall, as it had been, was no longer her home. Her visit had been a difficult one, and the ancient house had not welcomed her. As soon as she'd stepped across the threshold she had felt the demons of the past descend upon her with a vengeance. It hadn't been pleasant, walking through the empty house, exorcising the memories from room after room. Jane sighed. It would take some time and money to redecorate the house and make it hers in every sense of the word. The house elves at Fenton Hall had been very accommodating and would have been more than happy to do everything for her, but she wanted to oversee all the improvements herself. It was the only way Jane could think of that would give her closure.

The wind picked up. Jane turned her face into the frigid breeze, letting it clear the cobwebs from her mind. Her time away had also put other issues into perspective. Jane had spent a lot of time thinking about Severus and her relationship with him. Christmas had been an eye opener for her in more than one way. He had finally let down his guard – if only briefly – and allowed her a glimpse of the man within. Underneath his untouchable forbidding demeanor, Severus was desperate and lonely. Maybe that was why she felt so drawn to him. Like her, he had hidden all his passions and desires behind a mask of indifference. Like her, he had been alone for too long. Like her, he was starved for human contact. They were kindred spirits.

A swooshing sound interrupted her ponderings. Jane looked up to find herself in front of the Whomping Willow. A small smile stole across her lips. Trust her subconscious to look out for her. If she was honest with herself, she had missed the bad-tempered man more than she cared to admit. There was a definite skip to her step as she hurried on – only to find that the Shrieking Shack was empty. Jane frowned as she went from room to room calling Severus' name. He wasn't there. Yet, everything was in its place, nothing was disturbed. None of his papers were out of order, none of his clothes were gone. Only Severus was missing. Something was terribly wrong. Unbidden images of Severus in pain flooded her mind. Her throat constricted and a sob escaped her lips. The room around her began to spin, and she stumbled to a nearby chair.

---

Jane barged into McGonagall's office, startling the Headmistress, who sat writing at her desk. Minerva jumped slightly, but her surprised expression quickly changed to one of utter annoyance.

"Miss Sinclair," McGonagall inquired primly. "What is the meaning…?"

Jane stopped mid-step, blinking. She couldn't remember how she got back to the castle. "He's gone!" she finally blurted out, unable to contain herself.

"Who, Miss Sinclair?" The Headmistress still sounded prim.

"Severus!" Jane exclaimed. "He's gone!"

"Oh dear, oh dear." McGonagall suddenly became flustered and averted her gaze. She began to fiddle with her quill. "I had hoped to talk to you before you found out…"

Jane's eyes widened in confusion. "Where is he? What happened?"

"Well, erm," McGonagall hedged. "Severus is in Azkaban."

Feeling dizzy, Jane groped for support and slumped against a bookshelf. All color had drained from her face. "What? How? When? _Why?_"

"He, erm, gave himself up shortly after you left."

"What?"

"Yes," McGonagall continued slowly. "The Wizengamot tried him immediately and sentenced him to a life sentence in Azkaban." She stopped, taking in Jane's expression. Worry crept into her eyes. "Miss Sinclair," she asked sharply, "are you alright?"

Jane stood on shaky legs, still holding on to the shelves for support. "I…uh," she stammered. "Well, I don't… I have to…"

Unable to continue, she fled the Headmistress' office. She didn't know where she was going, but she simply kept on running. She would apologize to McGonagall later. _Severus is in Azkaban. _McGonagall's words kept haunting her. _He gave himself up._ Jane groaned. Why would he do that? _Severus is in Azkaban. He gave himself up. Gave himself up. He's in Azkaban. Azkaban…_

Jane bumped into a solid figure and strong arms came around her, steadying her. She looked up to find gentle eyes staring kindly down at her. Remus! She threw her arms around his neck and buried her face against his shoulder.

"Jane!" Remus sounded both worried and stunned. "What's wrong? What happened?"

She continued to sob into his robe, unable to voice a coherent string of words.

"Come." He finally took pity on her. "Let's go to my office."

She let him lead her away. Jane trusted Remus. Over the months he had proved himself to be a good friend. He was always ready to discuss with her anything from the weather to the most complex philosophical quandaries. They could talk for hours on end, and over time, he slowly opened up about his past and the stigma that followed him wherever he went. Sometimes, when they had nothing to talk about, they would just sit in comfortable silence, happy to know that there was someone else in the world who understood.

She could have loved this gentle man, hadn't he been so hopelessly devoted to Tonks and blind to any other woman. His eyes only truly lit up when they beheld the pink-haired witch, and his pulse only quickened at her touch. Jane could never have been so selfish as to destroy their happiness. She knew how precious it was. Instead, she watched them hungrily whenever they were together, yearning for someone to love her just as faithfully. Someone to make her feel wanted and protected. Someone who told her that she mattered. Someone like Severus. Yes, she could have loved Remus, hadn't she been utterly and desperately in love with Severus. But Severus was gone now, doomed to spend the rest of his life living a nightmare.

In his office, Remus pushed her gently onto a chair and lowered himself onto the edge of his desk. He watched her for a moment as she valiantly struggled for control.

"Severus is in Azkaban," Jane told him dully. Remus nodded knowingly. "Why? Why did he do it? What happened?"

He stared down at her, unsure how to console his friend. He had guessed that there was more to her relationship with Severus than a simple student-teacher bond, but he'd never pressed her for details.

"I don't know," he finally offered gently and handed her his handkerchief.

She clutched it to her nose and met his sympathetic gaze. Now, as always, he was kind and patient with her, never pressuring her to reveal what was truly troubling her. She sighed.

"I think I love him," she told Remus, knowing he would not betray her trust.

"I thought it might be something like that."

"It was all I could think about while I was away. I was going to tell him today. Only… he was gone." Jane began to cry again.

"Jane," Remus began earnestly. "You must be strong now."

"When did he do it?"

"Four days after Christmas."

"He… he didn't say anything, gave no indication…"

"Don't blame yourself…"

Jane ignored him. "He was so angry when I told him I would be leaving for Fenton Hall…" She groaned.

"It's not your fault, Jane."

She sniffled delicately. "Remus," she asked hesitantly, "do you think… um, that they will let me see him?"

He considered her question for a moment. "It will be difficult," he finally said. "For one, the Ministry will not like it one bit – him having killed Dumbledore and you… well, you know…"

"…having killed someone myself…"

"Was _that_ the reason for your banishment?" Remus tried unsuccessfully to hide his curiosity, taking Jane by surprise.

She looked at him tearfully. "S-Severus didn't tell you?"

Remus shook his head. Jane licked her lips nervously. "Did you ever hear of Tristan Beadle?"

His eyes widened in shock. "That was _you?_"

Jane sighed and quickly relayed the most pertinent points of that particularly distasteful time of her life.

"Severus promised not to tell, unless – well, unless it was absolutely necessary," she finally finished.

Speechless, Remus stared at her open-mouthed, working hard to digest everything he'd just heard.

"Well," Jane continued, "anyway, what do I need to do to see Severus?"

Remus cocked his head to one side, thinking it over. "I guess," he said, "we could have a member of the Order, possibly an Auror, escort you to Azkaban. This would give it the guise of an official visit."

Jane nodded. "How soon can you make it happen?"

---

Azkaban was even darker and more depressing than Jane could have imagined. Indeed, it was the most forbidding and frightening place she had ever seen. As she was being led down to the dungeons, she tried hard to block out the dripping wet stone walls that lined the gloomy corridors. What she couldn't ignore were the heart-wrenching cries of desperate men and women locked away in dreary dark cells. The thought of Severus having to spend the rest of his life under such miserable conditions broke her heart.

The prison guard escorting her stopped in front of a cell and banged noisily against the door.

"Snape!" The guard's bark startled Jane. "Visitor."

He turned to her and thrust a finger in her face. "Ten minutes," he warned her. "No more."

With that, he left Jane and took his position at the end of the corridor, barely out of earshot. A fat rat scurried over Jane's foot. Shuddering, she wrapped her cloak tighter around her shoulders and peered into the dimly lit cell. She could barely make out the dark silhouette of a man sitting on a cot in the corner. Jane stepped closer until she reached the door.

"Severus," she called softly inside.

The shape did not move. "Go away, Jane," he told her hoarsely. "You don't belong here."

Jane ignored him. "When I returned to Hogwarts, I had so much to tell you, but _you weren't there_. I was so worried…."

Severus turned his head towards her, but she still couldn't make out his face. He remained silent.

"Severus, please talk to me," Jane pleaded. "Why did you do it? Why did you give yourself up?"

He finally moved. Jane watched him get up slowly from the cot and stiffly approach her. The thought of him hurt was almost too much to bear. When the flickering torchlight from the corridor hit his face, an involuntary gasp of horror escaped her lips. Severus looked nothing like the man she knew. He was no longer immaculately dressed. The striped prison uniform her wore was filthy and torn. His hair was matted and stringy, and his face… Jane swallowed. Severus' face was haggard. Smudges of dirt enhanced his hollow cheeks and made his aquiline nose more prominent. Worst of all, however, were his lifeless eyes. Her expression softened and her heart went out to him. She reached into the cell offering him her hand – a bridge to sanity.

Severus stared down at her hand, then at her. His expression was blank, betraying nothing. When he made no attempt to accept what Jane was offering, she quickly withdrew her hand, too embarrassed to be hurt.

"Why did you have to do it?" she asked him again.

"I had my reasons," he told her coldly. A muscle in his cheek began to twitch impatiently.

"What reasons could you have had?" Jane retorted sharply. "You were safe! The Order was looking for ways to exonerate you. It was only a matter of time…"

"_I had my reasons_," he reiterated tersely. "The Wizengamot readily accepted my answer. Why can't you?"

Taken aback, Jane stared at him wide-eyed. She truly did not recognize the man standing before her. Severus had always been cold and indifferent, but never like this. "What are you saying, Severus?"

"I owe you no explanation, Jane," he told her quietly. "In fact, I owe you nothing."

"Severus, no," she whispered, shocked. "We kissed… I thought…"

"You thought _what_?" Severus asked her sardonically. "That there would be a _happily ever after_? Or that I am so scared of my feelings for you that, rather than face them, I would prefer to spend the rest of my life here in Azkaban?" His lips curled into a cruel sneer. "Don't flatter yourself."

His callous words were like a slap in the face. Jane's eyes began to burn with unshed tears. His rejection hurt more than she thought possible, more than she wanted him to see. Her chin came up. Severus Snape wasn't the only one who could hide behind a mask of indifference.

"Well," she said, squarely meeting his contemptuous gaze. "I hope you _rot _in here."

"I assure you, _Miss Sinclair, _the chances of that happening are most excellent."

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

* * *

_


	9. Dreams

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Down once more

to the dungeon

of my black despair!

Down we plunge

to the prison

of my mind!

_Down Once More…/Track Down This Murderer…_ (Act Two, Scene 8)

from the musical _The Phantom of the Opera_ by Andrew Lloyd Webber

**Chapter Nine – Dreams**

**...where Jane and Severus have some disconcerting dreams…**

--- Severus ---

_Severus and Draco Malfoy were standing before the Dark Lord. The boy was trembling fearfully, as Voldemort studied them silently for an unbearably long time._

"_So, Dumbledore's dead," he finally addressed them._

_Severus inclined his head. "Yes, my lord." _

"_And, yet, Harry Potter is still alive."_

"_My lord, you asked that the boy not be touched…"_

"_I did, yes." Lord Voldemort nodded impatiently. "I _must _know that prophesy… But never mind now. You!" He pointed at Draco. "You have failed in your mission."_

_The boy's eyes widened in horror, as the meaning of the Dark Lord's words struck him. Without warning, Voldemort pointed his wand at Draco who instantly fell to the ground, dead. Severus' mouth twitched slightly, his composure slipping momentarily._

In his cell, deep in the bowels of Azkaban, Severus tossed and turned fitfully on his hard narrow cot, unable to escape the images that tormented his mind.

"_Severus," his master said, stepping over the dead boy without sparing him a second glance, "have you been able to discover Dumbledore's secret weapon?"_

_Severus shook his head. "Unfortunately, no, my lord. In fact, I believe there is no such weapon. I know, however, that Dumbledore was looking for a person."_

"_Not a weapon, but a person? Not Harry Potter?" Voldemort sounded both surprised and intrigued._

"_Not Harry Potter," Severus confirmed. _

_Voldemort stroked his chin, deep in thought. "What about the Order? Do those bumbling idiots know anything?"_

"_They were charged with looking for a woman. A Jane Sinclair. I, myself, have never heard of her."_

_The Dark Lord closed his eyes for a moment, thinking back. "Neither have I," he eventually admitted. "But if Dumbledore had the entire Order looking for this woman, she must be important… Severus, you must bring her to me as soon as she is found. You _must _bring me Jane Sinclair!"_

Still fast asleep, Severus flopped onto his side, cursing under his breath.

--- Jane ---

_Jane was looking for Severus. She stood in front of a forbidding ancient manor house in the middle of nowhere. The nearest village was miles away, and apart from several baleful ravens cawing from the rooftop, she could make out no other sign of life. She skimmed through the note he had sent her, asking her to meet him. Yes, this definitely was the place. Unsure what to do, Jane peeked through a window, but couldn't make out anything inside. She straightened her shoulders and raised her hand to the brass doorknocker. However, before she could rap it against the weathered wood, the door swung open with an eerie creak. She peered into the uninviting dark entry hall._

"_Severus?" _

"_In here," a muffled voice invited her inside._

_She took a hesitant step across the threshold and frowned as she took in the depressing interior. Like Fenton Hall, this place had a positively uninhabited ambience. The house was sparsely furnished and a thick layer of dust rested on the few tables and armoires that weren't covered with sheets. No knickknacks or personal touches of any kind softened the Spartan décor._

"_Severus?" she asked again, when the door slammed shut behind her._

"_Upstairs…" The same muffled voice sounded from the upper landing. _

_An uneasy feeling came over her. Jane could feel her insides twist into a knot. Her initial thought that Severus might have invited her for a secret tryst was rapidly dissipating. She placed her hand onto the hand-carved wooden banister and took the first step. As she slowly ascended the staircase, a movement in one of the portraits lining the mahogany wainscoting caught her attention. She blinked twice, not trusting her eyes, yet the image remained. Jane could see Chris Isaak following her from painting to painting, all the while singing to her:_

What a wicked game you play

To make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do

To let me dream of you

What a wicked thing to say

You never felt this way

What a wicked thing to do

To make me dream of you…

Jane awoke, the whiny song still ringing in her ears, and groaned. It had been two months now since she'd visited Severus in Azkaban, and he still haunted her dreams. Each time the dreams had been different, though. At times, he would apologize for the way he had hurt her in Azkaban. Then there were nights, when she dreamt of him rejecting her in every conceivable humiliating way. Frequently, she also dreamt of their encounter on Christmas Eve, and the memory of the kisses they'd shared always left her wanting for more.

She pounded her pillow into shape and tucked it under her head. Try as she might, she was unable to expel him from her mind. Jane gave a frustrated sigh. She didn't want to go back to sleep, afraid of what would await her there. _He_ would be there, no doubt. Waiting for her. Teasing her, taunting her. Damn him.

Gradually, her breathing slowed and her eyes fluttered shut once more.

_A tall sinister-looking man surveyed her unabashedly. He was clothed in flowing black robes, and an evil red glint sparkled in his dark eyes. He exuded power and an aura of malevolence surrounded him like the garments he was wearing._

"_This is her?" His question was directed to someone standing behind her. He did not sound very impressed._

_Jane turned around. Severus stood a few steps away from her, looking as dispassionate and untouchable as ever. He nodded curtly._

"_Yes, my lord."_

My lord_, she wondered. The _Dark Lord_? What the hell was going on? "Severus?" _

_He did not meet her eyes._

"This_," the evil-looking man asked again, "is Dumbledore's secret weapon? _Her_?"_

_Severus nodded again. _

"_How…" the man deliberated for a moment, "…interesting."_

_She swirled around to face him. "Who are you?"_

_Her question obviously amused him. He indicated a bow and introduced himself. "I, my dear, am Lord Voldemort."_

Deeply asleep in her bed at Hogwarts, Jane whimpered, unable to escape her nightmare. A few hundred miles away, another dreamer joined her.

--- Severus ---

"_This is her?" The Dark Lord sounded somewhat disappointed._

_Jane was standing between the two of them. Voldemort looked over her shoulder straight at Severus, who stood a few steps away from her. She turned around, and her eyes widened in recognition. He nodded curtly at the Dark Lord, ignoring her inquiring gaze._

"_Yes, my lord."_

_Confusion registered on her face. "Severus?" _

_He did not acknowledge her. It was imperative that he ignored her. Voldemort could never know of their… liaison. However, it was more difficult to ignore her than he'd imagined. Her mere presence was extremely distracting, and he had to muster all of his self-control to cloud his mind against Voldemort's inquisitive stare._

"This_," the Dark Lord inquired once more, "is Dumbledore's secret weapon? _Her_?"_

_Severus nodded again. _

"_How…" Voldemort deliberated for a moment, "…interesting."_

_Jane swirled around to face the Dark Lord. "Who are you?"_

_Her question obviously amused him. He indicated a bow and introduced himself. "I, my dear, am Lord Voldemort."_

_For a moment, Severus thought she would faint. He watched her eyes grow wide and the blood drain from her face. She took an involuntary step towards Severus. He wanted desperately to reach out and pull her behind him, to shield her against all evil – personified, in this case, by the Dark Lord. He knew Voldemort had plans for her, although he didn't know what they entailed. From previous experience, though, he knew they would be very unpleasant. He feverishly thought of a way out._

_A sound caught his attention, distracting him._

What a wicked game you play

To make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do

To let me dream of you

What a wicked thing to say

You never felt this way

What a wicked thing to do

To make me dream of you…

_Severus couldn't make out the origin of the annoying song. He could have sworn, though, that it came from one of the paintings in the hallway. The whiny voice drilled painfully into his brain until he thought he could bear it no longer._

Hundreds of miles apart, the two dreamers tossed uneasily in their sleep, and the dream sequence shifted.

--- Jane and Severus ---

_Voldemort stood over Jane, his wand pointing at her face. She was lying at his feet, unarmed. The Dark Lord was gloating._

"_I admire your determination, Miss Sinclair…" He grinned maliciously. "…and your fearlessness. Not many have dared to face me as you did. Unfortunately for you, none survived…"_

_Jane met his gaze mutinously._

"_Such spirit." He chuckled. "Are you sure you don't want to join me and my Death Eaters?"_

"_Quite sure," she answered dryly. _

"_Pity."_ _He shrugged indifferently. "Ah well…"_

_He lazily pointed his wand at her. _

"NO!" _Severus rushed towards them, stepping between Jane and the Dark Lord, shielding her with his body. _

"_Severus," Voldemort greeted him calmly. _

"_Let her go. You no longer need her. I know why Dumbledore chose her. I know her secret. It is _me _you want."_

_The Dark Lord's lips pulled into an amused smile. "There are much worthier causes to die for, Severus. But, honestly – a _woman_?"_

_Severus merely shrugged. "We cannot choose our destiny."_

"_Destiny…" Voldemort slowly shook his head, something akin to regret in his face. "You have served me well, Severus, even if you _did _play both sides. I never would have thought that, in the end, you would be brought down by a woman… You always were too smooth, too composed. You never let your emotions determine your actions… Ah well, no matter now."_

_He quickly waved his wand at Severus, who was unable to counter the spell. He fell to the ground and moved no more._

"_SEVERUS!"_

Jane jolted upright, his name on her lips. She could still feel Voldemort's malevolent eyes raking over her, seizing her up, trying to glean her most hidden thoughts, her darkest secrets. A shudder went through her and her stomach revolted. She stumbled out of bed and made a mad dash for the bathroom, where she collapsed over the toilet.

Long after the retching had ceased and her breathing returned to normal, Jane remained slumped on the cold floor tiles, her forehead resting against the cool marble wall. She did not go back to sleep that night.

---

Miles away in Azkaban, Severus' eyes flew open, her anguished cry still ringing in his ears. A nightmare, he told himself, ignoring his pounding heart. Just a nightmare. Nothing more. And yet…

He rolled onto his back and stared blindly at the ceiling. He had dreamt of Jane every night since that fateful Christmas Eve. Her kisses had been a revelation to him, and he'd called himself every kind of fool for sending her away when he did. His newly found sense of chivalry had prevented him from taking what she had offered him freely. He had wished to confide in her, to make her understand. Severus wiped a hand over his tired face. He had never expected her to visit him in Azkaban. He recalled the pain in her eyes when he'd cruelly rejected her. He knew the pain had been his doing, his alone. He also knew that he'd had no choice.

In the bleak darkness surrounding him, the thought of Jane's sweet face was like a beacon of hope. The memories of holding her in his arms – the taste and feel of her – would keep him sane in the years to come, would make this nightmare bearable. As long as he was locked away, she was safe. The thought was comforting. It was a small price to pay.

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

* * *

_


	10. Freedom's Just Another Word

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Every time I see you, oh, I try to hide away

But when we meet it seems I can't let go

_Fading Like A Flower (Every Time You Leave)_, Roxette

**Chapter Ten – Freedom's Just Another Word**

…**where things don't go too well for Severus…**

"Why so glum, Snape?" The guard escorting him from his cell was unusually cheerful. "Most people would be happy to be released from Azkaban. Yet you look like you're walking to your death…"

Severus remained silent. The jovial man walking beside him did nothing to soothe his nerves. He scowled darkly as he pondered the circumstances that had led to his release. The guard had been unable to give him any details when he arrived fifteen minutes earlier to escort him to the warden. Severus gritted his teeth. He had planned for every eventuality. He had disposed of Dumbledore's memory of their encounter, where the old Headmaster asked him to put him out of his misery when the time came. He had modified his own thoughts, so there could be no doubt whatsoever about his guilt. The evidence against him had been too condemning. It had been _irrefutable._ It was impossible that he should be acquitted. Ever. Something had gone wrong. He must have overlooked something. But what?

He was still contemplating where he might have slipped up, when they reached the prison warden's office. The guard ushered him inside and took his position by the door. The warden, a middle-aged rotund man, hurried towards Severus, an ingratiating smile gracing his puffy red face. He shook Severus' hand with exaggerated heartiness.

"Snape, my good man," he greeted him. "What an extraordinary turn of events, don't you think?"

Severus scowled down at the annoying man. "I wouldn't know," he drawled coldly.

The warden's eyes grew round. "B-but… don't you know…?" He stared accusingly at the guard by the door. "Didn't you tell him he was being released?"

"'course I did," the man answered defensively. "Told him exactly what you told me to tell him."

"But then… I don't understand. Snape, you are _free to go_."

"Why?" Severus' voice was deceptively soft.

"Why?" The older man repeated, taken aback. Severus Snape was a tough nut to crack. All his other inmates would have been overjoyed at leaving this godforsaken place.

"Yes, why?"

"Well, I, erm… I'm not privy to the details," the warden finally admitted. "All I know is that you were granted a full pardon by the Ministry of Magic."

He rummaged through his cluttered desk until he found what he was looking for. He grabbed hold of a piece of parchment, brandishing it triumphantly above his head. Severus snatched the paper from him and scanned it quickly. When he was done, he crumpled the letter in his fist, cursing under his breath. Damnation! He was free.

---

_Convicted Murderer Acquitted!_

The headline of this morning's _Daily Prophet_ screamed at Jane as she unfolded the newspaper. Severus, scowling darkly at the camera, was depicted just below it. Jane choked on her toast, and Remus had to thump her several times on the back until her windpipe cleared. Still gasping for air, she wiped the tears from her eyes and thrust the newspaper at her friend.

"Remus," she cried, "have you seen this?"

He quickly scanned the article and handed the paper back to her. "So that's what all the whispering is about," he mused, nodding towards the four house tables, where students sat huddled together, deeply engrossed in hushed conversation.

Jane followed his gaze and realized that several students had noticed her outburst and were now throwing her furtive glances. She stared at the headline once more, and when the implication hit her, she grew rather pale.

"This can't be right," she whispered, leaning close to Remus. "_We_ know he did it. He confessed. The evidence against him was overwhelming. Why was he acquitted?"

Remus looked at her, surprised. "You don't want him to be free?"

Jane sighed. Regardless of her feelings for Severus and his cruel behavior towards her, she didn't want him to suffer in Azkaban. "Of course, I want him to be free, Remus, but I don't understand it. It doesn't make any sense. I…" She quickly got to her feet. "I… need to read this… in private."

He nodded silently and watched her as she hurried out of the Great Hall, oblivious to the curious stares she drew. After giving it some thought, he had to agree with her. Something didn't add up.

---

Jane stormed into her quarters and threw the _Daily Prophet_ onto the bed. She began to pace back and forth, throwing occasional glances at the newspaper lying innocently on the covers. More than anything did she long to read about Severus, but she was afraid of what she might find. Jane gnawed on her lower lip, as she always did when she had to make a difficult decision. When she finally couldn't stand it any longer, she gingerly sat on the edge of her bed and reached for the newspaper. She unfolded the _Daily Prophet_ with trembling fingers and began to read the article.

_In a surprising turn of evens, the Ministry of Magic has acquitted the convicted murderer, Severus Snape, former Potions master at Hogwarts_ _School_ _of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Loyal readers will recall that only a few short months ago, Snape surrendered his person to the Ministry, after a warrant had been issued in his name for the murder of Albus Dumbledore, former Headmaster at Hogwarts. _

_Material witness to the case was none other than The-Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, who was present when the foul deed was committed. However, new evidence has surfaced recently, which has shaken the Ministry not little. A source from inside the Ministry has confirmed that it has been proven beyond a reasonable doubt that Snape, in fact, did _not _kill Albus Dumbledore. Indeed, it was one Simon Rathbone, a Death Eater and long-time loyal supporter of You-Know-Who, who committed the murder and other most despicable crimes – many of which so vile in nature, we cannot print them here out of consideration for our readers' sensibilities._

_According to our Ministry source, Rathbone has given a full confession, during which it became apparent that he had impersonated Severus Snape on more than one occasion during the last year by means of a Polyjuice Potion. The new evidence has been examined as to its authenticity and found to be irrefutable. The Ministry has declined any comment, as to how it plans to compensate Snape for his wrongful imprisonment. Nor is it known at this point, whether Snape will seek retribution. All we know at this time is that all wheels have been set into motion to hasten the release of Severus Snape from Azkaban. _

Jane lowered the paper. Severus would be free! But would she see him again? Would he come back here? To her? He had made it clear that she meant nothing to him. And yet, deep in her heart, she did not believe him. But her brain told her to protect herself, to forget him, to hate him for hurting her. Jane sighed. Eventually, she would have to talk to him and find out the truth. _She_ would not make the first move, however. Jane was determined. When she had gone to him on Christmas Eve, he had sent her away. And when she had visited him in Azkaban, he had had mocked and insulted her before sending her away. No, she would not go to him this time. Now it was his turn.

---

Breakfast was being held in the Great Hall. The first warm sunshine of spring poured through the windows and the students were chattering excitedly to each other. Seated at the teachers' table, Jane and Remus were deep in conversation, comparing soccer with Quidditch. Suddenly, the doors to the Great Hall were thrown open, banging noisily off the walls, and Severus Snape strode in, his black robes billowing behind him like a second shadow.

All conversations stopped mid-sentence, and everybody stared at him with unconcealed curiosity. Even the Headmistress looked rather disconcerted. Jane watched in shock, as Severus walked briskly towards the Head table, a determined expression on his face. Whatever she had wanted to say to Remus stuck in her throat. He had come, she thought frantically. _He had come._ Conflicting emotions surged through her, and her heart began to race. But he disappointed her. He stopped short in front of the dais, never once looking at Jane.

"What the hell," he ground out without preamble, "has happened to my office?"

The Headmistress stood and pinned him with a stern glare. "Professor Snape," she addressed him primly, "if I recall correctly, I asked you to meet me in _my_ office."

Severus didn't bother with an answer, but merely kept staring at her in his usual aloof manner.

"Very well," McGonagall finally snapped. "Could we possibly discuss it in my office _now_?"

It sounded more like an order than a question. Several students sniggered. Scowling darkly, Severus whipped around and searched for the culprits among the crowd.

"_Well?_" McGonagall's left eye began to twitch impatiently.

Severus faced her, ready to speak, but then thought better of it. He snapped his mouth shut, clenching his teeth with forced patience, and inclined his head in a curt nod.

"Very well, then," the Headmistress allowed graciously. "If you will follow me…"

Once they had departed from the Great Hall, the noise level rose considerably as everybody discussed this new development. Many students looked rather put out at the prospect of having Potions with Snape again.

A hand fell on Jane's, and she jumped. She had been so absorbed in watching Severus that she had blocked out everything else. His haggard appearance had broken down any walls she had put up since her visit to Azkaban. His cheeks were even more hollow than she'd remembered, the rings under his eyes were darker, and his robes hung more loosely on his tall frame.

She looked down at the hand on hers. It was Remus'. She met his concerned gaze.

"Are you alright?" he asked her gently.

He had noticed the color drain from her flushed face and knew she was waging a war with herself. Jane had told him about her visit to Azkaban. Severus had insulted and rejected her, and Remus would have loved to punch some sense into him, to punish him for hurting Jane.

"Of course I am, Remus. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Severus…" he began.

"…has made it very clear that he has no use for a silly infatuated woman. I agree wholeheartedly."

Remus did not believe his ears. She quickly squeezed his fingers and nodded proudly. Her chin came up a notch.

"My affections were totally misplaced, Remus," Jane rationalized, trying to convince him as well as herself. "I was alone for such a long time… and working so closely with Severus under such confined conditions… well, it skewed my perception of him – you could say, it affected my judgment. I have no one to blame but myself."

Remus kept watching his friend attentively, but he made no attempt to hide his skepticism. Indeed, it was obvious that he didn't believe one word she'd said. However, he understood her need to save face, to maintain her dignity. He squeezed her hand in return and nodded slowly.

"Just know, I'll be there for you should you need to talk."

Jane smiled at Remus, grateful to have him for a friend. "Thank you, Remus. I appreciate that."

A snigger caught their attention. Several students were watching them and pointed openly at their joined hands. Flushing, Jane quickly extracted herself from his grasp.

---

McGonagall pounded her hand onto the table for the third time that evening. She had no idea how she'd lost control so quickly during the hastily assembled faculty meeting.

"Attention! _Please!_"

Hogwarts' teachers, however, were no better than its students. They kept discussing Snape's sudden return and the events that had led to his release in the first place.

"_SILENCE!_"

Everybody swirled around to face the Headmistress, whose red face and angry scowl were a frightening sight to behold.

"Thank you," McGonagall snapped ungraciously. "It's about time! Now, if you give me a few minutes of your time, I would like to say a few words regarding Professor Snape."

Somebody in the background began to whisper and McGonagall lost it. "If I have to use a Silencing Charm on all of you, _I shall_. Mark my words. _Now_, may I have your attention, _please_?"

She waited for a moment until she was sure there would be no further interruptions. She cleared her throat. "Well then. As you all know by now, Professor Snape has been cleared of all charges. And during our meeting this morning, he has expressed his explicit desire to return to Hogwarts as soon as possible."

Jane paled and stepped closer to Remus, who placed his hand on her shoulder in quiet support.

"I have consulted with Professor Nightshade," McGonagall continued, nodding towards the current Potions master, "and we believe we have come up with a solution that will suit everybody. After Professor Nightshade's, erm, unfortunate experiences with the sixth and seventh years, he is more than happy to relinquish all his N.E.W.T. classes to Professor Snape."

Basil Nightshade's face had turned slightly purple at the mention of the humiliating pranks he'd suffered at the hands of his students. Jane felt sorry for him. He was a nice man and didn't deserve the constant disrespect he had to endure. Severus, she knew, would whip those kids into shape in no time.

"Furthermore," the Headmistress demanded Jane's attention once more, "Professor Nightshade has agreed to set up a second Potions laboratory in the West wing of the castle and return the original Potions quarters to Professor Snape. I would like you all to put your personal feelings aside and extend Professor Snape the welcome he deserves, as well as all the professional courtesy you can muster. I also urge you to caution your students not to indulge in idle and malicious gossip. Please bear in mind that he is an innocent man, a victim of circumstances."

Jane scoffed. She simply couldn't help it.

"Yes, Miss Sinclair?" McGonagall looked sternly in her direction. "Do you have anything to add?"

"No, Headmistress," Jane apologized quickly and faked a cough. "Sorry."

"Very well, then. That is all."

---

"Remus, what the hell is going on?"

They were walking along one of Hogwarts' many corridors, discussing Severus' acquittal.

"I honestly don't know, Jane. Ever since Dumbledore's death, things have been more muddled than ever. I swear, half the time I don't know _what_ is going on."

Jane laughed. "Only _half_ the time? I don't know what's going on, _at all._"

She suddenly tripped over an uneven floor tile, and his arms shot out to prevent her from falling.

"What a touching picture," a familiar voice drawled behind them.

"Severus!" His name slipped over her lips, before she could stop herself.

He scowled at her darkly as he took in her compromising position in Remus' arms. Jane's first instinct was to step away from Remus, but then decided otherwise. Coming face-to-face with Severus so unexpectedly had turned her legs to rubber. If Remus hadn't been holding her, she would have fallen unceremoniously to the ground.

Remus nodded towards Severus, who determinedly ignored him, his eyes still fixed on Jane.

"I am surprised at the company you keep, Miss Sinclair," he commented disdainfully. "Professor Lupin is generally not considered… suitable… in polite society."

Jane bristled slightly, but Remus squeezed her shoulders gently, cautioning her to remain calm. She took a deep breath, and her pride kicked in.

"I know all I need to know about him. Thank you."

"Jane," Remus tried to soothe her. "It doesn't matter."

"I wonder…" Severus slowly stroked his chin.

"If you're trying to warn me about Remus being a werewolf, I already know."

This seemed to take him by surprise. His eyes flashed briefly, before they veiled over once again. He turned to his long-time nemesis with obvious distaste.

"Remus, I'm surprised. You've always struck me as… well, weak. How on Earth do you manage to keep _two_ women? Or is Nymphadora out of the picture? Did she get bored with you? Were you unable to satisfy her? You are, after all, twice her age…"

"You keep Nymphadora out of this, Snape," Remus growled in a dangerously low voice.

Jane extracted herself from his embrace and stood beside him. "Get your mind out of the gutter," she told Severus firmly. "There is _nothing_ going on between Remus and me."

"Oh, really?" Severus allowed himself a sardonic sneer. One of his eyebrows shot up quizzically.

She wanted to wipe the amused smirk off his face, but she knew that it would just drain her. She couldn't keep up with his nastiness, even if she tried.

"Believe what you want," Jane finally told him. "I owe you no explanation." She turned to the man next to her. "Can we go now?"

Remus threw Severus one last dark stare, before he turned his attention to her and nodded quickly. He offered Jane his arm, which she gladly took.

"Come on, then," he told her with forced heartiness. "Let's get out of here."

---

Severus stared after them, as they made their way down the corridor. Lupin had thrown an arm around Jane's shoulders, and the two were walking so closely together, it was simply indecent. His mouth twisted in disgust. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she saw in that wreck of a man. Jane and Lupin. He huffed. Impossible!

And, yet, hadn't he pushed her away? Hadn't he put an end to their association? Hadn't he wanted her to forget him and start a new life without him? Why, then, was he so put out by her doing just that? Why had he attacked her at first sight? Severus frowned. Well, he admitted, seeing her had been a surprise. He hadn't planned on facing her just, yet. Nor had he expected to find her in Lupin's arms when he finally did. It was Lupin, he finally decided. Yes. He could have accepted seeing her with any man _but_ Lupin. His eyebrows knitted together in a dark scowl. He didn't really like the idea of Jane being with _any_ man. Any man other than him, of course. Severus growled. Damn woman! Would he ever be free of her?

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

* * *

_


	11. I'll Be Watching You

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Oh, can't you see

You belong to me?

How my poor heart aches

With every step you take

Every move you make

Every vow you break

Every smile you fake

Every claim you stake

I'll be watching you

_Every Breath You Take,_ The Police

**Chapter Eleven – I'll Be Watching You**

…**where Severus is his usual _charming_ self…**

Jane was sitting on a bench overlooking the lake, enjoying the spring sunshine. It was one of her favorite places on the Hogwarts grounds, and she spent much of her leisure time here, far away from the hustle and bustle of the school.

"Professor, I was, erm, wondering whether I might have a word with you?"

She looked up from the book she was reading to find Basil Nightshade standing before her. He was shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

"Professor Nightshade," she greeted him pleasantly. "I thought I'd asked you to call me Jane?"

"Yes, erm," Nightshade sputtered. "Very well."

She presented him with a warm smile. "Good. So, what can I do for you?"

"I am not intruding?"

"Of course not, Professor." She nodded encouragingly and patted the empty spot on the bench beside her. "In fact, I'm longing for some company. Remus, um, Professor Lupin is somewhat under the weather…"

"Yes." Nightshade wiped his forehead and sat down stiffly. "The Wolfsbane Potion has some rather nasty side effects. I hope your friend recovers soon."

"So do I." Jane sighed, but she quickly perked up. "Until he does, however, I have you to talk to, Basil. May I call you Basil?"

He colored slightly and coughed, embarrassed. "Why, erm, of course, Miss, erm, uh, Jane."

"Great. So, tell me, Basil, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, erm," Basil stuttered, and Jane nodded encouragingly. He took heart. "I was planning on preparing a few tricky brews and salves for Madam Pomfrey, and, erm, I remember you mentioning… that is, you expressed interest in assisting me, and…"

"Of course," Jane exclaimed excitedly. "When do you need me?"

"Well, this evening," he suggested and amended quickly, "but only if it is convenient with you."

"I'll be there," Jane assured him.

"Good. Hm, well… good." A happy smile spread across his tired features. "I shall leave you to your book, then. Until this evening."

Jane watched him clamber awkwardly to his feet and waved after him, as he made his way back to the castle. A tiny smile stole across her lips and she opened the book and searched for the place she left off. She never noticed the dark figure lurking in the shadows, watching her every move.

---

"Some Moroccan poppy to dull the pain," Basil told Jane that evening, as they began their work on a healing salve. He was grinding ingredients in a mortar, while she was chopping up various roots and bulbs. "A pinch of mandrake root to calm the senses, relax the body… Not that it is needed, of course, but it does help against hysteria." He winked at her, and Jane giggled. "The sight of blood can upset the most mild-mannered person…"

"No wonder Madam Pomfrey is so generous with her Sleeping Draught." She giggled louder as she thought of Hogwarts' Healer going from bed to bed, knocking out all her patients.

"Professor Nightshade, I brought you the…" Severus froze mid-step as his eyes fell on Jane.

"What?" Basil looked up. "Oh, it's you, Professor. Sorry. I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm not interrupting?" Severus drawled suggestively.

"What? Oh no, of course not." Basil missed the innuendo completely. "Jane… erm, Professor Sinclair is assisting me in preparing a Salva Sepsis. Madam Pomfrey has run out of it. This year's students are apparently more accident-prone than usual."

"Yes," Severus nodded noncommittally, his eyes never leaving Jane. He approached them and handed a vial to Basil.

The sight of Jane, bent over the work bench, took him back to their time at the Shrieking Shack, when she'd prepared potion after potion under his watchful gaze. Sometimes, he had also allowed her to assist him. They had worked side by side, in comfortable silence, and she had impressed him with her intuition. She had always seemed to know what he required next, or how he wanted his ingredients prepared. Sometimes their elbows had touched, sometimes their bodies, but he had not minded. It had been comforting, reassuring that he wasn't completely alone in the world. He'd lived for that innocent physical contact. But seeing her now here with Nightshade, in a similar situation, upset him not little. The idea of the old man's hands on Jane made him see red.

"So, you two seem very cozy," he drawled disdainfully.

"What?" Basil's head shot up, and he colored slightly. "Just what are you implying, Snape?"

"Severus, please," Jane pleaded with him.

He ignored her and turned to Basil. "Miss Sinclair here, has a soft spot for hopeless cases. The more pathetic, the better. What?" Severus glared at her with unconcealed contempt. "Is one decrepit fool not enough for you? Do you need another one for your collection?"

Jane stared at Severus, her anger growing by the second. "If you have any decency, you'll leave now."

Nightshade put down his pestle. "Now, see here, Snape," he warned the younger man. "I cannot stand idly by and let you insult her like that…"

Jane tried to hold him back, but Basil – always the gentleman – stepped protectively in front of her. "Apologize this instant."

Severus scoffed, mildly surprised. "You can't be serious, old man?"

"I most certainly am. Apologize to the lady!"

"Well!" Severus let his gaze slide depreciatingly over Jane. "Old Nightshade here seems to be more of a man than Lupin. He, at least, is willing to fight his own battles, instead of hiding behind your skirts."

"Remus is only holding back out of consideration for me," Jane explained. "Otherwise, he would have torn you to pieces long ago."

Severus shrugged noncommittally. "If you say so."

"I'm beginning to think that I should have let him," she snapped. "Now, if you're done insulting me and my friends, would you please have the decency to leave? Basil and I have work to do."

"No doubt," Severus sneered suggestively. "Just be careful. Don't overtax the old man's heart."

He abruptly turned on his heels and strode from the room.

"Basil is a _gentleman_," Jane yelled after him. "Unlike you!"

"Well I _never_…" Basil muttered.

Jane sighed. "I'm sorry, Basil. He had no right to say those nasty things about you…"

"He _insulted_ you!"

"Don't worry about me. It isn't the first time, he's snapped at me."

"Are you telling me this brute, this _cur_, has abused you like this before?"

Basil's righteous outrage was endearing. Apparently, chivalry wasn't dead, yet.

"It's all right," Jane shrugged. "Severus is not a people person."

"Why are you making excuses for him?"

Jane blushed under his quizzical gaze and returned to chopping up some mandrake root. "I'm not," she mumbled lamely.

He remained silent, and when she chanced a glance at him, she realized that he was still watching her. She colored more vividly, and Basil took in a sharp breath.

"You're in love with him," he stated flatly, his voice dripping with disappointment and hurt.

"Basil, I…" Jane began to explain, but he held up a hand.

"No, don't tell me," he interrupted her. "I don't want to know."

"I never…"

"You can leave," he told her quietly. "I can manage on my own now."

"Basil…" Jane tried one last time, but he turned away, indicating that he was done with her.

She wiped her hands and walked away. At the door, she turned around and watched him doggedly working on his potion. "I'm sorry, Basil."

He did not look up.

---

Severus strode swiftly towards his quarters, unable to get Jane out of his mind. And she didn't make it easy on him. Damn her! She kept flaunting Lupin and Nightshade in his face, talking and laughing with them as though she didn't have a care in the world. But Lupin would laugh back and make light, whereas Nightshade would color slightly and stand more erect. His colleague was definitely smitten with Jane, and Severus couldn't understand why she encouraged the old goat. Nightshade must be close to sixty, he calculated quickly, as he entered the sanctuary of his office. What was it with women and older men? _He's a gentleman_, Jane's words rung in his ears. _Unlike you!_ Severus scoffed, poured himself a generous glass of Firewhiskey and downed it in one gulp. The fire burning down his throat momentarily took his breath away and drove tears into his eyes. He gave a gasping cough and threw the glass into the fire.

Afterwards, Severus stared into the dying fire, unseeing. _Unlike you! _Jane had thrown at him. _He's a gentleman._ A gentleman. He scoffed again. He'd never pretended to be a gentleman. And yet, Jane had always believed that there was good in him. That he was a worthy person. _Jane!_ He groaned. He still desired her – that was the problem. It irritated him that such a slip of a woman would have such an effect on him. She had crept under his skin and affected his thinking. She had reduced him to an irrational fool. Whenever he ran into her, he behaved no better than those hormone-driven teenagers he was forced to teach.

He recalled her shocked expression when she first clapped her eyes on him that fateful night at number twelve Grimmauld Place. From that moment on, she had occupied his waking hours and invaded his dreams. During the time they'd shared at the Shrieking Shack, she had refused to be intimidated and bullied by him. No one had ever done that. Oh, they had tried. He smiled sardonically. Potter was only the last in a row of students who had tried to defy him, but never succeeded. No, it had been simple unassuming Jane Sinclair who, quietly and steadily, had stood her ground. Yes, she had stood up to him. And on Christmas Eve she had given him a glimpse of Heaven. Severus walked into his bathroom and scrutinized himself in the mirror. His expression turned into a grimace of self-loathing. Why couldn't he be like other men? Handsome and sophisticated, polite and approachable. Those were the qualities women were looking for, weren't they? Women didn't care for dark, brooding, cynical, unpleasant men. Or did they?

Jane hadn't seemed to mind. She'd kissed him voluntarily, and as much as he'd tried, he had not detected any pity in her eyes that night. No, the only time Jane had looked at him with contempt, was when she had visited him in Azkaban and he had humiliated her. But on Christmas Eve, she had looked at him with something akin to love in her eyes. And, fool that he was, he'd ignored what she had offered him that night. He'd knowingly denied himself one night of pleasure, one night of feeling the comfort of a warm body next to his, one night of holding a willing woman in his arms. He cursed as he felt his body awaken with the memory of how Jane had melted into his arms. He recalled how she had pressed her body against his, how her generous curves had molded against him. Her kiss had been his undoing. It had set free all the emotions and desires he'd suppressed for so long.

Severus sighed and splashed some cold water onto his face, sucking in his breath at the icy sensation against his skin. It did nothing to lessen his arousal, and he cursed again. Damn woman! The mere memory of her made him lose control over his body. Damnation! He pressed his forehead against the cool mirror, trying to will his arousal into submission. Jane's image, however, kept haunting him. His favorite image of her was the way she'd looked on Christmas Eve, donned in that midnight blue velvet dress. It had clung to her body in the most provocative way, hinting at the secret pleasures that lay beneath. His eyes closed shut as his hand slid under his robes and to the fastenings of his trousers.

---

Jane walked slowly back to her chambers. She longed to talk to Remus, but she knew he had locked himself in his rooms indefinitely. No doubt, Tonks was somewhere nearby, in case he needed her. She sighed. She really needed a friend. Especially, now that Severus had managed to alienate Basil. It hurt her that Basil had dismissed her so quickly, without giving her a chance to explain. His reaction had been completely unexpected – but she understood. She'd been aware of his infatuation with her, but she'd never encouraged him, never offered him more than friendship. She knew she shouldn't feel guilty, but she couldn't help it. Because of her, the gentle old soul had been insulted and hurt. Severus' malicious comments had been in poor taste and completely unprovoked. Since his return from Azkaban, he'd been more disagreeable and forbidding than ever. Jane had heard of prison of changing a person, but even this was extreme.

Severus avoided her intentionally, restricting their contact to the regular faculty situations. On the few occasions he did speak to her, he was cold and distant – as though they'd never shared any time together, as though they'd never kissed. He treated her as he would a stranger, and it irked her that he could still affect her so. He would watch her, yes, but he never came to her. Severus would often see her with Remus or Basil and glower darkly, before receding back into the shadows. Sometimes Jane wished that he would show some kind of emotion, give some kind of indication that he'd missed her. In her dreams, he would rush over and voice his displeasure at seeing her with another man. He would grasp her possessively and drag her away. But in reality, Severus always remained distant. Frequently, he would just abruptly turn on his heels and stride away, his robes billowing angrily after him.

Later that night, safely tucked into her bed, she pondered the strange hold Severus seemed to have over her. The man had made it clear, he didn't want her. He was cold and distant towards her, and yet she couldn't let him go. Jane frowned. She probably qualified as a masochist, yearning for a man who kept humiliating her. Why couldn't she have been happy with Basil? Sure, he was almost twice her age, but he was nice and safe, solid and dependable – the perfect companion. He respected her as a colleague and a woman. And he adored her. He was the perfect gentleman, which, she had to admit, on occasion was more insulting than flattering. She knew she should have been satisfied, but that was a thing of the past now, anyway. After tonight, she could count herself lucky, if Basil even acknowledged her.

---

"This feels good." Remus took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of spring.

He and Jane were strolling along the lake. It was a week after the full moon, and Remus had felt the need to get outdoors. He was still leaning heavily on his cane, but the fresh air seemed to invigorate him. Jane was walking quietly beside him. Remus looked at her and smiled.

"Will you tell me what's going on with you, or are you going to mope about all afternoon?"

Jane sighed. "I don't want to trouble you."

"Severus?"

She slanted him a suspicious look. "Why do you ask if you already know everything?"

"I merely guessed." He smiled mischievously. "He has a knack for making enemies, and I have the uncanny ability to add two and two together."

"What?" He'd managed to confuse her.

Remus shrugged. "During breakfast this morning, I noticed the venomous stares Nightshade kept throwing at Severus. I also noticed that Nightshade gave you the cold shoulder."

"Clever." Jane grimaced, but said no more.

"Well, come on," he finally requested, obviously curious. "Out with it."

"Oh, fine," she snapped. "If you must know, Severus was his usual nasty self, accusing me of trying to two-time you with Basil."

Remus' eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"You should have heard the vile things he said. Basil didn't take it very well, I'm afraid. I tried to explain…"

"So, Basil thinks you and I…?"

"No," Jane sighed. "He guessed that there was something between Severus and me. _That_ he didn't take well, at all. I can't blame him."

"I see." Remus coughed, and Jane grasped his arm in support.

"Are you OK?" she asked him, worry written over her face.

He waved her off. "I'm alright."

They walked in silence for a while, until Remus spoke again. "Have you talked to Severus?"

"No, but I've been meaning to. There are so many unresolved issues between us… The problem is, he's avoiding me like the plague. He keeps lurking in the shadows, but when I try to talk to him, he stalks off. If I didn't know any better…" Jane rubbed her temples. She felt a headache coming on. "Oh, what's the use?"

"Jane," Remus touched her shoulder. "As much as I hate to say this, but I think in his own twisted way, Severus cares for you. Now, I know…" He raised his hand to silence her protest. "…it's kind of difficult to grasp. Heaven knows, I hate to even contemplate it, but remember, I've known him since we were in school together. He never had any friends or family to speak of, and I'm certain that he's never learned what it means to love and be loved."

"Don't you think I know all that?" Jane cried. "I went to him on Christmas Eve, and he showed me his true self. Beneath that cold untouchable exterior is a lonely and desperate man with a dark past filled with pain and self-loathing. Deep down he's a man who longs to be loved with all his being. Certainly _you_ can understand that?"

Remus nodded earnestly, but remained silent.

"But he has changed since Azkaban, Remus. I don't know what happened to him. You don't think…" She considered it for a moment, but then shook her head. "No, never mind."

"What?"

"You don't suppose, he could be an impersonator? Or under the Imperius Curse?"

Remus shook his head. "I've already thought of that, but, no, I don't think that's the case. He's his usual self, just more surly. My guess is, he's jealous."

"Jealous!" Jane exclaimed, unbelieving.

He shrugged. "He behaves the way I want to, when someone looks at Dora. I feel like tearing apart any man who ogles her. I bet Severus never felt like this before, or so strongly, and he simply doesn't know how to react."

"Is that why you didn't kick his teeth in, when he accused us… well, you know… of having an affair?"

Remus smiled sadly, something akin to pity in his eyes. "Strange as it may sound, I feel sorry for the man."

---

Severus was coming down the stairs to the entrance hall, when Lupin and Jane returned from their stroll. Lupin was leaning heavily on his cane, but Jane didn't seem to mind. She had her arm hooked in his and laughed gaily at something he said. She slapped him playfully on the arm. Severus scowled. Her eyes were sparkling mirthfully, her cheeks were sun-kissed and her hair mussed by the wind. She'd never looked lovelier, and his heart constricted painfully. With an angry growl, he turned abruptly and started up the stairs again.

---

Jane escorted Remus back to his office, making sure that their outing hadn't tired him too much. After promising to join him and Tonks for an evening on the town once he felt better, she slowly made her way back to her own rooms, mulling over their conversation. She wanted to believe that Severus was acting like a lunatic, because he couldn't come to terms with his feelings for her. But then she had to laugh at herself. _Come on, Jane_, she scolded herself. How conceited could she get? How could she compare herself to Circe or Lorelei, who bewitched men with their beauty? She was no Siren or supermodel. She did _not_ turn men's heads. She…

…bumped into something solid and bounced off a figure dressed entirely in black. Her eyes traveled over the severe outfit, recognizing the button-down tunic. Severus made no attempt to steady her, and she hovered precariously for a moment, struggling for balance.

"Oh, for the love of…" Severus ground out impatiently, and his hands shot out to prevent her from tipping over.

When he assured himself that she was standing firmly on her feet, he let go of her and turned to leave.

"Oh no, you don't!" It slipped over her lips, before she could stop herself.

Severus froze and whirled around. "What?"

"I must talk to you," she told him firmly. "Your irrational behavior has to stop."

He stepped closer and thrust his face into hers. "What did you just say?"

Jane gulped. "The way you keep antagonizing me, whenever we meet… the way you insult and humiliate my friends and drive away my acquaintances… You're being completely unreasonable."

"Me?" Severus turned on her, his eyes flashing angrily. "What about _you_? Prancing around just so, making googly-eyes at a known werewolf! Does Nymphadora know how you shamelessly throw yourself at Lupin?"

"_Shamel_…," Jane sputtered, unprepared for his attack. "Why, you… you _bastard_! Remus and Tonks are my _friends_. I have spent thirteen years alone, without friends, without family. It was tearing me apart. And, now, I suddenly have found two wonderful people, who have included me in their lives. They accept me for who I am and they support me. I know how much they love each other. How devoted they are to each other. I would never – do you hear? – _never_ come between them and destroy what they have. Don't you _dare_ accuse me of doing something so despicable." She shook her head sadly. "But you don't know any better, do you? You don't need. You don't _feel. _I wonder what I ever saw in you!"

She turned to leave, but he caught her hand in an iron grasp. His eyes were bright with unconcealed fury and something else she couldn't quite put her finger on. "Don't you walk away from me!"

"Let me go, Severus." She tried to yank her hand away from him, but he maintained his firm hold. "You have made it quite clear what you think of me. I don't care to remain in the company of someone who has such a low opinion of me. Just… just leave me alone from now on. That's all I ask."

A couple of students hurried past them, giggling loudly.

Severus rolled his eyes and tugged at her hand. "Let's continue this conversation somewhere more private."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Jane protested, but he just ignored her.

He hauled her behind him as he strode down the hallway, oblivious to the curious glances they drew.

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

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_


	12. He's Just a Man

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

And if I told you that I loved you

You'd maybe think there's something wrong

I'm not a man of too many faces

The mask I wear is one

_Shape Of My Heart_, Sting

**Chapter Twelve – He's Just a Man**

…**where Jane and Severus make up…**

Jane stumbled after Severus, desperately trying to keep up with his long strides. He held her so tightly, it felt like their hands were welded together, and she briefly wondered whether he hadn't used a Binding Spell.

"Severus, where are you taking me?" she demanded to know, but he kept ignoring her.

He dragged her through Hogwarts, past giggling students, gawking ghosts, and flabbergasted teachers. She didn't dare imagine what everyone would be thinking. Jane groaned in resigned humiliation, hoping beyond hope that the gossipmongers for once might keep their mouths shut.

"Severus," she pleaded again, and he suddenly stopped. "What…?" Jane looked at him in confusion.

He pulled a key from his pocket. Only then did she realize they were standing in front of a door. She recognized that door. It led to his rooms. Severus pushed her unceremoniously inside and pointed his wand imperiously at the doors, effectively warding them against prying eyes and ears. Standing in front of her, he crossed his arms over his chest and scowled darkly.

"Now," he ground out, "talk!"

Jane took an involuntary step back. "I…" She nervously licked her lips, drawing his gaze to her mouth. Something flashed in his eyes.

"Well? Come on, I don't have all day."

"I already said all I wanted to say, Severus. I want you to stop harassing me, and I want you to stop insulting my friends. I'm tired, Severus," Jane suddenly snapped, frustrated. "Do you hear? I'm _tired – _mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm tired of your constant attacks. I'm drained." She sighed. "I just want you to be civil to me."

"Is that all?" he drawled sardonically. "And why should I do that?"

"Because that's how people normally associate with each other," Jane told him quietly. "But you wouldn't know about that, would you, Severus?" She shook her head sadly. "You…"

"Severus?" McGonagall's voice boomed through the sitting room. Her face had appeared in the fireplace and she looked extremely annoyed. "I just heard the most alarming rumor…" Her gaze fell upon Jane. "_Well_," she continued primly, "I see the reports were correct. Miss Sinclair, are you alright?"

"She's fine," Severus snapped impatiently.

"You were seen _dragging_ her through the castle, Severus!" Even disembodied, McGonagall managed to be terrifying. "How _dare_ you manhandle a fellow teacher like that?"

"Minerva," he began, but she interrupted him.

"Miss Sinclair… Jane, are you alright?" The worry in the Headmistress' voice was genuine.

Jane chanced a peek at Severus. "So far, yes."

Severus' arms fell to his sides. "I don't harm women, Minerva," he told her tiredly, "at least, not intentionally."

"That's news to me," Jane threw in, drawing an enigmatic gaze from him.

McGonagall looked from one to the other, making up her mind. "Very well, then," she finally said. "I'll leave you two to sort this out. I expect you to come to an understanding, one way or another. I _will not_ have feuds among my staff."

With that she left them, and an awkward silence settled over them. Severus stared blindly into the embers, his back turned to her. Jane decided to be comfortable and took a seat on the tufted leather sofa. She undid her cloak and let it slide over her shoulders. She smoothed her skirts and crossed her legs. Try as she might, she couldn't keep her eyes off Severus. It had been a long time, since she'd had the opportunity to observe him more closely. He stood ramrod straight, as formidable as ever. In the weeks since his return from Azkaban, his body had filled out again. His jet-black hair hung loosely around his pale face, which had lost its haggard and haunted look. More lines furrowed his features, but she didn't mind. His harsh appearance gave him character. Jane liked the fact that he wasn't fashionably handsome. She had no use for metrosexuals and pretty boys. She knew what lurked beneath their deceptive charming façades. She had learned that the hard way.

After what seemed an eternity, an imperceptible shudder went through him. He took a deep breath, having made his decision.

"Jane, if you want to leave, you may," he told her quietly over his shoulder. "I won't trouble you again."

That was _it_? He didn't even look at her!

"Could you please tell me that to my face, Severus?"

"Don't make it any harder than it already is."

She looked at him incredulously. Hope rekindled in her heart, and she decided to take a chance. "Sending me away is hard?"

He swirled around to face her. "Yes, damn it!"

Jane shook her head. "I don't believe it. You don't even care for me."

"What do you want from me, woman? Blood?"

Jane didn't move. "I want you to tell me the truth."

Severus wiped a hand tiredly over his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please… just go."

"Not until you've told me what's in your heart," she told him gently.

"There is nothing in my heart," he told her coldly, but his voice had lost its edge. "I have no heart."

Jane jumped to her feet and rushed to him. "Of course you do, Severus." She planted her hand firmly over his chest. "It's right _here_. I know you don't like to depend on anyone but yourself, because you're afraid of setting yourself up for hurt or disappointment. I also know that you suppress your feelings, because you think they make you weak. But don't you see, Severus, they only make you human. Is it so bad to let yourself feel?"

He looked down at her hand, resting protectively over his heart. He clenched his jaws together, struggling for composure.

"It must be so hard to always be in control," she murmured. "Severus, I want you to know that you'll never have to pretend with me. For once in your life, let your guard down. Please, Severus, take a chance," Jane pleaded softly. "Take a chance on me. On _us_."

He met her gaze, and what he saw in her eyes was his undoing. After all, he was only a man. Nothing more, nothing less. Just a man. He placed is hand over hers, clutching it to his chest. Severus sighed and a shudder went though him as he let go.

"All my life, I had to keep myself in check," he began quietly. "No one ever took care of me. I always had to look out for my own interests. Dumbledore was kind and supportive, but he had his own agenda. I served his purposes. I was a good teacher and better spy. People despised me for it, but as long as did their dirty work, they were happy enough. They never truly accepted me, though, as a person…" He broke off, shaking his head.

"Go on," she encouraged him gently. "Tell me everything."

"And then you came along. You had lost everything and were at the mercy of everyone around you. By all appearances, you were all prim and proper, weak and docile. And yet, you were not afraid to stand up to me. You put me in my place more than once, and rightly so. You had nothing to gain from me and treated me as an equal. And then… things _changed_. When you left for Fenton Hall over Christmas, I felt let down." He grimaced wryly. "A foolish notion, I know. You didn't owe me anything, and yet, _because_ you were the only person who put up with me, I felt… well, like you'd _deserted_ me. I already knew what I would have to do. It had all been arranged. I wanted to spend my last few days with you. Soak up your goodness and kindness, so it would get me through the nightmare that is Azkaban."

"But you didn't ask me to stay."

"No," he sighed. "And I've been calling myself every kind fool since then. No one has ever enjoyed my company, let alone my touch…" His eyes glittered enigmatically. "And, yet… _you_ would melt into my arms under the most interesting circumstances."

"How could I not?" She looked at him wonderingly.

He groaned, cursing his foolishness. "On Christmas Eve you gave me a glimpse of Heaven. Something I could hold onto during those awful nights that lay ahead. When you came to visit me in Azkaban, you looked so pure and innocent, so _out of place_. You didn't belong there, and I didn't want you to see me the way I was. Filthy. Desperate. _Guilty_. But you wouldn't leave. I had to be cruel to send you away. After my return from Azkaban, all those months in the Shrieking Shack seemed to be nothing but a dream. And then, I saw you and Remus together. He made you laugh, and you looked so happy. I thought I'd lost you," he finished quietly.

She stared at him. "What?"

"I thought I'd lost you," he repeated, his composure crumbling. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he clasped her face between his hands.

"Please," he whispered fervently. "Please don't ever leave me again."

She placed her hands over his. "Never again," she promised him.

With a groan, he pulled her to him and kissed her tenderly, almost reverently. A clock chimed in the background, and Jane tore her mouth away.

"Oh no!" she exclaimed. "I must go."

Severus held her back. "Don't leave," he pleaded. "Not now."

"I must." Jane shook off his arms and smoothed her dress. "McGonagall probably thinks you've processed me into one of your potions." She moved away, in search of her cloak, and came to stand by his desk.

Severus watched her glumly. "_Please_ don't go."

"I have to," Jane said.

He slowly shook his head. "No, you don't."

"I'll see you at breakfast."

"No," he said hoarsely, moving up behind her. "No more wasted opportunities. No more teasing. No more suppressing our desires. No more denying what is deep in our hearts."

Unable to meet his smoldering gaze, Jane turned and inspected the paperweight on his desk. She could feel his hot breath on the nape of her neck, his body unbearably close. She slowly nodded, making up her mind.

"No more."

He stepped closer and brought his arms around her, pulling her tightly against him. He kissed her neck.

"No more," he murmured, letting his hands roam sensually over her body, just as they had in her dream so many months ago.

Feeling daring, Jane leaned back into his embrace, against his powerful frame. She reached up behind her and caressed his neck. A low growl rumbled in his throat and he turned her around to face him. Severus slid his hands up to her shoulders and over the vulnerable skin of her throat. He traced the delicate line of her jaw and finally captured her face between his hands. He stared into her eyes, and the fierce, wild longing that burned in his sent icy hot shivers of anticipation through the very core of her. His lips sought hers and they came together in a passionate, urgent kiss, which was neither gentle, nor sweet. It was rough and primal and utterly desperate.

"I need you," he breathed raggedly against her lips, when they broke apart for air. "Now."

Jane nodded. "I know."

"Do you mind?"

She didn't answer him. Instead, she rose on tiptoe, hoping that her kiss would tell him all he needed to know.

A guttural groan escaped his lips. He cleared his desk with one sweep of his arm and lifted her onto it. Jane could feel his desperation in every move he made, in every touch and kiss he bestowed. All she could do was to touch him in return, to make him feel wanted and accepted, and to hold on to him as their passion swept them away.

All too soon, Severus panted against her breasts. "I can't go slowly… it's been too long."

Jane understood his need. "It's alright," she whispered. "I trust you."

With a groan that bordered on pain, he lifted her skirts and removed her underpants with shaking fingers. He fumbled with his trousers and finally managed to free himself. Jane opened her legs in welcome and he groaned again as he rocked against her. He draped her legs over his hips, and she moaned at the intimate contact between their bodies. Severus began to enter her, but suddenly stilled, hesitating. Jane witnessed the conflict in his eyes, the inner battle he waged, and she made the decision for him.

"No turning back," she whispered, and before he could focus enough to understand her meaning, she tightened her legs and pushed up her hips, driving him into her.

They lay still, locked together, for what seemed an eternity. Severus stared down at her, utterly shocked. Her action had caught him completely off guard and it touched him deeply.

"Why?" he demanded. "_Why?"_

Jane levelly met his troubled gaze. "I love you," she told him simply.

It took him a moment to digest this. He finally nodded slowly. "No turning back."

She smiled and pulled him down to her. With a sob, Severus surrendered to her sweet kiss and at long last let go of his pain and insecurities. Desire claimed him once more, and he drove into her, burying himself to the hilt. Her sweet generosity and years of celibacy pushed him over the edge. His control snapped and he thrust into her again and again. He wasn't gentle. He wasn't slow. Need had taken over and after only a few strokes, he found his release. He drove into her one last time, so powerfully that he rocked the desk. Groaning against her cheek, he collapsed on top of her.

For a long time, neither of them moved, and the only sounds in the room were his ragged pants. Jane's arms were cradling him against her and his head rested over her heart. When he finally lifted himself off her and adjusted his clothes, regret was written over his face. He tenderly lowered her skirts over her legs.

"I'm sorry," Severus apologized wretchedly. "I'm sorry for not making our first time better… more special."

She reached for him and caressed his face. "I didn't mind."

His expression softened. "I don't deserve you."

Jane smiled. "Yes, you do."

Looking down at her, he allowed himself a small smile. "You don't look very comfortable…"

"I have rested better," Jane admitted dryly.

His smile widened, and he swooped her up into his arms. Severus carried her over to the sofa and settled her over his lap. He hugged her to him and Jane rested her head against his shoulder. Her fingers toyed with one of the many buttons on his jacket. He gently removed her hand and entwined his fingers with hers.

"Will you stay the night?"

"I don't want to leave…"

"I was hoping you'd say that."

"…but…"

"No buts," he cut her off with a kiss. He had meant to be gentle, but her enthusiastic response rekindled his passion.

Severus gently eased her backwards, intent on taking his time, on wooing her properly this time. He hadn't given her much pleasure earlier, and he was determined to make up for it.

"I'm sorry," he told her reluctantly within a few minutes, almost embarrassed, "but I must have you again."

Jane's eyes widened in surprise and delight.

"Will you suffer me again?" He didn't meet her eyes.

She reached out and caressed his cheek, pushing his tousled hair out of his face. "I enjoy your touch, Severus. It doesn't make me suffer."

To emphasize this statement, she opened her legs so he could settle more easily against her.

"Take me, Severus."

_

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Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

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_


	13. Afterglow

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

**A/N:** For my most faithful reviewers – Mark Darcy and Holly Ilex. Oh, and for Quintus – you know, who you are – for, erm, _inspiring_ me.

* * *

Never dreamed out in the world

There are arms to hold you

_Child of the Wilderness_ from the movie _The Phantom of the Opera_

**Chapter Thirteen – Afterglow**

…**where Jane and Severus make up some more…**

Severus awoke in the wee hours of the morning, his eyes opening slowly to the comforting sensation of warm naked skin against his own nude body. He looked at the sleeping form lying next to him and the events of the previous night came back to him. Jane, he thought happily, had spent the night with him. He rolled onto his side and watched the woman sharing his bed. She lay on her stomach, sound asleep, snoring gently, and he knew he'd never beheld a more glorious sight.

He thought back on his life and the sexual encounters he'd had. He certainly hadn't lived like a monk, but he'd never made love. Not truly. His night with Jane had opened his eyes. In the past, his encounters had always been brief and driven by lust, by necessity, by the primal urge to relieve his sexual frustration. Like an animal, he had mated, working towards one goal, and one alone. He had strived for the one brief surge of ecstasy that granted him a moment's reprieve from the darkness of his empty existence, that one moment of pleasure, where all was well with the world. It hadn't been until last night that he understood the true meaning of _pure bliss_. He had experienced a genuine union of bodies and of souls. Severus felt his body stir as the memories of last night flashed through his mind.

_Take me, _she had told him as she melted into his arms. And he had. They'd come together in a frantic tangle of arms and legs, clawing at each other with sheer desperation. He recalled how Jane, frustrated with the many buttons on his tunic, simply tore his jacket open. He could still hear the buttons popping off and scattering in all directions. If he was honest, he hadn't been too gentle with her either. He had peeled her out of her dress with a speed that had surprised even him. He had made love to her that second time on the cold hard floor in front of the fireplace. But Jane hadn't complained. She had matched his wild urgency kiss for kiss, touch for touch. Her need had been as fierce as his, and their union had been explosive. Severus couldn't remember how they had made it to his bed, only that he woke in the middle of the night with Jane draped over him. He had roused her with tender kisses and made love to her with slow determination. Afterwards, they had fallen asleep in each other's arms.

He liked the feel of her, her warm body against his. He carefully gathered her into his arms and pulled her close. Jane mumbled something in her sleep and turned into his embrace, entangling her legs with his. He held her in the protective circle of his arms, unable to believe his good fortune. He still marveled at her enthusiastic response to him. It had been easy to make love to her, he reflected, nuzzling her neck. She had surrendered her body to his exploration, and he had indulged himself in finding out what made her squirm, what made her hot, and what made her scream with pleasure. Jane stretched languorously against him, moaning in her sleep, and Severus cocked an eyebrow. He wondered whether she was dreaming of him.

_Jane smiled, happy with delight. Severus was making love to her, again. He gently caressed her face, tracing her delicate features, the curve of her jaw. She turned into his touch, pressing herself against his nude body, desperate to feel him close. He kissed her slowly, playfully teasing her lips apart with his tongue, and she melted into his arms. His hand slid to her throat, coming to rest there. Jane's head fell backwards onto the pillow and she lifted her arms high above her head, offering herself to him. _

_Severus let his hands trail from the soft skin of her throat to her shoulders, before focusing on her breasts. He squeezed the soft flesh gently, and Jane arched against him. One hand moved caressingly down her torso to settle finally over the gentle curve of her abdomen. Her breath caught in her throat at this simple touch. The feeling of his calloused hands on her vulnerable skin, made her quiver with desire. _

_Jane's heart began to race as he kissed the sensitive skin over her jugular. She could feel his hot breath against her neck and the gentle rasp of his tongue as he licked the spot he'd just kissed. Severus nipped gently at first, before fastening his mouth more determinedly. He alternated the pressure with which he sucked and nipped at her skin, sending jolt after jolt to the very core of her being. With a guttural moan, Jane hugged him close to her as he marked her, claiming her as his. Finally, his tongue trailed a wet path along the line of her jaw to the corner of her mouth. She could feel his hot breath against the sensitive skin of her partially open lips before he claimed her mouth in a carnal kiss… _

Jane's eyes flew open. This was no dream. She _was_ lying in Severus' arms, his powerful frame spooning up behind her, his arousal hard and demanding against her thigh. Their legs were entangled, and one of his hands was clamped possessively over one of her breasts. He was nuzzling her neck, and Jane moaned.

"Good morning." He smiled against her skin.

"Severus?"

"Yes, Jane?" He tightened his arms around her.

"I thought it was all a dream," she said dreamily.

He tensed. "Do you regret last night?"

There was a slight catch in his voice, and Jane quickly turned around to face him. His eyes were veiled, his features enigmatic. Severus was steeling himself for the worst.

Jane cupped his face between her hands and met his eyes determinedly. "Of course, I don't, Severus. It was wonderful. _You_ were wonderful." She kissed him tenderly. "I want _you_, Severus. Only you."

She could feel the tension leave his body, saw his mask of indifference crumble. Jane caressed his face. "Don't ever doubt your own worth, Severus. You deserve to be loved. And I _do_ love you."

He buried his face against her shoulder, seeking comfort. "You don't have to say it, Jane."

"Yes, I do. And you need to hear it." She hugged him tighter. "I love you."

He trembled, clutching her to him. "I… I…" He broke off, his throat constricting with emotion.

Jane cradled his head against her chest and combed her fingers through his tousled hair. "Shhh…"

It was a long time before Severus moved again. His arousal was still straining against her.

"What have we here?" she murmured.

"A gift for you," he growled, pushing against her, removing all doubt about his desire for her. Passion had replaced his insecurities and self-doubts. Jane giggled delightedly and wriggled against him. Severus, the lover, was back, and she ached for him.

Severus kissed her neck, rasping his tongue over her sensitive skin. Jane giggled when he reached a particularly ticklish spot. "You like that, hmm?" She could feel his lips against her skin pull into a smile.

"I do," she laughed, reaching around his shoulders to draw him closer. "More please."

"Your wish is my command." Severus began to nip on her throat, biting her gently.

A guttural moan escaped her lips, and his hands roamed over her body, from her hips along her sides to her breasts. The rough calloused skin of his palms sent electric shivers through her body, and Jane writhed beneath him, restless with need. He kneaded the soft flesh, rolling her rapidly hardening nipples between his long fingers. She moaned again.

"I love your hands," she told him. "I always have."

"Is that so?" His smoldering gaze stoked the fire in her even higher.

Jane nodded, raking her nails over his back. "Do you remember the time you treated my headache?"

He kissed her deeply and nudged her legs apart. "I remember…"

"I dreamt of your hands that night."

"You did?"

"Well, I dreamt of your hands on my body. You were making love to me… Hmm…"

"Is that so?" Severus rocked against her, and she draped her legs over his hips, urging him on.

"M-hm."

He slid one long finger between her legs, finding her ready for him. He looked at her questioningly.

"What can I say," Jane murmured. "I'm hot for you."

"I can see that."

"It's you, Severus, only you. Not Remus, not Basil, not anyone else. Only you do this to me."

He smiled at her admission. It hadn't been necessary, though. Her response to him had been genuine. He'd known that she wasn't thinking of anyone else while they were making love. And, yet, her confession touched him deeply. It stroked his ego and he liked that. Severus kissed her again and pushed into her slick tight passage, filling her, stretching her. Her muscles immediately contracted around him, drawing him deeper inside.

"That feels good," he groaned.

She squeezed him again and he exhaled sharply.

"If you don't stop that now," he warned her gruffly, "I won't be able to last much longer."

Jane smiled and kissed his shoulder. "I don't mind." She squeezed him again and he groaned.

Severus grasped her shoulders and withdrew, before plunging back into her. Jane moaned as he hit the base of her womb, sending jolts of pleasure through her body. She shifted her hips, so he sunk even deeper with his next thrust, and Severus thought he'd died and gone to Heaven. She clung to him for dear life, as he drove into her faster, harder, and her moans became louder.

"Severus," she panted breathlessly, "_please_."

He gritted his teeth and moved his hands to her buttocks. Leaning back, he thrust into her from a different angle, and Jane's moans increased in pitch. She was frantically thrusting her hips against his now, and he touched one thumb to the engorged nub between her folds. Screaming his name, she exploded, contracting violently around him, squeezing him almost painfully. He drove into her twice more, before his own powerful release hit him. With a shout, he collapsed on top of her. They remained like this, still joined, until their ragged breaths returned to normal and sleep claimed them once more.

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

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_


	14. Questions and Answers

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

He deals the cards to find the answer

The sacred geometry of chance

The hidden law of a probable outcome

The numbers lead a dance

_Shape Of My Heart_, Sting

**Chapter Fourteen – Questions and Answers**

…**where Jane and Severus look into the past and catch a glimpse of the future…**

Severus was late for breakfast. Jane had already finished her toast and was lingering over tea, when he finally showed up. Remus had just leaned over and whispered something into her ear, when Severus strode into the Great Hall. The blood rushed to her head, and a loud droning noise filled her ears. She didn't hear one word her friend said. All she could think of was Severus, and the many, many things they had done last night. When Jane had left him this morning, he had still been fast asleep, tangled in the bed sheets. She had stood by the bed and watched him, this man she loved. In sleep, his face had lost much of its harshness. He had looked younger, more vulnerable, and very, very dear. But now, Jane reflected sadly, he wore his usual mask of indifference. She sighed.

He took his regular seat and lounged back. His face was unreadable, revealing nothing of the physical exertion and emotional rollercoaster he had experienced the night before. Severus did not eat, merely played with crystal goblet in front of him, while he thoughtfully watched Jane and Remus at the other end of the table. Remus noticed his stare and prodded Jane, startling her out of her reverie.

"Hm?" She still wasn't paying attention.

"What's wrong with Severus?" Remus asked her curiously.

Jane took a hasty sip of her tea. "What do you mean?" she mumbled into her tea cup.

"He isn't scowling or looking menacingly in any way."

"I don't know." Jane shrugged, not meeting his gaze.

"Somehow I think you do."

"Oh, well," she sighed. "I took your advice and talked to him."

His eyebrows shot up in disbelief. "You didn't!"

Jane nodded. "I did."

"Was that _before_ or _after_ he dragged you all over Hogwarts?"

"Oh." Jane shrunk back even more. "You've heard."

"The whole school has been buzzing with the most outlandish rumors. You actually disappointed many students by showing up this morning, alive and well."

Jane allowed herself a small smile. "I'm touched by their concern."

Remus chuckled. "So, what did you say to him?"

"Why?"

"Because he's looking at us, and he isn't glowering."

"Well," Jane hedged, "I simply set him straight."

"What gumption."

"Well, I just had enough, and… and I told him so."

Remus watched his friend, and the faint blush gracing her face told him that there was much more to the story than she let on. He could guess what had happened, but he wasn't going to pressure her for details – yet. Jane was a grown woman with a sensible head on her shoulders, but he didn't want to see her get hurt. He threw a speculative glance at Severus and stroked his chin. Yes, he would keep an eye on Severus – at least, until he could be sure that he was treating Jane right.

---

"You left this morning, without waking me."

Jane jumped, startled by his sudden appearance. "Severus," she exclaimed, "I wasn't expecting you."

"I know," he drawled smoothly, stepping into her office and shutting the door behind him.

"What can I do for you, Severus?" Jane asked him, disconcerted by the fiery glint in his eyes.

"You left this morning," he repeated with deceptive calmness, "without waking me"

"You were fast asleep, Severus. I didn't have the heart to wake you."

"You _left_." He sounded hurt and accusatory, and she recalled her promise to him.

"Surely, Severus," Jane began to rationalize, "you didn't think I'd left for good?"

He didn't answer, but his telltale flush betrayed him.

"You _did_!" Jane exclaimed incredulously.

"Well, what was I to think?" he snapped back. "I woke up and you were _gone_!"

"But I had to change and get ready for classes, Severus."

"You could have left a note," he mumbled sullenly.

"Severus," Jane sighed, "you must learn to trust me… at least, a little."

"I'm trying, Jane, but…"

She smiled. "That's a start, Severus."

He nodded quietly, not meeting her eyes. His gaze fell on the papers on her desk. "What are you working on?"

Jane looked at the note she'd been composing. He moved to stand behind her chair, leaning over her shoulder. She lifted her head and found herself staring at his throat. His masculine scent mixed with some herbal essence filled her nostrils, clouding her senses, and she longed to kiss the spot next to his Adam's apple, just above his prim collar. The images of last night assaulted her mind, and Jane had to consciously stop herself from drooling. Severus noticed her response to his presence and was oddly pleased with himself.

"So, what is all this?" he asked her again.

"Well…" Jane swallowed, quickly composing herself. "Yesterday evening, you said something about Dumbledore having his own agenda, and it triggered something in my mind. When I came to Hogwarts last autumn, McGonagall had hinted that Dumbledore believed I was vital in the fight against Voldemort. She gave me this stack of papers, his research, so I might find out what he actually had in mind. I haven't had a chance, yet, to study them more thoroughly." She handed him a piece of parchment. "I can't make any sense of what I've read so far, Severus, but one name keeps popping up. _Sibyll_ _Trelawney_. Anyway, I was just writing her a note."

Severus nodded. "I don't know how much help that old bat will be. Even in her most lucid moments, she's pretty hazy."

Jane looked at him hopefully. "I don't suppose you could use Legilimency on her?"

"No." His mouth twisted in distaste. "Her mind is so muddled and vague… I would have to fear for my sanity. Besides…" He shrugged. "It wouldn't be exactly legal."

She grinned. "As if that would stop you…"

He grimaced. "I do have _some_ integrity."

"So, you _will_ come with me?"

"Of course."

---

"Ah," a hazy voice greeted Jane, as she entered Trelawney's tower room that evening. "Professor Sinclair…" Trelawney's eyes fell on a glowering Severus, who strode in after Jane, and she visibly started. "…and, erm, Professor Snape?"

His presence obviously disconcerted her. She began to fidget with one of the many strands of beads wrapped around her neck. "Erm, won't you two, erm… come in?"

Severus looked about him with unconcealed horror, and Jane suppressed a giggle. The saccharine feminine décor, with its frilly throws, lace doilies, flowery prints and oriental seat cushions, was rather overwhelming.

"Courage," she whispered into his ear.

He rolled his eyes with forced patience. "This better be worth it," he ground out through clenched teeth.

She pinched his arm. "I'll make it up to you."

Severus stared down at her, an eyebrow arched, interest sparking in his eyes. "Will you, now?"

Jane smirked suggestively. "You'll just have to wait and see."

She left him with that and joined Professor Trelawney at a cluttered coffee table. Severus followed her, scowling darkly when he realized that they would have to sit on the floor. Wrapping his robes about him with an impatient jerk, he folded his legs under him, and sank onto a garish cushion that looked like it came from a harem.

Professor Trelawney watched him apprehensively, her myopic eyes wider than usual. "Well, erm…" she eventually addressed Jane, her voice quavering slightly. "To what do I owe the…" She quickly glanced at Severus. "erm, pleasure?"

"Professor Trelawney," Jane began, "I don't know where to start…"

Trelawney pointed a trembling finger into the air. Her other hand flew to her forehead in an affected gesture. "No, don't tell me," she declared, closing her eyes. "I can sense it… Yes, I can see it now… A June wedding!"

Jane gave a shocked gasp and Severus scoffed disgustedly. Trelawney opened one eye and peeked at them. "Erm, that _wasn't_ what you wanted to hear?"

"No," Severus growled menacingly.

Trelawney's hand shot to her throat, fingering her pearls. "I, erm, well, I thought… oh dear, oh dear…"

"Professor Trelawney," Jane interjected, "we are here because we think you might be able to help us with a rather baffling problem."

"A problem?" Trelawney echoed vaguely.

"Yes." Jane nodded. "Before his death, Professor Dumbledore had been looking into ways to defeat Voldemort…"

"Do not say his name, Professor!" Trelawney fanned her shocked face.

"Um, yes," Jane conceded. "Well, anyway, Dumbledore was convinced that I somehow played a key role in this madness, and I've been studying the papers he left behind. He has mentioned _you_ several times, Professor Trelawney. That's why we're here."

The Divination professor blinked a few times. "Oh dear, oh dear," she said again.

"What do you know, Sibyll?" Severus growled.

"Well," she said, "Albus may have been referring to a vision I had, erm…"

"Yes?" Severus kept staring at her until her nose twitched like a frightened rabbit's.

"I… I think I better show you."

With a flick of her wand, she cleared the table in front of her and summoned her crystal ball.

"I don't have a Pensieve," she apologized, "but this will do the trick."

Trelawney scrunched up her face, thinking back, before she placed her wand against her temple and extracted the relevant memory. She touched the wand to the crystal ball, which began to fill with swirling silvery mist. Waving her hand over the orb, she agitated the mist until images began to form in it.

"Look inside," she invited them.

Jane and Severus leaned closer.

"_So, Sibyll," Dumbledore asked pleasantly between sips of tea, "I trust you've recovered sufficiently over the summer to resume teaching?"_

_She looked at him, her eyes narrowing briefly. "No one ever truly recovers from such indignities as I was forced to suffer at the hands of that Umbridge woman," she declared self-righteously._

_Dumbledore nodded indulgently, but didn't comment._

"_Will you be able to teach?" he asked her again, once she calmed down._

"_Of course, Albus," Sibyll Trelawney announced. "Just try and stop me!"_

_Dumbledore chuckled. "I wouldn't dare, Sibyll."_

_Suddenly, a movement in the crystal ball on the table next to him caught his attention. He leaned closer and peered into the swirling mist. It changed colors, shifted shapes, until it finally revealed two figures. The mist dissolved slowly and the images became clearer. A man appeared, bearing an uncanny resemblance to Severus Snape. Dumbledore frowned, fearful of what would come next. To his surprise, however, the other shape turned into a lovely young woman, who looked vaguely familiar. He searched the recesses of his mind, hoping to recall her identity. The woman turned her head, and her moss green eyes triggered his memory. He had only ever met one person with such memorable eyes. Clara Fenton. In the crystal ball, the two figures came together in a tender kiss._

"_Sibyll," Dumbledore exclaimed, "did you see that?"_

_He turned to the woman seated across from him and started. Sibyll Trelawney was convulsing violently in her chair. Her eyes had rolled in their orbits and only the whites were visible. Her mouth hung open and she moaned hoarsely._

"_The outcast will wear the hero's laurels," she announced in an unearthly voice. "Souls that were lost will find each other and do great things together. The snake and the raven…"_

_She gave another violent jerk and her eyes rolled back into their normal position. She blinked furiously. _

"_Albus," she asked shakily, "what happened?"_

"_You had a vision Sibyll," he told her gently._

"_Really? I don't remember."_

"_It was strange," Dumbledore mused. "While it was happening, an image formed in the crystal ball. Sibyll, I was wondering… would you mind reading the cards for me?"_

_Trelawney was flattered. "Of course, Albus." _

_She summoned her cards and made an elaborate show of shuffling them. Dumbledore began to impatiently rap his fingers until she finally laid out the first card. It showed a man walking through the desert towards an oasis far off in the distance. However, with each step he took, the oasis moved further against the horizon. As the man approached, his face slowly took on the features of Severus Snape._

"_The Hermit," she said, and Dumbledore nodded. _

_Trelawney laid out the second card. It depicted the entwined nude bodies of a man and a woman making love. They resembled Severus and Clara. A raven flew over them and a snake slithered across the bottom of the card._

"_The Lovers," she said unnecessarily_. _She looked closer at the writhing couple and blushed. "He, erm, will find salvation." _

_Dumbledore began to tap one long finger against his lips, deep in thought._

_Trelawney reluctantly pulled herself away from the lovers and placed the last card onto the table and quickly withdrew her hand, as though she'd burnt herself._

"_The Reaper," she hissed, looking at the dark hooded specter floating through the night leaving mangled bodies in his wake. The hood fell to his shoulders, revealing a grinning pale face with reptilian features and evil red eyes. _

_Dumbledore started also and quickly turned the card over onto its face. "_Voldemort_," he whispered darkly._

_Sibyll_ _met his gaze, her eyes wide with horror. "I see death."_

---

Jane and Severus sat silently across from each other in his sitting room. They hadn't spoken a word to each other since leaving the Divination teacher over an hour ago.

"Oh, this is ridiculous!" Jane finally broke the silence. "_You _are _not_ going to die!"

He looked at her, expressionless.

"Really, Severus," she scolded him. "You can't honestly believe that?"

He frowned. "All the signs…"

"No, Severus," Jane cut him off. "_We_ decide our own destiny. By all rights, _I_ should be dead by now. I was thrust into the Muggle world without a real clue of what to expect. What I was taught at Hogwarts was antiquated information…"

"That is not the same," he interrupted her.

"I had no money, no talents, no work experience. I was helpless and clueless. I slept on the streets and in condemned buildings for over a year! I should _not_ be alive. But I am the person you see before you today, because I didn't give up, Severus. I did not meekly give in to the destiny the Wizengamot had determined for me. All those signs…" She waved her arms furiously through the air. "Those signs only tell you what will happen, if you don't do anything about it, if you simply give in. So, for the last time, you are _not_ going to die!"

"That is not what I am afraid of," he said quietly.

"What, then?" Jane looked at him in confusion. Suddenly realization hit her. She kneeled down beside him and placed her hand comfortingly on his arm. "You're worried about me, aren't you?"

He nodded curtly, unable to meet her gaze. Her fingers squeezed his arm. "Nothing is going to happen to me, Severus," she told him gently.

He grabbed her by the shoulders. "How do you know, Jane? Huh? Tell me, _how do you know_?"

She cupped his face between her hands. "Because I have _you_ to protect me."

Severus stared into her trusting eyes and a pang of guilt surged through him. If his dreams and Trelawney's visions were any indication, he wouldn't survive the final battle. True, there was a small chance that Jane could be harmed, but in his heart he knew differently. They had no future together. There would be no _happily ever after_. And yet, it was impossible for him to let her go, now that they had shared each other. There was no turning back. All he could do was enjoy this wondrous gift he had been given and, while it lasted, take as much joy and pleasure from it as he could.

"Yes," he promised her, leaning his forehead against hers, "I'll protect you."

---

"Severus?"

"What?"

They were lying in his bed, reveling in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

Jane propped herself on an elbow. "When I came to you on Christmas Eve, you already knew you'd be going to Azkaban. Last night you said _everything had been arranged_…"

Severus flopped onto his back and tucked his hands under his head. He stared at the ceiling as he searched for the right words.

"I was summoned to the Dark Lord in early December. He knew that Dumbledore had been looking for you, and he… well, he wanted me to deliver you to him." He swallowed convulsively. "I couldn't let that happen."

Jane reached across his chest and snuggled against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "So you sacrificed yourself."

"Not really."

She raised her head and looked at him, her eyes brilliant with love and adoration. "You went to Azkaban, so you couldn't fulfill the Dark Lord's orders and I would be safe. You _are_ a gentleman."

Severus scoffed. "Hardly."

"You are," she insisted, tightening her arms around him. "You did something noble. You can't deny it. You're my knight in shining armor…" Jane smiled mischievously. "Well, my knight in austere black robes, in any case."

Severus chuckled, and the low rumble in his chest was music to her ears. "I don't think I've ever heard you laugh," she told him.

He looked at her meaningfully. "I've never really had any reason to laugh, Jane. I've never truly been happy… Until now."

"I'm glad, Severus." Jane kissed his chest just over his heart. "I'm glad I could bring you some happiness."

He brought his arms around her, drawing her close. "You've made me very happy."

She continued to place butterfly kisses across his chest. Severus groaned when her lips brushed over one of his nipples. He could feel her smile against his skin, before her tongue flicked over his nipple again, teasing it. Jane licked and nipped until Severus was ready to come off the bed. She planted a trail of kisses to his other nipple and gave it her full attention.

"Jane," Severus groaned hoarsely. "You better be ready to finish what you start."

She looked up, and, grinning naughtily, climbed on top of him. Leaning forward, she kissed him passionately, lazily tracing his lips with her tongue. Another growl rumbled in his throat. Jane wriggled her bottom against his growing erection, and his hips thrust against her. She grinned again and sat back. A disappointed expression crossed his face.

"Jane?"

With her index finger, she traced lazy circles on his chest. "You haven't told me, yet, how you got _out_ of Azkaban."

Severus stared at her incredulously. "You're not serious?" he barked impatiently. "You want to know that _now_?" Again, he bucked beneath her.

"I need to know, Severus. Are we in danger?"

He sighed. "Probably." His hands snuck to her hips and tried to reposition her.

"Did Voldemort arrange for your release?"

"Probably," he said again, shifting slightly. "I wouldn't put it past him."

"How did he do it? Did he put an Imperius Curse on Rathbone, making him confess, so you could go free?"

"Well…" Severus thought for a moment. "Knowing Rathbone, he didn't volunteer. But my guess is as good as yours. Now…" He shifted again, rubbing his erection against her buttocks. "Can we get back to more pleasant things?"

Jane frowned. "So, he's still after me? After _us_?"

"Probably. But don't worry…" Quick as lightning, Severus flipped her onto her back and hovered over her. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Jane looked up into his dear face, creased with worry for her, and she caressed his cheek. "And _I_ won't let anything happen to _you_," she promised him.

"Good," he said gruffly, "now that _that's_ settled, let's get back to the business at hand."

She slid her hand along his side, over his abdomen, and to the straining arousal between his legs. She wrapped her fingers around his warm length and squeezed gently.

"That's right," he groaned and bent down to kiss her.

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

* * *

_


	15. Truth and Consequence

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Why she had to go

I don't know, she wouldn't say

I said something wrong

Now I long for yesterday

_Yesterday_, The Beatles

**Chapter Fifteen – Truth and Consequence**

…**where Severus acts like a bastard – again – and faints…**

The late spring sun had finally forced its way through the clouds after weeks of rain. Jane was walking briskly across the courtyard, deep in thought. In six short weeks the term would draw to an end, and she was looking forward to spending the summer at Fenton Hall, overseeing the changes that would transform it from her parents' cold ancestral seat into her _home_. Jane had mentioned it to Severus one evening, while they were sitting in front of the fireplace, but he had only nodded noncommittally, and that had been the end of it. As she entered the castle and headed towards the hospital, she wondered whether he would visit her at Fenton Hall.

"You won't believe it! Snape's gone soft!"

A couple of sixth years, a lanky tall boy and his shorter friend, shouldered past her, interrupting her train of thought. Jane recognized them as Peter Hillcrest and Frederick Fern.

"What happened?" the short boy, Peter, asked curiously.

"He caught me doing my Herbology homework during class and he didn't give me detention!"

Peter stopped in his tracks, grabbing his friend by the arm. "No!"

"It's true," the other boy confirmed. "He didn't even take off any House points!"

"No!" Peter exclaimed again. "That's the first thing he usually does."

"I know!"

"He really didn't punish you?"

"I didn't get detention, no," Frederick hedged, "but I still have to write a four foot essay on the different varieties of deadly nightshade and their uses in modern potion making…"

Jane grinned widely as they disappeared down another corridor. She would have to tease Severus about that the next time she saw him. She liked teasing him, especially when they were in public. Her favorite pastime during meals was to flirt with him across the Head table. She had discovered that it took no more than a coquettish wink to make him shift uncomfortably, and if she let her tongue flick seductively over her lips, he would downright glower at her. Yes, she loved to tease Severus Snape.

In the few short weeks since they'd become lovers, she had learned a lot about Hogwarts' brooding Potions master. To her great dismay and annoyance, it had turned out that Severus abhorred public displays of affection of any kind. During meals, he sat safely away from her at the far end of the Head table. When they met in one of the castle's many hallways, he would always stand at arm's length and address her as Miss Sinclair, never as Jane. When they walked together in public, he wouldn't even take her arm, let alone her hand. Jane sighed. She was fairly certain that he wasn't ashamed of their relationship, but she didn't understand why he was so hell-bent on keeping it a secret. He shared his body with her without any reservations, and they could talk for hours about the most diverse topics, but he still did not confide in her. Severus was an emotionally crippled man, she knew that. But she had observed a gradual change in him over the weeks. It had been subtle, but she had noticed it nonetheless. It gave her hope that maybe, just maybe, they could make it work.

---

Jane turned a corner on her way to the hospital and realized that she had gone in the wrong direction. Habit had forced her feet in the direction of Severus' quarters. Muttering an oath under her breath, she turned on her heels and retraced her steps along the deserted corridor.

"Looking for me?"

Severus had suddenly come up behind her and his silky drawl sent shivers of anticipation down her spine. She stopped in her tracks and faced him. "Not really, Severus. I took a wrong turn and ended up here."

His smoldering dark eyes raked over her. "Were you thinking of me?"

"As a matter of fact, I was, Severus…"

He stepped closer, fixing her with his gaze.

"…but not _that_ way."

The corner of his mouth twitched. Whether it was out of amusement or annoyance, she couldn't tell. "How… disappointing."

"Well, not everything is about you, Severus."

He arched an eyebrow. "Is that a fact?" he asked good-naturedly.

She smiled and nodded.

He crossed his arms and stared down at her. "So, where _were_ you going, if not to see me?"

"I…" Jane hesitated briefly. "Well, I was on my way to see Madam Pomfrey, if you must know."

Immediately, concern registered on his face. "What's wrong?" he asked worriedly. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Severus," she said gently. "I just needed her advice on a potion."

"A potion?" he queried. "_I_ am the Potions teacher. You _should_ come to me."

"It… well…" Jane blushed. "It is somewhat of a delicate nature. I needed to talk to a woman."

"Why?"

"Well, hm, I…" Jane blushed even more. "Well, I… I thought I was pregnant."

Severus turned ashen, utterly mortified.

"Oh, don't worry," she reassured him hastily. "I got my… um, I mean… I'm definitely _not_ pregnant." She gave a nervous laugh. "I just feel like such a fool. I'd never even thought of the consequences, until I got my… I, uh…"

"How could I do this to you?" Severus asked disbelievingly.

"What?" Jane stared at him in confusion. "Oh, don't be silly. You haven't done anything _to_ me, Severus."

"I was selfish and thoughtless…"

"So was I." Jane sighed. "But it doesn't matter now. No harm done. I was just on my way to see Madam Pomfrey about a contraceptive potion."

"No!"

His sudden outburst caught her by surprise. "Severus, we've had a lucky break, but we can't keep going on like this. We have to be more careful. Unless…" She broke off. A sudden thought had occurred to her. "Do you _want_ a child?"

Severus stared down into her eyes. A child… with Jane… He thought about it for a moment. To see her belly swell with _his_ child… To grow old with Jane… No more cold lonely nights, no more maddening solitude, no longer being the outcast. He could almost see it in his mind. It would be Heaven… If only his fate hadn't been preordained. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"I meant to say," he clarified, "that _I_ will prepare the potion for you. No one else need know about… this."

"Why can't the others know about us?" Jane asked him softly. "Severus, I'm happy, and I want to share my joy."

"And _I_ want to keep it quiet," he told her tersely. "It's no one else's business."

"Severus…" Jane was quickly losing her patience. "Half the school already knows, and the other half suspects it."

"_WHAT?_" His angry roar echoed off the dark gray walls.

"Those paintings outside your office are incurable gossips."

He muttered an oath and began to pace, obviously displeased.

"Is it really so terrible if people know how we feel about each other, Severus?"

"It concerns no one but _us_," he told her tersely.

Jane stared at him in disbelief, and he closed his eyes, willing himself to be calm.

"Jane, please be sensible," he told her with forced patience. "I thought _you_ of all people would appreciate what I am doing for you. For us. Given your past, I thought you would be especially sensitive to gossip. Apparently, I was wrong."

"Of course, I don't like gossip, Severus." She sighed. "But I am fine with it in this case. I'm happy and wish I could shout it from the rooftops."

His mouth twisted in disgust. "Is this childish need for attention your way of making up for all the lonely years in your life?"

Jane stepped back, stunned by his cold remark. "I can't believe you just said that," she told him, shaking her head incredulously. "I can't believe you'd even _think_ that!"

Severus saw the pain in her eyes and realized he'd gone too far. "Well, what else am I supposed to think?" he snapped, angry with himself for hurting her. "You know how I feel about this. And, yet, you keep teasing me in public, constantly undermining my authority. My students are already losing their respect for me…"

Her eyes narrowed. "So, this is really about _you_?"

"Yes!" He broke off, frowning. "I mean, no. That is…"

"I see." Jane's voice broke as she struggled for control. "So, everything is fine as long as I remain your dirty little secret? Is that all our relationship is to you – a sexual interlude? Is that all _I_ am to you?"

Severus didn't answer her. How could he make her understand that he was trying to protect her? He wanted to promise her a future without worries, without heartache and pain. Yet, how could he do that, not knowing what lay ahead?

"Don't bother to answer," she said when he remained silent. "Your silence tells me all I need to know."

He sighed. "Jane, I…"

"No." She held up her hand, silencing him. "Don't insult me with insincere excuses. I deserve better than that."

What was she saying? Fear squeezed his heart. "Jane?"

"Severus, I _love_ you. God help me, but I do. Body and soul. But you are a difficult man to love, and right now, I don't even _like_ you…" She broke off, hesitant about what to say next.

His expression became inscrutable as fear turned to anger. "Go on," he growled in a dangerously low voice. "Tell me what a despicable man I am."

Jane's chin came up. "You don't make it easy for anyone to get close, especially me. So, from now on, I'll give you the space you so obviously crave. Tonight, I sleep alone."

Severus stared at her for a moment as the meaning of her words sank in. It was all over. She was leaving him, and the thought of it twisted his insides. He saw the determination in Jane's eyes and realized that there would be nothing he could say to her that would change her mind. _She was leaving him!_ Helpless anger surged through him.

"Fine, then," he snapped scornfully, hiding his pain behind his usual mask of contempt. "Leave! It's obviously what you want."

Jane searched his eyes, but they were veiled. "It isn't about that, at all," she told him sadly. "And until you realize that, there is no hope for us."

---

The doors banged open and Severus stormed into the Potions classroom, his face dark with fury.

"Open your books to page 356," he barked angrily as he strode to the podium.

"Professor?"

He swirled around and fixed the student who had dared speak to him with a menacing glare. Miss Granger, of course. He should have known.

"What?" His vicious snarl made it clear that he was in no mood for questions.

Hermione stared at him wide-eyed and slowly lowered her hand. "Nothing, Professor," she mumbled quietly.

"Page 356," he repeated tersely and watched impatiently until the last student had finally opened his book. "You have one hour," he told them brusquely.

"But, Professor…" Hermione's hand shot up again.

"It is a straight-forward potion, Miss Granger," he snapped at her. "Even Longbottom could brew it without spoiling it."

He straightened and moved to his desk, when a whisper reached his ears and stopped him mid-step.

"Someone's got his knickers in a bunch…"

Severus turned abruptly and quickly cut across the classroom. He slapped his hands down on the student's desk and thrust his face in the boy's face.

"Would you care to repeat that, Mr. Weasley?" he snapped.

Ron gulped nervously and began to tremble. "I… well…" He tugged at his collar.

"Detention, Mr. Weasley," Severus determined quickly. He stared at Ron until the boy began to squirm miserably.

"Yes," Severus continued thoughtfully, "I think scrubbing all the Potions implements in my storage room will give you some time to reflect on proper classroom etiquette."

He straightened and walked walk away.

"Blimey!" He could hear Weasley whisper in the background again. "Seems like Professor Sinclair has lost her touch…"

Severus stopped again. "Of course," he said tersely and reached for his wand. "I could also wash out your mouth with soap… right here, right now. It might teach you some humility and respect."

Ron's face had turned beet-red. He shook his head furiously.

"Detention, Mr. Weasley," Severus reminded him, moving to his desk. "Oh, and fifty points from Gryffindor…" he added as though it was an afterthought, "for disrespecting a teacher."

He sat down behind his desk and glowered darkly at the shocked faces before him. "Page 356," he instructed them once more. "One hour."

---

In the darkness of his chambers, Severus lay awake, unable to find rest. Try as he might, sleep kept eluding him, and he kept tossing and turning in his bed. He missed Jane. In the few weeks that they'd been lovers, he had grown used to Jane sleeping beside him. Her presence was reassuring, and her body next to his was a safe haven to turn to after a terrifying nightmare. But she wasn't here now. She was sleeping in her own bed tonight. He missed the lulling sound of her gentle snoring, the comforting warmth of her body. Her scent still clung to his pillows, but it could not ease his troubled mind. He stared at the ceiling, unseeing.

_Jane wasn't here._ Severus grimaced painfully. He only had himself to blame, himself and his blasted temper. But she _had_ provoked him, damn it. He balled his hand into a fist and brought it forcefully down on the mattress beside him. Jane knew very well how he felt about public displays of affection and, yet, every day, she would tease him mercilessly. Today, again, she had flirted shamelessly with him during meals, leaving him exposed to be ridiculed by his students. Their fight this afternoon had been… unfortunate, Severus admitted. His anger had long since evaporated, however, and he wished for her to be here with him now, so he could apologize and beg her forgiveness. So he could show her how much he loved her. He had never said the words, and she had never asked for them.

He sat up. Of course, he thought, that was it. _He_ knew how she felt about him. Jane had told him many times and in many ways. She had also comforted him through his darkest hours, never asking for anything in return. He, on the other hand, had never asked her how she felt, what she needed. He had never asked her what he could do to ease her pain, how he could erase her unhappy past. He had repaid her selflessness with utter selfishness. And he had never told her that he loved her. Severus swung his legs off the bed, ready to rush to Jane and tell her what was in his heart, but then he changed his mind. He would let her have one night's reprieve, he decided. Yes, he thought. One night should be enough for her to calm down and be more receptive to him when he approached her tomorrow. He lay back, folding his arms under his head. Yes, tomorrow he would talk to her. He had nothing to offer her but his love, and he hoped it would be enough.

---

"What do you mean 'she never returned to the castle'?" Severus glowered threateningly at the portrait outside Jane's quarters.

The witch in the portrait shrugged helplessly, taken aback by his outburst. "I asked every picture and portrait between the entrance hall and this corridor. She never came back."

He had come to her rooms, ready to apologize and to escort her to breakfast. His determined rap against her door, however, had been met with nothing but silence. And when he'd tried the handle, he'd found the door locked. Minutes later, he had been banging on the door, demanding entry. The witch in the portrait had watched him for a while, partly amused and partly annoyed at his antics. When he'd finally stopped to consider his next move, she had informed him tersely that Professor Sinclair had not been to her quarters since the previous afternoon. Severus had barked at her to give him a better answer, if she wanted her picture to remain unharmed, but she'd just walked out of the frame. Soon after, the indomitable Severus Snape could be seen pleading with an empty picture. It had been his hopeless desperation that had finally brought the witch back and had her promise to find out what she could. She'd returned shortly after, only to tell him that Professor Sinclair had left Hogwarts the previous afternoon in the company of a sixth year, and neither had returned.

_She never returned to the castle. _Severus felt his knees give out suddenly and he slumped against the wall behind him as the meaning of what she'd said hit him. The witch in the portrait watched his ashen face and took pity on him.

"I think I better tell the Headmistress," she told him, concern written all over her face, and hurried off.

Severus never noticed her leave. _She never came back. _His heart was beating painfully against his ribs, until he thought his chest was going to explode, and he suddenly had difficulties breathing. _She never returned to the castle._ Something had happened to her. Severus was certain of that. However, the uncertainty of her fate was more than he could bear. If the Dark Lord had her, she would be lost to him forever. Angry tears of helplessness burned in his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, desperately fighting the urge to yell out his pain and anguish, and everything went black.

McGonagall and Remus found him like this – slumped against the wall, unconscious and deep in shock.

"Dear God," the Headmistress exclaimed, rushing to his side. "Remus, come, help me."

She grabbed one of Severus' arms and pulled at it with surprising strength. Remus took his other arm, and together they dragged him to the hospital.

"Poppy," McGonagall called for the healer, as soon as they entered the infirmary. "We need some privacy."

Madam Pomfrey hurried ahead of them, waving her wand to create an isolation area, impervious to prying ears and eyes. Together they all lowered Severus onto the crisp hospital linens and Madam Pomfrey quickly examined him.

"What happened?" she asked, feeling for his pulse. "Was he attacked?"

McGonagall began to pace, wringing her hands. "It's Professor Sinclair. She's gone missing."

"What does that have to do with Severus?" Madam Pomfrey looked up, confused.

"The two were… erm…" The Headmistress didn't quite know how to put it. "They are…"

"They are lovers," Remus threw in bluntly.

The two women stared at him aghast.

"Well, it's the truth," he defended himself. Them. "There's no use beating about the bush. Besides, now is not the time to pass judgment."

"Well," Madam Pomfrey said, spooning a purple liquid into Severus. "Let's see what our patient here has to say about all this."

Moments later his eyes flew open and his face contorted in disgust. "What the hell?"

His eyes fell on the people watching him expectantly, and he started.

"Tsk, tsk," the healer chided softly. "The Rejuvenating Potion is supposed to _revitalize_ you. It's not supposed to taste good."

"It's disgusting," Severus complained with a groan.

"What did you expect? Firewhiskey?"

"Never mind that now," McGonagall interjected impatiently. "Severus, what happened to Jane?"

All of a sudden, it all came back to him. He closed his eyes as the feelings of guilt and helplessness washed over him once more.

"I don't know," he murmured dejectedly. "I went to see her this morning, and she wasn't there."

"But where _is_ she?"

He shook his head. "I don't know."

Remus cleared his throat, drawing three pairs of eyes. "She left with Colin Creevey for London yesterday afternoon. They were going to take pictures around town."

McGonagall stopped her pacing. "Colin Creevey?"

"Minerva, surely, you remember that the two of them have been taking regular trips into the Muggle world? You yourself gave Creevey permission to stay out after curfew, so he could help Jane take pictures for her Muggle Studies lessons."

"Why, yes… yes, of course." The Headmistress began to fidget nervously with the brooch holding her robes together. "Oh dear, oh dear."

Severus sat up. "The Dark Lord…"

The Headmistress and Madam Pomfrey gasped in horror.

"We can't be certain of that, or anything else for that matter, at this time." Remus tried to be the voice of reason. In truth, however, he was extremely worried. "Our priority now is to find Jane and Colin Creevey," he said with forced calmness.

"But London is such a large city," McGonagall exclaimed, worry creasing her face more than usual. "There are a million things that could have happened to them."

"The Dark Lord has wanted Jane ever since he found out about her," Severus spoke up, swallowing the bitter taste in his mouth. "He wanted _me_ to deliver her to him. I thought I could thwart his plans by surrendering myself to the Ministry and going to Azkaban…" Pain stole into his eyes, and he hit the hospital bed with his fist. "I promised Jane I'd look out for her. I promised her I wouldn't let anything happen to her." He groaned. "I failed her."

Remus leaned closer, fixing him with his gaze. "You really love her, don't you?" he asked him earnestly.

Severus nodded curtly. "She is my life, Lupin," he told him earnestly.

Remus searched his eyes for another moment or two, before he nodded, satisfied. He straightened and faced McGonagall, who had been watching them nervously. "Minerva, I think I better alert the Order. Jane might not even be in trouble, but it doesn't hurt to be cautious. I'll check her office to see if she left any clues as to where she might have gone. Severus, you might want to come with me. If you feel up to it, that is."

Severus stood, swaying slightly. Madam Pomfrey reached out to steady him, but he shook her off.

"I really don't think you should be on your feet, just yet, Severus," she told him worriedly.

"I'm alright," he snapped, quickly becoming his old self again. He had a purpose now, a mission. He couldn't afford to be weak now. Not if he wanted to save Jane. "Lead the way, Lupin."

_

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Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG

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_


	16. Nothing Left to Lose

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Freedom's just another word

For 'nothing left to lose'…

_Me And Bobby McGee,_ Janis Joplin

**Chapter Sixteen – Nothing Left to Lose**

…**where the Order is at a loss and Jane has to rely on herself…**

At number twelve Grimmauld Place, the members of the Order of the Phoenix had come together for an emergency meeting. The wizards and witches had all squeezed into the kitchen and were standing around the large kitchen table. All eyes were fixed on one solitary object sitting in the middle of the table – Colin Creevey's camera.

"Who found him?" Lupin asked quietly, breaking the grave silence that hung over the room. His face was drawn and there were deep rings under his eyes. He looked years beyond his age.

"I did," Kingsley Shacklebolt spoke up. The normally jovial man was unusually subdued. "I don't think he suffered."

"_That'll_ console his parents," Tonks scoffed miserably, her hair pitch black this evening, reflecting her grief.

Remus, who was standing beside her, put an arm around her shoulders and drew her close. He briefly touched his lips to her temple, conveying his affection and comfort. From across the table, Severus watched that innocent gesture with a mixture of disgust and envy. It was unfair that his old nemesis, _the werewolf_, should have love and happiness in his life, when he did not. He hated Remus for having taken what had been offered to him, for taking a chance on love, when he had not. Lupin, he thought disdainfully, had never been a risk-taker. He had always let Potter and Black lead the way and jump into trouble, while he watched from a safe distance. He, Severus, on the other hand, was constantly taking risks. For years he had been a spy, and a damn good one. He had survived on his instincts and his talent for quickly assessing a situation and acting accordingly. Why then, had he been unable to take a chance on Jane? She had asked nothing of him, but to share himself with her – body and soul. Severus frowned. And therein lay the problem. He had done many things as a Death Eater and spy he wasn't proud of. He had been afraid that the truth about him would disgust and frighten her. He had been afraid that if he shared his innermost secrets with her, she would have stopped loving him. And he could not have lived with that. As things were, and _if_ Jane was still alive, she would hate him. And _that_ he could live with.

"What about Jane?" he asked brusquely, disconcerted by the turn his thoughts had taken.

"We don't know," Shacklebolt sighed. "We used a Tracing spell, but it didn't lead us far. Her abductors must have Disapparated with her. We only found Colin and their Portkey. I imagine she'd slipped it to him, so he could escape, but it was too late."

"So they were Death Eaters?"

Shacklebolt nodded. "I'm afraid so." He pulled a photograph from his robe and laid it on the table next to the camera. "The last picture Creevey took showed Jane being held by Bellatrix Lestrange and Gordon Grant." His lips twitched slightly. "She certainly didn't go willingly."

Severus leaned closer to study the picture. It was taken at an awkward angle, as though it had been taken from a prone position. He wondered briefly, whether the camera was set off as it fell to the ground. But that wasn't the issue, he reminded himself. Jane, in Muggle clothes, was struggling against her captors, who were grinning triumphantly. She looked into the camera, horrified, and her mouth opened in a silent scream. Suddenly, she elbowed Grant into his midsection and kicked him backwards into the shin. Severus' lips twisted into a proud smile as Grant doubled over, obviously in pain. That was _his_ Jane.

"If the Dark Lord has her," he said, straightening slowly, "we may still have a chance."

Excited whispers erupted in the kitchen.

"He wanted her taken alive," Severus explained, "because he wants to know her secret."

The murmurs grew louder. Severus glowered them back into silence.

"I trust," he drawled, "the name _Clara Fenton_ sounds familiar?"

Noise erupted as the members of the Order voiced their surprise and shock.

"Indeed," Severus informed them. "Jane Sinclair and Clara Fenton are one and the same woman. Jane… _Clara_… was banished from the Wizarding world fourteen years ago, because she killed a teacher. Tristan Beadle. But that…" He had to raise his arms to command silence, as the voices became loud again. "_That_ was not the true reason for her banishment. The reason was the way by which Beadle met his fate. In a desperate act of self-defense and self-preservation, Jane conjured a Killing Spell to protect herself from her teacher, who had viciously raped her."

Molly Weasley looked faint. Her pale face was wrinkled with worry and shock. "Oh dear, oh dear," she muttered. "The poor child." Her husband squeezed her arm consolingly.

Tonks looked up questioningly at Remus, who nodded in confirmation. She took the information in stride. "Blimey."

"Indeed," Severus commented dryly, fixing her with a dark glare. "The point is," he addressed the group once more, "if she is with the Dark Lord, she is safe for the moment. He will keep her alive until he's uncovered her secret. We must act quickly, however. The Dark Lord can get… impatient."

McGonagall nodded gravely. "Yes, thank you, Severus, for telling us about Jane, and, erm, giving us some hope. Now, I believe our first task is to find out where exactly she has been taken…"

"We are on it, Minerva," Arthur Weasley spoke up. "I've managed to convince the Ministry to let us borrow some of their Aurors who are specialized in tracking…"

"And we are still searching the area where Creevey was found," Shacklebolt threw in. "We haven't looked during the day, yet. Something is bound to come up."

"Good... good." Minerva nodded in agreement. Her eyes fell on Severus, who had suddenly turned pale. "Severus?"

Before he could answer her, he dropped to the floor, unconscious.

---

Jane awoke to utter darkness, and the first thing she became aware of was her aching body. Her muscles were sore and she had a splitting headache. She gingerly reached to the back of her head and sucked in her breath with a hiss when she palpated a large painful bump. She tried to sit up, but a wave of nausea swept over her and dizziness blurred her vision. Jane lay back and waited for her stomach to settle. Her eyes were slowly adjusting to the dark, but she still wasn't able to make out anything. She knew she was lying on a bed – she could feel it – but that was all. She tried again, and this time Jane was able to sit up. She groaned as her body protested the slight movement. What had happened to her? Her head was throbbing and she brought her hands to her head, while she tried to recall the events that had brought her here – wherever that might be. As she rubbed her temples, she wished it were Severus' fingers that were massaging her pain away. Severus…

Jane sighed. She wondered whether he would miss her. There had been times in the last month or so, when she'd thought he cared. Something in his eyes, something in the way he'd regarded her… had made her suspect… She sighed again, slowly shaking her head. He had never told her how he'd felt about her. She hadn't wanted to give him an ultimatum, to pressure him into saying what he hadn't been ready to say. However, when he had said what he'd said, she'd had enough. Jane regretted their fight, but his thoughtless words had stung. Once more he'd hidden his true feelings from her, had excluded her from his life, and suddenly Jane had known that it would always be like that. He would never truly let her close, always keep her at arm's length. Suddenly, she'd realized that she wanted – no, deserved – more.

Severus would probably miss their nightly activities, she thought wryly. Miss having a willing woman in his arms. Ultimately, though, he would put her out of his mind as his life returned to its regular rhythm. Severus liked things to be ordered and uncomplicated, and she had upset his life not little. Tears welled up in her eyes. Maybe he had been right with his accusations. After the years of loneliness, having somebody in her life may have gone to her head. She had reveled in the knowledge that someone wanted her. Jane groaned. Had she been too demanding and inconsiderate of his feelings? She sighed. He had so readily dismissed her, she doubted it would have made any difference one way or another. Still, she would miss this difficult man, and she doubted that she would ever get over him.

Jane angrily rubbed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Prioritize_, she told herself. Her problems with Severus really shouldn't be her biggest concern right now. An involuntary giggle tickled her throat. Only in her twisted mind would her relationship problems take precedence over being kidnapped by Voldemort's minions. If she ever made it out of here alive, she would have to check herself into St. Mungo's. _Voldemort._ She quickly sobered at the thought of him. When the Death Eaters had attacked her and Colin… When? Tonight? Last night? Jane had no idea. She didn't know how long she'd been unconscious and this infernal darkness made it impossible to tell whether it was day or night.

Colin, she thought miserably. Dear, trusting, helpful, cheerful Colin. The Death Eaters had killed him before he even knew what had hit him. His murder had been so senseless, so casual – his young life had meant nothing to them. Jane wrapped her arms around her body and began to rock back and forth, tormented by guilt. It was her fault he was dead. She had been responsible for him. She should have protected him. But the attack had been so sudden, so unexpected – they had been caught completely off guard. They had finished their mission in London, enjoying the vibrant city and all the exciting sights, smells, and sounds it had to offer, and had been about to use their Portkey, when a handful of hooded wizards and witches had descended upon them and dragged them off into a nearby alley. Colin had been killed straight away. He'd never really had a chance to be afraid, but that was a small comfort. She remembered watching him fall and his camera flashing one last time, as though, even in death, he had wanted to capture the events around him. She didn't remember anything that occurred after the flash, but judging from the bump on her head and her aching body, it hadn't been pleasant.

She shivered and wrapped her leather jacket more tightly around herself, wishing she was wearing her warm wool cloak. Her trip to London had required her and Colin to wear Muggle clothing, and for their mission it had been adequate. But now she was freezing. Jane swung her arms about to get the circulation going. When that didn't help, she got to her feet, and ignoring the pounding and spinning inside her head, she felt her way about her prison. It seemed to be a small room, she concluded after having made one full circle back to the bed, devoid any furniture other than the bed. She hadn't felt any windows, only a door, which, of course, had been locked and most likely magically warded. She tried to Disapparate, but she was still too riled up from her escapade and her concentration kept slipping. Even during her lessons, Disapparating had required her utmost attention and focus, and she still had problems with it.

If only she had some light, she thought, so she could see where she was being held captive… It would help her think of a way to escape, and even if she couldn't do that, she would feel less desolate and helpless. Jane patted down her pockets. Of course, they would have taken her wand. She scolded herself for being so naïve as to believe they would have left it with her. She supposed she could have summoned it, but there was no way it would be able to penetrate the solid walls or magical wards. Come on, think, she told herself. You don't need a wand for this. Jane gave a frustrated sigh and began to gnaw on her lower lip. Her magic had improved vastly over the last few months, thanks to Lupin and other members of the Order, who had taken over her instruction after Severus went to Azkaban. However, even she knew that powerful magic could be nonverbal, but never wandless. Or could it? She had never heard or read of such a thing. And, yet, the spell she had conjured to kill Beadle had been wandless. She could try it. After all, she had nothing to lose.

"_Lumos!_"

Nothing. Jane sighed and tried again. She concentrated determinedly and put her most fervent wish into words.

"_LUMOS!_"

A faint flicker of light shot from her hand and spread eerily across the walls, briefly illuminating the room. The light was gone as quickly as it had appeared, but Jane had seen the recessed fireplace in the corner. She felt her way to it through the dark and knelt down in front of the grate. Heedless of the soot and ashes she reached inside and almost wept with joy, when her fingers brushed over a log of dry firewood. She closed her eyes and concentrated on a nice warm flame.

"_Incinero!_"

A few small sparks lit up briefly, but the log didn't catch on fire. Jane cursed under her breath and tried again, with little more success. Frustrated, she checked her pockets again, and grunted triumphantly when she came up with a few crumpled receipts and a couple of scraps of paper – memos to herself.

"Aha," she said into the empty room. "This might work."

"_INCINERO!_"

The papers in her hand caught fire and she hastily dropped them into the fireplace, keeping her fingers crossed. A big grin spread over her face, when her efforts were soon rewarded by the crackling sound of a cozy fire. She stretched out her hands and happily wriggled her fingers against the warmth, sighing with pleasure as she felt the circulation return to her digits.

Jane couldn't remember how long she'd stood like this, staring into the fire, soaking up the heat into her frigid body. She had felt oddly drained after performing her wandless magic, and it had taken forever to feel warm again. The log was quickly burning down, and she turned away with a regretful sigh. The light from the fireplace bathed the small chamber in faint orange light. She had been right. The only piece of furniture was a prominent four-poster bed.

"Right," she said out loud and pushed up her sleeves.

She took quick aim and, with one forceful kick, broke one of the bed posts. It came tumbling down with a clunk, and she froze for a moment, listening intently for approaching footsteps. When none sounded, Jane picked up the pieces of scrap wood and threw them onto the fire, which greedily welcomed the extra sustenance. The temperature in the room quickly rose a few degrees.

Jane dropped on the floor in front of the fireplace and stared into the flames. Now, she had to think of a way out. She watched the flames dancing cheerfully in the hearth, sending sparks and ashes up the chimney. Suddenly, she started. _Up the chimney!_ She should have thought about that earlier. She could have climbed out the chimney! Well, she admitted after a moment's contemplation, she could have _tried_. She gnawed on her lower lip, deep in thought. Then she perked up. There was something else she could do! She recalled a little trick Remus had taught her. _There may come a time, when you need to see through walls,_ he had told her, _either to spy or to detect potential traps. _I _have found it a useful thing on several occasions in the past._

Jane scrunched up her face, trying to recall the spell. She focused on the wall across from her.

"_Fenestra_ _abscondia!_"

She felt her strength drain from her body and knew immediately that her spell had worked. A small circle appeared at eyelevel, and the wainscoting within its demarcation began to dissolve. Jane stepped closer and peered through the peephole she'd created. Beyond the wall lay another room, filled with furniture hidden under dusty sheets, but illuminated by a tall window. So, she thought, it was day. She wondered how long she had been unconscious. Her watch had been broken during the attack, and being imprisoned in the windowless room had completely upset her sense of time. Jane gnawed on her lip again. Daylight definitely complicated things. The chances of discovery were higher. On the other hand, now she wouldn't have to worry about breaking her neck while sneaking about in the dark. She didn't even bother with the other walls of her prison. She had found one potential escape route, and she would take it. Jane hated to have choices. Now, if only she could remember the spell that would create a hole in the wall, a portal of sorts, as silently as possible.

"_Porta_ _pora…_" She broke off. "Damn."

Why couldn't she recall the final portion of the incantation? "_Porta_… _Para_…"

Jane tried several more times, until she was out of breath. "_Open Sesame!_" she finally yelled, frustrated with her lack of success. Nothing happened. "Oh, just fucking _open_!"

She took a deep breath, collecting herself.

"OK, Jane, you can do it," she said out loud. "Concentrate." She closed her eyes, thinking back to Remus' lesson. She took another deep breath. Suddenly, the words took shape in her mind.

"_Porta_ _patens_," she whispered.

Once again, she focused on the wall. "_Porta_ _patens!_" she called wearily.

The wall became translucent before her eyes. Jane stepped forward and put her hand against the quivering image, and it went straight through. Enormously pleased with herself, she stepped through the opening. As soon as she was safely in the storage room, the wall behind her solidified again. Jane smiled. It was a good thing she hadn't dawdled. She went to the door and tried the handle. It was locked. So much for that. She next tried the window. It looked out onto a courtyard covered with white gravel. From what she could tell, she was on the second floor of what seemed a country manor. Beyond the courtyard, there was nothing but green grass with an occasional tree thrown in to break up the monotony. A flock of sheep was grazing in the distance. Jane peered down again, calculating quickly. Two stories, make that three with the ground floor, would be… she frowned, adding the feet. Too many, she finally determined. Too high up, in any case. But she would have to get down there somehow. Her gaze fell upon the sheets covering the furniture and she smiled.

Half an hour later, Jane tested the knots of the makeshift rope one last time. She nodded to herself. It would have to do. She just hoped it would be strong enough to hold her and long enough to reach the ground. She tied one end to the enormous four-poster bed in the corner and dropped the sheets out the window. Jane took a deep breath before she climbed onto the window sill. This was it. With one quick prayer, she swung her legs out of the window. Forcing herself not to look down, she began her descend. It was more difficult than she'd imagined. Her arms, weak from tying all those sheets together, and her bruised body, exhausted from the magic she had done, were protesting with every move she made. Only her determination to escape prevented her from plummeting to the ground. If she ever made it back home, she would have to write Hollywood a couple of decided letters. They made everything look deceptively easy.

She didn't let go of the rope until her feet safely touched the ground. Rubbing her arms, Jane quickly looked around, taking in the dilapidated exterior of what once must have been a magnificent manor house. She frowned. The building seemed vaguely familiar. She felt a sense of déjà vu come over her. Jane crossed the courtyard and looked at the house from another angle. Then she remembered. She had dreamt of this place. Once – a long time ago. As curious as she was, however, she had no desire to remain here any longer. She had to get back to Hogwarts and warn Remus and the others. She took off at a brisk pace, walking as quickly as her aching body would let her.

Jane had just cleared the courtyard and was now walking through the gates, when she beheld the green pastures beyond and realized the vast distance she would have to cover. She had miles to go and nowhere to hide. Jane muttered an oath under her breath and quickened her steps, hurrying away from that sinister looking house. Suddenly, she felt a strange tingling at the back of her neck, as though someone was following her. Three ravens flew past her, and she shielded her hands against the afternoon sun to watch their flight. To her dismay, however, the three birds returned only moments later to circle overhead, cawing loudly. Two of them stayed behind, while the third one flew back to the manor. Jane tried to continue on her way, but with every step she took, the ravens brazenly barred her way, swooping down on her, clawing at her face and her clothes.

Jane panicked. They would soon come after her, and no doubt she would be punished for escaping. Once again, she tried to Disapparate – in vain. She stared up at the ravens and extended her hand, palm out.

"_IMMOBILUS!_"

The two birds slowed down for a moment, but quickly returned to normal. Infuriated by her attempt to freeze them, the ravens became more vicious. Jane cursed again. Her magical powers were drained. If she didn't get her hands on a wand soon, she'd be completely helpless. Her wand! Why hadn't she thought of it earlier? She had escaped her prison with its magical wards, and there was nothing curbing her now. Jane summoned her wand, and soon it came whizzing through the air and landed in her outstretched hand. She quickly immobilized the two vicious birds and Disillusioned herself. _That_, at least, she could do.

Feeling more confident again, Jane hurried towards one of the rolling hills in the distance. She had almost made it, when a familiar cold tingling sensation went through her body – her Disillusionment Charm was wearing off! She cursed and picked up her pace, when she suddenly was jerked back as though she'd been lassoed by an invisible rope. On the ground, Jane quickly rolled over onto her stomach and stuffed her wand down the front of her blouse. She only hoped that if they frisked her, they would think it was part of her underwire bra. Cruel hands grabbed hold of her and hauled her to her feet.

"Well, well, well," one of her captors spat at her as he grabbed a handful of her hair and twisted her head so she faced him. "Miss Sinclair… Leaving already?"

Jane winced but refused to cower. She recognized the man holding her. He had been one of the Death Eaters restraining her in the alley behind The Leaky Cauldron. Bellatrix Lestrange had called him Gordon. Gordon Grant. She also recalled bringing him to his knees once before. Without warning, Jane reached between his legs and twisted hard. Grant gave an unmanly squeak and let go of her. The other wizard scoffed disdainfully at the downed man and quickly immobilized her before she could reach for her wand. He waved his wand once more, and impenetrable magic ties wound tightly around her.

"No one escapes the Dark Lord!" he informed her coldly, keeping his wand trained on her.

He lifted her casually into the air and directed her back towards the house. Ignoring the still kneeling and whimpering wizard, he followed Jane's floating form.

"Come on, Grant," he called over his shoulder.

Unable to shake off her bonds, Jane desperately thought of a way to send a message to the Order. In the end, she did the only thing she could think of – she called for Severus.

---

In the kitchen at number twelve Grimmauld Place, Severus slowly came to and was helped up by the two wizards who had been standing next to him. As soon as he was on his feet, he wrapped his robes about him with an impatient jerk and quickly stepped away from their helpful hands. Jane's vision had caught him by surprise, to say the least. She had called out to him, her mind overflowing with desperation and pain. He scowled. She was still alive, but it was only a matter of time before the Dark Lord would tire of her. He straightened slowly, the image of the forbidding ancient manor house in the middle of nowhere still fresh in his mind. He had recognized it immediately. Voldemort had told him about it once.

"I think…," he began calmly, squarely meeting the curious glances that were directed at him, "I know where they may have taken her."

"Good." Remus smiled and pulled Severus aside. "Because _I_ have a plan."

---

Hours later, Severus dressed with meticulous care. It helped him focus on what lay ahead. It was likely that he would be going to his death, but he was willing to take that chance. For if he lost Jane, he had nothing left to live for.

_

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Lost and Found © 2005 by MMHG

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_


	17. Don't Fear the Reaper

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Came the last night of sadness

And it was clear she couldn't go on

Then the door was open and the wind appeared

The candles blew then disappeared

The curtains flew then he appeared

Saying 'don't be afraid'

_(Don't Fear) The Reaper_, Blue Oyster Cult

**Chapter Seventeen – Don't Fear the Reaper**

…**where Jane meets Voldemort and Severus behaves nobly…**

"So, this is her?"

The tall sinister-looking man in flowing black robes surveyed her unabashedly, his malevolent eyes raking over her, seizing her up, trying to glean her most hidden thoughts, her darkest secrets. The red glint sparkling in Voldemort's dark eyes promised nothing good, and Jane shuddered. The Dark Lord exuded power and an aura of evil surrounded him like the garments he was wearing. She finally understood why people feared him. Moreover, he looked exactly as he had in her nightmares, and once again, a sense of déjà vu came over her.

He gestured at her with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"This… slip of a woman?" His question was directed at someone standing behind her.

Jane turned around. Gordon Grant stood a few steps away from her, looking at her with unconcealed hatred. He nodded curtly.

"Yes, my lord," Grant verified.

"_This_," the Dark Lord inquired again, scrutinizing her once more, "is Dumbledore's secret weapon? The witch who would dare escape my Death Eaters and defy me? _Her_?"

Grant nodded again.

Voldemort deliberated for a moment, tapping a long pale finger against his lips. "How… interesting."

He circled her once, assessing her one more time.

"Incredible," he finally said. "You don't look dangerous…"

Jane sighed. "I'm not…"

"…but then again," he continued, ignoring her, "looks can be deceiving."

She didn't know how to respond to that.

"I wonder," Voldemort mused, "what Dumbledore saw in you."

He stepped closer and searched her eyes. Jane immediately averted her gaze, but he was already invading her thoughts. Without warning he slipped into her mind and probed her memories. Jane struggled against his ruthless invasion and prevailed. Gradually, she pushed him out of her mind, hoping fervently that he had not glimpsed her deepest secrets.

"I see Severus has taught you well," Voldemort finally remarked, retreating from her mind. "I could use someone like you, Miss Sinclair…"

"You mean _my secret_," Jane corrected him.

Voldemort did not seem to mind her interruption. His bloodless lips pulled into an amused smile. "Subtlety isn't lost on you, Miss Sinclair, and you are spirited. Your uncharacteristic bluntness is rare and rather… refreshing. Follow me, and you shall be part of something great, something beyond your imagination – _a new world_…"

Jane shook her head. "I like the world as it is. I have no wish to change it."

"Deny me, and…" He shrugged carelessly and pointed his wand at Grant.

Without warning, the Death Eater collapsed to the ground. Voldemort stepped over the dead wizard without sparing him a second glance and approached her. He extended his hand towards her.

"Follow me, Jane," he repeated softly, "and I'll give you anything you desire."

"I have everything I desire," she told him tersely.

Voldemort studied her for a moment. "Not everything..."

He waved his hand through the air and conjured Severus' image, which dissolved almost as quickly as it had appeared. Jane's heart skipped a beat. Severus had looked tired and worried. Had he been worried about her?

"Ah, yes… Severus…" Voldemort nodded knowingly, watching the play of emotions on her face. "A good servant… and an even better spy."

Her head shot up. "He's not a…" Jane quickly clamped her mouth shut, but her emotional outburst had already betrayed her.

The Dark Lord chuckled. It was a high-pitched creepy sound that sent shivers down her spine.

"I hope, for your sake – and Severus' – that you are a better lover than a liar."

Jane looked at him mutinously, but the wizard just chuckled again.

"I am beginning to understand why Severus has taken such a liking to you."

She looked at him questioningly, but he only laughed. "You didn't know?"

Her body betrayed her again. A faint blush spread over her cheeks. She should have known. Severus wasn't a man of many words. Instead, he let his actions speak for him. In his own way, he _had_ cared for her.

"Silly woman, a man like Severus does not risk his life on a whim. He even went to Azkaban for you, hoping to keep you safe, to keep you hidden from me."

Voldemort noticed Jane's surprise.

"Oh, yes, Miss Sinclair, I knew. I knew of you even before Severus went to Azkaban. He hid his thoughts very well, but, you see, even _he_ was powerless against me. I secretly slipped into his mind and saw how he felt about you. I knew that you would be the key to unlock his knowledge… and vice versa. It's rather poetic, don't you think?"

When Jane didn't answer, he continued. "Even after his time in Azkaban, Severus thought he could divert my attention away from you, if he kept his distance…"

He broke off and stared out a window, lost in thought. Suddenly, he whipped around.

"But enough of this." He raised his wand. "You will tell me your secrets _now_…"

Jane shook her head. "I'd rather die."

The dark wizard smiled. "That can be arranged."

He lazily pointed his wand at her. Jane's body immediately began to writhe and contort as the agonizing pain of the Cruciatus Curse hit her.

"The secret," he prompted calmly after several minutes.

"No," she panted, her body still reeling from the after-effects of the Cruciatus Curse.

He aimed his wand at her again. Excruciating pain shot through her, through every fiber of her being. The Dark Lord watched her dispassionately.

"No?" he queried softly. "Maybe _this_ will convince you."

Voldemort raised his wand, and Jane felt her throat constrict. All of a sudden, she had trouble breathing.

"The secret," he prompted again.

"No," she choked out defiantly.

"No?" He twisted his wand slightly. "I think… _yes_."

Jane clawed helplessly at her throat. The blood was pulsating in her ears and her lungs burned, unable to release the gas contained within. Stars danced before her bulging eyes, but she determinedly fought the urge to surrender.

"My lord Voldemort," a lazy drawl suddenly sounded from the doorway.

The Dark Lord looked up from Jane's contorted features and smiled in welcome.

"Ah, Severus," he greeted his spy jovially. "How… _nice_ of you to… drop in."

Jane's world turned black.

---

Both men stared at the unconscious woman on the floor.

Jane's face was bruised. From previous experience, Severus knew what Voldemort and his Death Eaters were capable of, but it appeared they had rather held back. Still, Severus had to fight the urge to kill everyone who had dared lay a finger on her. He did not meet the Dark Lord's eyes. It was imperative that he acted as detached as possible. Voldemort could never know of their… relationship. However, it was more difficult to ignore her than he'd imagined, and he had to muster all of his self-control to cloud his mind against the Dark Lord's inquisitive stare.

"As you can see," Voldemort informed his servant with a sweeping gesture, "I finally have Jane Sinclair in my power. Something you were unable to accomplish."

"I was ready to bring her to you," Severus explained smoothly, "had Grant and Bellatrix not taken matters into their own hands and interfered with my plans."

The Dark Lord fixed his servant with his intense gaze. "They did my bidding. _They_ know how to please their lord."

Severus sneered. "Yes. And their impatience has made them careless. By killing an innocent underage wizard, they have managed to draw a lot of attention. The Ministry has sent its best Aurors after them, and I have no doubt that they will manage to track them here. It is only a matter of time."

Voldemort studied the man before him for a while. "And how do I know that _you_ haven't revealed my whereabouts to the Ministry already?"

Severus shrugged. "I have always served you well, my lord, and I have never given you reason to doubt my loyalty."

"That is true," the Dark Lord agreed. "However, you have disappointed me, Severus."

"I have?"

"You deliberately shielded Jane Sinclair from my gaze. You hid her from me."

A muscle began to twitch in Severus' face. He realized that Voldemort knew of his deception and feverishly thought of a way to buy more time.

"My lord," he began, "I…"

The Dark Lord waved him off. Once more he stared down at Jane's still form.

"She is somewhat fetching," he conceded pleasantly, "if one cares for the forthright type."

He moved to Severus and threw his arm around the younger man's shoulders. "I can understand your attraction to her."

Voldemort felt Severus stiffen. "Yes," he confirmed with deceptive calm, "I know. In fact, I have known of your… _liaison_ for some time. It was quite… interesting to watch."

"Let her go," Severus said quietly. "You no longer need her. I know why Dumbledore chose her. I know her secret. It is _me_ you want."

The Dark Lord's lips pulled into an amused smile.

"You always were too smooth, too composed. You never let your emotions determine your actions…"

His face hardened. "Until now." His arm dropped to his side and he turned away.

Severus immediately felt for his wand, but before he could draw it, Voldemort had whirled around, his wand at the ready.

"You always were a good servant, Severus," the Dark Lord informed him, "even if you did play for both sides…"

Suddenly, the doors banged open, distracting him.

"My lord!" Bellatrix Lestrange came rushing into the room. Panic was written all over her face.

Voldemort's head spun around. "What is it?" he hissed impatiently over his shoulder.

"Aurors, my lord," she panted. "We've been discovered."

The Dark Lord looked at Severus, whose bland face betrayed nothing.

"You must flee, my lord," Bellatrix implored him, hurrying to his side.

Noises of a fight – shouts and screams, crashes and bangs – grew loud. Bellatrix looked towards the door, where flashes of light illuminated the dark corridor beyond. She tugged impatiently at his arm. "They must not catch you."

Voldemort had his wand still trained on Severus, but indecision sparkled in his eyes. "How many?"

The distraught witch shook her head. "I don't know. Too many."

Lucius Malfoy, recently escaped from Azkaban, appeared in the doorway. His normally meticulous white-blond hair was disheveled and blood trickled down his face from a cut on his forehead. He clung to the doorjamb for support.

"My lord," he shouted over the growing noise. "We are being overrun. We need reinforcements."

A stunning spell hit him from behind and he was propelled into the room. He came to lie facedown a few feet from his master, knocked unconscious by the force of impact. Suddenly, a throng of people pushed through the door. Aurors and members of the Order were mercilessly raining spell after spell upon the remaining Death Eaters. Voldemort cursed and grabbed hold of Bellatrix's arm. He pressed one long pale finger to the brand on her skin. Moments later his army of Death Eaters Apparated and immediately set out to defend their lord. They quickly descended upon their enemies, driving them back and down the stairs. Voldemort would have Disapparated and left his minions to their fate, had he not caught a glimpse of a certain dark-haired, green-eyed bespectacled wizard. His mouth twisted into a triumphant grin. He shook off the hysterical witch clinging to him and headed into battle.

---

As soon as the Dark Lord's wand pointed away from him, Severus had rushed to Jane's side. He bent over her and quickly felt for her pulse. A wave of relief swept through him, when he felt it throbbing strongly against his finger. He reached under his robes and retrieved a vial of Rejuvenating Potion. He poured the purple liquid into her and, cradling Jane to him, waited for her to regain consciousness.

He didn't have to wait long. Only moments later, her eyes flew open.

"Eewww!" she complained, sticking out her tongue in disgust.

She looked around, and he watched her eyes grow wide and the blood drain from her face as she recalled where she was. For a moment, he thought she would faint again. Her gaze fell upon him, and confusion registered on her face.

"Severus?"

"Shh," he soothed her. "Don't talk."

She coughed. "Severus, what are you doing here?"

He helped her sit up, but kept his arm around her shoulders. "Saving you," he told her matter-of-factly. "Now, do be quiet."

Severus pulled out another vial and held it to her lips. "Here, drink this. It'll help your body heal and regain its strength."

Jane obediently swallowed the green liquid and leaned back. Her throat was sore, but she could not remain silent. She grabbed the front of his robes.

"Severus, Colin Creevey is dead."

"I know," he said quietly, stroking her hair comfortingly.

"It's my fault," she told him dully.

"No, it isn't," Severus countered grimly. "But now is not the time. We need to get out of here. Do you think you will be able to walk?"

Jane nodded. He helped her to her feet, but her knees gave way and she clung to him for support. He scowled at her.

"Just give me a minute. I'll be OK in a moment."

Severus was still holding her, frowning doubtfully.

"I… I can stand," she assured him moments later. "Really."

"Good," he said. "Come on, then."

At that moment, a handful of Death Eaters stormed into the room, closely pursued by Arthur Weasley and two Ministry Aurors. The Death Eaters outnumbered their opponents and quickly gained the upper hand. Severus muttered an oath. He had to help them. He turned to Jane and grabbed her shoulders.

"Jane," he told her sternly. "Stay here. Out of harm's way. Do you understand?"

She nodded.

"Good girl." Severus briefly caressed her cheek with his thumb. Then he drew his wand and joined the fight.

Jane watched him as he quickly disposed of the Death Eater cornering Arthur Weasley. Pride surged through her. Was there anything he wasn't good at? She doubted it. She glanced towards the door. Severus had told her to stay put, but she had to go after Voldemort. Dumbledore had been convinced that she was the key to Voldemort's destruction. She had to trust in the wise wizard's vision and follow her instincts. She retrieved her wand and clutched it tightly in her hand. It was now or never. Jane hurried out the door and along the corridor. She had to step over several bodies until she finally made it safely down the stairs. In the entrance hall and adjoining rooms, wizards and witches were fighting each other with deadly determination. Not ten feet from her Molly Weasley was being crowded by two Death Eaters. Jane attacked, drawing strength from the knowledge that Severus had come for her. She mattered.

The two women quickly fought off the Death Eaters, knocking them unconscious, and Jane went on in search of Voldemort. She found him all too soon. He casually disposed of several wizards as he made his way towards Harry Potter. The young wizard was battling a witch, Bellatrix Lestrange. His back was turned to Voldemort and he never noticed the dark wizard approach. Jane shouldered her way past several dueling couples, until she had a clear view of Voldemort. She aimed her wand to stun him, but missed. She muttered an oath and tried again. This time, he was thrown off balance.

Voldemort spun around to face the person who had dared attack him. Gathering her courage, Jane stepped in his path and raised her wand. When he recognized her, his mouth twisted into a cruel sneer. He would enjoy killing this woman who had thwarted his chance to kill Potter. Now she would pay. But first, he would make her suffer. His spell hit her wand, instantly pulverizing it in her hand. Her skin was still tingling from the particles embedded in her flesh, when another spell threw Jane off her feet. She watched in horror as Voldemort slowly advanced on her. He stepped closer until he finally stood over Jane, his wand pointing at her face. She lay at his feet, unarmed, and the Dark Lord was gloating.

"I admire your determination, Miss Sinclair," he grinned maliciously, "and your fearlessness. Not many have dared to face me as you did, but none survived…"

Jane met his gaze defiantly.

"Such spirit," he chuckled. "Are you sure you don't want to join me and my Death Eaters?"

"Quite sure," she answered dryly.

"Pity," he shrugged indifferently. "But to be expected…"

He lazily pointed his wand at her. Her body immediately began to writhe and contort as the agonizing pain of the Cruciatus Curse hit her once again. He did not wait for the curse to wear off. Instead, he pointed the wand at her again – and again. She screamed until she thought she could scream no more. Mustering her last ounce of strength, she gave voice to her pain as she had so many years ago.

"_EXSANGUINARE!_"

A shudder went through Voldemort, and for a moment he looked down at her in astonishment. The skin over his cheeks began to split apart in neat red lines. Blood, so dark it almost seemed black, began to ooze from the cuts and trickle down his face. He raised his hands and studied them curiously as more cuts appeared. Jane watched him, a sense of vindication washing over her. But then, to her horror, Voldemort suddenly smiled. He shook himself like a wet dog would and when he looked at her again, the cuts were gone, his skin intact again.

"Nice try," he applauded her, his reptilian features distorted into an ugly grin. "But now, it is _my_ turn, Miss Sinclair. Now, you die."

Jane steeled herself, but his attack never came.

"_NO!_"

Severus had killed the Death Eaters he'd been battling and, realizing Jane had left, gone in search of her. He was now rushing towards them to save Jane. He placed himself between Jane and the Dark Lord, shielding her with his body.

"Severus," Voldemort acknowledged him calmly. "So, this is how it will end?"

Severus merely shrugged. "We cannot choose our destiny."

"Destiny…" Voldemort slowly shook his head, something akin to regret in his eyes. "I never would have thought that, in the end, you would be brought down by a woman… There are much worthier causes to die for, Severus."

"There are certain things I regret, _Voldemort_, but this is not one of them."

"I'm glad to hear it."

From her position on the floor, Jane watched the ensuing duel. Voldemort aimed at his former servant, but Severus was ready for him. A silent dance of death ensued as the two men began to duel, casting spell after spell at each other. Severus was feigning and attacking lightning quick, like a snake. He struck and withdrew. He dodged and countered, but Voldemort matched his every move. Jane propped herself up to watch. Severus was fighting the Dark Lord – for her. He'd placed himself between her and the dark wizard, shielding her. Just as he had in her dream. Jane frowned. Too much of her dream had become reality already. This house, Voldemort's appearance, the fight – too much had come true to be considered coincidental. The implications sent her heart racing – in her dreams Severus had died…

Jane painfully scrambled to her feet, determined to look for a weapon. She had to help Severus somehow. She couldn't let him die. Not now. Not after they had finally found each other again. The battle was still going strong. It was chaotic and loud – utter madness. Jane saw Remus and Tonks fighting back to back. She recognized several more members of the Order, fighting Death Eaters left and right. Flashes of light shot from numerous wands, and Jane had to dodge several errant spells. Her gaze fell back on Severus and Voldemort. Severus had just managed to counter a particularly powerful spell, but he stumbled. The Dark Lord grinned triumphantly and took aim. Severus was still struggling for balance and he would not be able to defend himself. The realization hit her suddenly, and she immediately knew what would come next. Before she could do anything, Severus was hit by Voldemort's spell, fell to the ground and moved no more.

"_SEVERUS!_"

_

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Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG

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_


	18. Shadows and Dust

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Time to answer the call

It's a time for the hero to stand tall

It's a time for heroes

When our back's to the wall

It's a time for the hero... in us all

_A Time For Heroes_, Meatloaf

**Chapter Eighteen – Shadows and Dust**

…**where prophecies are fulfilled and victory isn't all that it is made out to be…**

"_SEVERUS!_"

Jane flung herself to the ground beside him and pressed her ear to his chest, listening for a heartbeat. Unable to hear anything, she straightened and reached for his jacket. Her fingers fumbled impatiently with the buttons of his tunic, until she finally just ripped the layers of cloth apart, exposing his pale chest. She listened again, putting her ear against his still warm skin. An anguished sob escaped her lips, when she realized that his heart was no longer beating.

"_NO!_" she screamed and threw her arms around his lifeless body.

Voldemort was watching her with unconcealed delight. He loved to watch people suffer under torture, but the emotional torment he was witnessing now was even more pleasurable. He lowered his wand and grinned triumphantly at the sobbing woman at his feet.

"How touching," he mocked her callously. "But you only have yourself to blame. Severus, with his deluded sense of chivalry, protected you until the very end. If it hadn't been for you, he would still be alive."

Jane shook her head, trying to force Voldemort and his vicious words out of her mind. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks as she helplessly stared at the chaos around her. Not far from her, the Golden Trio was holding their own against older, more experienced wizards and witches. Remus and Tonks had been separated. The young witch was fighting Bellatrix Lestrange now. Jane recalled Remus telling her of how his best friend and Tonks' cousin, Sirius Black, had been killed by Bellatrix. A few feet over, Remus was battling Lucius Malfoy. McGonagall had arrived some time during the battle, as had the remainder of the Weasley clan. Seeing the people who had befriended her in the last year fighting for their lives added to Jane's sorrow and intensified her grief.

The air was thick with smoke and dust as errant spells hit the walls all around. The shouts of the combatants and the screams of the dying were deafening, and the noise mercilessly reverberated in Jane's head. Dead bodies were lying everywhere, their still faces eerily illuminated by the flashes of light zooming through the air. She wanted to squeeze her eyes shut and block out all the butchering and death around her, but she was strangely entranced by the gruesome view. Tonks finally overpowered Lestrange and a satisfied smile played across her lips. Her eyes met Jane's, and she nodded triumphantly. Suddenly, however, her face froze in surprise and her lips formed a tiny O. Clutching her side, she dropped to her knees and slowly slid to the floor.

Unable to help her friend, Jane choked back a sob and returned her attention to the man she loved. His features were relaxed and his face appeared peaceful, as though he was sleeping. She knew that there was no known spell that could counter the Killing Curse, but she didn't want to believe that this was it. Tears of helpless anger burned in her eyes as her hands stroked Severus' face, his chest. If the heart was stopped, she suddenly realized, it could be started again – if she acted quickly. It certainly was worth trying. Jane determinedly wiped the tears from her eyes, bent over Severus and began CPR.

---

The Dark Lord was still watching her, but she never noticed Voldemort's amused expression turn to one of surprise. Curious, he looked on as Jane kissed Severus with wild determination. Only, she wasn't kissing him, he realized quickly – she was _breathing_ into him. The Dark Lord's mouth twisted into a cruel sneer. The silly woman actually tried to breathe life into Severus' dead body! He watched with interest, when next she laced her fingers together and began to compress Severus' chest at a rhythmic pace – only to stop shortly after to breathe for him again.

Jane alternated diligently, between compressing Severus' chest and breathing life into him.

"Please," she kept whispering. "Please… Please… Please… _Please, live._"

Voldemort was so intrigued by her obviously futile efforts to save Severus that he never noticed Harry approach.

The young wizard had witnessed how Snape had jumped in to defend Miss Sinclair, and he had to admit that his teacher had really known what he was doing. Despite his intense dislike of Snape, Harry reluctantly acknowledged that his Potions teacher actually had been one of the good guys, after all. He frowned. He didn't like the idea, at all, because it meant that all these years he had been wrong and acted like a spoiled little brat. At least, he wouldn't have to suffer through the humiliation of having to apologize to Snape. Suddenly, Harry realized that Voldemort wasn't paying attention to what was going on around him. The Dark Lord was transfixed by the sight of Miss Sinclair performing CPR on Snape. Harry raised his wand and moved closer.

"_EXPELLIARMUS!_" he yelled at the top of his lungs, once he had a clear shot.

Shock registered on the Dark Lord's face as his wand was propelled from his hand, but he quickly recovered.

"Do you really think I need a wand to kill you, Harry?" he sneered at the boy standing defiantly before him.

Without warning, Voldemort's hand shot out and balled into a fist. Harry immediately began to choke. The Dark Lord grinned maliciously as he squeezed his hand even more and twisted it slightly. Harry's eyes began to bulge out of their sockets as his body rose up slowly until his feet were off the ground and his legs flailed frantically through the air. The boy was clutching at his throat with one hand, while with the other he shakily pointed his wand at his tormentor, unable to voice the words he so desperately wanted to say. Voldemort's other hand rose into the air and his wand flew quickly to his master. Suddenly, a flash of blue light caught his attention. He turned, curious to know its source, and scoffed. He should have known. Jane Sinclair was still laboring over Severus Snape, except that now the body of his former servant was bathed in a pale blue light.

Jane had begun to tire, the muscles in her arms protesting under the strain, but she stubbornly kept going. Tears of desperation filled her eyes and fell onto Severus' naked chest, onto her hands. Suddenly, a pale blue light began to emanate from her hands. At first, she didn't pay attention to it, thinking that it was merely an illusion, a play of light and shadow. But with each new compression she made, the light grew stronger, until it seared into Severus like a bolt of lightning. For the fraction of a second, his entire body was bathed in ethereal blue light. Shocked, Jane snatched her hands away from him and scrambled back.

At that very moment, several things happened at once.

Severus' eyes flew open, and his body arched into the air as he took a shuddering breath. A few feet away, Voldemort dropped Harry.

"Impossible!" the Dark Lord exclaimed incredulously, as he watched Jane revive Severus. Jane Sinclair was one powerful witch, he mused, one he would have liked to have on his side. By rights, she should have been his.

A movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. Harry had gotten to his feet, swaying slightly and still clutching his throat. Voldemort whipped around, his wand at the ready.

"_Avada Kedavra!_" man and boy yelled simultaneously, but Voldemort's spell reached Harry first.

Harry Potter, who had been the hope of the entire Wizarding world for so long, died before he hit the ground. However, as he fell, Harry's legendary scar began to glow angry red. Almost instantaneously, a red flash of light sprung from it and bored into Voldemort's chest, into his heart. The Dark Lord let out an ear-splitting scream, before he himself collapsed facedown next to Harry's lifeless body. The dark wizard who had instilled fear in generations of wizards and witches was finally dead. The prophecy had been fulfilled.

---

Night was approaching and the shadows grew longer. The last speck of dust had settled over the fallen, and an eerie silence reigned over the battlefield. The survivors walked dazedly through the carnage and debris. They turned over body after body, looking for signs of life, looking for fallen friends.

Jane looked about her, taking in the toll of their _victory_. Countless men and women lay slain. Good and bad, in death united. Kingsley Shacklebolt was limping heavily as he helped a handful of Aurors round up the remaining Death Eaters. A witch Jane did not recognize was helping Minerva McGonagall, who looked rather worse for wear, to a nearby chair, which seemed to have miraculously survived the battle. Arthur Weasley held his sobbing wife, heedless of the blood streaming down his face. They both stood over Remus, who was sitting on the floor, clutching a deathly pale Tonks to his chest and rocking slowly back and forth. The young witch's eyes were closed and she was very still. Too still.

Jane watched Ron and Hermione slowly walk over to Harry. She looked away, knowing what they would find, and she had no desire to witness their heartache. Besides, Severus needed her now. Their loud sobs and shouts of denial filled her ears as she gathered the man she loved into her arms, cradling him close. His breathing was shallow and his heart rate slow. But he was alive, she thought triumphantly. _He was alive! _Through his selfless sacrifice, he had helped bring down the mighty Voldemort. She hugged him closer, caressed his cheek and kissed him tenderly. Severus _was_ her knight in shining armor.

_---_

She didn't know how long she'd been holding Severus, when suddenly somebody tapped her on the shoulder. Jane started and lifted her head to find Molly Weasley standing next to her.

"Let him go," the Molly said gently.

"No," Jane began, but the older witch shook her head.

"It's over. Let him go."

"You don't understand," Jane told her. "He's alive."

Molly looked down at her and smiled sadly. "Jane, dear…"

Just then, Severus moaned and slightly moved his head. She startled and took a hasty step backwards, one hand covering her mouth.

"It's not possible," she whispered. "I saw him fall."

Severus moaned again, and Molly took another step back.

"Arthur!" she screamed, panic giving her voice a particularly high pitch.

Her husband hastened to her side. His face was covered in dried blood and his purple plaid suit was torn in several places. "Molly?" he asked worriedly. "What is it? What's the matter?"

She pointed a trembling finger at Severus lying in Jane's lap.

"He's _alive_!" she whispered.

Relief spread over Arthur's face. "Thank God for little mercies." He turned to Jane. "And you? Are you alright?"

Jane nodded. "Just some cuts and bruises," she assured him. "Nothing to cry about."

He smiled wearily. "Glad to hear it. You're one of the lucky ones."

She followed his gaze as it swept over the carnage around them. "I know."

"You don't understand," Molly interrupted them. "I saw him fall. The Dark Lord _killed_ him!"

"Now, now, Molly." Arthur smiled indulgently. "Severus was probably just stunned…"

She shook her head, thinking back. "I don't think so… there was a blue light… like swirling mist…"

Arthur stared at his wife, as though she'd lost her mind. She had to be in shock. Her ramblings simply didn't make any sense. He looked at Jane for help.

"It's true," she told him. "He was defending me. He dueled with Voldemort, and then he stumbled…" Her voice broke as the events replayed in her mind. "Voldemort killed him…"

The older wizard stared at her, confused. "And, yet, he is alive? That's impossible! No spell can counter the Killing Curse!"

"The Muggles know of a way to get the heart beating again after it has stopped. I… I revived him using that knowledge."

"Inconceivable!" Arthur exclaimed. "You've managed to reverse the Killing Curse!"

Jane shifted uncomfortably. "I have no explanation for the blue light, though. Somehow magic must have combined with Muggle knowledge to help me bring Severus back."

"How interesting." Arthur scratched his head. "Well, I'm no expert," he finally conceded, "but from what I have heard about you, Jane, I know that you are capable of great things and extraordinary magic…"

He broke off as theory after theory flashed through his mind. Molly finally had to tug at his sleeve to get his attention.

"Now is not the time, Arthur," she told him sternly, quickly becoming her old efficient self again. "We have to get him and the others to St. Mungo's. Somebody also has to inform the Ministry, if it hasn't been done already."

Arthur stared down at his wife for a long moment. "You're right," he finally sighed. "I… I'll go check." He nodded his head towards Ron and Hermione, who were holding vigil over Harry's body. "Look after the children, will you?"

He turned to leave, but stopped after a few steps, having thought of something. "And you better keep an eye on Remus, too, Molly. There's no telling what he might do."

Jane looked over at her friend. He was still cradling the woman he loved to his chest. His face was expressionless, as though all life had drained from him.

"Tonks?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

Arthur shook his head grimly, and Molly began to sob again. Jane's gaze dropped to the man in her arms, and she caressed his cheek. Yes, she thought, she _was_ lucky.

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG

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_


	19. While You Were Sleeping

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Safe in my arms

You're only sleeping

_Into the West_, from the movie _Lord of the Rings – The Return of the King_

**Chapter Nineteen – While You Were Sleeping**

…**where Jane chats with an old friend and important questions get answered …**

Four days had passed since the Final Battle, and Jane was holding vigil by Severus' bedside. Four days since he'd saved her and the entire Wizarding world with his selfless sacrifice. Four days since he and the other survivors had been rushed to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries and left to the capable hands of the hospital's Healers. Since his admittance to St. Mungo's, Jane had not left his side, except for a couple of hours, when she had been forcibly dragged from his room, so she herself could be treated for the after-effects of the Cruciatus Curse – two broken ribs, a concussion, a sprained wrist – and several superficial cuts and bruises. When Molly Weasley had learned of her injuries, she'd thrown her hands into the air in exasperation, wondering how Jane could not have realized the extent of her own injuries before.

Indeed, ever since the Final Battle, Molly had clucked and fussed over Jane and taken her under her wings like a long-lost daughter. She'd visited Jane a few times at the hospital, each time bringing her a change of clothes and fresh gossip. Molly had accused her of hiding away in Severus' room. She was right, Jane supposed as she watched over Severus. She _had been_ staying out of the public eye, because she didn't want to be pestered with questions and accusations. Yes, she had noticed the furtive glances several wizards and witches had thrown her. She had also heard some of the whispers. People were wondering how she had been able to bring Severus back to life, while others around her – Harry Potter, in particular – had perished. _She_ didn't _have_ the answers, though. She had started CPR out of pure desperation. By rights, Severus _should_ have been dead.

Jane shifted to a more comfortable position and grimaced. Her ribs were healing well, but they still protested when she moved suddenly. Molly had also been bursting with questions, but Jane had been in no mood to answer any, and the older witch had reluctantly backed off. Talking to Molly always brought back painful memories of the battle and its aftermath, when they all were still trying to come to terms with everything that had happened. Jane recalled how Molly had shot worried glances towards Remus, while they were waiting in Voldemort's manor for news from Mr. Weasley.

"Jane," Molly had asked quietly, "do you think you could, well, bring Tonks back? I… I'll watch over Severus…" she'd quickly offered, when Jane had hesitated.

In the end, Jane had nodded slowly and reluctantly let go of Severus. Remus hadn't even noticed her approach. Only when she'd squatted down in front of him and touched his arm, had he looked up. His face had been wet with tears and his eyes dark with unbearable sorrow.

"She's not moving," he had told her brokenly. "She's _not moving_…"

Jane's gaze had dropped to Tonks' side, noticing an ugly black stain on her otherwise pristine white T-Shirt.

"Remus?" Jane had asked confusedly.

He'd followed her gaze and more tears had filled his eyes. "She was hit from behind." He'd nodded towards a beautifully worked delicate silver dagger lying nearby. "It was poisoned. I… I pulled it out…" Remus had tenderly caressed Tonks' pale face. "I didn't want her to be uncomfortable."

"I understand," she'd told him gently, knowing immediately that there was nothing she could do.

As she had slowly walked back to Molly and Severus, she'd noticed Hermione bending over Harry. Jane had sighed and sadly shaken her head. The window for successfully resuscitating him had long passed…

Jane dragged her thoughts back to the present and stretched, wincing when her ribs protested again. She glanced over at Severus, who was sleeping peacefully at the moment. Four days had passed, and he was still slipping in and out of consciousness as his body battled the after-effects of the Killing Curse. St. Mungo's Healers kept shaking their heads whenever they examined him.

"We have never had a patient who has survived the Killing Curse," they would explain embarrassedly. "We can only treat the obvious signs, but we don't know what other damage it may have done."

At least, they had been able to provide an explanation for the blue light. Jane sighed. It hadn't been her, after all. It had been her wand, or what had been left of it. The unicorn essence contained in it had transferred to her when it exploded in her hand, and her tears had activated its healing powers. If only she had known back then. Maybe she could have helped more people.

Jane sighed and carefully stretched again. When she had sat in it earlier, the overstuffed armchair had seemed more than comfortable, but now, after several hours, her muscles were screaming for relief. She got up and crossed the short distance to the bed. Bending over Severus, she brushed a strand of hair out of his face. His skin felt cool to her touch, and she sighed with relief. The fever had not returned. It gave her hope that his condition was finally improving. If only he would wake up soon, she thought, staring down at his pale face. At least, he was sleeping peacefully now.

When he hadn't regained consciousness after twenty-four hours at St. Mungo's, Jane had begun to worry, blaming herself. She had performed CPR, never considering the consequences. Everyone knew that Muggle remedies and magic didn't mix. At least, they normally didn't. And yet, in his case they had. But what was the use of snatching him from Death's cold embrace, she had thought hysterically, only to have him spend the rest of his life in a coma? Fortunately, her fears had been unfounded. Severus had briefly responded to a Rejuvenating treatment, before falling into fitful sleep. But then the fever had claimed him, and his condition had worsened. For two days the fever had ravaged his body. He would frequently toss and turn in his sleep, yelling incoherently as nightmares chased each other in his delirious mind. More than once, Jane had crept into bed with him and hugged him tightly until he had calmed down again. Then, yesterday, the fever had finally broken and he'd spent the night comfortably without any fever dreams.

As she had often over the last four days, Jane sat down on the bed next to his still form and began to talk to him. She didn't know whether he heard her, but she hoped he did. She took his hand into hers and told him of her childhood and her time among Muggles. She told him of her hopes and dreams, her fears and sorrows. More than anything, however, she told him what was in her heart and how much she loved him. Jane dabbed at her eyes as tears began to well up again. She'd been crying a lot recently and doubted that this would be the last time.

"_You must live_," she told him urgently, "if not for my sake, then for your own. You've been given a second chance, and you mustn't discard it. Besides, I need you. Who else is going to be my voice of reason? Who else is going to scowl at me when I tease him? You know, no one can scowl quite like you do. Who else is going to watch over me and be my knight in shining armor? Severus, you can't die. Not now that you've been given back to me…"

---

_Someone was speaking to him, begging him not to die. A woman. He knew that lulling voice and struggled through the darkness surrounding him, straining towards it. The voice was tender and soothing, promising that everything would be alright. If only the gloom would lift, so he could see her face. Jane…_

_The fire that had been consuming his body had finally died down, but the pain still lingered. He was in so much pain. That meant he was still alive, didn't it? He was so tired. He wanted to sleep forever, but Jane didn't want him to. She wanted him to wake up._

_He would do as she asked – soon. But for now, he would sleep for a while longer. Just a little – until he was stronger._

---

Remus was watching Jane from the door. Feeling like an intruder, he had stopped in his tracks when he'd heard her one-sided conversation. Severus was a lucky bastard, he thought, his knuckles turning white around the handle of his walking stick. He wasn't a man who readily lost his temper, but seeing his old enemy alive – granted, Severus was injured, but he was _alive_ – when Tonks was not, painfully squeezed his heart. Remus still couldn't understand how a cold man like Severus had secured the love and support of a warm, gentle woman like Jane. Severus didn't know how lucky he was. Unable to bear the intimate scene before him any longer, he took an awkward step forward and cleared his throat.

Jane started and almost fell off the bed. Her head whipped around, but her shocked expression immediately gave way to a happy smile of welcome. She quickly got to her feet and rushed to greet him.

"Remus," she breathed happily and embraced him. "I'm so glad to see you!"

He did not return her hug, and she immediately stepped back. Worry shone in her eyes as she took in his haggard appearance. His scarred face was drawn and had several new marks on it.

"I'm sorry," she apologized quickly. "Were you injured? Did I hurt you?"

Remus wearily shook his head. "It's nothing that won't heal."

Jane nodded in understanding. "Remus, I haven't had a chance to tell you, yet… but I'm so sorry about Tonks."

Pain flashed in his eyes. He nodded stiffly.

"Come," Jane invited him. "Have a seat."

Remus let her lead him to the armchair and dropped heavily into it. Jane sat down on the edge of the bed and folded her hands in her lap.

"So," she finally said when the silence became overwhelming. "What are you doing here? I have the distinct feeling that you should still be resting."

Her friend cleared his throat and shifted slightly. "I'm here on behalf of the Order. Well," he admitted, "and the Ministry, of sorts. We've all heard of Severus'… well, of how you brought him back. There are so many things that we still need to clear up…"

"Remus," Jane interrupted him tiredly. "Can't this wait until later?"

He sighed. "I'm afraid not. If you won't talk to me, the Ministry might summon you for an interrogation. I volunteered, because I believed that you'd prefer me over the Ministry's Inquisitors…"

"Oh." Jane's shoulders sagged. She had no desire to ever set a step in the Ministry again. "Alright. What do you want to know?"

Remus rewarded her with a small smile. "That's more like it." He pulled a notepad from his threadbare coat and a Dictation Quill. He raised an eyebrow. "You don't mind, do you?"

The quill immediately began to scratch on the paper. Once it was done, it remained poised above the notepad, ready to take more dictation.

"Just get on with it," Jane grumbled, and the quill began to write again.

"Molly probably has already told you this, but everybody is just itching to know _how exactly_ you revived Severus." He nodded towards the sleeping man on the bed. "By the way, how is the old boy?"

Jane glanced at Severus and grasped his hand again, unaware of how this simple loving gesture was received by Remus. "His fever broke yesterday," she said, briefly caressing Severus' forehead, "but he still hasn't woken up. The Healers are at a loss, though. They've never had a patient like him before."

"Yes." Remus tore his gaze from the painful sight and pretended to inspect the book Jane had been reading earlier. "Maybe we should start there."

Jane returned her attention to her visitor. "OK."

"Arthur told me you used CPR on Severus?"

She nodded. "It's a Muggle technique…"

Remus held up his hand. "I'm familiar with it. What made you think that it would counter the Killing Curse?"

"I didn't really think of countering the curse," Jane clarified. "I kept thinking that the heart had stopped and I had to somehow start it again. CPR was the first thing that came to my mind. I must admit," she told him, somewhat embarrassed, "I frequently still think like a Muggle…"

Remus nodded. "Fair enough. Molly also said something about a… blue light?"

"Yes," Jane confirmed, "as I was compressing Severus' chest, a blue light shot from my hands into him. Now, before you make anything out of it," she quickly went on, when she saw him open his mouth to comment, "that was one answer the Healers here at St. Mungo's _were_ able to answer. It was my wand… well, sort of. Voldemort blasted it into smithereens, which burned into my skin. My wand was purified with unicorn tears, which means that the unicorn's healing essence had seeped into my hands. My own tears must have activated it, while I was performing CPR on Severus."

A low whistle escaped Remus' lips. "That makes sense," he said, nodding slightly. Suddenly, he frowned. "Couldn't you have helped some others, then?"

Jane shook her head. She'd heard his unsaid question. _Couldn't you have helped Tonks? _"I wish I could have," she told him honestly, "but the Healers here have found only minute traces of it in my skin. There was nothing left… The essence was exhausted as soon as it revived Severus. I doubt that it was even enough for him. Why else would he linger in this half-comatose state? Besides, if you know about CPR, then surely you know that it can only carried out for a brief period immediately after the heart is stopped. And it is ineffective for mortal wounds like Tonks'."

Remus' gaze dropped to his hand on his walking stick. "I know," he said quietly. "I only wish…"

"So do I, Remus." Jane grieved with him. "Apart from you, Tonks was my best friend. I miss her terribly."

He nodded, unable to meet her eyes. "I loved her."

"I know," Jane said gently and slid off the bed. She moved over to him and kneeled down by his side, placing a hand on his arm. "It's OK to grieve," she told him. "You don't have to be brave here – with me."

Remus finally broke down. Jane reached up to hug him, and he sobbed into her shoulder as she comforted him through his loss.

It was quite a while later, when Remus gradually pulled himself together again. "I… I'm better now," he told her, his voice still thick with emotion.

Jane patted his shoulder. "When I first arrived here less than a year ago, you were my rock. Maybe I can be yours now."

Remus nodded. "Maybe…" He cleared his throat, pulling himself together. "Now, where were we?" He reached for the notepad and checked his notes. "Ah, yes."

Jane took her seat by Severus' side again, and looked expectantly at her friend.

"By the way, there were some rumors…" Remus stopped, searching for the right words. "Many members of the Wizarding community were somewhat… um, upset… that Harry did not survive."

"Look," Jane spoke up. "I was still working on Severus. There was no way I could have helped the boy…"

Remus raised his hand. "Don't worry, we have taken care of it. Sibyll Trelawney had another of her… um, visions – which must have been a record for her this year, by the way – that prompted us to raid Dumbledore's memory storage. Oh, yes," he assured her, "the old man was very crafty, or simply careless. I haven't made up my mind, yet… Anyway, we've found his memory of a very important prophecy regarding Harry and Voldemort – …_and either must die at the hand of the other_," he began to recite from memory, "_for neither can live while the other survives…_"

Jane's hand flew to her mouth. "So, it was preordained?"

"Yes, the two of them were fated to kill each other."

Suddenly, something clicked in Jane's mind. She didn't know why, it just did. "Remus," she asked quickly, "what is a _Horcrux_?"

Remus started and looked at her quite earnestly. "What makes you ask that?"

"Well, you remember the stack of papers McGonagall gave me – you know, Dumbledore's research on me…"

He nodded.

"Well, there were several papers and notes that didn't make any sense to me, and I simply put them away for the time being… Anyway, one of those papers contained a list, simply entitled _Horcruxes_."

Remus leaned forward, intrigued. "A list of Horcruxes?"

"Yes," Jane nodded. "There were eight items on the list, several of which had been crossed out…"

"And?"

Jane noticed his suppressed excitement and realized that she'd stumbled onto something important. "First, you tell me what a Horcrux is."

Remus sighed. "Basically, a Horcrux is a fragment of someone's soul hidden outside the body. It's rather dark magic."

"Of course," she exclaimed. "Now, it all makes sense."

"Care to share?"

"Remus," she said, her own excitement rising, "the first seven items were things – a ring, a diary, a cup, etc. – but the last one, the eighth one, was different. It had a question mark by it, and… well, it was a name – _Harry Potter!_"

He sat up. "That doesn't make sense, at all. Why would Voldemort knowingly destroy his own Horcrux?"

"I'm guessing, he didn't know," Jane explained. "I mean, what if a part of his soul transferred to Harry, when he tried to kill him seventeen years ago? He might not have known, and when he divided his soul into seven parts, he never knew that there was one already missing – one last part of his soul. It makes sense, Remus," she said urgently. "It definitely explains the prophecy, and it explains his so-called death disappearance seventeen years ago. It would also explain why he was able to shake off _my_ Killing Curse. Harry had still been alive."

Remus stared at her, wide-eyed. "It _does_ make sense! Harry had mentioned something of Dumbledore's quest regarding Voldemort's Horcruxes. He'd also vowed to find the remaining ones to finally vanquish Voldemort. Merlin's Beard, I believe you're right!"

"Do you think there is a way of finding out – about Harry being a Horcrux, I mean?"

He considered it for a moment. "There are some spells," he finally said, "but they have never been performed on a person. Horcruxes generally require inanimate objects. However, we'll try and figure it out somehow. Do you mind, if I'll take a look at Dumbledore's notes?"

Jane shook her head and allowed herself a small smile. "Help yourself. They're in my office – although, you may have to search for a while. I'm not sure where, uh… I've put them…"

Remus returned her smile. He knew very well that orderliness wasn't one of Jane's strong suits.

"Maybe that's something you ought to work on when you get back to Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts!" Jane exclaimed, growing pale. "What about my classes? I haven't been teaching in almost a week!"

"Don't worry," Remus assured her. "Arrangements have been made."

"Oh, thank God," Jane sighed in relief. "I've been so selfish. I haven't thought of anything, or anyone, other than Severus."

"I wouldn't call that selfish," he told her quietly. "You are a very generous and warm-hearted woman, Jane."

She looked at her hands. "If that were true, I could have saved more…"

Remus leaned forward and took her hands into his. "Jane, Severus said you were a powerful witch…"

Jane grimaced. "…who still doesn't know her own strength and abilities…"

"…but," Remus continued deliberately, "you are _not_ God. Like all of us, you're only human. There are worse things than being human, Jane."

She sighed. "You're right, of course. I just can't help thinking that there must have been something I could have done to avoid all this bloodshed."

"But you did do something, Jane," Remus assured her. "You and Severus, you both kept Voldemort distracted, until he could finally be brought down. Without the two of you, Harry would not have been able to succeed."

"I guess so," she acquiesced quietly.

"By the way, what did happen to you after you and Colin were attacked?"

Her gaze fixed on his kind, understanding eyes as the memories flooded her brain. Jane told him everything, all the gruesome, heartbreaking details, and Remus listened to her attentively, without interrupting her.

"And then you all came to the rescue," Jane brought her tale to an end. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. "By the way, how _did_ you know when to show up? Your timing was impeccable."

"Well, you have to thank Hermione Granger's immense talent for that. She really is a clever young witch, you know. I can't wait to see what she'll be capable of when she's completed her education… But I digress. A few years ago, Hermione mastered a Protean Charm, which acts very much like a…"

"A homing beacon," Jane finished for him. "Like Voldemort's Dark Mark."

Remus nodded, impressed. "That's right. Harry had told his godfather about it, who then told me, in return. I recalled that little fact, and with Hermione's help, we managed to provide every member of the Order, as well as several Ministry Aurors, with charmed amulets. Severus simply had to activate his, once he'd found you, and… well, the rest, you know."

Severus moaned in his sleep, drawing Jane's attention. She placed her hand on his forehead and gently stroked his head.

"He came after me," she said quietly, her eyes never leaving his face.

"Indeed, he did," Remus confirmed. "You know, he volunteered. Wouldn't let anyone else do it, for fear they would fail."

"He's a hero," she declared proudly.

"Yes, he is."

---

On the fourth floor at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries in Severus' private room, Jane's eyes drifted shut. Remus had left long ago. She hadn't wanted to relive the nightmare of the last several days, but Remus had been patient and understanding, and, in the end, talking to him had felt like a relief. Their conversation, however, had left her drained. She'd dragged the armchair closer to the bed and gratefully dropped into it, drawing up her legs and folding them under her. She would shut her eyes for a minute, she'd told herself, only for a minute. Moments later, Jane was fast asleep.

---

_The fire had left him parched. Every breath he took seemed to abrade the inside of his throat until it was raw. He swallowed painfully. He longed for the soothing sensation of cool water running down his throat as much as he yearned for the soothing cool touch of Jane's hand on his skin. _

_It was time to wake up._

_

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Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG

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_


	20. Healing, Part I

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

**A/N: **Previous chapters have finally been updated – grammar and style have been corrected, and annoying A/N's have been removed. Feel free to go back and check out my nifty new subtitles. School has started again, but I'll be adding new chapters regularly – the story isn't over until you see the words _The End_.

* * *

I saw your face and heard you call my name

Oh my friend we're older but no wiser

For in our hearts the dreams are still the same

_Those Were the Days_, Mary Hopkins

**Chapter Twenty – Healing, Part I**

…**where Severus gets better and things look up…**

_He was so thirsty. He needed… _

"Water," he requested hoarsely.

The word was barely more than a whisper, but Jane started awake. She was immediately by his side and bent over him, examining his pale features. He looked so weak and vulnerable – a far cry from the capable virile man she knew him to be. His eyes were still closed, and for a moment, she thought that she'd imagined hearing him.

"Severus?" she asked uncertainly.

He swallowed painfully, and gathered strength to speak again. "Water," he croaked.

Jane reached for the goblet sitting on the nightstand beside his bed and circled one finger along its rim, just like one of the Healers had shown her. It immediately filled with delicious cool water. She slipped an arm around Severus' shoulders and held the goblet to his lips. He drank in greedy gulps until she had to pull it out of his reach.

"Slowly," she cautioned him. Jane wasn't sure whether he'd heard her, because his eyes were still closed, but he nodded slightly.

_It was Heaven, he thought as the cool water trickled down his throat, soothing away the pain, quenching his thirst._

"More," he whispered, and Jane complied.

Once more, she held the goblet to his lips, and Severus drained it. As soon as it was empty, it refilled with water. Eventually, he moved his head aside, indicating that he was done, and sank back against the pillows, breathing heavily from the exertion.

_He felt a cool hand on his forehead, checking his temperature. The hand lingered for a moment, before moving to caress his cheek._

"Please, get well soon."

_He knew that touch. He knew that voice. Jane was here. _His _Jane._

"Jane?"

"Shhh," she soothed. "I'm here. You're safe."

"Jane…"

"Don't talk now, Severus," she instructed him gently. "Conserve your strength. I'm not going anywhere."

He swallowed and nodded drowsily. "Good."

She stroked his head again. "Rest, my love."

He nodded again and almost immediately fell into a fitful sleep. Jane sighed, picked up her book and curled up in her armchair.

Some time during the night, Severus suddenly started awake. He couldn't remember what woke him, but it didn't matter now. He was done sleeping. Slowly, he opened his eyes. The soft low light that greeted him hurt his eyes, still sensitive from the darkness that had enveloped him for so long. He didn't know where he was and looked about him in confusion, once his eyes had adjusted. Turning his head slightly on the pillow, he made out Jane's sleeping form. The upper part of her body lay draped over the side of his bed, her head resting on her crossed arms next to his chest. Her presence was comforting. Severus recalled her voice guiding him through his fever dreams to sanity. With quite some effort, he slowly raised his hand and placed it gently on her head. He would rest easier now, knowing that he wasn't alone.

---

Jane started awake to the sound of raised voices.

"No, I will _not_ take that infernal potion. Not until I know what's in it."

"Mr. Snape," a woman exclaimed, "must you be so difficult?"

"Severus?"

"Oh, thank God," the flustered Healer breathed. "Please, Miss Sinclair, talk some sense into him. He must take this Strengthening Potion."

Jane bent over Severus and searched his face. His dark eyes were glittering with suppressed anger, and she had to smile. His voice was still hoarse, but he was back to his old self, she realized happily. She sat on the bed beside him and grasped one of his hands.

"Severus," she told him gently. "You have been very ill, and now you need to build up your strength. Please take the potion."

"Fine," he grumbled ungraciously.

The Healer quickly poured the steaming liquid into him and retreated hastily from the room.

"The woman is a menace," Severus said, when the door had closed behind her.

"She just wants you to get better…"

He snorted.

"We all do," Jane assured him and brushed his hair out of his face. "How are you feeling?"

He moved to prop himself up and winced. His entire body was still painfully sore, especially when he moved. He grimaced.

"I'm not dead," he said wryly. "That should count for something, I guess."

Severus noted the pained expression on Jane's face. "What is it?"

Jane shook her head and presented him with a brilliant smile. "Nothing," she lied through her teeth. There was no reason to upset him – yet.

"So…" She quickly changed the subject. "How do you like your private room? St. Mungo's doesn't provide them to just anyone, you know…"

"It's… adequate," Severus offered disinterestedly. Jane wasn't telling him something important, he realized, and he was determined to find out what she was hiding from him.

"How long have I been here?" he finally asked.

Jane quickly calculated. "Five days. This is your sixth…"

"And you've been here with me the entire time?" he asked carefully.

"Yes," she told him gently, stroking his hand.

A muscle in his face twitched. "Why?"

Her eyes widened. "Why?" she echoed incredulously. "Do you even have to ask?"

"I was simply wondering," he told her indifferently.

"Don't start all this nonsense again, Severus," she warned him. "You know I love you. Is it so difficult to grasp that I want to be with you? Take care of you?"

Severus studied her for a long moment.

"What happened?" he asked her softly.

Jane's eyes widened. She didn't want to tell him. Not, yet. "Don't you remember?"

"I remember finding you, and then – nothing." Severus frowned. "Just darkness and pain."

"Oh, Severus…" Jane's eyes suddenly began to well up, and she quickly averted her gaze, but his sharp eyes already had noticed the tears.

"Jane, what is it?" he asked her worriedly. He hated the fact that he'd made her cry, yet, again.

Jane examined their entwined fingers on the crisp white hospital covers, looking for the right words. She took a deep breath.

"Voldemort killed you," she finally told him.

Severus glowered at her darkly. "What do you mean," he asked her in a dangerously low voice, "_he killed_ _me_?"

"Now, Severus, please don't get upset." Jane tried to soothe him. "He was about to kill me, and you challenged him… You dueled with him most magnificently," she added proudly.

He stared at her, unbelieving. "The Dark Lord _killed_ me?"

Jane nodded silently.

Severus withdrew his hand from hers and hugged himself. "How?" he asked quietly.

"You stumbled," she told him brokenly, "and he used the Killing Curse…"

He squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to come to terms with what he'd just heard. Jane watched the play of emotions on his face, and she longed to hug and comfort him, but his crossed arms were not inviting intimacy.

"Why, then," he suddenly demanded, "am I still alive?"

"Well, I," Jane began, "I… I brought you back."

"You did?" he asked incredulously. "_How?_"

She reached for his hand again and told him everything. When she had finished, Jane watched his face expectantly, but he did not look at her. Severus stared quietly off into the distance and didn't say a word for a very long time.

---

"What do you mean, _he doesn't want any visitors_?"

Molly Weasley's sharp voice penetrated through the door. Jane cringed and threw a worried glance towards Severus. He was asleep again, and she didn't want him to wake and exert himself. Apparently, however, he hadn't heard Molly.

"Of course, he'll see us!"

The door opened suddenly, and Molly came marching in, followed by her husband and gaggle of offspring. Hermione Granger was also with them. Remus was the only one missing. Jane sighed and smiled in welcome.

"Doesn't want any visitors, indeed," Molly scoffed disgustedly. Then her expression softened.

"Oh, hello, Jane," she greeted the younger witch sitting with Severus. "How are you, dear?"

"Alright," Jane offered, already feeling overwhelmed by the mob of people squeezed into the tiny room.

"And Severus?" Arthur Weasley studied the man on the bed. "We, uh, heard that he finally woke…"

"Yes." Jane nodded happily. "He's resting now, though. Maybe, if you all came back later?"

Fred and George nodded vigorously and quickly disappeared through the door.

"Just where do they think they're going?" Molly exclaimed loudly and Jane cringed again.

Ron shrugged. "Dunno," he offered. "Maybe the tea room?"

"Excellent idea," Arthur enthused and began to herd the remaining Weasley clan out the door. "Come on, you lot. I feel somewhat peaked myself."

Molly shot him a curious glance, but then nodded in agreement. "Yes," she told them. "Go on, then. Meanwhile, I'll visit with Jane for a bit."

Ron and Hermione were the last to leave.

"Thank God," Ron whispered loudly. "I still don't understand why Mum made us visit him. It's not like anyone really cares…"

"Ronald Weasley," his mother screeched, placing her fists on her hips. "Explain yourself this instant!"

Jane shot another worried glance at Severus. His face was scrunched up unhappily, but his eyes were still closed.

"Well, it's true," Ron defended himself half-heartedly. "Nobody would miss him, if he croaked."

Molly stared at her son in disbelief, and Jane's eyes narrowed. Hermione tugged urgently at his sleeve, begging him to be quiet. She'd noticed Jane's expression change and realized that Ron was on very thin ice. However, he didn't heed her warning.

"Why is _he_ alive, when Harry and Tonks aren't?" he asked her self-righteously. "It's not fair! He doesn't deserve to live when so many other _good_ wizards are dead," he cried angrily, voicing his grief the only way he knew how.

Hermione's hands flew to her mouth, and her eyes widened in shock. "Ron!" she exclaimed, scandalized.

For once in her life, Molly was speechless. Before she could find a fitting response to her son's thoughtless words, Jane had risen from the bed and drawn herself to her full height of five feet three inches.

"_How dare you?_" she asked the boy coldly.

Ron noticed anger blazing in her eyes, the ice in her voice, and finally realized he'd gone too far. His face turned a furious red and he tugged uncomfortably at his collar, suddenly unable to breathe. "Erm…"

"How dare you say that?" Jane asked again. "Don't you know what Severus has done for all of us? For the entire Wizarding world? How dare you pass judgment on this man, after all that he has done for you? Had it not been for him, your _precious_ Harry would not have been able to overcome Voldemort! He sacrificed himself for all of you. He _gave his life _for you! The least you can do is to show him some _respect_."

Ron was staring at his feet, properly chagrined. Hermione also looked rather embarrassed.

"He didn't mean it," she mumbled apologetically.

"Really?" Jane asked scathingly. She was seething with anger now.

"Yes, well," Molly quickly jumped in, still mortified at her son's insensitivity. "Jane, dear, maybe it's better if I visit with you another time." She looked pointedly at Ron. "_Alone_."

"Yes," Jane agreed coolly. "It might be better."

"Please give Severus our best."

"I will."

"Well, then." Molly looked about her, unsure how to make a dignified exit. "I… erm, I guess we'll go then."

She herded Ron and Hermione out of the room and closed the door behind them. Staring after them, Jane breathed a sigh of relief and fought to get her feelings under control.

"Are they gone?"

Jane swirled around. "Severus, you're awake," she noted unnecessarily.

He slowly opened his eyes, and his lips curled wryly. "Molly's voice can raise the dead…"

"Don't joke," Jane admonished him.

"You can't blame young Weasley, you know," Severus told her. "He and Potter were joined by the hip for seven years…"

"I know he's grieving," Jane admitted. "I also know of your history with them. But that's still no excuse for the cruel things he said about you."

Severus held out his hand, and Jane rushed to his side. "They've thought, and said, much worse about me over the years, Jane," he explained quietly. "I'm used to it."

"Well, I'm not," she told him decidedly. "I won't have Ron Weasley, or anyone else for that matter, speak ill of you."

He smiled. "You are determined to protect me at all cost, aren't you?"

"Of course, I am!" She looked at him tenderly. "I promised, didn't I?"

Severus raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Thank you."

Jane's eyes widened. "For what?"

"For everything," he told her simply. "For bringing me back. For believing in me. For defending me. For… loving me."

She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the mouth. "You're welcome," she whispered against his lips.

Severus brought his other arm around her and drew her down onto the bed. Jane readily snuggled against him and hugged him tightly. He sighed contently.

"It seems an eternity since I've held you in my arms," he told her.

"I missed you, too."

For a while, they lay in comfortable silence.

"I… I'm sorry," he finally said.

Jane lifted her head to look at him. "For what?"

"For all those nasty things I said to you – before. I didn't mean any of it."

She squeezed him gently, careful not to hurt his sore body. "I know."

Her simple acceptance touched him. Unlike him, Jane held no grudges. She was warm and generous, gentle and loving. He still couldn't believe that she chose to love _him_. He was very lucky. Very lucky, indeed. Savoring the feel of Jane's body draped over his, he contently closed his eyes. Gradually, his breathing slowed and lulled Jane to sleep as the excitement of the day caught up with her.

---

_She was late for the ball. Picking up her dress, she hurried along the corridor leading to the Great Hall. Severus would be furious. She knew how much he valued punctuality. He took tardiness very personally. A mischievous smile spread over her face. It would be fun to see how he chose to punish her. At the worst, he would ignore her for the rest of the evening. At best, he would subject her to a _very _passionate night. With that pleasurable thought, she had reached the Great Hall and, taking a deep breath, quickly smoothed her dress. _

_He was watching her from across the room. She could feel his brooding stare, even before she saw him. It caused the fine hairs on the back of her neck stand up on end and made her skin tingle. Donning an inviting smile, she turned to face him, but what she saw caught her by surprise. Gone was the aloof and untouchable Severus Snape. In his stead was a man of flesh and blood whose dark eyes burned with such desire that sent jolts of icy heat through her body. His eyes raked over her with unconcealed hunger, and she smiled confidently. She had intentionally worn her midnight-blue dress, recalling the effect it had had on him one year ago. Severus' reaction this evening told her that she had chosen correctly. She met his smoldering gaze and knew immediately that he would not ignore her tonight._

"_Jane." Remus appeared by her side. "You look stunning," he told her truthfully. _

"_Remus!" she exclaimed and hugged him. "I did not expect you."_

_Remus stepped back and smiled sheepishly. "Yes, well," he explained. "I had a meeting with Minerva, and she invited me to stay. She… well, she thought I could do with some socializing."_

"_I'm glad you came."_

"_Will you save me a dance?"_

"_What?" She looked at him, confused. "Of course, I'll dance with you. Why do you even ask?"_

_Remus nodded towards someone behind her. She followed his gaze, and her eyes beheld Severus, standing at the edge of the dance floor, watching them intently. She smiled. _

"_Don't worry about Severus," she told him gently. "I've explained our friendship to him. He now knows better than to make a scene."_

_Remus smiled. "He looks rather jealous…"_

_She sneaked another peek at Severus, who looked rather displeased. In fact, he was positively glowering now. _

"_I don't believe it!"_

"_Would you care to place a bet on that?" Remus offered her his arm, winking roguishly. _

"_He promised!"_

"_Then you should have nothing to worry about."_

"_Exactly," she told him primly, accepting his offer and challenge. "Let's dance."_

_Remus led her out onto the dance floor and pulled her into his arms. They had completed one circle round the room, when a dark figure stepped into their path. _

"_May I cut in?" Severus drawled arrogantly. "You don't mind, Lupin, do you?" _

_He never looked at his old schoolmate. He only had eyes for her._

"_Not at all, Severus," Remus replied, grinning smugly. _

_Severus reached for her in a sweeping gesture and drew her possessively to his side. He took her in his arms and stared into her eyes._

"_When will you understand," he asked her tersely, "that you belong to _me_?" _

In her sleep, Jane smiled happily and snuggled closer against Severus, who was having dreams of his own.

_He stood over the unconscious wizard he'd been battling. Arthur Weasley nodded gratefully and quickly performed several binding spells on the Death Eaters lying at their feet. Turning around, he realized that Jane had gone. He cursed and went in search of her. _

_He made his way downstairs into the thick of battle. The air, thick with smoke and dust, was filled with the shouts of the combatants and the screams of the dying. He stepped over dead bodies, his dark eyes scanning the crowd for Jane. Suddenly, he saw her. The Dark Lord had just thrown her off her feet and was approaching her, his wand at the ready. Fear like he'd never known before, painfully squeezed his heart, and Severus fought his way through the mob. He caught a glimpse of Voldemort pointing his wand at Jane, who immediately began to writhe and contort as the Cruciatus Curse hit her. _

_He cursed again and forged forward. Several Death Eaters stepped in his way, and he quickly disposed of them. He reached them, just as the Dark Lord was bearing down on Jane, who was staring up at him, her face contorted with pain._

"_Now, it is my turn, Miss Sinclair," Voldemort said. "Now, you die."_

"NO!"

_He surged forward, only one thought in his mind – to shield her from the Dark Lord._

"_Severus," Voldemort acknowledged him calmly and aimed his wand at him. "So, this is how it will end? Over a woman?"_

_He merely shrugged. "We cannot choose our destiny."_

"_Destiny…" Voldemort slowly shook his head, something akin to regret in his eyes. "There are much worthier causes to die for, Severus…" _

"_There are certain things I regret, Voldemort, but this is not one of them."_

_The Dark Lord smiled maliciously. "I'm glad to hear it."_

_Before he could guess his intent, Voldemort pointed his wand at Jane. "Avada Kedavra!"_

"NO!"

Severus surged upright, panting heavily, the image of Jane's lifeless body etched into his mind. Beside him, Jane mumbled something and stretched, but didn't wake up. Ignoring the shooting pain in his body, he twisted onto his side and watched her sleep. A happy smile was gracing her face.

He frowned.

_

* * *

Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG

* * *

_


	21. Healing, Part II

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Darling are you healing

From all the scars appearing

_The Saddest Song I've Got_, Annie Lennox

**Chapter Twenty – Healing, Part II**

…**where old habits are hard to break, and Severus makes Jane cry – again…**

Severus was watching Jane sleep, his eyes moving lovingly over her peaceful features, memorizing every line, every freckle. This is how he wanted to remember her. During the night, he had come to a decision. She wouldn't like what he had to tell her. Hell, _he _didn't like it, either. But he had no choice. And it wouldn't be easy. She would insist on staying with him, but he had to send her away, while he still could, while he still had his resolve.

His dream had made him realize that as long as he associated with Jane, she was in grave danger. There were Death Eaters still at large, who would gladly take revenge on him and his for bringing down their lord and master. Severus feared for her, and after all that they had been through, he had realized that he'd been the cause for most of her heartache. Severus recalled the hurt in her eyes, when they had fought before, and he didn't want a repetition of the past. This time, he wanted them to part on amicable terms. He desperately needed her to understand that he was doing this for her sake. That he was sending her away for her own good. His own heartache was irrelevant, as long as Jane was safe.

Jane stirred and sighed drowsily. Her eyes opened slowly and found him watching her intently. She had missed waking up next to him and smiled contently.

"Good morning, Severus. How are you feeling?"

For a moment, he studied her thoughtfully, his expression betraying nothing. Jane picked up on his somber mood and propped herself up.

"What is it, Severus?"

He stared into her green eyes and sighed. She deserved to be happy and carefree. He could think of only one way to achieve that. He _had_ to let her go.

His silence worried her. Jane took his hand into hers, but he removed it determinedly.

"Don't…" Severus clenched his teeth. He couldn't bear her touch. Not now, when he was about to send her away, _out of his life_. "Please… don't."

He drew a deep breath. He didn't quite know how to start. It was more difficult than he imagined.

"Jane," he began quietly, trying to be as gentle as he possibly could, "we have to talk..."

Jane stared at Severus, trying to figure out his intent, but he was as inscrutable as ever. She'd become familiar with his mannerisms in the time they had spent together, and he'd always become this serious when he was about to tell her something unpleasant. She searched his eyes, and something in his earnest gaze took her back to their last ill-fated conversation in that dark deserted corridor at Hogwarts. He was looking at her now just as he had back then, his face as deadpan as ever, only his eyes hinting at his true emotions – uneasiness, worry, guilt.

Severus shifted slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position for his aching body. Jane was confused and worried, and he didn't know how to lessen her fears.

"I appreciate everything you have done for me," he continued quickly, before she disconcerted him further and he lost his resolve. "It… is very flattering…"

However, it already was too late. Her eyes widened as she finally understood his intention. _He was going to send her away._

"Don't say it," she whispered fiercely, fighting back the tears that began to well up. She stared at him imploringly. "_Please_ don't say it."

He sighed. "Jane, I…"

She shook her head, not wanting to hear any more. She was tired of going in circles, skirting the issue at hand – their relationship. No, she wouldn't let him do it to her again. Not this time. Not after everything they'd been through.

"Severus, we've had this conversation before and if I remember correctly, you apologized for saying all those cruel things to me back at Hogwarts..."

"Yes, well… I was provoked then and let my emotions get the better of me."

"I… see." Jane's gaze fell to her hands. "I thought we could make a fresh start. I guess I was wrong…" She drew a shuddering breath. "So, where does that leave us?"

Severus sighed. "Jane, don't do this."

"Me?" Jane exclaimed outraged. "You're the one who wants me to leave. I mean, that's what you were going to say, wasn't it?"

"Don't you understand? It's for your own good. Our relationship… it doesn't work."

"And whose fault is that, Severus? Huh? You can't just have a relationship when it's convenient. That's not how it works. You can't just run away every time there is a problem or because you're scared or worried. You have to take the good with the bad… One moment you want me and the next you don't. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"And how are we this morning?" Hortense Belladonna asked cheerfully as she swept into the room, blissfully unaware of the heated conversation she'd just interrupted.

Severus stared at Jane for a moment longer, before he slowly turned his intense gaze on the Healer. The woman's timing was most inopportune.

Jane scrambled off the bed and quickly slipped on her shoes. "I… I'll go freshen up," she announced and hurried from the room.

"We'll talk later," he called after her, his tone promising her that the conversation was far from over.

---

Jane waited impatiently in the corridor until the Healer left the room.

"How is he?" she asked worriedly.

Healer Belladonna looked at her earnestly. "The prognosis is still guarded. Our pain-relieving potions are only mildly effective, and the constant pain Mr. Snape is experiencing is detrimental to his convalescence."

Jane crossed her arms, fighting back the tears. She had hoped his recovery was a good sign. Apparently, she had been mistaken.

"Is there nothing that can be done?" she asked dejectedly.

"Well," the Healer admitted, "at the moment all we can do is treat his symptoms. A combination of different pain-relieving potions may be a solution. Mr. Snape has given me some ideas, which I would like to explore. He is a Potions master, is he not?"

Jane nodded proudly. "The very best."

"Yes, well…" Healer Belladonna hesitated briefly.

"There's more, isn't there?" Jane asked worriedly. "What is it?"

"Unfortunately, the pain isn't our only concern…"

"What do you mean?"

The Healer sighed. "Well, at the moment, Mr. Snape's mobility is still rather limited..."

Jane stared at the woman in front of her, her eyes wide with shock. "You mean he is paralyzed?"

"Well, no, of course not. As you know, he _can_ move… albeit only a little."

The Healer shifted uncomfortably and looked longingly down the corridor, where she knew her cozy office was located. How she yearned to be there right now. But the young witch standing in front of her already was worried enough. She didn't want to add to her sorrow.

"Maybe you'd rather talk to Mr. Snape about this?" she suggested hopefully.

"He wouldn't tell me," Jane informed her sadly. "You and I, we both know that."

"Alright." Healer Belladonna gave in. "The pain he is experiencing could indicate permanent tissue damage. However, it may also be a good sign. It gives us some hope…"

"It does?"

"Well, as long as there is sensation in his body, there is a good chance that his muscles and limbs will heal and regenerate. We all are hoping that his body is simply taking its time to recover from the after-effects of the Killing Curse." She patted Jane on the shoulder. "After all, his mental capacities don't seem to have suffered… at least, I assume… erm, I mean… I take it he has always been this… erm, acerbic?"

Jane nodded noncommittally.

"Ah, I see. Yes, well…" Healer Belladonna broke off, wondering – not for the first time – how someone like this lovely woman in front of her could care so much for an odious man like Snape. Over the years, she had dealt with her share of difficult patients, but never one so contrary and ornery as the man behind that door. She cleared her throat.

"Anyway, this gives us hope that his body will also recover completely. But for now, my prognosis is still rather guarded."

Jane nodded, and watched the Healer hurry off. She remained rooted where she was, her mind working furiously. Was that what Severus had wanted to talk to her about? She'd had the distinct feeling that he was going to send her away again. But could she have been wrong? Was he afraid she would leave him, once she found out the truth about his health? Could he be ashamed of being weak and sick? Well, she thought, she hoped he had a better reason than that, because this one wouldn't fly. Healer Belladonna had shared her diagnosis with him only moments ago. No, something had happened during the night that had changed his mind. Her eyes began to water. Some time during the night, Severus had decided that he didn't want her, anymore. If that truly was the case, she wanted him to look into her eyes when he told her.

Her chin came up. No, she wouldn't simply give up. She would fight.

---

Sitting in his bed, Severus stared at the ceiling, trying to come to terms with what the Healer had told him. He might not recover completely – if, at all. It was a concept he had trouble accepting. He had always risked his life, had faced death and had been ready for it. Never, though, had he considered the possibility of spending the rest of his life as a cripple. A wreck like Lupin…

Severus looked expectantly towards the door. Jane would come back any minute now, determined to make him change his mind. He sighed. Jane was young and loving, kind and gentle. So full of life and passionate in everything she did. He was the exact opposite – old and tired, selfish and cold. She deserved marriage and children – things he could not give her. He had heard hushed voices outside his door after Hortense Belladonna had left him. It was very likely that Jane had intercepted her and inquired after his condition. No doubt, the Healer would have told her what she had told him.

He groaned. Severus had seen the pain in Jane's eyes, as well as her mutinous expression before she'd left the room. She had been gearing up to fight him then. Now, Jane would definitely refuse to leave him. Other women, if given the opportunity, would gladly leave, but not his Jane. Severus wondered how long she would be able to bear his company. Living with him would bring her down eventually, whether he was crippled or not. No, he could not let her waste her life on him. His conscience wouldn't let him. Besides, he would never be able to live with her pity.

Yes, she would see reason once he laid out his argument, Severus rationalized, trying to convince himself. She simply had to. Jane would not be able to contest the logic behind his actions. His eyes wandered towards the door again, and he frowned. Jane should have returned by now. He wondered what was keeping her.

---

"I have been thinking, Severus," Jane announced as soon as she came through the door. She was ready to fight for him and unwilling to give an inch. "You will need a quiet and relaxing environment to recuperate. I've made plans to spend the summer at Fenton Hall, and you will come with me."

"Jane…" he greeted her wearily, but she shook her head and raised her hand, indicating that she wasn't finished.

"I won't take no for an answer. As soon as the Healers deem you well enough to travel, we're transferring you to Fenton Hall. There will be plenty of house-elves to see to your needs, and I'll be there to keep you company."

She looked at him expectantly, and Severus briefly closed his eyes, shutting out the hopeful glint in her pleading eyes.

"Is this how you see us?" he asked her quietly. "Settling down to a life of domestic bliss?"

"Sure. Why not? What's wrong with that notion?"

"Jane, if you truly knew me, you would realize that I am not the domestic type and never will be."

"It would do you good to try it, Severus." Jane wasn't ready to back down. "The war is over now. You don't have to live in secret or risk your life, anymore. You can begin to heal now – and not just from your physical injuries. You could do with a little monotony. Severus, I'm not proposing marriage, but we need to spend some time together away from Hogwarts and prying eyes, away from the Order and the Ministry. It's the only way to get to know each other better before we make _any_ decisions about our relationship."

Severus sighed. It was obvious, she was trying to persuade him to change his mind, but he had to stay strong.

"I don't want to hurt you, Jane."

"Well, you are," Jane countered bluntly. She was through tiptoeing around him and trying to spare his feelings. "It breaks my heart when you say you don't want me."

"If we stayed together, I would hurt you even more."

"You're being unreasonable, Severus."

"I am not," he said tersely.

"But you're talking nonsense!"

"I am making perfect sense."

"You're not! Are you even listening to yourself? You sound like a madman!"

She studied him, concerned. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously as a thought occurred to her. "Are you sure you're feeling alright? The fever hasn't returned, has it?"

He stared at her furiously and ground his teeth. "I am perfectly lucid."

Jane shook her head. "Maybe it's all those potions you've been forced to drink…"

"No," he interrupted her, frustrated with the way this conversation was heading.

"But you're not making any sense," Jane insisted. "Just yesterday…"

"I have changed my mind since then," he cut her off curtly.

"Why?" she asked gently. "What happened?"

"_Nothing happened_," he ground out. "I just had some time to think and…"

Severus broke off and studied a crack in the ceiling while he collected himself. His plans for talking rationally to Jane had gone up in smoke the minute she had reentered his room and gone into the offensive. It was time he did the same. Jane would never leave him, unless he was brutally blunt.

"I cannot give you what you ask of me, Jane," he finally told her decidedly.

"Is it so difficult to put your trust in me?" she asked him softly. "Is it so hard to admit that you love me?"

He looked at her dispassionately. "I _don't_ love you," he told her tersely.

Jane stared at him for a while, searching his eyes for a sign of truth.

"You're lying," she finally determined. "Why do you keep doing that? What are you still afraid of?"

"I am not afraid of anything," he lied boldly.

"Why won't you try the truth for a change, Severus?"

He did not answer her.

"Severus, _please_," Jane pleaded with him. He was unwilling to confide in her, and it upset her. "Tell me what's bothering you."

He remained silent.

"You're doing it again, Severus," she cried angrily. "You're shutting me out again. Why? Tell me the truth, damn it!"

Finally, Severus faced her.

"I have said everything there is to say." His voice dripped with icy indifference.

Jane stared down at him for a moment, taking in his drawn features, and decided to make one last attempt to appeal to him.

"You once said I made you happy, Severus," she reminded him gently.

He did not meet her gaze, but stared stubbornly at the wall. His withdrawn demeanor told her everything she needed to know. Jane drew a shuddering breath, struggling for control.

"Apparently, that is no longer the case," she realized sadly.

He had done it. He had succeeded. Well, if Severus wanted to be free of her, he would be. There wasn't any fight left in her. With all the dignity she could muster, Jane stood and headed for the door. Just before she reached it, she turned to him once more.

"I hope you will find her – the woman who will ease your torment and bring you happiness. I hoped it would be me, but I see now that I was wrong. Good-bye, Severus."

---

Remus entered the room without knocking. He had a bone to pick with Severus, and there was no time for civility.

"Lupin." Severus acknowledged him disdainfully. "To what do I owe the… pleasure?"

"I have just left Jane," Remus announced without preamble. "She is in quite a state."

"Did she ask you to come?" Severus asked coldly.

"No," Remus answered simply. "We both know that she's too proud to have someone else fight her battles for her."

He recalled her sobbing uncontrollably against his shoulder, cursing and lamenting Severus in the same breath. She would be furious with him, if she knew he was here, but he was willing to take his chances. He didn't want to see his friend hurt, anymore. Ignoring Severus' dark scowl and, without waiting for an invitation to take a seat, Remus limped to the armchair by the bed and sank into it.

"I… see." Severus appeared unmoved.

"Is that all you have to say?" Remus stared at him in disbelief. "Do you enjoy playing with her emotions? Do you take pleasure in hurting her?"

Severus winced, but quickly composed himself. "You're talking about things you know nothing about, Lupin."

"Am I?" Remus feigned ignorance. "And here I thought that you were intentionally driving away the only person who ever gave a damn about you – Dumbledore excluded, of course."

Severus' eyes bored into his, flashing furiously.

"I have come to talk some sense into you, Severus. God knows, you need it."

"I don't need it. I don't need anything or anyone."

"Don't you?" Remus mocked. "Have you looked at yourself lately? Jane told me of your… condition. You might have to depend on the kindness of others for quite some time…"

A muscle in Severus' face began to twitch uncontrollably. He was fighting for control and quickly losing the battle. If only Lupin would leave soon. He didn't want to break down in front of his old nemesis. To his consternation, however, Lupin gave no indication of wanting to leave.

"If only Jane could see you now," Remus mused aloud, having noticed Severus' disconcerted reaction. "She should count herself lucky to have escaped you."

"How dare you?" Severus hissed, no longer able to maintain his composure.

"What do you care?" Remus goaded him on. "You no longer want her in your life…"

"I am _protecting _her!"

Severus snapped his mouth shut and stared at Remus, shocked and embarrassed by his admission, and an awkward silence fell over the room.

"You were pushing her away to keep her safe?" Remus finally spoke up.

"As you can see, I am in no condition to protect her," Severus explained slowly. "There are Death Eaters still at large, and I am a logical target. So is Jane. It's only a matter of time until she gets hurt because of me. It's too dangerous. I'm not willing to take that risk. Besides, given my current… situation… I would only be a burden to her. I _will not_ have her pity."

"So, you simply decided to end it all."

Severus nodded curtly. He had no desire to rehash all the details.

"Doesn't Jane get a say in this?" Remus asked him softly.

Severus looked at him stony-faced. "Not this time."

"But you _will_ talk to her? Explain everything? _Tell her the truth?_"

"Yes… I mean, no," Severus answered disconcertedly. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "There is nothing more to say."

"I see," Remus said quietly. He studied his cane, wondering briefly whether Jane would forgive him, if he beat some sense into her lover.

"Oh, don't be so sanctimonious, Lupin!" Severus spat viciously, struggling to hide his pain. "Don't tell me you haven't thought of courting Jane yourself! Well, here is your big chance. I hope the two of you will be very happy together."

Remus fixed him with a stern gaze. "I love Jane…" He noticed the angry hurt that flashed in Severus' eyes and raised an eyebrow. Maybe there was still some hope. "…as a friend," he continued calmly, "nothing more. Dora was the only woman I've ever truly loved. There will never be another."

Severus stared at the man sitting by his bed and frowned. He understood Lupin's sentiments. There would never be another woman for him after Jane.

"Yes, well…"

"You are a bloody fool!" Remus suddenly exploded, unable to hold his tongue any longer.

"Would you care to repeat that?" Severus asked with forced calm. His low voice carried a dangerous undertone.

"I've never thought much of you, Severus, but I've always considered you a reasonably intelligent man. However, I have revised my opinion of you. Now, I believe you to be a complete idiot. There is a woman out there who loves you!" Remus exclaimed painfully. "A woman who is _alive and well_! And, yet, you're denying yourself the chance to be happy… because you're afraid. I call that idiocy. Heaven knows, even you deserve to be happy, but you are a fool, Severus. If I were in your place, I would grab hold of Jane and never let go of her again."

Severus inhaled sharply, but did not speak.

"Dora's dead." Remus stood, ready to take his leave. He wobbled slightly from the sudden movement and leaned heavily on his cane to steady himself. "She was taken from me, and I… I've come to accept that I'll never hold her in my arms again…" He fixed Severus with a stern look. "…but I could never accept, never _forgive_ myself, if I'd lost her, simply because I was scared."

Remus waited for an indication that his words had had any impact on the man on the bed, but Severus did not meet his gaze.

"Look, Severus…" Remus finally sighed, something akin to pity in his eyes. "It's obvious that you care for Jane. And Jane loves you. For some reason I still need to understand, she believes in you. She sees something, _someone_, beyond that hard and cold façade of yours that she considers worth loving. Which makes me wonder – how can you willingly deny yourself what you long for the most?"

Severus ground his teeth. "That is none of your business," he bit out.

"I feel sorry for you, Severus." Remus smiled sadly and limped towards the door.

"That is your prerogative."

---

In the darkness of his room at St. Mungo's, Severus lay awake that night, unable to find rest. Try as he might, sleep kept eluding him, and he kept tossing and turning in his bed. The pain in his body finally had receded to a dull throbbing ache, thanks to a new concoction Hortense Belladonna had poured down his throat earlier that evening. No, the pain didn't bother him. It was Jane. He already missed her terribly. But she wasn't here now, and it was his doing. His alone. Severus stared at the ceiling, unseeing. _You once said I made you happy_. Jane's voice had been thick with emotion, unable to hide her heartache.

Lupin's words kept reverberating in his mind. _I feel sorry for you, Severus._ He snorted. The nerve of the man! Lupin was the one to be pitied. He was poor, weak, and alone – an outcast of society. Severus frowned as an unpleasant realization hit him. So was _he_. The thought that he was being reduced to the same level as Remus Lupin was greatly disconcerting. _Even you deserve to be happy._ He had been happy – as happy as circumstances allowed. Jane's face appeared before him. _Jane loves you. She sees something, someone, beyond that hard and cold façade of yours that she considers worth loving._ Yes, Jane had told him often enough. He had heard her, but he had never listened. _I could never accept, never _forgive _myself, if I'd lost her, simply because I was scared._ Could Lupin have been right? Had he panicked and let his emotions cloud his judgment? Jane had proved herself to be a powerful witch. She had stood up to Voldemort and lived to tell the tale. She would not hide away, knowing there were Death Eaters after her. Moreover, she wouldn't let fear or sickness come between her and someone she loved. She was a capable woman, a survivor.

_If I were in your place, I would grab hold of Jane and never let go of her again..._

Lupin had been right. He _was_ a fool.

_There is a woman out there who loves you! How can you willingly deny yourself what you long for the most? Even you deserve to be happy. _

Severus closed his eyes. He didn't want to think, anymore.

_

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Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG

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_


	22. Home Sweet Home

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

* * *

Spending my time

Watching the days go by

Feeling so small

I stare at the wall

Hoping that you think of me too

_Spending My Time_, Roxette

**Chapter Twenty-Two – Home Sweet Home**

…**where Jane and Severus adjust to life at home, and Severus makes an important discovery…**

Jane turned on her heels, scanning her bedroom one last time for any forgotten items. Her eyes moved lovingly over the meager furnishings and the few paintings adorning the otherwise bare walls. Out of habit, she hadn't made herself too comfortable, hadn't decorated her rooms to her taste. In the past, she had moved too often to become truly settled in one place. However, she had to admit that her quarters here at Hogwarts had been her home for almost a year, and she had felt safe and happy here. They had been her sanctuary when she'd felt overwhelmed by her new responsibilities, or when she'd spent a particularly trying lesson with Severus.

Yes, she had felt at home here, but tonight she would sleep in her bed at Fenton Hall. Jane had great plans for the house she had grown up in, and she couldn't wait to get started. She closed the last of her trunks, amazed, yet again, at how much stuff she had accumulated over the course of one school year. Just then, a knock sounded at the door.

"Come in," she invited.

The door opened and Remus limped inside.

"Jane," he greeted her cheerfully. "I'm so glad to have caught you before you left."

She moved to hug him. "I'm glad, too. How are you?"

He held her close and rubbed one hand over her back. "Alright… As well as can be expected."

Jane nodded and stepped back. "Good."

Remus let go of her and surveyed her luggage. "I wish you would stay. Severus needs you."

Jane sighed. "I need to get away for a while and figure out why I keep letting him do this to me."

"It's because you love him," Remus told her quietly. "And because you know that he doesn't know any better."

She quickly dabbed away a few errant tears.

"He _does_ love you, you know," he insisted, locking eyes with her.

"He said he didn't," Jane confided, sniffling delicately, "but I knew he was lying. I've wondered many times, but deep down… I knew."

"Severus is a man of actions, not of words," Remus reminded her. "Moreover, he doesn't know how to share himself with someone…"

Jane nodded. "I've come to realize that. It took me a while, though."

"I still can't understand what you see in him, but, then again, I never understood what Tonks ever saw in me, either…"

"She saw what I see – a kind and gentle man," Jane told him. "A good friend and confidant."

Remus blushed slightly and cleared his throat. "Yes, um… well, don't you worry now. Severus and I… we've had a… chat. I know that his feelings for you are true – if somewhat misguided. He'll sort out his emotions and come to his senses. Just give him time."

Jane didn't answer. She didn't want to think about Severus right now. Instead, she moved to hug Remus once more.

"My offer still stands," she whispered in his ear. "Come and visit. You will be more than welcome."

He grunted noncommittally, and Jane stepped back, keeping one hand comfortingly on his arm. She searched his face and fixed his gaze. "The doors of Fenton Hall will always be open to you."

Remus took her hand in his and nodded gratefully. "I need some solitude. I've talked to Minerva. She's allowed me to stay here over the summer."

"I'll see you in September, then?"

"I don't expect to be anywhere else."

Jane nodded and walked away. Before she reached the door, however, she turned around once more. "Remus, if you see Severus again, tell him I won't wait forever. Not even for him."

---

Severus stood on the weed-covered gravel path leading up to his house and looked around. In the harsh light of day, Spinner's End looked even more dilapidated and neglected than it ever had. Mortar was crumbling in large patches from the brick walls, and the paint on the weathered window shutters was cracked and peeling from the wood. He had never put any effort into his garden, and after yet another year at Hogwarts, it was positively wild.

He sighed. Spinner's End had never been an inviting place, but it had never bothered him before – until now. His house had never been more than a dwelling place, where he would spend his time away from Hogwarts and between missions. It wasn't a home and utterly unsuitable for his convalescence, but he required the solitude after the many weeks at St. Mungo's. His time in the Wizarding hospital had dragged on mercilessly, and he'd gotten sick of the constant attention and human contact. The only attention he craved was Jane's, but she was out of his life. Since she had gone, he'd had a lot of time to think about their parting, and he'd come to realize that – once again – he had behaved irrationally. It must have been the after-effects of the Killing Curse, or, as Jane had suggested, the potions he had been forced to drink.

Lupin had been right. He had behaved like an idiot. Severus grimaced as he thought of his former enemy. Over the last few weeks, Lupin and he had established a certain rapport – not friendship exactly, but rather a truce and mutual tolerance of each other's company. After the news of Jane's departure reached Molly, she had refused to visit him again until he'd made up with her friend. Lupin had been the only one who kept visiting, stubbornly ignoring his rants and refusals to see him. Severus suspected that Lupin felt some strange kinship to him now that they both had lost the women they loved, each in his own way. Lupin probably still hoped that he could make him see sense, but he'd never mentioned Jane to Severus again. Instead, he had talked of the Order's and Ministry's efforts to round up fugitive Death Eaters and other Voldemort supporters, who had retreated back into their dark hiding holes from whence they had sprung. By all appearances, life in the Wizarding world seemed to return to normal.

A normal life, he mused. Jane had offered him that. She had asked nothing of him, simply offered to keep him company during his convalescence. No, Jane had made no demands. Indeed, she had generously opened her home to him and offered it to him with all its comforts at his disposal. She had been right – they didn't really know each other. They knew how to deal with each other and please each other physically, but they didn't know much beyond that. They had never truly talked about their pasts – hell, he didn't even know exactly how Jane had survived her banishment. He recalled certain statements she had made and hints she had dropped, but she had never told him the entire story. Nor had he ever divulged his past to her. She knew nothing of his life, except for what she'd heard from others. And yet, she had accepted him without question. Maybe they knew enough of each other, after all. Still, they had never spent an entire day alone together. Hogwarts, for all its secret passages and secluded spots, was not a very private place. In addition to its myriad of gossip-mongering portraits, the school was overrun with students and nosy ghosts, who kept popping up at the most inopportune times.

Severus grimaced again and leaned more heavily onto his crutch. His muscles had begun to cramp painfully after the long period of immobility, but he remained standing in his yard, unable to set foot into his cold uninviting house, and contemplated his monotonous colorless life now that Jane was gone from it.

---

Jane awoke to the joyful chirping of birds. Warm sunlight shone into her bedroom, promising another beautiful summer day. Grumbling loudly, she stuffed her head under the pillow and tried to go back to sleep. She had been up late, removing the last of the unwanted family portraits from the stairwell and gallery. She had banished all but three portraits to a remote dusty storage room in the far recesses of the attic. Two of the three paintings she had kept were of her grandfather, who had been the only member of her family ever to behave warmly towards her. The third one was of her as an eight-year-old, dressed in a frilly overdone party dress, clutching a black kitten to her chest. Jane had never liked the way her mother had dressed her, but the cat had been her dearest childhood friend.

Having purged her mind of the last unpleasant memories that had plagued her from the moment she'd set foot in Fenton Hall, Jane had finally found peace. Last night had been the first in weeks, when her sleep had been uninterrupted and deep. Jane pulled the pillow off her head and flopped onto her back. Time was passing quickly, she thought as she stared at the ceiling. Already, the summer was almost over, and the new school year would start in less than a month. And she _still_ hadn't heard from Severus. Could it have been that he had been serious? Did she really know him so little that she had misread him completely? Had she been so utterly mistaken in him? Over the last weeks, Jane had replayed their conversation a million times in her mind, wondering if she should have said or done something differently to persuade him differently. Maybe she could have been more insistent, more persuasive? Maybe she should have insisted on staying with him and set up camp outside his door at St. Mungo's? Or maybe, she should have been more passionate and _kissed_ some sense into him? Jane huffed. _Would have, could have, should have. _What was done was done.

Fortunately, Fenton Hall had proved to be an excellent outlet for her frustrations. She had found a purpose and renewed energy in transforming Fenton Hall from the cold stuffy ancestral house she grew up in to a warm cozy home she could be happy in. Jane was particularly proud of the library. It had taken the most work, but it had been worth the trouble. Like the rest of the house, the library, uninhabited for many years, had become a breeding ground for a variety of household pests. Underneath the sofa and settee, she had encountered a colony of aggressive dust bunnies that would nip at her feet whenever she came close. Doxies and Cornish pixies had infested the heavy velvet draperies, and it had taken two laborious afternoons to get rid of each and every one of the pesky critters and all of their nests. In one of the window benches, Jane had discovered a particularly tenacious boggart that had proved to be quite a challenge. The secret passage behind one of the bookcases had been overrun with rats and spiders the size of cats. Thinking back still sent shudders of terror own her spine, and Jane wrapped her coverlet protectively around her. But now, the library was the coziest and most inviting room in the entire house.

Fortunately, most of the other rooms had needed not much more than a thorough cleaning and minor renovations. Several of the original paintings would not be removed from the walls, and the ones she couldn't cut out of their frames, she simply covered with tapestries or other prints she had bought in London. Jane had been determined that she would not let the past haunt her any longer. Yes, it had been a lot of work, but it had helped her keep her mind off Severus – at least, while she was awake. He still haunted her dreams, though.

Jane sat up and stretched. Almost immediately a loud pop sounded in the room, and one of the Fenton house-elves materialized, balancing a breakfast tray on her spindly arms.

"Breakfast, Miss," she announced cheerfully.

Jane threw back the covers and jumped out of bed. She relieved the tiny house-elf of the tray and set it on a nearby table.

"Thank you, Pinky."

Jane poured herself a cup of tea and noticed that the house-elf was shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. The pink bow holding three lonely strands of hair together sat askew on the top of her head. Her face was scrunched up, causing it to wrinkle even more than usual.

"What is it, Pinky?"

"Clara Fenton, miss," the tiny house-elf squeaked embarrassedly. "The other house-elves asked Pinky to speak to you…"

Jane frowned worriedly. "Is there anything wrong?"

"Oh no, miss," Pinky exclaimed quickly. "Pinky just wanted to tell you how happy we all are now that Clara Fenton is back. You treat Pinky and the other house-elves kindly. You are a good mistress, yes, you are. The house is beautiful again, and it's all because of you, miss. We are honored to serve you, Clara Fenton, miss."

With that she quickly popped out of the room, leaving Jane to digest the unexpected praise.

---

"You cannot go on like this, Severus."

Severus shot the man sitting across from him an icy glare. Lupin had managed to invade his solitude and refused to leave. Now he was sitting in the threadbare armchair, determinedly ignoring his bleak surroundings and his host's inhospitable attitude. Lupin was looking at him, his eyes expressing concern.

"I am fine."

Not for the first time since his arrival at Spinner's End did Remus examine the man resting on the old worn sofa across from him. Severus looked rather tired, his face paler and more drawn than usual. The circles under his eyes were still as dark and pronounced as they had been during his time in St. Mungo's. Remus was glad he had come when he did.

"Look, you are here all by yourself…"

"I prefer it this way," Severus interrupted impatiently, although his voice had lost much of its usual cutting tone.

"It's obvious your health hasn't improved as it should," Remus continued calmly. "You need someone to take care of you."

"I can manage perfectly well by myself."

"Ah, yes," Remus mocked, looking pointedly at numerous books and papers strewn about the tiny sitting room. "I can see that."

The man on the sofa scoffed, but did not respond.

"You are wallowing, Severus, and it doesn't become you."

"What do you know about wallowing, Lupin?" Severus asked tersely.

Remus met his eyes levelly. "Enough."

Severus huffed again and turned his head to stare out the window. He had been doing a lot of it lately, so much even that, in the end, he no longer saw the wilderness that once was his garden, but the carefully landscaped grounds of a country estate. He had never been to Fenton Hall, but a small voice in the deep recesses of his mind kept assuring him that it was Jane's home he was seeing.

"You're thinking of Jane, aren't you?"

"And if I were?" Severus asked quietly, still looking out the window.

"Go to her," Remus urged him. "She won't turn you away."

Severus slowly turned his head. "Do you really think so?"

"I _know_ so."

"So, you have spoken to her?"

Remus nodded. "I saw her off at Hogwarts. She is convinced you were lying when you told her that you didn't want her, and she is still hopeful that you'll see reason. Go to her, Severus. There is nothing to hold you back, anymore." He broke off and fixed him with a stern look. "Except, of course, your health."

Severus stared back unperturbed. "Why are you so intent on getting us to reconcile?"

"Because," Remus shot back exasperated, "I am sick of watching you go on denying what is so obvious to the rest of the world…" He broke off when he noticed Severus raise an inquiring eyebrow and sighed. "…that you are prefect for each other. When will you finally admit it to yourself?"

"There is more to a relationship than passion," Severus said decidedly.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Of course, there is. I'm glad you've finally realized that. Jane and I had our doubts, you know, given your recent… behavior."

"I am flattered by your faith in me."

"Well, can you blame us, Severus? Until now, your relationship with Jane was based on nothing _but_ passion. You yourself refused any opportunity to change that."

"I had my reasons," Severus insisted stubbornly.

"Yes, some reasons," Remus scoffed. "Look, I've told you back at St. Mungo's what I thought of your reasons – don't make me repeat myself."

Severus grimaced. "Yes, I'd rather not have you call me an idiot again," he drawled arrogantly.

---

_Jane stretched languidly, allowing him access to her body. It had been ages since Severus had made love to her, and she'd sorely missed his touch. He breathed gentle kisses on her face, brushing his lips over her forehead, her temples, her nose, the corners of her mouth. Jane arched against him, offering him her lips, but he only smiled and continued to trail tiny kisses along her jaw down to her throat. _

_Severus didn't touch her with any other part of his body. The only contact between them was his hot mouth on her soft skin. He nipped at her. He licked her. He blew on the moist patches his kisses left, sending shivers of anticipation down her spine. He kissed the entire length of her body down to her very toes and back up again. She arched against him once more, pressing herself against his nude body, desperate to feel him close. _

"_Please, Severus," she begged him breathlessly, unable to bear his teasing any longer. "Please, kiss me."_

_He moved over her and stared into her eyes, but still made no move to kiss her. Instead, he just hovered over her, his lips only a fraction of an inch from hers. Jane could feel his hot breath against the sensitive skin of her partially open lips and a welcome wetness spread between her legs. _

"_Severus…" She bucked impatiently against him._

_He finally took mercy on her and bent down to kiss her slowly, playfully teasing her lips apart with his tongue. She melted against him, and he deepened his kiss, growling triumphantly at her passionate response. _

_Jane could feel his arousal hard and demanding against her thigh. A guttural moan escaped her lips as his hands began to roam over her body, sending electric shivers through the very core of her. He kneaded the soft flesh of her breasts, rolling her rapidly hardening nipples between his long fingers. Moaning with pleasure, she raked her nails over his back, pulling him closer. Jane yearned to feel him inside her. She wanted to feel him fill and stretch her, to touch the very core of her. Restless with need, she writhed beneath him, bucked her hips demandingly against his, until he finally pushed her thighs apart with one knee and settled himself between her legs. _

_Severus searched her eyes._

"_I love you," he told her, before he moved to claim her as his own._

In her majestic state bed at Fenton Hall, Jane stretched and turned onto her side, her arms reaching out to grasp – nothing. She awoke, disoriented and flustered. A dream, she thought disappointedly. It had been nothing but a dream. A single tear rolled down her cheek, leaving a lone salty trail in its wake.

"Oh, sod it, Severus," she whispered into the darkness. "Why do you have to be such a stubborn ass?"

---

_Severus was poised over Jane, who was lying on his desk._

"_I love you." A warm light shone in her eyes as she told him the three little words he so longed to hear._

"_Say it again," he demanded gruffly._

_Beneath him, Jane writhed impatiently, trying to get him to move closer._

"_Say it!"_

"_I love you, Severus."_

_He bent down to kiss her, and she met him hungrily. His tongue thrust into her mouth, mating with hers until they both were out of breath._

"_Don't make me wait," Jane panted against his lips._

_He rocked against her and she moaned at the intimate contact between their bodies. He thrust into her slick tight passage in one smooth move, and Jane moaned again in pleasure._

"_Yes," he hissed as he felt her muscles contract around him. _

_Jane wrapped her legs around his hips, drawing him deeper inside. _

"_Oh, yes," Severus groaned, withdrawing slowly before plunging back into her. Jane moaned and clung to him for dear life as he drove into her faster, harder..._

"_Severus," she panted breathlessly, "_please_."_

Severus surged upright, his eyes blinking blindly in the darkness. His chest was heaving and his skin was clammy. The dream had left him heavily aroused and yearning for Jane. He could still hear her call his name, her voice trembling with passion. He longed to feel her warm body against his, their limbs entangled. The knowledge that he might never hold her in his arms again bore down heavily on him. He felt oddly empty and forlorn. Severus kept staring into the darkness surrounding him, until his breathing steadied and heart rate returned to normal. _Jane_. Try as he might, he could not free himself of her. He spent his waking hours thinking of her, and at night she invaded his dreams.

Was she really waiting for him, as Lupin had assured him? Severus had expected her to fight his decision to end their relationship. He had thought she would challenge him by demanding to see him. Jane had a tenacious streak, and she rarely quit once she had something on her mind. In his opinion, she had given up too easily. Or was she really just giving him time to come to his senses? Lupin had said that Jane had known he was lying. She had told him so to his face, but he had stubbornly ignored her. He had also shot down any attempt of hers to save their relationship. His brain really hadn't been functioning properly.

"Oh, what's the use?" he groaned out loud.

He'd been going over their last conversation again and again, and the outcome had always been the same. He had panicked and behaved like a fool. He had been _wrong._ That thought didn't sit well with him. He didn't like to be wrong and he rarely was. _Go to her. She won't turn you away._ How he longed for it to be true. Ever since Lupin had said the words, he had imagined how Jane would receive him. In his favorite fantasy she would throw herself into his arms as though they had never fought. The scenario he hated most was the one, where she greeted him coolly on the arm of a handsome virile young wizard…

Severus groaned again, his arousal quickly fading at the sobering thought. Now he definitely wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. He clambered out of his bed and shrugged into his dressing gown. He walked slowly through his cold bleak house, which was eerily illuminated by the cool blue moonlight shining through the windows. His feet shuffled over the black worn wood floors as he made his way from one tiny drab room to the next. He studied the jagged cracks adorning almost each and every one of the bare grey walls. Jane would never have approved of his home, he realized suddenly. She would not have considered it a _home_, period. He had never required a home before, although he probably had needed one. In his years as a spy he had consciously distanced himself from anything and anyone that could make him vulnerable – a home, a family, or even friends. As he took in his Spartan surroundings, he realized that he himself was very much like this house – old and worn, scarred and empty. The corners of his mouth twitched. Jane would not approve of this assessment of his, either.

He crossed his sitting room and moved to stand by one of the windows. The moon was almost full. He wondered briefly whether Lupin would remember to take his Wolfsbane potion. Severus could recall a time not so long ago when he had forgotten and endangered a group of people, including Potter and his little friends. Jane had assured him that Lupin had deeply regretted that incident and been very careful ever since. A full moon, he mused. It had been a full moon on Christmas Eve when he and Jane had shared their very first kiss. That kiss had been Jane's special gift to him, the memory of which he still deeply cherished. His head jerked up. Jane had given him another present that night. Severus suddenly realized that he had never opened it, and he hurried back upstairs to his bedroom. He stubbed his toes on the stairs, bruised one shin on a footstool, but he didn't care. All of a sudden, he was consumed by the overwhelming need to find Jane's gift.

"_Lumos!_"

He threw open the trunks that had been sent to him from Hogwarts. Lupin had assured him that they contained all his personal effects itemized on the list he had made. Severus couldn't be sure, but he thought he'd packed away the small box in one of his trunks when he had moved from the Shrieking Shack back to Hogwarts. He rummaged through his things, his frustration and impatience increasing by the minute.

When he still hadn't found Jane's gift fifteen minutes later, Severus became frantic. It was the only keepsake he had of her, and he didn't know what he would do, if he didn't find it. He simply had to. Jane had given it to him. Suddenly, his fingers closed around the small box. Panting slightly, Severus retrieved it from the depths of the trunk and sat back on his haunches. He stared reverently at the present in his hand. Jane had wrapped it in cheerfully colored paper. His upper lip curled involuntarily. She had done that on purpose to annoy him. He was sure of it. She knew how much he hated flashy things. He turned the gift around. It had been wrapped with infinite care. It had mattered to her that it looked perfect. He could be wrong about the paper, Severus mused after a moment's deliberation. After all, he had no experience with presents.

He sat motionless for a very long time, his eyes never leaving the colorful box in his hands. Jane had given this to him. She had gone out and chosen a present for him. _For him!_ Severus still couldn't believe it. It was typical of her, though. Jane was a generous person. In a childlike gesture, he held the box to his ear and shook it gently. A faint rattle was audible, and his curiosity was peaked. After further determination, he finally moved to open the gift and carefully unwrapped it with trembling fingers. A plain brown cardboard box fell into his hands, and he slowly lifted the lid. When Severus saw what lay inside, he almost dropped everything he was holding. She had remembered. He couldn't believe it. _She had remembered._

---

Jane sat by the lake that lay beyond the gardens of Fenton Hall. It had quickly become her favorite spot, because it allowed her an unobstructed view of the grounds and the manor house – _her home_. She had always loved the gardens, and once she found a skilled gardener, they would be restored to their old glory. But not today. Jane took a deep breath and turned her face to the sun, savoring the warm breeze against her skin. No, not today. For weeks, she had been working like a madwoman, had spent every waking minute transforming the manor. Today, she was playing truant. She had spread out a blanket and spent the afternoon reading a gripping thriller, while snacking on the delicacies Pinky had lovingly packed into a hot pink picnic basket. Jane popped another strawberry into her mouth and smiled. The little house-elf had an almost unhealthy affinity for everything pink, but she was such a helpful, hard-working, and adorable little creature that Jane could not deny her that small pleasure.

A couple of squirrels ran past, playing catch in the grass. Jane watched their antics, marveling at their whimsical innocent game. Animals had it easy, she mused. They didn't complicate their lives with silly misunderstandings and petty disagreements. If they were at odds with each other, they would fight it out and return to their usual routine afterwards. Animals didn't hold grudges, did they? They were above it. Jane sighed. Unshed tears prickled her eyes as she thought back to all the time she and Severus had wasted by avoiding the issues that really bothered them. She should really try and talk to him again. Clear up all the unresolved issues. She probably would have to ask Remus or Minerva for directions to Spinner's End. Jane was pretty sure that Severus would be hiding there.

Suddenly, a movement at the end of the path leading up from the gardens caught her attention. She raised one hand to shield her eyes against the low afternoon sun. The dark figure of a man was approaching slowly, moving stiffly. Jane recognized him, nonetheless. It was Severus.

_

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Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG

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	23. At Last

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

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At last

My love has come along

My lonely days are over

And life is like a lovely song

_At Last_, Joni Mitchell

**Chapter Twenty-Three – At Last**

…**where Severus and Jane have a long overdue talk…**

Jane jumped to her feet, and her book, which had lain forgotten in her lap, dropped to the ground. She couldn't believe it. Severus had come. He was here. _He had finally come!_ As she watched him make his way slowly up the path, she didn't know what to do. Her first instinct was to run and hide. She wasn't ready to face him, yet. But, of course, it already was too late. Severus had already seen her. She had often imagined how their reunion would be, but now, being faced with the reality of it, she was at a loss. She wondered whether she should welcome him as though they had never fought, or whether she should remain aloof and wait for him to state his reason for coming? Should she berate him for making her unhappy, or should she give him a chance to explain his irrational behavior? In the end, however, her love and yearning for him prevailed. She quickly slipped on her sandals and rushed towards him.

It was rather clichéd, Jane thought, running down the gravel path, but she didn't care. As she came closer, she noticed every little detail about him. Severus was paler than usual and much thinner than she remembered. There still were dark circles under his eyes, but to her he looked as handsome as ever. He had even departed from his trademark black and donned a dark purple outfit, which suited him perfectly.

Severus stopped in his tracks and watched her approach. He frowned briefly as he took in her scantily clad body, but disapproval quickly gave way to appreciation. Jane's turquoise camisole showed off her light summer tan most attractively, as did the white Muggle trousers that didn't reach beyond her knees. Looking at her now, Severus suddenly felt a familiar tightening in his loins. There definitely was something to be said for Muggle clothing, he mused. Jane hadn't changed. If, at all, she was even lovelier than he remembered. Life in the country obviously agreed with her. On his way across the grounds, Severus had found Fenton Hall to be a glorious estate. He had always known that Jane came from a long line of wealthy pure-blood wizards, but he had never imagined anything like this. Of course, Fenton Hall seemed pitiful in comparison to the Malfoy estate, but then again, Severus had never met anyone who flaunted their wealth as ostentatiously as the Malfoys did.

When she finally reached him, Jane threw herself into his arms, almost toppling him over, and planted kisses all over his face before moving to his mouth. He clutched her to him and returned her kiss with a fervor that left them both breathless and dizzy. His tongue delved into her mouth, tasting her, tracing the inside of her lips. Her desire matched his, and she clung to him as they both gave in to their longing and put all the passion they felt for each other into that one kiss. His hands moved down to her hips and pulled her closer, leaving her in no doubt as to how he felt about her. Jane readily pressed herself against him, yearning to be one with him. It had been so long...

It was Severus, however, who eventually pulled away. He adjusted his stance to maintain his balance. Jane, her head still reeling from their passionate kiss, was slightly taken aback.

"Severus?"

He was breathing heavily, and Jane, noticing his unsteadiness, became worried. She quickly sobered.

"Are you alright?"

Severus waved her off. "I'm fine. Just… Just a little tired."

She reached for him again and let her hands slide down his arms.

"You came…" Jane still couldn't believe it. She touched one hand against his chest, fingering the buttons of his waistcoat, assuring herself that he was truly standing in front of her.

"I wasn't sure…" Severus broke off and took another deep breath.

He stared off into the distance, watching two swallows dance playfully above the lake, before swooping down towards the water surface, plucking insects from the air. Merlin's beard, it was beautiful here! He cleared his throat.

"I didn't know whether I would be welcome… but I simply had to come."

"Why? How?" she asked in wonder. "What made you change your mind?"

Severus reached underneath his travel coat, pulled out her gift, and held it out to her.

"This," he said simply.

Jane stared at the little trinket in his hand, and her heart skipped a beat. "I've wondered what you'd done with it."

He followed her gaze and regarded the signet ring he was holding. "Actually, I did not open it until last week."

Jane searched his eyes. "Why?"

Severus shrugged. "After you left me on Christmas Eve, I… well, I couldn't think of much else other than our kiss, and… what lay ahead for me. I was preparing to leave for Azkaban and in no mood for presents. And then, later at Hogwarts, it was packed away… out of sight, out of mind."

Jane's eyes narrowed briefly. She didn't know how to take that. "I… see."

"I only remembered it recently, and I did not rest until I had found it. As soon as I saw what it was, when I realized you had remembered, I knew I couldn't stay away any longer." He took her hand into his. "I couldn't believe you had remembered."

"How could I not," Jane asked him incredulously, "knowing how much it meant to you?"

"Where on Earth did you find it?"

Jane smiled. She knew how much this ring meant to him, and she was overjoyed that it was finally in his possession. She hadn't given it much thought after Christmas, though, and simply assumed that he hadn't worn it, because it was too painful a reminder of what had been lost to him.

"It wasn't easy," she told him, "but if there's one thing I've learned during my exile, it's how to find out things. Muggle technology can be extremely helpful sometimes, more so than magic. I finally found the ring in an antiques store in London."

Jane took the signet ring that bore the crest of his grandfather's great-grandfather and placed it reverently on Severus' right index finger. He watched her intently and a strange feeling came over him. It felt right that she would be placing this ring on his finger, its rightful place.

"There." She gave a satisfied sigh and watched him expectantly.

He pulled his hand from her grasp and studied the ring that was the last existing remnant of the ancient House of Prince. Generations of Princes had slowly squandered the family holdings and assets. By the time his mother had been born, the family had had nothing left to their name but the memory of their glory days long gone. It had been his father, Tobias Snape, who had sold the ring – his mother's heirloom and only link to his family's past – to make ends meet. And now, thanks to Jane, the ring was finally back where it belonged – on the finger of a Prince.

Jane witnessed the play of emotions across his face, and her heart went out to him.

"Will you stay?" she asked him, when his silence became too much to bear.

Severus was drawn from his reverie and he met her gaze, smiling slightly. "If you will have me."

"Wonderful!" Jane exclaimed excitedly and reached for his hand again.

She pulled Severus along the garden path towards the house, and he followed her willingly. When they finally reached the front steps, she threw her hands into the air and pointed at her home in a sweeping gesture.

"Well," she asked him eagerly, her eyes glowing with pride and happiness, "what do you think of Fenton Hall?"

Severus surveyed the manor for a moment, before fixing his gaze on Jane. "It certainly is a step-up from Spinner's End," he told her archly.

Jane giggled happily and threw herself into his arms. "I'm so glad you approve."

He held her tightly against him, reveling in the feeling of her body in his arms. How he had missed her!

"Just wait until you see the library," she told him excitedly and pulled him inside.

---

As soon as they stepped into the library, Severus was overcome with awe. Jane had not been exaggerating. Although he would never admit it to her, he rather liked the Bohemian décor – a mixture of Muggle and Wizarding art and furniture – but, in the end, the antique bookcases drew his particular interest. He let his eyes wander appreciatively over the wooden floor-to-ceiling bookshelves built into the exquisite wainscoting. He moved to the nearest one, pulled out a book at random, and almost dropped it when he realized what he was holding. It was a rare first edition of _A Concise History of Potion Making_. Severus quickly opened it and began to leaf through it. It was a magnificent book, containing the original hand-drawn illustrations, which the newer editions lacked. He was quickly engrossed in it and never noticed Jane watching him.

"It's yours," she finally said, when it appeared that he would spend the entire evening with his nose buried in it.

His head shot up, and it took Severus a moment to recall where he was. "I beg your pardon?"

Jane crossed the room to stand beside him. She reached over, closed the book, and removed it from his grasp. For the fraction of a second, Severus looked as though he was going to lunge after it. Jane smiled.

"You don't have to read it now. It's yours," she repeated softly and placed the book on a nearby table.

He shook his head. "I can't accept it."

"Yes, you can," Jane assured him decidedly. "Besides, I've already dedicated it to you."

Severus stared at her. He couldn't believe he hadn't seen it. "You were so sure I would be coming?"

She met his gaze levelly. "No… but I was hopeful."

His eyes dropped to the book. "May I read it now?"

Jane suddenly blushed. "Well, um… sure."

Severus opened the cover and read her inscription to him. When he was done, he traced one finger over the words and let it linger for the briefest of moments where Jane had written that she loved him. Then he straightened. It was time that he set things right between them. But before he could say anything, Jane shivered. He didn't blame her. Although it was the height of summer, the manor house was cold and drafty.

"I… I'll just go and quickly change into something warmer," Jane told him.

He nodded in agreement, although he hated to see her change out of her current alluring outfit.

"I won't be long," she assured him and moved to leave.

Severus allowed himself a tiny smile. "Don't worry. I'll manage to keep myself entertained in the meantime."

After she had gone, he wandered through the library, inspecting more bookcases. Several books caught his attention, and he made a mental note to examine them further at a later time. He slowly made his way to the fireplace and drew his wand. Moments later, a cheerful fire was burning in the hearth. He warmed his hands briefly before turning around to continue his inspection. A forgotten book on the settee facing the fireplace caught his eye. He picked it up and examined it. The flimsy cover was badly scuffed and the spine creased in several places. He had heard of this kind of book – Muggles called it a _paperback_. Severus wrinkled his nose in disdain. He didn't understand the Muggle obsession with disposable things. Why would one even want a book that wasn't made to last?

Jane reentered the library and noticed Severus holding her book. "It's a great thriller," she told him, stepping into the room.

"_Thriller_?" Severus echoed.

He turned to face her and was momentarily dumbstruck by her form-fitting black dress. If he had thought her previous outfit appealing, this one was positively captivating.

"It was on the bestseller lists for months," Jane informed him, conscious of the appreciative glint in his eyes. "It's quite gripping."

He finally understood, and his upper lip twisted disapprovingly. "Muggle fiction."

"You should read it," Jane told him pertly. "There's more to life than moldy Potions books and dusty scrolls, you know."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "I don't like to waste my precious time reading asinine ramblings that are untrue."

He was still eyeing the book, though, and Jane smiled knowingly. Despite his show of disdain, he was intrigued. The book had peaked his interest. She would make sure that it would remain here where he had ready access to it.

---

Night had fallen, and they sat on the settee in front of the fireplace, sated after a delicious meal, watching the flames dancing merrily in the hearth.

"Jane," Severus finally broke the comfortable silence they were enjoying, "before I say anything else, I wanted to tell you why I sent you away…"

"You were afraid again?"

"Well, yes, but not of being with you, Jane. Never that."

She smiled sadly. "I can think of a time not so long ago, when you feared exactly that."

Severus squirmed slightly and one of his eyes began to twitch disconcertedly. "Yes, well…"

Jane smiled again. She really had to work on his sense of humor.

"I was teasing you, Severus. Of course, I know there had to be something more serious than that… So, what _were_ you afraid of?"

"Fugitive Death Eaters and their desire for revenge," he said quickly. "I could not, in good conscience, let you be exposed to danger because of me."

"I appreciate your concern, Severus, but don't you think I'm able to take care of a few Death Eaters, especially after all that has happened to us?"

He swallowed. Embarrassment at his own foolishness turned his pale cheeks a faint pink. "I realize that now. My only excuse is that in my weakened state, I panicked."

"Aha!" Jane exclaimed and pointed an accusing finger at him. "I knew it! You _weren't_ thinking rationally."

"I simply wanted to see you safe. Associating with me would have made you a target."

"M-hm," Jane agreed patronizingly, "and the fact that I insulted and attacked the Dark Lord _wouldn't_ have made me a target?"

Severus closed his eyes, struggling for control. Jane's talent for getting right to the bottom of things was rather trying.

"As I said… I wasn't myself at St. Mungo's."

"I believe I told you so then, and you behaved as though _I_ needed my head examined."

"I… am sorry, Jane. Truly, I never meant to hurt you."

"And, yet, you did. I would have understood, had you tried to use your weakened condition as an excuse to drive me away. But doubting my ability to take care of myself… that was just plain silly."

Severus grimaced. He didn't relish being called silly. "Yes, Lupin has made it quite clear what he thought of my… behavior."

"Remus?" Jane's head came up. "What did he say?"

"Let's not talk about all this, anymore."

He reached for her and brought her close, drawing her against his chest. She would not let him get away with it so easily, though. Jane poked him in the side, and Severus winced.

"Well? What did he say?"

"It's not important," Severus said dismissively.

Jane poked him again, and he quickly grabbed her hand. "Stop that."

"What did he say?" Jane demanded stubbornly.

Severus sighed. He knew her. She wouldn't stop until he told her.

"Oh, very well," he finally gave in. "Lupin thought I was a fool for driving you away."

"That's it?" Jane was disappointed. "That's all he said?"

"Well, if it makes you feel better," Severus added ungraciously, "your… friend used much stronger language and more words."

Jane grinned. She could just see it. He must have been furious to be at the receiving end of a lecture for once. Severus primly pressed his lips together until they formed a thin pale line. He hated to be teased. He would have to teach Jane some manners, and he was looking forward to it. Jane noticed the corner of his mouth twitch slightly, and wondered what he was thinking about. She nudged him.

"What are you thinking about now, Severus?"

"I was thinking how much I have missed you and your incessant teasing."

"Well, you need it."

"I need _you_."

"You do?" she asked him incredulously. Her heart skipped a beat, before it began to pound rapidly. He _needed_ her.

"I didn't know what I wanted before…"

"But you know now?" Jane asked him softly.

He lowered his head, and his eyes met hers. "I do."

His meaningful gaze gave her hope. "Well?"

"I want you."

Jane didn't dare hope. He wanted her. She had dreamed about this for a very long time. _He wanted her. _But for how long? How long, she wondered, before he wanted her gone again?

Severus noted the brief flash of hope in her eyes, which was immediately chased away by doubt. He knew that he had his work cut out for him. It would take a lot of convincing to get Jane to trust him again. He had disappointed her too often.

"I don't ever want to be alone again," he told her. "I want to fall asleep in your arms every night and awake in them every morning."

Jane looked at him dubiously, and Severus sighed. "My life was a living hell – until you came into it. Jane, you were my salvation. You've made me a better man."

She shook her head. "That man was already there." She placed her hand over his chest. "Right here."

He covered her hand with his and squeezed it gently. "You don't know how much this means to me."

"You don't give yourself enough credit."

"It's true." He nodded. "To see your passion for me burning in your eyes, to have you offer your body to me without reservation… It raised a host of emotions I didn't know I was capable of. It was inconceivable to me that you were sincere when you said you desired me, that you _loved_ me… you being a pure-blood witch, Jane, and me… I… well, I'm only a half-blood wizard. I… I just never thought that someone like you could ever feel anything but… contempt for someone like me."

Jane clamped one hand over her mouth and stared at him, her eyes wide with shock. It took her a moment to digest what he had just told her.

"Severus Snape," she told him sternly, once she had recovered, "I can't believe you just said that! You, of all people, should know that we are defined by our actions, not our ancestry. Nobility is not a birthright. You behaved very nobly during the Last Battle, Severus. That was _you_ and you alone."

"But before that, I was a spy. I betrayed confidences and helped torture the innocent. I associated with the Dark Lord and carried his brand…"

He absentmindedly rubbed his left forearm, where Jane knew he bore the Dark Mark. She brought her hand down on his and kept it in place just above the scar.

"It's over, Severus. It's all in the past now."

He met her gaze and sighed. He desperately wanted to believe her. He _needed_ to believe that she didn't care about his past, didn't judge him for the despicable things he had done.

"You don't care?"

"I would be lying, if I said I didn't," Jane told him gently, "but I prefer to believe that you had to do what you did to stay alive. Your past has made you the man you are today, the man I love. _That_ is what I care about. Look, Severus, I won't ask you about your past, but I will listen to you when you need to ease your conscience… without passing judgment."

Severus stared at her for a long time. He knew he would have let go of his insecurities and fears at one point, if he wanted a future with Jane. He nodded slowly.

"Jane, I cannot promise you happily ever after."

"I know that, Severus. There are no guarantees in life. We simply have to make the best of what we have and hope that it lasts. I just need to know that, while it lasts, it is as important to you as it is to me."

He nodded again. "It is."

She searched his eyes and saw that he was sincere. Jane decided to take a chance and be bold. He had all but confessed his feelings for her. Still, she had to know how he truly felt about her, needed him to say it.

"What do I mean to you?" she asked him softly. "You've denied me those words for too long. I need to hear them."

Severus stared down at her. Once he said the words, there would be no going back. It had been easy when he had thought about it back in Spinner's End, and, yet, being with her here, now, made it harder than he had imagined. But he had come to tell her, and he would. He looked into her eyes and took heart in the love and silent encouragement he found in them. He cleared his throat.

"I love you, Jane."

_

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Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG

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	24. In the Still of the Night

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

**A/N:** I intend to go out in a blaze of glory. Look out! Lemons ahead. Marilynn and Quintus, this is for you!

* * *

All night long

We made love

_All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You_, Heart

**Chapter Twenty-Four – In the Still of the Night**

…**where Severus and Jane celebrate their reunion…**

Jane sighed happily and buried her face against his shoulder. "Tell me again."

"I love you."

"Again."

Severus made a warning sound deep in his throat. "Jane…"

"What?" Jane batted her eyelashes innocently at him.

"Enough," he told her mildly.

"Uh-uh." Jane shook her head. "Remember, you have to make up for _many_ missed opportunities."

Severus sighed resignedly and stretched. His eyes wandered towards the window, but it was still dark outside and the morning hours away. They were relaxing in Jane's state bed after a frantic session of love-making. Jane was half-draped over him, her breathing in tune with his, their hearts beating as one. At peace with the world, he tightened his arm around her, and Jane entangled one leg with his.

"Mmm," she murmured against his skin. "I think I should have worn the black dress at the hospital. You would have never sent me away then…"

Severus chuckled. She just couldn't stop reminding him of his foolishness. "Probably not… but I thought we weren't going to talk about it, anymore?"

Jane stretched languidly and rubbed her foot along his leg. "Alright. So, what shall we call this place?"

"What place?"

He admired the way she had changed the subject. She hadn't even missed a beat. However, it became increasingly difficult for Severus to think rationally when Jane was touching him like she did now. She propped herself up and looked at him intently.

"_This_ place," Jane clarified impatiently. "Fenton Hall."

"Why do you want to change the name?"

She began to drum her fingers on his chest. "I haven't been a Fenton in fourteen years. The name is nothing more than a reminder of a past I would rather forget. I have a new life now. This is no longer my parents' house. It's _my_ home – _our _home – now. I want it to have a new name."

Her tapping began to annoy him, and Severus reached for her hand, stilling it.

"_Our home_?" he inquired casually.

Beneath her hand, Jane felt his heart rate pick up, and she smiled. His even tone could not hide how he truly felt. She extracted her hand from his and brought it up to caress his face, pushing an errant strand of hair out of the way.

"Yes," she told him. "_Our_ home."

Her generosity touched him deeply, and for a moment, Severus was at a loss for words.

"Our home," he repeated reverently after a long pause.

Jane nudged him. "Well?"

"I… need to think," he said slowly while he was struggling with the new feelings that rushed through him.

"I'm open to any suggestions," she told him readily, purposefully ignoring his emotional state. She knew how much he hated to appear weak and vulnerable. "As long as it's not _Boggart_ _Manor_…"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "_Boggart_ _Manor_?" he inquired archly.

Jane nodded. "There were a couple in one of the mansard rooms, and another one in the old schoolroom. But you should have seen the one I found in the library…" She shuddered. "That one was old and experienced. I had a hard time getting rid of him."

Severus sat up and grabbed her shoulders. "You were doing all that by yourself?" he demanded to know.

She shrugged. "Yes…"

His hands dropped away, and he rolled off the bed. Heedless of his nudity, he began to pace in the bedroom, trying to come to terms with what he'd just heard. He had sent Jane away, so she would be safe, out of harm's way. And, yet, she had been in danger in her own home. All his efforts to keep her safe had been in vain. Worry quickly turned to helpless anger. She had been in danger and he hadn't known!

"Unbelievable!" he suddenly muttered.

Jane scooted off the bed and shrugged into her dressing gown. She tied the belt and moved to his side.

"Severus?"

His head whipped around and his dark gaze bored into her. Jane was momentarily taken aback by the furious glint in his eyes.

"What were you thinking?" he hissed. "You could have been hurt… or worse."

For a moment, Jane stared at him, taken aback by his outburst. Then she understood, and her expression softened. He was still concerned for her safety, and it touched her. She cupped his face between her hands and met his eyes determinedly.

"Severus, I knew how to deal with them."

He sighed resignedly, his anger quickly evaporating, but his worry still showed. Jane looked up into his dear drawn face and caressed his cheek.

"Really, I did."

Severus leaned his forehead against hers. "Promise me, you'll be careful in the future. I couldn't bear it if anything ever happened to you."

Jane kissed him tenderly. "I promise."

He nodded and hugged her to him, drawing her close. They stood like this, tightly wrapped in each others' arms, for a long time.

"Out of curiosity," Severus suddenly asked after a while, "what shape did the boggarts take? Not Beadle, or… the Dark Lord?"

She shook her head. "No. Not them."

"Oh, thank God." Severus breathed a sigh of relief.

"It was much worse."

His brows knit together into a dark scowl. "_Worse_?" he echoed.

Jane nodded. "I saw _you_ – dead."

Severus clutched her tighter, never wanting her to leave the protective circle of his arms again. He began to swallow convulsively as the meaning of what she had said penetrated his brain.

"Jane, my love," he groaned, "I wish you could have been spared that."

She caressed his face again and kissed the line of his jaw. "I know."

"When did you learn the Patronus spell?" Severus finally asked after a long silence. "_Who_ taught you? It certainly wasn't me."

Jane shrugged. "I learned from books, and… well, Remus helped me lot after you went to Azkaban. He taught me some really neat tricks, too. I even used a couple of them when I tried to escape from Voldemort's prison."

"Really?" Severus was intrigued. "Show me."

Her eyes grew wide. "Now?"

He nodded, and she shrugged again. "Alright. _Accio_ _wand!_"

Her wand flew into her hand, and she weighed it for a moment. She missed her old wand, but the new one – ebony hardened in dragon's fire and containing powdered dragon scales – obeyed her reasonably well. Before returning to Hogwarts, she had visited Diagon Alley and walked its entire length several times. To her consternation, however, she had been unable to find Ollivander's shop, no matter how hard she'd looked…

"Well?" Severus asked her impatiently, interrupting her train of thought.

"_Fenestra_ _abscondia!_"

Severus showed mild interest in the little spy-hole her spell had created.

"Do another one," he instructed her.

"_Porta_ _patens!_"

This time, Severus looked duly impressed. "Amazing! Remind me to thank Lupin the next time I see him."

"I can even do them wandless," Jane added proudly.

"Wandless?" he echoed, incredulous at her admission.

She nodded, unaware of the impression her statement had made on him.

"_You _can do wandless magic?" Severus asked her again.

Jane shrugged. "It takes a lot of effort, but I've been practicing, and… and it's getting easier."

"Incredible!"

She slid her arms around him again and snuggled against him. "So, you see? I'm quite capable and can take care of myself. You don't have to worry about me."

Severus took a deep breath and hugged her to him. "I can't help it," he admitted. "I love you."

"I know." Jane kissed his shoulder. "I love you, too."

He tightened his arms around her, and tugged her head under his chin. A content sigh escaped his lips. Severus still couldn't believe his good fortune. Jane had forgiven him, and now she was back where she belonged – in his arms. He loved the feel of her warm body against his, and he couldn't understand that there ever had been a time when he'd thought he could live without her.

Earlier this evening, her response to him had been as enthusiastic as the first time they had made love so long ago. Just like then, her need had been as fierce as his, and they had come together in a frantic and desperate tangle of limbs. His body had been starved for her touch, and judging by the wild urgency with which she had met him, she had missed him just as much. The memory of their passionate encounter stirred him anew. He let his hands slide down her back to her buttocks and pulled her against his rapidly growing arousal.

Jane's eyes flew open. "Again?" she asked him, surprised at his stamina.

"Why not?" Severus kissed the nape of her neck. He wasn't concerned; he had taken his strengthening potion earlier.

"But… you aren't fully recovered, yet, Severus. You must take it easy."

"I don't care," he growled, pushing against her, removing all doubt about his desire for her.

"Well, I guess, you are the best judge of what you are capable of." Jane giggled delightedly and wriggled against him.

"That's right," Severus said gruffly and reached for the sash of her dressing gown.

Her gaze dropped to his hands, and she watched his nimble fingers quickly undo the knot.

"I love your hands…" Jane sighed. "I want to feel them all over me."

Severus cocked an eyebrow. "Do you, now?" he asked, his dark eyes burning with desire.

Jane nodded slowly, mesmerized by his smoldering gaze. "I do."

He bent down and brushed his lips ever so gently over hers. "What else do you want?" he asked her softly while he pushed the dressing gown off her shoulders.

"Mmm…" She surrendered to his touch.

"Well?" Severus prompted her, nudging her again with his hips.

"Um…" Jane considered the possibilities for a moment, but his caresses made it impossible for her to think straight.

"Maybe this..." He moved his hands from her shoulders to her throat and down to her breasts. Severus kneaded the soft flesh, rolling her rapidly hardening nipples between his long fingers. He had dreamt of her breasts many a night, but reality was eclipsing all fantasy now. "…will give you some ideas…"

The rough calloused skin of his hands sent electric shivers through her body, and Jane leaned into his touch.

"This feels wonderful," she mumbled contently.

"You like that, hmm?"

"I do," she sighed.

"What about this?" Severus buried his face against her neck and dragged his tongue over her soft skin, tasting her. Jane moaned when he reached a particularly sensitive spot, and his lips pulled into smile. He gently bit her throat, which he knew would drive her wild.

Jane felt a familiar wetness build between her legs, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I want you, Severus."

"Your wish is my command."

He led her back to the bed, and they fell onto it, their bodies entwined.

---

"Wow…" Jane sighed happily, once her breathing had returned to normal. "That was amazing."

Severus flopped onto his back and tucked one hand under his head. "It was… rather… good," he admitted calmly.

"_Good_?" Jane queried archly.

Severus caressed her shoulder and hugged her to him. "It was spectacular," he amended with a satisfied smile.

"That's better." Jane giggled and snuggled against him. She rested her head on his shoulder and began to draw lazy circles on his chest, following her finger with her lips, covering his skin with tiny butterfly kisses.

"What about _Willowmere_?" Severus asked suddenly.

Jane raised her head and looked at him. "_Willowmere_?" she echoed.

He noticed the confusion in her eyes and cleared his throat.

"Well, earlier, I noticed all the willows by the lake," Severus began to explain, and Jane suddenly grasped his meaning. Her eyes lit up.

"_Willowmere!_" she exclaimed. "I love it!"

He tightened his arms around her. "I thought you might."

Jane nudged him. "Careful now, Severus. You're becoming a romantic."

Severus raised an eyebrow and regarded her for a moment.

"_And longing eyes half veiled by foolish tears like bluest water seen through mists of rain_," he suddenly began to quote from memory.

His voice had taken on a low silky timbre, the subtle nuances of which felt like a caress. Jane loved the sound of his voice. Shivers of anticipation shot through her body, tickling the very core of her. Severus could have read from the phone book, and his voice still would have had the same effect on her.

"_Pale cheeks whereon no kiss hath left its strain, red under-lip drawn in for fear of Love, and white throat whiter than the breast of dove –"_

When he had finished, Jane stared at him, open-mouthed. She had recognized the lines. They were from _Wasted Days_. "You've read Oscar Wilde?" she asked him incredulously.

"I have."

"B-but," Jane sputtered, frowning in confusion, "I thought you said you didn't read Muggle fiction?"

Severus smiled. "I make an exception in the case of poetry."

"Poetry, eh?" Jane regarded him suspiciously. "You're not getting soft on me now, are you?"

"I don't… get soft."

Jane smiled mischievously. "I know."

She slowly slid her hand down his chest and over his abdomen to his still half-erect arousal. She wrapped her fingers around his warm length and squeezed gently.

Severus groaned. "Jane…"

She noticed the warning tone in his voice and removed her hand. "I was merely proving a point," she pouted.

"Just give me some time to rest," Severus pleaded tiredly. "After all, I _am_ still recuperating."

Jane nudged him again and not too gently. "Oh, _now_ you're the invalid all of a sudden?"

"You've drained me, Jane."

"I have?" She perked up. That almost sounded like praise.

He nodded. "Definitely. I am spent."

"So, earlier… what was all this I-don't-care-about-my-health-talk about?"

"It had been too long, Jane, and I wanted you so badly. I never thought I would hold you in my arms or make love to you again. So, I… well, I may have overdone it a bit."

Jane immediately propped herself up and leaned over him, studying his drawn face. He did look rather tired.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she asked worriedly.

Her concern touched him. Severus slid one hand along her arm. "I'm fine," he assured her. "I just need some sleep. I haven't slept much in the last few weeks."

"Oh, Severus," Jane scolded him half-heartedly, her concern for his health quickly overshadowing her passion. "Why didn't you say anything? We didn't have to make love tonight. We could have just slept."

His hand stilled, and he fixed her gaze. "No. I wouldn't have changed anything about tonight. It was meant to happen."

Jane looked at him uncertainly, and he smiled. "It's alright. I really just need some rest."

"Well, if you say so..." She was still rather doubtful.

Severus shifted slightly and winced.

"Do you need your strengthening potion?" Jane asked anxiously. "Shall I get it? Where is it? Can I…?"

"Come here," he told her gruffly and pulled her down to him.

Jane readily moved into his arms and buried her face against his neck. "I don't want to lose you again," she whispered against his skin, and he had to strain to hear her.

"You won't," he promised her.

---

The early light of dawn fell through the bedroom window, when Jane awoke to the purposeful ministrations of Severus' most capable hands and lips. His hot breath seared her skin where he kissed it, and his arousal lay already hard and demanding against her thigh.

"Severus?" she asked drowsily.

"Yes, my love?" His voice was low and gravelly, and Jane knew that he himself had woken only recently.

He dragged his tongue over her shoulder and along the graceful lines of her neck. Jane sighed happily. She liked being awakened like this.

"Mmm…" She moved against him, yearning for more. "Don't stop."

Severus smiled against her skin. "I wasn't planning to."

He kissed his way along her jaw to the corner of her mouth, before he descended upon her lips for a passionate kiss. He thrust his tongue into her mouth, delving deep inside. Jane's tongue met his and they dueled back and forth in their own special mating dance, until they both ran out of breath.

"Oh God," Jane moaned, gasping for air, before she pulled him to her for another carnal kiss.

A growl rumbled in Severus' throat, and he claimed her mouth once more with a fervor that was explosive. At the same time, he slid his hand up her thigh and between her legs, finding her already hot and ready for him. Her hips bucked against him.

"Severus," she moaned plaintively, "_please_."

He nudged her thighs apart and rocked against her. Jane quickly draped her legs over his hips, urging him on.

"Yessss," she hissed with pleasure.

Her enthusiasm stoked the fire burning in him even higher. "Are you ready?"

Jane nodded, raking her nails impatiently over his back. "Oh, yes."

Severus kissed her again and pushed into her, filling and stretching her to her limits. Her muscles immediately contracted around him, drawing him further inside. A guttural moan escaped her lips when he pushed even deeper, hitting the base of her womb.

"Yes!" both exclaimed simultaneously.

She squeezed him again and he exhaled sharply.

"That feels good," he groaned.

Jane smiled broadly. "I know."

Severus withdrew slowly, before forcefully plunging back into her, causing her to moan loudly as he hit the very core of her and sent jolts of pleasure through her body. Jane readily surrendered to him, letting him set the pace that accommodated him the best. She would have plenty of opportunities in the future to take the lead. She smiled naughtily. Once he was stronger.

"I'm glad you find this amusing," Severus suddenly observed and stilled, withdrawing slightly.

"Severus," she protested, tightening her legs around his hips, "don't stop now…"

He hovered at her entrance, keeping their contact to a minimum.

"Severus," Jane pleaded and bucked impatiently against him.

"Not until you tell me what's amusing you so," he told her coolly.

"Oh, alright," she grumbled ungraciously, "I was just thinking of how it'll be once you're completely recovered… of all the things I'd like to do to you."

"Pray, tell," Severus invited her, his curiosity sparked.

"Uh-uh. It'll be a surprise."

He leaned forward, his eyes boring into hers. "Oh, but I want to hear of your plans for me."

Jane shook her head, and her refusal surprised him. His eyebrows rose slowly.

"No?" he asked her softly and, without warning, withdrew completely.

"Severus!" Jane yelled in frustration, her entire body throbbing with unfulfilled desire.

"What?" he asked her gruffly. "You're the only one in this relationship, who's allowed to tease?"

His question took her by surprise. This playful Severus was new to her, and she didn't quite know how to deal with him, yet. An adventurous Severus was unpredictable and a far cry from the careful methodical man she knew. Jane's brows knitted together. She wasn't even sure she liked this new Severus. She had fallen in love with an inscrutable tight-lipped man, and it had taken her a very long time, much aggravation, and even more patience to come to terms with all his dark anti-social moods. She had worked hard to get to know the old Severus, and as long as he was dark and brooding, laconic and disdainful, she knew what she was up against. Now, however, she would have to get to know him all over again.

Of course, there was something to be said for this new Severus, Jane mused, deliberately ignoring the naked man still hovering above her. He truly seemed to be intent on making some changes in his life, and she thought his efforts were rather admirable. It was unfortunate, though, that he had no idea how to go about it. Poor dear, she thought, he still had much to learn – about himself, in particular. This realization made her almost forgive the cruel way he had teased her just now. He simply didn't know any better. Jane's eyes lit up. Well, she would just have to teach Severus, show him that when women teased in the bedroom, it was coquettish and sexy; that, for them, it was a part of foreplay, something to be enjoyed by both partners.

He was watching the play of emotion on her face and was completely taken off guard, when Jane suddenly pushed at his shoulders with amazing strength and shoved him off her body and onto his back. Before he could react, she had climbed on top of him, and stretched his arms high above his head. Severus couldn't really be angry with her. This new turn of events was rather… intriguing. Her breasts rubbed over his chest as she leaned over him until her lips were only a fraction of an inch away from his.

"You are in my power now," she informed him huskily.

He felt her hot breath on his skin and lifted his head to kiss her, but Jane quickly leaned back, just out of his reach. He noticed the naughty sparkle in her eyes and realized that she was up to no good. Severus relaxed. No doubt she would punish him for the way he had broken off their love-making just now. He couldn't wait to find out what she had planned for him.

"_Incarcero!_" she muttered quietly, and silk ties materialized out of thin air, wrapping themselves around Severus' wrists and binding them securely to the bedposts.

This he hadn't expected. Severus strained against his ties, but Jane wagged her finger at him.

"Now we'll do things my way." She leaned over him again and brushed her lips lightly over his. "First, I'm going to make you burn for me," she whispered, "just like you've made me burn for you…"

Jane moved down his body and kissed his chest just over his heart. "What you did, Severus," she told him between kisses, "was not… _nice_."

She continued to place butterfly kisses across his chest and scraped her nails gently over his nipples. Severus groaned as he felt his erection grow painfully harder, and he bucked against her. Jane's lips pulled into a mischievous smile. Without warning, she brought her mouth down over one nipple and teased the hardening bud with her teeth. Severus exhaled sharply in a long sustained hiss.

"Did you like that?" she asked him, although she already knew the answer.

_Like it? _A growl rumbled in his throat. Was she joking? He was ready to come off the bed!

Jane moved to his other nipple and repeated her sweet torture.

"Jane," Severus groaned hoarsely, thrusting his hips impatiently against her

Sporting a triumphant grin, she sat back and wriggled her bottom against his rampant erection. Her breasts jiggled enticingly above him, and Severus ached to put his hands on them, to fondle and knead them to his heart's content. He wanted to take control, grab her hips and push into her tight warmth and make love to her until they both sunk into sweet oblivion. He tugged at his restraints again, more forcefully than before.

"Untie me," he demanded, but Jane shook her head.

"I'm not done with you, yet."

She traced her tongue lazily over her lips, drawing his gaze. His eyes darkened with desire as he hungrily watched the pink tip of her tongue move seductively in and out of her mouth.

"Jane, _please_!"

She grinned triumphantly. "Admit it," she challenged him.

Severus frowned. "Admit what?"

"Admit that I am a better tease than you are!"

Severus stared at her incredulously. "You're not serious!" he barked indignantly, his eyes flashing furiously. Again, he bucked beneath her. "Release me this instant!"

Jane realized that he really meant it this time and, realizing her plan had backfired, slid off him with a sigh.

"Alright. _Liberato!_"

Turning her back on him, she moved to the edge of the bed, wondering whether she should sleep somewhere else tonight. She never saw Severus lunge for her. He grabbed her from behind and pulled her back onto the bed. Straddling her, he reached for her wrists and imprisoned them in a powerful grip above her head. Jane stared into his fierce eyes as he hovered over her, but knew she had nothing to worry about.

"Now, it's _my_ turn," he announced grimly. His voice was rough with passion and it sent red-hot shivers of anticipation down her spine. She licked her lips. How she lusted after this man.

Severus felt her surrender to him, and some of his anger diffused. Still, Jane had gone too far with her teasing – as pleasurable as it had been in the beginning – and she had to learn that a man could tolerate only so much sexual frustration. He forcibly parted her legs. Severus had no intention of being gentle or going slow. Without warning, he drove into her, burying himself to the hilt. A guttural moan escaped her and she raised her hips to meet his next thrust. He sunk even deeper into her, and his control snapped. He pushed into her again and again. He was rough and ruthless, but Jane didn't seem to care. She clung to him and met his every thrust. Her wild response to him spurred him on, and Severus drove into her even faster and harder. He gritted his teeth and moved his hands to her buttocks. Leaning back, he thrust into her from a different angle, and Jane's moans increased in pitch, until she suddenly reached her overwhelming climax. With his name on her lips, she contracted forcefully around him, pushing him over the edge. His own powerful release hit him mid-stroke. Severus shuddered violently, and, still buried deep inside her, collapsed on top of her with a hoarse shout.

_

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_**A/N #2:** Just a little more to come. 

_Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG_

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	25. Epilogue

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.

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Oh, promise me that you will take my hand,

The most unworthy in this lonely land,

And let me sit beside you

_Oh, Promise Me!_, Words by Clement Scott, Music by Reginald De Koven

**Epilogue**

…**where Severus and Jane come to an understanding…**

Some time during the night, Jane awoke. For a moment, she didn't know what had interrupted her slumber, and she drowsily looked around. The room was quiet and bathed in pale moonlight. She turned onto her side and studied the man sleeping beside her. Severus was frowning in his sleep. Jane smiled and wondered what he was dreaming about. His drawn face had lost much of its harshness, even though it was more lined now than it had been a year ago. An air of vulnerability surrounded him, which made her want to take him into her arms and hold onto him for all eternity. Instead, however, she brushed her lips lightly over his and slid out of bed, careful not to wake him.

Jane shrugged into her dressing gown and stepped out onto the balcony. She inhaled the crisp night air, which was heavy with the bouquet of damp grass and late blooming wildflowers. From the copse beyond the gardens drifted the earthy scent of moss and tree bark. She rested her elbows on the balustrade and stared out into the night. The moonlight gave Willowmere an ethereal appearance. Yes, she mused, the name fit the estate perfectly. Willowmere – her new home, hers and Severus'. She sighed contently.

Suddenly, a pair of strong arms came around her from behind and a familiar body pressed against hers. Severus tightened his arms to pull her closer and buried his face in the nape her neck, where he kissed her tenderly. Jane moaned with delight.

"What are you doing up, love?" Severus whispered into her ear, his hot breath caressing her cheek.

Jane leaned back against him and sighed happily. "I needed a breath of fresh air."

"Aren't you cold?"

She shook her head. They stood for a while in complete silence, listening to the faint rustle of leaves as the willow trees by the lake swayed gently in the night breeze. Jane finally gave a deep sigh.

"I wish we could stay like this forever… Things will be different once we rejoin the real world, you know."

"It won't matter." Severus stroked her arm comfortingly.

"People will talk, you know," Jane reminded him gently.

Severus sighed. He was aware of that, but he no longer cared. He was proud of Jane and his love for her. He kissed her temple. "Let them talk."

"Severus!" Jane exclaimed, unable to hide her surprise. She twisted in his embrace until she faced him.

"Yes, Jane?"

His casual attitude was so unexpected and uncharacteristic for him, it rendered her momentarily speechless. Instead, she merely gaped at him, incredulous at his careless attitude. Then Jane gave herself a mental nudge. Severus may be carefree now, she thought, while they were alone. But once they were back at Hogwarts, he would soon revert back to his old self. She was certain of it. Jane rested her head against his chest. For now, however, she would enjoy this new Severus.

"So, you really won't care if people will talk about us?" she asked him once she found her voice again.

"Well, it's not like I have a choice. It would be rather difficult to stop them from doing so."

"You're right, of course."

"However, we should still exhibit a certain degree of restraint in public," Severus mused, "and be discreet."

Jane nudged him. "I thought you didn't care."

"There's no reason to invite idle gossip, Jane."

"I knew it!" she exclaimed. "I knew it wouldn't last."

"What are you talking about?"

"This casual attitude of yours," Jane explained. "You've been too carefree since you've arrived here."

"People simply don't change over night, Jane."

"I can see that."

"Look, Jane, I told you yesterday… I can't give you any guarantees. At this point, I can only promise you that I will do my utmost to stay true to what we have."

"And you won't make any assumptions or jump to any conclusions before giving me or my friends the benefit of the doubt?"

"I shall try."

"And you won't shut me out of your life, but tell me when something is bothering you?"

"Again, I shall try."

"I'll accept that." Jane gave him a quick peck on the mouth. "And I'll promise you the same."

Severus caught her chin and tipped it up. He searched her eyes and reveled in the love that shone from them. "I will hold you to that."

"I know."

She stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips gently against his. Having thus sealed their promise to each other, Severus and Jane clasped hands, entwining their fingers. From now on, they would face life together – two souls that had been lost and found.

Suddenly, Jane shivered.

"Come, love," Severus whispered against her cheek. "Come back to bed."

She nodded and let him lead her back inside. They slid under the covers and cuddled together in a loving embrace. As the moon rose higher outside their bedroom window, Jane and Severus fell asleep in each other's arms and dreamt of the life that lay ahead, unaware of the two specters watching over them.

---

With one final glance at the two lovers, Albus Dumbledore waved his hand through the air and the image dissolved into a swirl of mist. He straightened and turned to the man standing next to him, a satisfied smile on his lips.

"Well," Albus finally commented. "I believe that was some of our best work, yet."

Ollivander nodded slowly. "I apologize for doubting you, Dumbledore. I didn't think I'd live to see Severus Snape happy."

"You didn't." Dumbledore's mouth twitched in merry amusement.

"Don't remind me." Ollivander's mouth twisted wryly. "I'm still put out that that infernal Ferguson is getting all my business. He's in it only for the money, you know. Doesn't make his wands to last… doesn't respect them."

Albus patted him comfortingly on the shoulder. "No use crying over spilt milk, old friend."

Ollivander nodded in resignation.

Dumbledore grinned, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "Cheer up! We have more work to do." He nodded. "Yes, old friend, there is a certain werewolf I'm rather fond of, who is in dire need of our help."

He conjured up a wisp of fog and waved for Ollivander to come closer. Remus Lupin was revealed. He was watching the moon rise, frozen in his place, his gaze fixed on the pale orb. Dumbledore waved his hand again, and Remus' image gave way to that of a young woman, who was sitting by a window and staring desolately out into the rain. An open book lay forgotten in her lap while she watched the raindrops beat determinedly against the window pane, as though demanding entry. Her features were hidden from them, but her posture suggested that she was sad and lonely.

"I like the sound of that." Ollivander rubbed his hands together. "When do we start?"

Dumbledore inclined his head. "Not tonight, my friend. We've done enough work for one day. Besides, _that_ will be an entirely different story."

THE END

…for now…

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A/N:** Thank you all for sticking with me all the way through to the end. Your wonderful reviews have kept me going, and I appreciate all the input I've received. Special thanks to Marilynn for being my Beta, and to Quintus for keeping me inspired. If you don't feel like you've had enough of Jane and Severus, yet, stay tuned for the sequel _Walk With Me_. After all, our two love birds are only getting started and still have to work out a lot of kinks in their relationship – especially, when someone from the past enters their lives. Furthermore, Remus meets a mysterious young woman, and I have the distinct feeling that Severus won't be able to keep his aquiline nose out of Remus' business. You may also want to check out my Severus short story _Potions Master's Bride_ already up on FanFiction. 

_Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG

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